First, I like Miracle Whip. I use it frequently, and I am not going to stop.

Now:

1. If you like Miracle Whip, then Miracle Whip is good. Please shut up about it (I know I will).
2. If you like jarred mayonnaise, be it Hellman's/Best Foods or Kraft or whatever, then jarred mayonnaise is good. Please shut up about it.
3. If you do not like Miracle Whip, then Miracle Whip is bad. Please shut up about it.
4. If you do not like jarred mayonnaise, then jarred mayonnaise is, apparently, still good. Please shut up about it (which I plan to do, shortly).

So far, nobody here has had one bad word to say about jarred mayonnaise.* I won't wager on or attempt to count the megabits onanistically spewed on this forum regarding the relative merits (or more properly, the predilections of individuals regarding) mayonnaise in a jar versus Kraft Miracle Whip. My opinions are completely and accurately laid out above. BUT ... Has anyone considered the fact that jarred mayonnaise AND Miracle Whip are basically just cheap, tasty crap? I thought not, but know this: they are. That is, compared to any halfway decent hand-made mayonnaise whipped up in your own kitchen. The very first time I made mayonnaise in my kitchen, it was so beyond any jarred version I'd ever tried, I knew in a wink it must be a category mistake to even compare them. For Pete's sake, that experiment in emulsions far exceeded expectation and/or achievement among many other first attempts I've made (if you know what I mean *wink*). Hellman's or Miracle Whip, sure; fine for slapping on a slice of Roman Meal and half a pack of Buddig pressed chicken. Buy why all this wasted breath comparing and contrasting two mediocrities? It's like the Battle of the Network Stars, Bananarama versus the Spice Girls, Andrew "Dice" Clay versus Ronald McDonald. I would prefer to sacrifice my remaining brain cells to imbibing good Nebbiolo, trying to figure out why Georges Perec and Italo Calvino got involved in the Oulipou, and making an annual trip to Mexico City; does this make me mad?

* Not that I can recall without going back and reading this whole mess, which I categorically refuse to do, as should you.

JimInLoganSquare wrote:I would prefer to sacrifice my remaining brain cells to imbibing good Nebbiolo, trying to figure out why Georges Perec and Italo Calvino got involved in the Oulipou, and making an annual trip to Mexico City; does this make me mad?

The debate is inescapable, because as you well know, the Oulipou was formed in the back room at Le Vrai Gascon.

The specialty at Le Vrai Gascon? Frites.

With aioli.

[Calvino rolls a six-sided die. He turns the drowned man on its head and advances knight to F7. Jim, he says, emulsified fat will forever follow you. A tryst; a cabin in the woods; a broken jar. A deviled egg. Your destiny.]

Santander wrote:

JimInLoganSquare wrote:I would prefer to sacrifice my remaining brain cells to imbibing good Nebbiolo, trying to figure out why Georges Perec and Italo Calvino got involved in the Oulipou, and making an annual trip to Mexico City; does this make me mad?

The debate is inescapable, because as you well know, the Oulipou was formed in the back room at Le Vrai Gascon.

The specialty at Le Vrai Gascon? Frites.

With aioli.

[Calvino rolls a six-sided die. He turns the drowned man on its head and advances knight to F7. Jim, he says, emulsified fat will forever follow you. A tryst; a cabin in the woods; a broken jar. A deviled egg. Your destiny.]

Ah! Well I know that; destiny, literature, egg yolk suspended in oil. As Calvino has proved, and as I am sure you must be aware, the first chapter is ever the only chapter worth reading in any story. Mine is Miracle Whip shaved ham Butternut, gunfight, love affair, misplaced reference book, served in the kitchen of 6445(?) Graham Road, Indianapolis. See Orbis Tertius v.7 at 1966 ("... as mirrors and packaged sauces are abominations, where not the noun, but rather the dab [of mayonnaise; mustard?] is the basic unit defining through ostension the lubricious and accidental relation of teleology and ontology." viz "De Re Sandvicium Clubensis Maiorensis" (F. Brutus Lubriciius); but see contra, G. Sarducci (Fr.), il matrimonio di maionese e la ragione (1642?).

JimInLoganSquare wrote:First, I like Miracle Whip. I use it frequently, and I am not going to stop.

