1/2 box Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, prepared: $3.00

We all have those days when we get home, exhausted, and just can’t face the task of cooking – not even a simple box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.

To be relieved of that burden, I bring you the good news that you need only put on your coat; get in the car; negotiate traffic; find street parking somewhere in the vicinity of Montrose and Milwaukee; enter a newish bar/restaurant aspiring desperately to the condition of a Lincoln Park brick-and-dark-wood yuppie bar/restaurant; muscle past the teeming Portage Park beau monde doubtfully styling themselves as habitués of the next Wicker Park; try not to be blinded by the inexpensive widescreen plasma televisions spaced on the walls at 12-inch intervals; wait 45 minutes for a table to be offered to you; wait 15 minutes for a drink order to be taken; wait another 15 minutes for drinks to arrive; wait another 30 minutes for the food order to arrive …

… and voilà! Your half box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese will be presented to you, already prepared and warm, sans distracting garnish - a pool of orange glory spreading across a plain white plate.

You’ll sing with joy as you pay its trifling cost of three American dollars, plus tax.

Be advised that the half box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese is not described as such; it is listed modestly and merely as "Mac and Cheese" in the section of à la carte side orders. Prime rib, steak, seafood, and similar exemplars of haute cuisine are also available.

Hops and Barley
4359 N. Milwaukee Ave.
Chicago
(773) 286-7415

Hmmm. Seems like food isn't likely to be this place's strength, then.

How is the beer list at this place? The name "Hops and Barley" gave me some hope as I drove by, but for all I know they mostly feature the full Miller and Budweiser lines....

Giovanna

Harry V. wrote:You’ll sing with joy as you pay its trifling cost of three American dollars, plus tax.

Mr. Harry V,

State of the art my friend, state of the art.

No joy on Bunny Hutch, but I have my eyeball peeled.

Enjoy,
Gary

Damn, I KNEW that I'd heard of this place before! I met friends there last night...and, because I don't have a Treo, I wasn't able to research and advise them not to order the macaroni and cheese. It looked awful, but the strangest part was that, even though it was listed as a side dish and ordered as such, it came as about 1/4 of a box with a side of insanely limp fries. Since fries came with our $1 burgers (a Monday special; we agreed that they were worth exactly $1), our cup ran over.

They also, somehow, managed to screw up a $4.50 Bass Ale. It was the correct color, but flavorless.

ndgbucktown wrote:They also, somehow, managed to screw up a $4.50 Bass Ale. It was the correct color, but flavorless.

With a name like "Hops & Barley", I'd expect this place to have a vast and interesting beer list. How far does it extend beyond Bass Ale?

Best,
Michael

eatchicago wrote:
With a name like "Hops & Barley", I'd expect this place to have a vast and interesting beer list. How far does it extend beyond Bass Ale?

You're going to think I'm kidding, but "Hops" and "Barley" are the names of the ersatz British caricatures that comprise their logo. Their beer list is extremely limited...Bass was by far the most adventurous brew on there; probably about twelve beers available, total, and four are Bud, Bud Light, MGD, and Miller Lite.

I can confirm. The beer list is pretty standard--Sam Adams, Pilsener Urguell, Stella Artois, etc. If you're in the hood, I'd recommend the Red Frog on Irving Park & Laramie. Great rotating beer selection and quality $2 burgers on Tuesdays I believe. Mike's Ale House, down the street is okay but not nearly as good as its former incarnation.

Wait a minute! Was it the straight tubular pasta of the truly classic Kraft recipe or the elbow macaroni Deluxe made with gooey Velveeta-type "cheese" out of the foil packet? There's a huge difference, you know.

I think Red Frog has closed.