I have some friends who encourage their visitors to remove their shoes and I've learned something from them.
In winter, some of my friends are very happy to remove their heavy boots, which are often wet or muddy, as well. And I tell them that, if they wish to remove their boots, I can offer them slippers. Yes, I have about 8 pairs of big old floppy slippers ($1.99/pair from some discount place), some for men and some for women. So, no skating around in your socks, and no clomping around in your wet boots, either.
And if you'd like to tuck your slippered feet under you as you curl up on my sofa and drink mulled wine, well, go right ahead.

A basket of airline socks in the closet is handy too -- these can be slipped right over guests' socks, make the guest feel more warm and comfortable, and can be treated as disposable. I call them "oversocks."

Katie wrote:A basket of airline socks in the closet is handy too -- these can be slipped right over guests' socks, make the guest feel more warm and comfortable, and can be treated as disposable. I call them "oversocks."

No offense, Katie, but nothing ruins an outfit like cheap nylon airline socks.

No offense, Katie, but nothing ruins an outfit like cheap nylon airline socks.

Ha ha ha ha ha! As Dan Quayle would say, how true that is!

My husband finds my approach to dealing with dry hands and feet, i.e., extensive use of moisturizer + gloves, and moisturizer + socks +"oversocks" to be, shall we say, seriously fashion-backward!

Over the years I've found that I seem to have a lot more fun at the homes of folks who don't sweat the shoe thing. Generally if someone asks me to remove my shoes I have no problem with it , but sometimes I've found that the "shoe rule" can be the first of many such "rules" one may be gently reminded of during the course of the evening.

Is it just me or has anyone else noticed that homes with the shoe rule generally have a higher incidence of fuzzy toilet seat cover ownership?

Hey, now. Nothing wrong with the fuzzy toilet seat cover!

Personally, I really only make a point of the shoe thing when the weather's nasty and snow and mud would just be tracked everywhere. After all, I find it hard to believe that you wouldn't take your own snowy shoes off in your house rather than track that everywhere! No matter how hard I wipe my feet, snow, water or mud always ends up in the house if I don't take my shoes off. And it's not like I have a tiny rug; it's a long runner that gives you plenty of wiping surface.

Still, I'm pretty lenient with my guests, overall.

I have an Chinese friend for whom it is a custom that shoes are not worn in the house. I guess I really don't take offense to it either way. I just go with the flow.

One last point I would like to make, though: I know there can be a problem with high heels on wood floors, especially the softer woods. Because of the fact that so much weight is distributed on the small heel, they are likely to leave indents in wood floors. I thought I had a much more durable floor than it turns out I do. I find little dents and scratches in it all the time! Gah!

For what it's worth:

Whether by rule or request, "shoes off" strikes me as falling on the side of not being especially hospitable to one's guests--not by tons, but by more than a little.

If you like having parties, if you like having people over, certain things go with the territory. Crumbs. Spills. Bathroom incidents. Whatever. All the sorts of things that happen when people gather. I include in this the specks of outside dirt that might be brought in on people's shoes (which--let's not b.s. each other or ourselves--is generally about as bad as it gets. Winter slush is an entirely different matter, where all but the completely clueless know what to do without any imposition of rules).

For a funny take on this discussion, watch the scene in the original "Producers" movie where Max and Leo arrive at producer Roger Debris' house and are asked by the houseboy, Karmen Ghia, to remove their shoes.

I should say (even though I didn't before) that our shoes-off policy is fairly "situational." If it's spring or summer and the weather's been fine, we're more relaxed about it. Or, if people are going in and out of the back of the house (like at a BBQ), we wouldn't ask them to take their shoes off and put them back on every damn time. (We don't ourselves, either, in that situation.) Or, if it's a big party (the likes of which we haven't had in about twenty years), we wouldn't ask everyone to go shoeless. Or, if friends are just dropping by for a bit, like for instance for a glass of something before we all head out to the movies, asking them to remove their shoes just for that brief time seems excessive. But yes, if the weather's been bad and the sidewalks are sloppy, and one or a few couples are coming over for a spell (like for dinner), we prefer them to take their shoes and/or boots off, and so far no one has made a fuss, overtly or passive-aggressively.