Now:

1. If you like Miracle Whip, then Miracle Whip is good. Please shut up about it (I know I will).
2. If you like jarred mayonnaise, be it Hellman's/Best Foods or Kraft or whatever, then jarred mayonnaise is good. Please shut up about it.
3. If you do not like Miracle Whip, then Miracle Whip is bad. Please shut up about it.
4. If you do not like jarred mayonnaise, then jarred mayonnaise is, apparently, still good. Please shut up about it (which I plan to do, shortly).

So far, nobody here has had one bad word to say about jarred mayonnaise.* I won't wager on or attempt to count the megabits onanistically spewed on this forum regarding the relative merits (or more properly, the predilections of individuals regarding) mayonnaise in a jar versus Kraft Miracle Whip. My opinions are completely and accurately laid out above. BUT ... Has anyone considered the fact that jarred mayonnaise AND Miracle Whip are basically just cheap, tasty crap? I thought not, but know this: they are. That is, compared to any halfway decent hand-made mayonnaise whipped up in your own kitchen. The very first time I made mayonnaise in my kitchen, it was so beyond any jarred version I'd ever tried, I knew in a wink it must be a category mistake to even compare them. For Pete's sake, that experiment in emulsions far exceeded expectation and/or achievement among many other first attempts I've made (if you know what I mean *wink*). Hellman's or Miracle Whip, sure; fine for slapping on a slice of Roman Meal and half a pack of Buddig pressed chicken. Buy why all this wasted breath comparing and contrasting two mediocrities? It's like the Battle of the Network Stars, Bananarama versus the Spice Girls, Andrew "Dice" Clay versus Ronald McDonald. I would prefer to sacrifice my remaining brain cells to imbibing good Nebbiolo, trying to figure out why Georges Perec and Italo Calvino got involved in the Oulipou, and making an annual trip to Mexico City; does this make me mad?

* Not that I can recall without going back and reading this whole mess, which I categorically refuse to do, as should you.

Um, if Miracle Whip is fine for you to slap on a slice of Roman Meal and a half a pack of...well, that stuff*, then I think all of us mayophiles have won our argument, hands down. I'd be fairly surprised if you haven't caused a few of the Miracle Whip proponents to take a slow, introspective walk down a pier, and skip a few rocks with a Joan Armatrading song in the background while thinking about how wrong their lives have been up to this point, and how it's not too late to change. I see a small spike in Hellman's sales in the near future.

* I couldn't even bring myself to type it.

Congrats on your elevation to noted local Miracle Whip archenemy even outside of the forum, seebee.

http://blog.diningchicago.com/2009/08/2 ... -or-blech/

Even the deserved denunciation directed at people who put ketchup on hot dogs pales next to the hate-filled smears of Miracle Whip lovers by mayonnaise partisans. Over on LTH Forum, where the debate is now raging, area foodies are bandying about phrases like “unholy spawn” and “evil stuff.”

“We cannot be friends if you do not know the difference between Mayo and Miracle Whip,” declares LTHer seebee, but in case you’re one of those who hasn’t noticed, Miracle Whip is sweeter and tangier, as well as lower in fat and calories, than mayonnaise (which Kraft also makes, along with several other manufacturers, notably Hellman’s). Once upon a time, it was also less expensive, but now the two condiments typically cost about the same.

LAZ, I am going to do some library research on Max Crossett sometime; it's a good story even if it's the wrong one (though I trust Kraft on its independent development claims about as much as the authenticity of Sandra Lee's kwanzaa cake, which incidentally includes Kraft Corn Nuts).

I saw a commercial for something called Kraft Mayonnaise with Olive Oil being touted as a lower fat, lower something else version of mayo last night. On the surface, this product doesn't sound all that objectionable as to me. Has anyone tried this stuff?

When I was growing up all we had in the house was Miracle Whip because of my Dads heart condition (He had his first heart attack at 39). So that’s all I knew for many years. My Mom used to say that everyone in the family benefited from his diet except him. When he was at work, or not home, he ate everything in sight. Today, I have both in the house because when I make my Mom’s egg-salad it just doesn’t taste right with mayo. Flavors from childhood, even that far back, can be a very powerful thing.

I think I was fool enough to buy a jar once...it's mayo. In a jar. The fact that I remember nothing about it, but stifle a sneer whenever I pass it in the grocery store should tell you all you need to know.

