Review of the Assembly

An assembly is often regarded as a group of people gathered together for a common reason. In the case of “The Assembly” in Hoffman Estates, that common reason is to assemble burgers. Not just any burgers, but ones that are supercharged or maybe even “bionic”. “The Assembly” has been serving patrons burgers since 1978, or when Hoffman was still a sea of cornfields. That begs the question, did the corn make these burgers something out of a science fiction movie, or is it just hype?

No longer surrounded by cornfields, “The Assembly” sits a bit recessed from the road and can be easy to miss. Step inside and my sci fi vision is swept away. The restaurant is dimly lit and probably hasn’t changed much since the late ‘70’s. It sports large wooden tables, green napkins, and a menu that reads like a novel. What should I choose?

The recommendation from the staff is their burgers. They say they’re the best in Chicagoland. Hmmm, I’ve had a lot of burgers in my day, so that’s a tough claim to make. To put them to the test, we’re sampling the parmesan burger and their famous “Bionic” burger. To fill the gap in my stomach and the time it takes to prepare the burgers, we opt to try the onion strings first.

Mmmm, these are seriously finger licking good! The crispy onions are dipped in an egg wash batter and deep fried to a golden state of deliciousness. Give me a plate of these and a wet nap, and I could have left happy right then and there. Oh yes, I almost forgot, there are burgers coming.

The big 10oz burgers arrive, and they are a sight to see! If by bionic, they mean huge, then they’ve nailed it! Both burgers feature freshly ground beef that is juicy and nicely charred. Both burgers were accompanied by their fantastic mushroom and sherry sauce. Unfortunately, both burgers featured the wimpiest buns anyone has ever put a burger on. The first few bites of each burger were fantastic! Great beef flavor was enhanced by bite of the parmesan and by the smokiness of the bacon. The mushroom sherry sauce had a nice sweetness, but with each passing bite the bun fell apart more and more. About halfway through, I had to eat the “Bionic” burger like an open faces sandwich. It’s a real shame, because with the proper bun these truly would have been out of this world. Some say you can ruin a great outfit with a bad pair of shoes, well, then you can definitely ruin a great burger with a bad bun.

Despite some of the worst photography I’ve seen in a dessert menu, I still decide to try their two tone cheesecake. This cheese cake is a two layer cake served on a graham cracker crust. The first layer is cream cheese and the second is sour cream. First a bite from the top layer, then a bite from the bottom, and then both at the same time. Definitely a winning cheese cake that I had fun eating.

Final bill for two was about $35-40 with tip. Overall “The Assembly” is like the science fiction movies that are on the cusp to greatness. High quality beef deserves a bun worthy of its greatness. Rating ** and ½ out of ****.

Location
2570 Hassell Road
Hoffman Estates, IL 60195
Phone: 847.843.3993
Fax: 847.843.7856

It sounds like the perfect place for those of us who often skip the bun. Thanks for the heads up. I've never heard of this place before. And while I'm not close to Hoffman Estates, I have friends there -- so time for a field trip.