We, ourselves, have our shoes off inside the house almost all the time when we're going to be in the house for any great length of time, for the sake of the general cleanliness of all our walking surfaces. That's the mrs.'s preference, and I'm happy to go along with it.

I took my shoes off at Hot Dog Island and he pimp-slapped me.

riddlemay wrote:But yes, if the weather's been bad and the sidewalks are sloppy, and one or a few couples are coming over for a spell (like for dinner), we prefer them to take their shoes and/or boots off, and so far no one has made a fuss, overtly or passive-aggressively.

If one is going over to another's house for cocktails and dinner, and shoes are sloppy with slush, it doesn't seem as though the host should even have to ask. It's just polite to take off shoes. However, after dessert, when my shoes are dried, I usually put them back on so I can enjoy the rest of the evening with warm feet.

I took my shoes off at Hot Dog Island and he pimp-slapped me.

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for spilling my morning coffee all over my shirt and for that lovely burning Medium Roast coffee from my Senseo Coffee maker being snorted out of my nose.

Bster

David Hammond wrote:

riddlemay wrote:But yes, if the weather's been bad and the sidewalks are sloppy, and one or a few couples are coming over for a spell (like for dinner), we prefer them to take their shoes and/or boots off, and so far no one has made a fuss, overtly or passive-aggressively.

If one is going over to another's house for cocktails and dinner, and shoes are sloppy with slush, it doesn't seem as though the host should even have to ask. It's just polite to take off shoes. However, after dessert, when my shoes are dried, I usually put them back on so I can enjoy the rest of the evening with warm feet.

Then we have much more agreement than it seemed at first.

But (not to be too OCD about this--and OCD probably does exist on a spectrum, rather than being a binary thing), when your shoes are dried, what about the salt that is no doubt still on the bottoms of them in the winter? You'll be bringing that into your friends' homes.

I empathize with your desire for warm feet; as a host, I would feel it my responsibility, in return for your indulging my shoes-off policy, to make sure the house was warm enough that your feet could be both shoeless and toasty.

riddlemay wrote:But (not to be too OCD about this--and OCD probably does exist on a spectrum, rather than being a binary thing), when your shoes are dried, what about the salt that is no doubt still on the bottoms of them in the winter? You'll be bringing that into your friends' homes.

Salt, sure, or sometimes there's dried gunk of other sorts, but nothing a wet paper towel can't eliminate pretty easily. If fact, it would seem that wiping off the soles with a wet towel might be a good way to compromise between shoe-preferring guests and shoe-free homeowners.

David Hammond wrote:In fact, it would seem that wiping off the soles with a wet towel might be a good way to compromise between shoe-preferring guests and shoe-free homeowners.

I see a new product opportunity here....

Can we get LTHForum shoe wipes at cafepress?

Last night I was invited to dinner at the home of an old friend, a guy I went to college with and have seen maybe only a dozen times since, at a few poker games and, most recently, at my house for the Fourth of July. He’s a prosperous man, but has had some tough times (special needs kid, divorce) so my general attitude to him is sympathetic and supportive (I like to think I’m that way with all friends, but some need a heart-felt hand more than others).

Anyway, last night he invited me and some other college buddies to his house. At the door, I saw the first warning signs of looming displeasure: lines of shoes randomly cast off by people who, like me, hadn’t planned on disrobing upon entry. “I’ll have to ask you to remove your shoes,” he said. “Have to” ask me? Odd locution, as though this request was compelled by some higher power to which we were both of too puny a constitution to resist.

Now, at the homes of people who know me well and indulge idiosyncrasies, I might have responded differently. At justjoan’s home, for instance, when she asked if I’d remove my shoes, I asked if I could just stand on the carpet in the hallway for the remainder of the night – that worked out fine, people brought me drinks, and my feet remained nicely enclosed, warm and protected.

Last night, I was recovering from a cold when I complied with this friend's seeminingly simple request. After having my feet chilled for several hours, I find that my head cold symptoms have worsened; my weekend plans now look dim. Going out to eat with nearly naked feet seems to have aggravated my temporarily delicate condition. At least, that’s what I’m blaming it on.

