stevez wrote:Was the picture properly framed and in focus?

I am a big believer in "you get back what you give out," and therefore, I arrive at restaurants with a positive and pleasant attitude. I think it's just nice to do this, in addition to being good sense. But I don't think it's incumbent on me to do this. If, by chance, I were to arrive at the restaurant in a bad mood, I would still hope for the restaurant to do its part to lift me out of it (which might be why I went to the restaurant in the first place). A restaurant is not my shrink, but when all is said and done, it is (or is properly seen as being) in the entertainment business.

Riddlemay, here I'd have to disagree with you. It is not, nor should it be, the job of a server to entertain you or to lift you out of your bad mood. It is the job of the server to pleasantly and efficiently guide you through your meal and ensure its proper delivery. Customers who go into a restaurant expecting "entertainment" instead of simply a good meal and joy in the company they are keeping are customers servers often dread, since the server must then devote a much larger percentage of their time to such customers, to the detriment of their other, less demanding, guests. If you are incidentally entertained by your server, good for you. But to expect it is certainly overreaching, in my opinion.

Some of your rules I can fully embrace. (Such as, if you squeezed me in, I should show up on time.) They fall within the bounds of common courtesy and respect. But others of your rules (such as, that I should remember that you have 500 other things to do), I have a problem with. I have 500 other things to do, too. But when I'm the service provider to my clients/customers in my business, they have the right to expect not to hear about them or need to think about them. I expect the same.

It's interesting to hear you speak of common courtesy, and then in the same breath, state that you do not have to follow it. Pisano mentioning that it might be beneficial to you to understand that a server has other things to deal with besides you is not making excuses, at least the way I read it. It's not giving the server cause to do anything other than his best and leave his personal or any other issues at home; I can't see any conscientious server striving to be anything less than completely professional. What it is is a reminder that you should not monopolize the server's time if at all possible. I don't know how you are with your server when you are out; I'm sure you try to be as thoughtful as possible, from your other comments here. But there are customers who fully expect the server to be with them every second of the evening, drilling them on every single menu item in detail, from the signature cocktails through to the desserts, ingredient by ingredient. Yes, the server's job is to guide the guest through the meal and answer any questions thoroughly and to the best of his ability, but there comes a time when a limit is reached, and the server must be excused to wait on his other tables. I don't think that's unfair, and I don't think it's asking anything extraordinary for the customer to remember that a server has other guests to tend to, especially when a customer is taking up quite a bit of his server's time.

Having been in the business for a number of years in most front of the house positions, what I can contribute to the original subject of this thread is simply to be a decent human being when you go out to eat. You don't have to be nice, you don't have to smile, you don't have to tip outrageously (although 20% is greatly appreciated), and so on. When I was a server, my ideal guest was one who acknowledged my presence when I approached the table instead of talking on as if I wasn't standing there, who asked a few but not a ridiculous number of questions, didn't make me stand there as they decided what they wanted to order, had a good time with their dining companions, and basically enjoyed their evening sans the now overly pervasive attitude that one must find something negligible to complain about for no good reason other than to abuse the staff in the same way that they surely must have felt abused by someone else earlier that day, or week, or year. It's also nice to have guests who don't treat a server as someone who, by virtue of their very profession, must be either uneducated, ignorant, or stupid. Oh, and if you are comped something, tip on the bill as if you had been charged full price please. Same for gift certificates. But now we're getting into trivialities...sorry.

Common courtesy and respect is reciprocal, and goes a long way in the restaurant business.

When I was a server, my ideal guest was one who acknowledged my presence when I approached the table instead of talking on as if I wasn't standing there

Yeah, but my ideal server is one who approaches in the recognition that there is a conversation going on and looks for both acknowledgement of their existence and a lull to interrupt, instead of:

"Mom, Dad, there's something I need to tell you. I'm--"

"HAVE YOU DECIDED ON ONE OF OUR SIGNATURE FLATBREADS?"

Mike G wrote:

When I was a server, my ideal guest was one who acknowledged my presence when I approached the table instead of talking on as if I wasn't standing there

Yeah, but my ideal server is one who approaches in the recognition that there is a conversation going on and looks for both acknowledgement of their existence and a lull to interrupt, instead of:

"Mom, Dad, there's something I need to tell you. I'm--"

"HAVE YOU DECIDED ON ONE OF OUR SIGNATURE FLATBREADS?"

I guess I thought it should go without saying that I don't like to interrupt people's conversations, and I always say, "pardon me for interrupting" when I have to in general. What I am talking about here is when a table certainly needs something, like a round of drinks or to place their food order, and I stop by the table and wait silently while the person talking finishes their sentence or story and wait for an acknowledgment, and not only do I not get one, the story ends and other people start talking without even a look, as if I don't even exist. And I KNOW they want to order. The least someone could do is say "give us a minute." If I tried several times to do the silent wait without recognition, I wouldn't come back to the table unless flagged down. It's simple human courtesy, and a one of a server's biggest pet peeves.

As a server, of course we don't want to interrupt anyone's conversation, but there are times we need to do our job, and however cautiously and unobtrusively I would try to go about that, there would always be some people who tried to make me feel bad for even approaching a table, as if they were at a private dinner party and how dare I crash it. If you didn't want to be served by others, which includes being approached by strangers several times throughout the evening, why did you go out to a public place to eat? This is always something I've wondered about.

AndrewR wrote:Riddlemay, here I'd have to disagree with you. It is not, nor should it be, the job of a server to entertain you or to lift you out of your bad mood. It is the job of the server to pleasantly and efficiently guide you through your meal and ensure its proper delivery. Customers who go into a restaurant expecting "entertainment" instead of simply a good meal and joy in the company they are keeping are customers servers often dread, since the server must then devote a much larger percentage of their time to such customers, to the detriment of their other, less demanding, guests.

I think I may need to explain my comment more. I don't feel it's incumbent on restaurant personnel to entertain me, in order to make me feel good, or better than when I walked in. I feel that by simply doing their jobs well, restaurant people will automatically make me feel better. The "entertainment value" I derive from the experience is a natural byproduct of being served by professionals.

I don't know how you are with your server when you are out; I'm sure you try to be as thoughtful as possible, from your other comments here.

I'm glad that's the impression that comes across, because it's true! I try in general to treat people with respect and courtesy, and friendliness, and I don't believe restaurants are some kind of exempt zone when it comes to that. Although I have observed, as have you, that some people do!