I enjoy the following, based on the rating system below:
1. a one star hangover, its a fruit smoothie, hit the weights, then sauna and I feel better.
2. This is where the Mickey Dee's comes in, I need grease to settle my tummy and salt to make me drink 9 quarts of water to re-hydrate.
3. Discount Chinese food, extra MSG. I need as much grease as I can handle and all the soy salts to make me drink water.
4. I want meat, doesn't make a diffence, I want pork, I want beef, lamb, goat or anything else.
5. Just a few alka seltzer please.
Hangover Rating System
Now, I know none of you fine people would ever get your selves into such a position as this, however, you probably know someone who was or will be!
One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM, Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive.
Anytime a girl walks by, you gag because her perfume reminds you of the
flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now, if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't peed once.
Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts.
Five Star Hangover, (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning.
Death sounds pretty good about right now....
Unchain your lunch money!