Throughout this two-year old thread, several have commented on the inappropriateness of this topic to the forum, but I disagree. We are, all of us, sharp eyed critics of hospitality generally and the Restaurant and Hospitality Industry specifically. Going out to eat without creating, or being subject to, inhospitable surroundings is a natural topic of conversation for people who go out to eat a lot, whether in restaurants or private homes. My dining experience was severely impaired by the constant discomfort that began when I walked in the door, and this sense of health-threatening chilliness and vulnerability stayed with me until it was time to put on my shoes and leave: in the air-conditioned house, my toes were almost numb as I sniffled, coughed and attempted to garner what heat I could from alcohol and coffee. Once my shoes were on, I felt like Superman when the Kryptonite goes back into the lead box: still very weak, but with some strength returning.

Last night’s experience has suggested that I should, like John Mariani, print personal preferences on the back of my business cards, something on the order of Hugh Hefner’s legendary door plaque, "Si Non Oscillas, Noli Tintinnare." In my case, the motto on the card’s obverse would read “Si meus shoes vado, EGO vado.”

Why don't you keep a comfortable pair of house slippers in your car. I find most people that ban shoes from the house don't mind a soft sole house slipper if they know it hasn't touched "exterior ground".

EDIT: It just occurred to me that I haven't read the rest of the thread yet. Someone may have already suggested this. If that's the case, then I would like commend that poster for their brilliant suggestion.

David Hammond wrote:At the door, I saw the first warning signs of looming displeasure: lines of shoes randomly cast off by people who, like me, hadn’t planned on disrobing upon entry. “I’ll have to ask you to remove your shoes,” he said. “Have to” ask me? Odd locution, as though this request was compelled by some higher power to which we were both of too puny a constitution to resist...

David, I'm sorry your shoelessness aggravated your cold. I hope you feel better soon.

I just wanted to provide an alternate interpretation of your host's words. The "I'll have to ask you" in "I'll have to ask you to remove your shoes" could indicate his concern for you, in that he understands you don't want to, and understands that his request may sound foolish to you; further, the words suggest to me that his need may even sound foolish to a part of himself--he may feel a mild embarrassment about his own need in the matter. The phrase is a social nicety that softens his entreaty from a command to a strong request with a tinge of regret. So don't hate him for the locution. He's just trying to be as gracious and considerate as possible while maintaining some standard he feels necessary.

Do you know about SmartWool socks? I have a few pair and I love them. Very comfortable, not itchy, keep your feet warm in the winter yet don't make them hot in the summer. The SmartWool story is here. I think if you were wearing them, you would have fared better without your shoes than you did. Might be good for those situations in which you never know if you're going to be able to keep your shoes on.

riddlemay wrote:I just wanted to provide an alternate interpretation of your host's words. The "I'll have to ask you" in "I'll have to ask you to remove your shoes" could indicate his concern for you, in that he understands you don't want to, and understands that his request may sound foolish to you; further, the words suggest to me that his need may even sound foolish to a part of himself--he may feel a mild embarrassment about his own need in the matter. The phrase is a social nicety that softens his entreaty from a command to a strong request with a tinge of regret. So don't hate him for the locution. He's just trying to be as gracious and considerate as possible while maintaining some standard he feels necessary.

Oh, I don't hate him or other get-your-shoes-off-like-now hosts, but I will say that I don't think I'll be accepting invitations from him again, which is regrettable, because I like the guy but just find the attendant discomfort tough to take. FYI, what you see as a "standard," I see as a fetish. Again, no hatred involved, just different views of how guests should best be treated. To me, hospitality, in a home or restaurant, is all about making the guest feel good.

riddlemay wrote:Do you know about SmartWool socks? I have a few pair and I love them. Very comfortable, not itchy, keep your feet warm in the winter yet don't make them hot in the summer. The SmartWool story is here. I think if you were wearing them, you would have fared better without your shoes than you did. Might be good for those situations in which you never know if you're going to be able to keep your shoes on.

No way I'm going to wear wool socks in the summer (even in a cool one such as ours)...but even in winter, the warmth is just part (though a big part) of the issue. I like wearing shoes; they support the whole body; they offer protection for toes from household obstacles, and its a conventional expectation that one will not be asked to remove normal articles of clothing when entering another's home.

David Hammond wrote:FYI, what you see as a "standard," I see as a fetish.

Just a small point, but when I used the word "standard," I was trying to see things through his eyes, not mine. I have no dog in the fight between whether it's a standard or a fetish. My guess is it's probably neither, but OCD.