(It was perfectly fine for mayo in a jar, but the markup is considerably higher)

stevez wrote:I saw a commercial for something called Kraft Mayonnaise with Olive Oil being touted as a lower fat, lower something else version of mayo last night. On the surface, this product doesn't sound all that objectionable as to me. Has anyone tried this stuff?

We tried a jar of this stuff. It tasted like regular Kraft mayo (which I don't mind), and had a slightly yellow hue...if I was a more cynical person, I would assume this tint was a marketing stunt achieved through food coloring rather than olive oil

Lately I've been a big fan of Trader Joe's organic mayo...I personally think the TJ's organic stuff tastes much better than both Kraft & Helmann's, and even the similarly-priced Whole Foods 365 "conventional" (inorganic?) mayo. I initially bought the TJ's organic jar because, compared to more "mainstream" brands & even the TJ's non-organic mayos, its ingredients list was blessedly short & pronounceable. Unfortunately, we have to get through a squeeze bottle of the WF 365 stuff before I can buy another jar from TJ's.

stevez wrote:I saw a commercial for something called Kraft Mayonnaise with Olive Oil being touted as a lower fat, lower something else version of mayo last night. On the surface, this product doesn't sound all that objectionable as to me. Has anyone tried this stuff?

Doesn't sound objectionable to me, either. However, on Chowhound, there was a thread about the stuff. The rumor over there was that Kraft made it noticeably sweeter. I haven't tried it - kinda scared to after that. I really just see no reason to add sugar to the things that I'd use mayo in/on.

What is decent (and not as expensive as the olive oil version, and fewer craptacular chemicals than the gringo version) is Kraft's mayonesa / mahonesa al limon; I get it at Tony's. I've seen two versions with slightly different ingredient lists. The lime flavor is not strong, but present.

i don't like MW but then again i haven't had it in awhile... mostly because i don't like it

Only in a place like this could the term "Miracle Whip bigot" be used with utter sincerity.

I tried to feed the MW to my dogs and even they would'nt eat it. I'm convinced it pure lowrent garbage.

Santander wrote:What is decent (and not as expensive as the olive oil version, and fewer craptacular chemicals than the gringo version) is Kraft's mayonesa / mahonesa al limon; I get it at Tony's. I've seen two versions with slightly different ingredient lists. The lime flavor is not strong, but present.

I rooted around the mayo aisle in Tony's in North Riverside today. Is this really a Kraft product, or is it the McCormick one? Also, if I'm not mistaken, I saw another McCormick Mayonesa CON JALAPENO. It may have been La Condessa brand, but it was one of the two. Didn't see a Kraft con limon though.

Hellmans also has a "With Extra Virgin Olive Oil" now.

seebee wrote:

Santander wrote:What is decent (and not as expensive as the olive oil version, and fewer craptacular chemicals than the gringo version) is Kraft's mayonesa / mahonesa al limon; I get it at Tony's. I've seen two versions with slightly different ingredient lists. The lime flavor is not strong, but present.

I rooted around the mayo aisle in Tony's in North Riverside today. Is this really a Kraft product, or is it the McCormick one? Also, if I'm not mistaken, I saw another McCormick Mayonesa CON JALAPENO. It may have been La Condessa brand, but it was one of the two. Didn't see a Kraft con limon though.

Hellmans also has a "With Extra Virgin Olive Oil" now.

Haven't tried the Condesa (jalapeno). The mayonnaise with lime in my pantry from the most recent Tony's excursion is indeed McCormick - thanks for the correction. I do think I've seen a Kraft version (and see internet evidence) as well.

Far be it from me to stand in the way of someone's hatred of Miracle Whip (I prefer Hellman's mayonnaise myself), but there's really nothing that scary in the jar:

Ingredients: WATER, SOYBEAN OIL, VINEGAR, HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, MODIFIED FOOD STARCH, SUGAR, SALT, ENZYME MODIFIED EGG YOLKS, MUSTARD FLOUR, ARTIFICIAL COLOR, POTASSIUM SORBATE AS A PRESERVATIVE, PAPRIKA, SPICE, NATURAL FLAVOR, DRIED GARLIC, BETA CAROTENE (COLOR).

