Crimes against Food

Crimes against Food
There are some things you just should not do to your food…or drink

At more than one Korean restaurant, servers have taken time to school me in the proper way to attack a dish. For instance, with bibimbop, I usually like to keep all the vegetables, proteins and rice separate. At least twice, however, I’ve had the hostess/server come by my table, tsk-tsk and correct me in the proper manner of consuming what is probably Korea’s most popular dish. “Everything should be mixed up,” I’m told, as the helpful person proceeds to enthusiastically amalgamate all components of the dish for me to enjoy before she steps back and stands there watching me as I eat a forced smile, nodding as though to confirm, “Oh, yes, your way is definitely the best.”

I usually find this here’s-how-you-should-really-eat-it helpfulness to be only slightly obtrusive. I know the good people at these restaurants mean well, so I just go limp and consume the damn thing in whatever way I’m told.

There are times, however, when I am so appalled by the dining behaviors of others that I can barely contain myself…though I always do.

At a recent oyster buffet at Shaw’s, I was enjoying dozens, including my favorite, the Belons from Maine. These oysters are originally French, and the name is actually “protected” by French law, so although I and others refer to them as Belons, it’s probably more proper to refer to them as European Flats.

I adore Belons/European Flats: they’re lush, meaty, almost crunchy with gracious mouth-filling flavor. The shucker in Shaw’s kitchen, who I was told also works at Benny’s, is a master: each oyster was cleanly opened, the adductor muscle expertly cut, with an ample amount of liquor retained in each opened half-shell.

Drinking this liquor, as any oyster lover will tell you, is at least half the enjoyment of eating oysters.



Thus, at Shaw’s, did I watch in horror as an older gentleman, about my age, stood at the generous buffet, lifting oyster after oyster – including my beloved Belons – and then, with the expressionless face of a serial killer, proceed to drain the liquor into the ice bed before transferring the oysters to his plate and refilling each of them with what looked to be a few teaspoons of squeezed lemon juice.

Aware of my own many shortcomings, I’m fine with people eating food in whatever damn way they please. Different strokes, etc., though I do wince when this guy savaged the oyster, or when people pour ketchup over a good steak or, as I saw one woman do years ago (and it has scarred me forever), put a teaspoon of sugar into red wine to sweeten it up.

Now, if you’re going to mess with the natural flavor of oysters, which I rarely do, then lemon is not a bad way to go – far better a squirt of the citrus than a dollop of horseradish or cocktail sauce. But to first dump the oyster liquor, as though it were some inedible food-related waste by-product like a chicken bone or gnawed-upon artichoke leaf, that’s just wrong, it’s disrespectful, it’s, it’s…a crime against food.

David Hammond wrote:Crimes against Food
There are some things you just should not do to your food…or drink

At more than one Korean restaurant, servers have taken time to school me in the proper way to attack a dish. For instance, with bibimbop, I usually like to keep all the vegetables, proteins and rice separate. At least twice, however, I’ve had the hostess/server come by my table, tsk-tsk and correct me in the proper manner of consuming what is probably Korea’s most popular dish. “Everything should be mixed up,” I’m told, as the helpful person proceeds to enthusiastically amalgamate all components of the dish for me to enjoy before she steps back and stands there watching me as I eat a forced smile, nodding as though to confirm, “Oh, yes, your way is definitely the best.”

I usually find this here’s-how-you-should-really-eat-it helpfulness to be only slightly obtrusive. I know the good people at these restaurants mean well, so I just go limp and consume the damn thing in whatever way I’m told.

There are times, however, when I am so appalled by the dining behaviors of others that I can barely contain myself…though I always do.

At a recent oyster buffet at Shaw’s, I was enjoying dozens, including my favorite, the Belons from Maine. These oysters are originally French, and the name is actually “protected” by French law, so although I and others refer to them as Belons, it’s probably more proper to refer to them as European Flats.

I adore Belons/European Flats: they’re lush, meaty, almost crunchy with gracious mouth-filling flavor. The shucker in Shaw’s kitchen, who I was told also works at Benny’s, is a master: each oyster was cleanly opened, the adductor muscle expertly cut, with an ample amount of liquor retained in each opened half-shell.

Drinking this liquor, as any oyster lover will tell you, is at least half the enjoyment of eating oysters.



Thus, at Shaw’s, did I watch in horror as an older gentleman, about my age, stood at the generous buffet, lifting oyster after oyster – including my beloved Belons – and then, with the expressionless face of a serial killer, proceed to drain the liquor into the ice bed before transferring the oysters to his plate and refilling each of them with what looked to be a few teaspoons of squeezed lemon juice.

Aware of my own many shortcomings, I’m fine with people eating food in whatever damn way they please. Different strokes, etc., though I do wince when this guy savaged the oyster, or when people pour ketchup over a good steak or, as I saw one woman do years ago (and it has scarred me forever), put a teaspoon of sugar into red wine to sweeten it up.

Now, if you’re going to mess with the natural flavor of oysters, which I rarely do, then lemon is not a bad way to go – far better a squirt of the citrus than a dollop of horseradish or cocktail sauce. But to first dump the oyster liquor, as though it were some inedible food-related waste by-product like a chicken bone or gnawed-upon artichoke leaf, that’s just wrong, it’s disrespectful, it’s, it’s…a crime against food.

Hey, as long as the guy wasn't draining them and putting them back on the buffet, it could have been much worse.

=R=

I can think of an example that makes me wince. A friend of mine has a small organic farm and sells her produce at an Iowa farmers market. Now, not only is her stuff organic, but she is extremely conscientious about every single item. She'll tell you when each tomato will be at its ripest, she warns you about the slightest nick on one of her baby zucchini, and she pre-washes and sorts her greens and lettuces with tender care. And yet she has customers who buy her most beautiful, tender, buttery variety of organic lettuce in order to make a dish known as "Dutch mess," which is a wilted lettuce salad using hot hard-boiled eggs and bacon, all of it smothered with a dressing made of butter, egg yolk, flour, sugar, and vinegar. It was hard for me to type that last bit, it's just that sad.

It's enough to make you wish there were food courts staffed with judges.

In his No Reservations episode on Chicago, he referred to deep dish pizza (with the apparent exception of Bert's) as a crime against food.