But it's easy for me to say it's OCD, because I don't have to clean my house. Not because I wouldn't, but because my wife doesn't want me to--that's her domain and she wants it that way. (I would never come up to her standards if I were to do it.) So, shoes in the house make more work for her (not all the time, but yes, I have to admit that sometimes shoes do track in dirt), and because of that (and because she already works hard enough), I can't begrudge her her need for shoelessness.

riddlemay wrote:

David Hammond wrote:FYI, what you see as a "standard," I see as a fetish.

Just a small point, but when I used the word "standard," I was trying to see things through his eyes, not mine. I have no dog in the fight between whether it's a standard or a fetish. My guess is it's probably neither, but OCD.

OCD? Wouldn't any "standard" based on that potentially disabling mental disorder be, at the very least, highly questionable? I'm not saying individuals don't have a right to enforce whatever standards they want in their homes, but some are just, you know, clinically speaking, nuts. (This is in no sense a criticism of your wife, who I understand was not included in your diagnosis).

David Hammond wrote:OCD? Wouldn't any "standard" based on that potentially disabling mental disorder be, at the very least, highly questionable? I'm not saying individuals don't have a right to enforce whatever standards they want in their homes, but some are just, you know, clinically speaking, nuts.

I can't disagree with any of that, but people are who they are, and they fall at all points along the spectrum of "infinitely able to roll with the punches" to "persnickety" to "nuts." It seems to me that with people who are our friends or loved ones, we must do what we can to accept them as the people they are. Of course, that cuts both ways, since we ourselves are entitled to the same acceptance, so sometimes something has to give--i.e., if who you are is at odds with who I am on an issue, then either we meet somewhere in the middle or we agree to avert the conflict altogether (as you've done by deciding not to go to your friend's house anymore).

Throughout a good portion of the world, it is standard operating procedure to remove one's shoes when entering a home. When I worked in Taiwan for a while, hosts would supply gung fu sye (those little black slippers) to their guests upon entering. Unfortunately, they were never big enough to accomodate my huge western sized feet, so I had to fold down the backs and walk around with my heels hanging over the ends. It was quite uncomfortable. After seeing this, many of my friends adopted an American exception to the sholess rule. In Switzerland, I had a colleague who insisted his guests remove their shoes, but I think it was more to show off his heated marble floors, which were an absolute joy to walk around on in stocking feet on a cold winter day.

In both the above cases, I did not mind removing my shoes. On the other hand, I once had a friend whose landlord installed new carpeting. Suddenly he started insisting I take off my shoes, so he wouldn't risk having to pay to have the carpets cleaned when he moved out. That sort of pissed me off, until a couple of spilled stout beers and dropped cigarettes rendered the requirement moot.

Another perspective on the shoe issue:

As a personal chef, I cook in clients' homes, often for 6-8 hours at a time. My 50-year-old back and knees cannot stand shoeless on a hard floor for that long. But, most importantly, there's the safety issue. Knives can fall, pots can be dropped, roux can splatter. If I drop a knife and it lands on my foot, I'm out of business. Last year, I was putting away some pots and pans in my own kitchen (barefoot) and dropped an empty Le Crueset stockpot on my foot. One broken toe later.....

I recently met with two potential Asian-American clients. Both insisted I leave the "street shoes" at the door and wear only "indoor shoes" while cooking. The compromise with one client was that I buy brand-new clogs and store them at their home, worn only in their home, never outside. It was an expense well worth it for my business.

The other potential client insisted I cook barefoot...would not allow anything more than socks in their home. It was a deal-breaker.

statistically speaking, i've read that 40% of the dirt in every household is tracked in on the bottom of shoes. i'm surprised it's not more. and after seeing how much dogshit and litter is out there, why would anyone want to bring that stuff in on their shoes? i've never, even as a kid, worn shoes in the house. i think people who don't take off their outdoor shoes (ie; switch to socks, moccasins, flip-flops, slippers, socks, etc.) when they are at home are just plain weird. and, trust me, i'm not a clean freak.

when it comes to guests, the only time i'd ask someone to remove their shoes is if it is snowing or raining, and then i try to offer a selection (admittedly all my size) of clogs, slippers, etc. for them to wear. i happen to have old hardwood floors with worn off polyurethane coating, but i'd feel the same whatever the condition of my floors. justjoan

justjoan wrote:statistically speaking, i've read that 40% of the dirt in every household is tracked in on the bottom of shoes. i'm surprised it's not more. and after seeing how much dogshit and litter is out there, why would anyone want to bring that stuff in on their shoes? i've never, even as a kid, worn shoes in the house. i think people who don't take off their outdoor shoes (ie; switch to socks, moccasins, flip-flops, slippers, socks, etc.) when they are at home are just plain weird. and, trust me, i'm not a clean freak.

