Received the most useless fortune today:

"Saturdays are good days for taking care of chores."

That's all it said, no lucky numbers or anything. Either this particular bakery is intellectually lazy, or my wife got into cahoots with them in preparation for college football season.

When dining with friends we wait for everyone to read their fortunes and the rule is after they read it aloud. you all state "...in bed.". It is pretty funny.

Usually it's just the same-old "Happiness can be found in your own backyard" or "Opportunities abound," but the fortune cookie factory must have gotten a new writer--or a thesaurus:

"A surprise will titillate you and frighten you but you will accept it."

What the heck! Do I dare open mail or answer the phone?!?

Or, for those looking for a little self-confidence:

"Sell your ideas--they are totally acceptable."

High praise, indeed....