For comparison, here's what's in Kraft's "Real Mayo": SOYBEAN OIL, WATER, EGGS, EGG YOLKS, VINEGAR, CONTAINS LESS THAN 2% OF SUGAR, SALT, LEMON JUICE CONCENTRATE, CALCIUM DISODIUM EDTA AS A PRESERVATIVE, DRIED GARLIC, DRIED ONIONS, SPICE, NATURAL FLAVOR.

And here's what's in Hellman's'/Best Foods mayonnaise: SOYBEAN OIL, WATER, WHOLE EGGS AND EGG YOLKS, VINEGAR, SALT, SUGAR, LEMON JUICE, NATURAL FLAVORS, CALCIUM DISODIUM EDTA (USED TO PROTECT QUALITY).

In addition to the sweeteners, vinegar, and additional spices in the Miracle Whip, note that its first ingredient is water, then soybean oil, while for the mayos, its soybean oil, then water.

JimInLoganSquare wrote:Buy why all this wasted breath comparing and contrasting two mediocrities? It's like the Battle of the Network Stars, Bananarama versus the Spice Girls, Andrew "Dice" Clay versus Ronald McDonald.

How dare you impugn Bananarama?!

It's ironic that you mention them in this thread, though. When I was younger, for years I had a fantasy that involved Keren Woodward and a jar of mayonnaise.

they might not be scary, but... high fructose corn syrup? "enzyme modified egg yolks"? I'm not intimidated, but I'm a little disgusted.

seebee wrote:

JimInLoganSquare wrote:First, I like Miracle Whip. I use it frequently, and I am not going to stop.

Now:

1. If you like Miracle Whip, then Miracle Whip is good. Please shut up about it (I know I will).
2. If you like jarred mayonnaise, be it Hellman's/Best Foods or Kraft or whatever, then jarred mayonnaise is good. Please shut up about it.
3. If you do not like Miracle Whip, then Miracle Whip is bad. Please shut up about it.
4. If you do not like jarred mayonnaise, then jarred mayonnaise is, apparently, still good. Please shut up about it (which I plan to do, shortly).

So far, nobody here has had one bad word to say about jarred mayonnaise.* I won't wager on or attempt to count the megabits onanistically spewed on this forum regarding the relative merits (or more properly, the predilections of individuals regarding) mayonnaise in a jar versus Kraft Miracle Whip. My opinions are completely and accurately laid out above. BUT ... Has anyone considered the fact that jarred mayonnaise AND Miracle Whip are basically just cheap, tasty crap? I thought not, but know this: they are. That is, compared to any halfway decent hand-made mayonnaise whipped up in your own kitchen. The very first time I made mayonnaise in my kitchen, it was so beyond any jarred version I'd ever tried, I knew in a wink it must be a category mistake to even compare them. For Pete's sake, that experiment in emulsions far exceeded expectation and/or achievement among many other first attempts I've made (if you know what I mean *wink*). Hellman's or Miracle Whip, sure; fine for slapping on a slice of Roman Meal and half a pack of Buddig pressed chicken. Buy why all this wasted breath comparing and contrasting two mediocrities? It's like the Battle of the Network Stars, Bananarama versus the Spice Girls, Andrew "Dice" Clay versus Ronald McDonald. I would prefer to sacrifice my remaining brain cells to imbibing good Nebbiolo, trying to figure out why Georges Perec and Italo Calvino got involved in the Oulipou, and making an annual trip to Mexico City; does this make me mad?

* Not that I can recall without going back and reading this whole mess, which I categorically refuse to do, as should you.

Um, if Miracle Whip is fine for you to slap on a slice of Roman Meal and a half a pack of...well, that stuff*, then I think all of us mayophiles have won our argument, hands down. I'd be fairly surprised if you haven't caused a few of the Miracle Whip proponents to take a slow, introspective walk down a pier, and skip a few rocks with a Joan Armatrading song in the background while thinking about how wrong their lives have been up to this point, and how it's not too late to change. I see a small spike in Hellman's sales in the near future.

* I couldn't even bring myself to type it.

Hey now! Roman Meal is good!

In the interst of fairness I bought some MW last week.
To me it's not the sour note but the cloying sweetness I just can't get used to.
If anyone in the Oak Park area is a fan of it I have a practically virgin bottle free to any taker.

Sorry to resurrect this thread, but is that jar of miracle whip still available?

It's yours if you want it.

I'm not even sure what this is but it doesn't sound very good. I seem to recall my parents having this stuff with pickle and pimento loaf.