I just got back from a week at an all-inclusive resort. We barely left the resort except for a couple of tours -- the goal was just unwind at the beach.
Of the food we had outside of the resort, one was a buffet stewed chicken lunch, nothing significant, and the other was a beef patty picked up at a gas station when we stopped because an overturned truck was turning a 2-hour return trip into a 5-hour one.
But what about the resort food?
The Hilton claims it has 9 bars and restaurants, but it's really an overstatement. There's only four menus: The buffet, the Italian place (Lune di Mare), the Golf Club (Three Palms) and the two poolside places, which share a menu, and on weekdays only one would be open at a time.
The worst of the bunch is the poolside places: except for the beef patty and "Jamaican slaw", nothing's a local dish (even the Ironshore is just fried fish in a tortilla wrap). The in-room book described specialties such as conch and callalou fritters and a Mobay (short for Montego Bay) burger with a fried egg and mango relish, but no, just a cheeseburger, hot dog and the like.
I was also unimpressed by Lune di Mare: listed as Northern Italian, there was a lot of polenta but no risotto on the menu. The dishes were pedestrian, and no attempt to take advantage of the bounty of the Carribean seas -- the only seafood was salmon, unless you want to add supplemental shrimp or lobster tail (a $10 or $20 surcharge in an otherwise all-inclusive plan). The braised beef dish I had was good, but not spectacular.
The Three Palms is a little more exciting: more fish and a couple shellfish items. At least there's some attempt at local flavors, this was the best meal we had on site, I had a snapper steak (which I'd never seen -- it was thicker than I thought snapper came, I'd have guessed it was sword) with a local fruit relish including ting.
The buffet was actually pretty good. Lots of variety, and a lot of local dishes such as Ital Stew (a veg stew with a lot of beans), soups whose names I forget, jerk of chicken or pork available just about daily (not outstanding jerk, but tasty), Seafood Rundown (also on the Three Palms menu but with teeny tiny shrimp and scallops). Breakfast always included jerk bacon (hey, that's great stuff!) and sausage, and just about everything you'd expect.
Except tropical fruit.
That to me was the only real negative: I didn't see a single mango or papaya. Bananas were only served twice that I saw (and I had them), one lunch they had naseberry (sapodilla) -- tastes like a brown-sugar plum, a couple times they had fresh grapefruit or orange. All juices were from cans or the from-concentrate dispenser. Pineapple was generally always available but otherwise fruits were apples, and rather sad looking watermelon and canteloupe.
Flavors, I'd have liked to see some more interesting and challenging foods, but they are catering to a family-friendly american palate. There were some nice local dishes, but I'd have really liked more local fruits and shellfish featured.
What is patriotism, but the love of good things we ate in our childhood?
-- Lin Yutang