This is why I think it's not useful (or correct) to characterize the issue in terms of who's normal and who's weird. David thinks the guy who demands shoelessness is asking way too much, but the guy who demands shoelessness might equally well think it's weird that David has a hangup about taking his shoes off. Nobody's right or wrong here, or more deserving of some clinical diagnosis than the other. Just different people with different sensitivities, who can either find accommodation with each other, or not. Me, there was a time I thought taking off shoes indoors was a silly pain in the butt--but then my wife "sensitized" me to the issue. (Euphemism.)

riddlemay wrote:David thinks the guy who demands shoelessness is asking way too much

I actually think that people have a right to ask that guests take off their shoes (or not bring potluck meat if it's a Jain household, or not bring alcohol if it's a recovering household, etc.), I'd just like to know in advance so I can politely decline. I did get an invitation from a friend once, and on it was an indication that it was a "shoe-less" household; I thought that was mighty considerate.

If this has been addressed before, forgive me...
but what is the protocol with people who are in sandals? You can't ask them to remove their shoes, can you? I would have to refuse. Going barefoot in my own house freaks me out. Only recently has my boyfriend turned me on to the pleasures of walking and sleeping barefoot, but I still can't handle doing it on the kitchen floor or after wearing sandals.

shoot, I go with the flow, if folks want me to not wear shoes at their house its all good. if folks want to wear shoes in my house its all good.

I go barefoot 99% of the time, from mowing the lawn, to doing yardwork, to smoking on the deck, to cooking, etc. Must be the hillbilly in me.

I'm with Pie Lady. Why do people want other people walking around their house barefoot. yuk. Most women in the summer wear sandals. I haven't had socks on since about May. Sitting around enjoying food and drinks, propping your feet up on people's couches and footstools, blech.

Sorry Justjoan, but my shoes don't have dogshit on them, and I would know immeidately if they did, and would remove them. I lived in China for years, so I get the concept, and would just rather wash the floors when the guests leave, and let everyone choose and be comfortable. I tried the slipper thing when I lived there. Then people have to put their feet where someone else's has been.

Just what I need is someone walking around the hardwood floors or stairs and slipping in their socks.

jimswside wrote:shoot, I go with the flow, if folks want me to not wear shoes at their house its all good. if folks want to wear shoes in my house its all good.

I go barefoot 99% of the time, from mowing the lawn, to doing yardwork, to smoking on the deck, to cooking, etc. Must be the hillbilly in me.

I'm with you all the way. My shoes/sandals/whatever come off the second I walk in my front door, and stay off until it's time to leave the house again. Heck, my feet are shoeless under my desk as I type this

I was raised in an Indian household...my parents tried to assimilate in a lot of ways after moving here, but the no-shoes-in-the-house thing was not one of them. They thought wearing outside shoes in the house was gross, and effectively passed that mentality on to us. All of our Indian family friends were the same way, so I grew up thinking that taking one's shoes off before going past the foyer or mud room was the normal thing to do.

That said, back when I had an apartment with hardwood floors, I maintained my personal barefoot-at-home policy, but didn't sweat it if guests didn't remove their shoes (most of them did anyway). I just asked them not to venture into the white-carpeted bedrooms with their shoes on, but other than that, I knew that mopping was just a part of post-party cleanup. Our current apartment is 100% carpeted, so I would certainly prefer if guests would take off their shoes by the front table, but I don't think I've ever asked anyone to take their shoes off...most of our friends just do it automatically.

I have been wondering one thing since this thread started: those of you that are anti-shoe-removal, what do you do if, despite vigorous shoe wiping before entering, you accidentally track something onto a host's carpet? I've had gum tracked onto my carpet before, and was pretty miffed (no amount of scrubbing, freezing, etc. would take it out...I finally had to carefully trim the carpet to remove the gummy portion).