where should I take my mistress?

Please, fellow LTH'ers: Postpone your moral judgments for a moment, and slip your feet into my shoes.

You live in a world of deadened sensations: You can barely smell or taste anymore. TAC Quick, Taqueria Puebla, or Olive Garden -- they've become the same to you. You live with someone who does not cook, cares not about food, and openly mocks you and your online comrades. You make furtive trips to Chinatown, to Argyle, to Albany Park -- and hide the leftovers. And yet, so far, your cheating is purely culinary . . .

Until you meet her. She listens. She cares. She orders offal and insects - and likes 'em.

Let's say, for the sake of pure hypothetic fun, that you've been provided, for some wonderful reason, a brief leave of absence -- just one day. Where would you take your new friend? You'd have three meals - lunch, dinner, and brunch. You'd have different criteria for each.

Lunch would be the beginning of the 'date' - you'd want it to be an out-of-the-way place -- ethnic of course. You'd want something with some heat and tang to compliment your mischievous mood. You'd also want to impress her - maybe with your command of the indigenous language, or maybe with your knowledge of the - hubba, hubba - Secret Menu! You'd want to start a meal that would naturally conclude somewhere other than the restaurant.

Dinner could be a bit more pricey. There's something enjoyably reckless about spending money on her, though she pretends not to be impressed. Lists of wine and cheese are scoffed at, and fear is struck into the waitstaff. Oh, but she's only playing! Shall we buy her desert? "I do have her phone number, Mr. Cheapskate. Better be nice." What a sweetie!

As for brunch, I suppose I'll whip up something myself.

(To the moderators: if posts soliciting advice for where to eat with boring relatives are appropriate, why would this not be? It's a legitimate request for Chicago-specific restaurant advice.)

Best,

M.S.

Verdorbenes Blut:

I suggest the following:

1) La Escondida (S. Oakley)

2) Affair (N. Canal, possibly closed down)

3) Wiener Circle (N. Clark)

Inappropriate and to be avoided: Tru, Bocca della Verità.

Antonius

MS,

As you seem to enjoy trolling, I suggest the 'secret dining room' at Pescatore Palace -- it has its own staircase behind the bar, independent sound system, and is designed for two.

See you in hell,

Hammond

And don't forget Barbara Ann's in Chatham with adjoining motel...

In France of course the entire industry is built on the four-star restaurant located in a tiny town with adjacent hotel, where one can slip away with the mistress and, under the same principle operating when you run into your minister in a porn shop, no one will recognize you because to do so would beg the question of why they are there and who is that lady they're dining with.

For a Chicago equivalent, then, we have to consider fine restaurants in the middle of nowhere. They are much rarer, of course, but not unknown. Tallgrass in Lockport, Dionne's Cafe in Momence, perhaps there are places in Union Pier or the like.

Me? I am more devious than this, and find skulking away distasteful. I would suggest Morton's on a Saturday night, the Trotter kitchen table, or maybe a window table at Zest, the cafe right at street level on Michigan Avenue, on the theory that anything that ostentatiously public has to be innocent.

Now let us link to something about Stephane Audran, who is who this thread makes me think of. (I don't know what's with the blonde wig at the top, the classic look is the box art for Les Biches, scroll down.)

You could bring the mistress to my house ... that is, if you're willing to share ...

mauvais_sang wrote:Dinner could be a bit more pricey. There's something enjoyably reckless about spending money on her, though she pretends not to be impressed. Lists of wine and cheese are scoffed at, and fear is struck into the waitstaff. Oh, but she's only playing! Shall we buy her desert? "I do have her phone number, Mr. Cheapskate. Better be nice." What a sweetie!

This is a curious paragraph. There's a change in voice--it doesn't make sense. Why is there a shift from "shall we buy her..." to "I do have her phone number, Mr. Cheapskate. Better be nice." followed by "What a sweetie!"

Apple wrote:This is a curious paragraph. There's a change in voice--it doesn't make sense. Why is there a shift from "shall we buy her..." to "I do have her phone number, Mr. Cheapskate. Better be nice." followed by "What a sweetie!"

I noticed that too and at first assumed it involved daemonic possession.

But then the style generally reminds me of someone who used to try to stir the pot on Leff's board.


A