Protect Us From Local Deal Site Copywriters

Just received from the cool kidz at Travelzoo Local Deals; part of a coupon offer for Dragonfly Mandarin

- One "water, foul or meat" entree served family-style, like
the hot and spicy scallops, crispy sesame chicken or the
rainbow steak with broccoli and baby corn:

Yeah, I've eaten there, and while it's an unintentional apt descriptor, it reinforces my belief that the writers at deal sites are no better than the news crawl copywriters at TV stations -- they kan't spel two gud.

"water, foul or meat"

Has to be the best thing I've read this week

brotine wrote:"water, foul or meat"

Neither option sounds very good, but if I had to choose one, I guess I'd pick the meat water.

The restaurant's menu is broken down into water, fowl, and meat.
http://www.dragonflymandarin.com/menus.htm

zoid wrote:"water, foul or meat"

Has to be the best thing I've read this week

Maybe they're getting into Egyptian food? King Tut is all the rage.

Ouch! And I know a very bright journalist who is now, subsequent to the usual round of newspaper layoffs, working as a copy editor (not copywriter!) at Travelzoo. If this was her, she must be dying. If it was a colleague, she must be cringing.

I learned to write using the Chicago Manual of Style but I now work for an organization that uses the AP style guide. Learning new comma guidelines gives me tsoris.

Items in a simple series – Commas should be used to separate items in a series, but do not put a comma before the conjunction (and, or) when the series is simple (i.e., just consisting of one-word items). Examples: She likes swimming, biking and sleeping. Dogs, cats and goats live on the farm.

Read more: How to Use Commas in Associated Press Style | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2337761_use-com ... z1V135Yf7l

Given these guidelines, this series fits the definition of "simple series" and, although appearing odd, is technically correct.

Broadening out the discussion from the fowl/foul goof...It's clear that sites like Groupon and their imitators are relying on cute, humorous writing to get people to open up those emails. Sometimes--a surprising percentage of the time, I would say--the writing actually is mildly rewarding to read; other times it tries too hard, or is inept. But unmistakably, all these sites have concluded that a "brand personality" injected into the writing is a necessary component. And I think they're probably not wrong. Once in a while I will open up a Groupon daily-deal email even when the subject heading is for a product or service I'm likely to have little interest in. I find the phenomenon of the brand personality, as defined by a carefully honed and consistent tone of voice in the writing on these sites, interesting in and of itself.

Diannie wrote:I learned to write using the Chicago Manual of Style but I now work for an organization that uses the AP style guide. Learning new comma guidelines gives me tsoris.

Items in a simple series – Commas should be used to separate items in a series, but do not put a comma before the conjunction (and, or) when the series is simple (i.e., just consisting of one-word items). Examples: She likes swimming, biking and sleeping. Dogs, cats and goats live on the farm.

Read more: How to Use Commas in Associated Press Style | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2337761_use-com ... z1V135Yf7l

Given these guidelines, this series fits the definition of "simple series" and, although appearing odd, is technically correct.

Agreed, it's technically correct.
But an editor needs to be aware of how the copy reads.

riddlemay wrote:It's clear that sites like Groupon and their imitators are relying on cute, humorous writing to get people to open up those emails.

I understand this point, but the Groupon copy so often incorporates cultural or historical stereotyping that it usually comes off as moronic and only occasionally as clever.

zoid wrote:

Diannie wrote:I learned to write using the Chicago Manual of Style but I now work for an organization that uses the AP style guide. Learning new comma guidelines gives me tsoris.

Items in a simple series – Commas should be used to separate items in a series, but do not put a comma before the conjunction (and, or) when the series is simple (i.e., just consisting of one-word items). Examples: She likes swimming, biking and sleeping. Dogs, cats and goats live on the farm.

Read more: How to Use Commas in Associated Press Style | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_2337761_use-com ... z1V135Yf7l

Given these guidelines, this series fits the definition of "simple series" and, although appearing odd, is technically correct.

Agreed, it's technically correct.
But an editor needs to be aware of how the copy reads.

Technically correct grammatically, though the spelling leaves something to be desired. And I agree with your point about the editor needing to pay attention to perception. My mother, who has worked on several editions of the Chicago Manual of Style, uses this example as to why the comma is frequently employed:

Author writes a book. Dedication: I'd like to thank my parents, The Pope and Mother Teresa.

Awkward.

mailsf wrote:And I agree with your point about the editor needing to pay attention to perception.

Yes, it's funny. But does anyone seriously think someone is getting the wrong impression in this instance. I reiterate, it's funny. But the idea that this example is similar to "eats, shoots and leaves", etc. is a little off the mark.

TomInSkokie wrote:

riddlemay wrote:It's clear that sites like Groupon and their imitators are relying on cute, humorous writing to get people to open up those emails.

I understand this point, but the Groupon copy so often incorporates cultural or historical stereotyping that it usually comes off as moronic and only occasionally as clever.

I haven't picked up on the stereotyping, but I'll take for granted that you're right about that. I'm more struck by the remarkable consistency of the Groupon "tone." The reality is that they must have a warehouseful of chimpanzees typing in cubicles, but everything comes out with the same wry, bemused, whimsical, playful spirit. It's similar to the editing of a magazine like The New Yorker, which also had (in its glory days) a consistent tone of voice. It hardly needs saying that Groupon doesn't rise to that level, but it is at least in the same category on a microcosmic scale.

I haven't picked up on the stereotyping, but I'll take for granted that you're right about that. I'm more struck by the remarkable consistency of the Groupon "tone." The reality is that they must have a warehouseful of chimpanzees typing in cubicles, but everything comes out with the same wry, bemused, whimsical, playful spirit. It's similar to the editing of a magazine like The New Yorker, which also had (in its glory days) a consistent tone of voice. It hardly needs saying that Groupon doesn't rise to that level, but it is at least in the same category on a microcosmic scale.

When one applies for a copy-writing position with Groupon, one is sent a "test" which outlines their idiotic stylebook, as it is. The example that stuck with me: One does not say "roller-coaster;' rather, the non-phrase "rolly-coaster" is to be used. It was quite enlightening - and discouraging - to find out how rigidly formulaic that "...wry, bemused, whimsical, playful spirit" (or, as I prefer, "calculated and cringe-worthy") writing style is.

Here is their full-length sorta-stylebook.

sundevilpeg wrote:

I haven't picked up on the stereotyping, but I'll take for granted that you're right about that. I'm more struck by the remarkable consistency of the Groupon "tone." The reality is that they must have a warehouseful of chimpanzees typing in cubicles, but everything comes out with the same wry, bemused, whimsical, playful spirit. It's similar to the editing of a magazine like The New Yorker, which also had (in its glory days) a consistent tone of voice. It hardly needs saying that Groupon doesn't rise to that level, but it is at least in the same category on a microcosmic scale.

When one applies for a copy-writing position with Groupon, one is sent a "test" which outlines their idiotic stylebook, as it is. The example that stuck with me: One does not say "roller-coaster;' rather, the non-phrase "rolly-coaster" is to be used. It was quite enlightening - and discouraging - to find out how rigidly formulaic that "...wry, bemused, whimsical, playful spirit" (or, as I prefer, "calculated and cringe-worthy") writing style is.

Here is their full-length sorta-stylebook.

Thanks for forwarding that, peg. It is enlightening (not discouraging to me, since I'm not interested in a job there) and yet not at all surprising. They couldn't possibly get the Groupon voice from a disparate group of typers without such an extensive, detailed and specific stylebook. It's cool to be able to snatch a look at it.

I should add, because I feel I'm in danger of being misunderstood, that I don't love the Groupon style as much as admire it for its consistency. Groupon would not work at all without some kind of writing personality, because people would not open the emails based solely on the possibility of discounts. Smartly, the company knew it needed to create the illusion of a group of smart, cool people on the sending end whom you'd be delighted to call your friends. (Obviously, the rational reason to open a Groupon email is for the discount, but rationality alone hasn't built the company to the size it is.)

riddlemay wrote: Smartly, the company knew it needed to create the illusion of a group of smart, cool people on the sending end whom you'd be delighted to call your friends.

"Smart" and "cool" weren't the first words that came to mind when I reviewed this style manual, but I suppose we're playing right into the hands of the Groupon marketing geniuses in trying to hash this stuff out.

oh, vomit

TomInSkokie wrote:

riddlemay wrote: Smartly, the company knew it needed to create the illusion of a group of smart, cool people on the sending end whom you'd be delighted to call your friends.

"Smart" and "cool" weren't the first words that came to mind when I reviewed this style manual, but I suppose we're playing right into the hands of the Groupon marketing geniuses in trying to hash this stuff out.

The Groupon marketing geniuses likely don't much care if we figure out what they're up to. But I do.

I certainly don't think they succeed with all audiences in creating the "smart, cool folks at Groupon" vibe, but I do think that's what these particular local deal site copywriters are going for.