Wedding without a full meal?

Seeking the advice of the well-rounded, well-traveled LTHForum:

Ms. EC and I are planning our wedding (at which point she will become Mrs. EC, of course). While we are considering our budgetary constraints, we have prioritized all the points that are important to us for the event. Most important are our guest list and the food, of course. We want to have as many of our friends and family attend as possible, and serve them all some decent eats. Unfortunately, large group + good food generally equals very expensive wedding.

We thought of having an afternoon affair and serving high-quality hors d'oeuvres, cocktails, and cake. This would probably allow us to save a ton on catering.

Ms. EC is concerned that this might be considered gauche. In particular, inviting out of town guests and not even offering them a meal at the reception. (I came back with the fact that we will be having a rehearsal dinner and inviting all out of town guests to that event).

Does anyone have any insight into hors d'oeuvres-only weddings? Have you ever been to one? What time of the day was it held? Any other thoughts?

Thanks,
EC

Congratulations, Mr. and Ms. EC! Sure, wedding receptions often have just hors d'oeuvres with no full meal, following an afternoon wedding. But it seems to me that what is customary at a wedding reception can vary a lot by region of the country or ethnicity or you-name-it.... In other words, it may not matter that many wedding receptions forgo a full, sit-down meal if it is not the custom for your family or for your in-laws. If one side of the family or the other would be shocked that there is no dinner, well... only you two can decide how much weight to give to that factor.

I guess I wouldn't worry too much about the out of town guests. Is the wedding going to be held in Chicago? If so, those visitors might welcome the chance to try some of the restaurants they've been reading about from your website!

Final random thought: selecting a beautiful site for the reception (outdoors or not) might distract guests from thinking about how much is or isn't on their plates.

Thanks! Part of the plan on saving the money on the full meal is to have a really attractive venue.

Basically it breaks down to 3 possible scenarios:

1) Bad venue, full meal, most of the guests
3) good venue, full meal, very few guests
2) good venue, hors d'oeuvres, all the guests

Anyone have any catering recommendations for a hors d'oeuvres/cocktail event?

Have you considered a morning wedding? A rather lavish brunch would be much less expensive than dinner, and would still be a genuine meal. Some venues may also give you a better rate for the space if they can use it again that evening. A dinner buffet would also be less than a sit-down meal. I'm not much for rules, but the thing to keep in mind is the time. If it's a 4-5-6 p.m. ceremony, dinner will be expected. At a noon ceremony, not so much. An 8 or 9 p.m. ceremony could definitely be a hors d'oeuvers event, but I'm not sure how well older relatives might respond to that.

Mr. VanMoxie and I were married almost two years ago, and we went the good food/good venue/very few guests route. While I was very happy with the arrangement (and still get compliments on the food), I sometimes regret not inviting more people.

And most importantly - congratulations!

Thanks! We're definitely considering making it an early afternoon event. Something like: ceremony at 1, cocktails, hors d' oeuvres, cake, and dancing to follow.

eatchicago wrote:Thanks! We're definitely considering making it an early afternoon event. Something like: ceremony at 1, cocktails, hors d' oeuvres, cake, and dancing to follow.

My wife and I had a small noon wedding with a buffet lunch. Overall this was pretty inexpensive.

Besides it is your wedding and she can make the decisions.

eatchicago wrote:We're definitely considering making it an early afternoon event. Something like: ceremony at 1, cocktails, hors d' oeuvres, cake, and dancing to follow.

If you expect people to stay for and enjoy dancing, you'll need to have very good hors d'oeurves, and lots of them. I think that could well add up to the same price as a full meal, without the same "credit." And you'll need to find a way to convey your planned program to people ahead of time.

Otherwise, all the people who skipped lunch because they were dressing up for and traveling to your 1 p.m. wedding going to leave to get something to eat as soon it becomes clear to them that there's no real meal coming. Or, they'll hang about thinking, "Surely they're going to be serving soon??" while the wives tell their husbands not to drink too much and the dieters try not to fill up on the delicious appetizers because of course something really good must be coming later.

My suggestion would be to save money by eliminating the cocktails. If you have your wedding at a venue where you can bring in your own wine, you can save on the liquor and bartender bills.

Another way to cut down on costs at a dinner is to have the first course on the tables when guests arrive (a charcuterie plate or something like that works for this), so the guests sit down right away to start eating. This eliminates any need for passed appetizers and keeps people from standing around drinking and noshing while waiting for the wedding party to finish with photography and whatnot.

I like the brunch idea very much. That gives you a good reason for limiting alcohol to something like mimosas, and with a morning wedding you could also get out of having dancing and put the money for the band toward food. (Plus you get to wear a cool, cutaway coat and those striped pants!)

I don't say that you shouldn't have the sort of wedding you've described, but if you're collecting statistics, I can tell you that in the last 20 years I have been to exactly one wedding without a meal provided, so it isn't exactly commonplace. In that particular case, the couple were Mormons, and so we weren't invited to the ceremony (which had been held in a temple not open to gentiles), just the reception, which consisted of a long receiving line with cake and non-alcoholic punch at the end. I must admit we declined subsequent invitations to the wedding receptions of their many siblings.

I have been to a number of weddings that were held in reduced circumstances, and while some weren't great (including the one where I wound up cutting the cake, because nobody else there knew how) many of them were lovely. My brother-in-law was just married for the second time, with all of his and her six children as attendants, and they held a picnic-style wedding with cookout fare in a park. The entertainment was aimed at kids and kind of strange, but everyone had a good time.

Timing your wedding so you can hold it outdoors is another good way to save money. The Chicago area has a number of lovely outdoor venues.

If you're marrying in winter, consider avoiding traditional wedding facilities like hotels or banquet halls and having the wedding at a space that will let you hire your own caterers. My boss had his wedding dinner in an attractive building belonging to a suburban park district. Even less conventionally, I know a couple of film buffs who rented a movie theater and showed old movies at their wedding. Someone else had a relative whose condo complex had a party room. The relative reserved the room; the copule paid the $50 rental fee; the bride's mother and aunts made all food, and she and her sister made her gown. It was a very inexpensive wedding, but lovely.

Mazel tov on your planned nuptials! Perhaps you'll break the eatchicago anonymity enough to post a few wedding pictures?

Thanks for the tips LAZ, definitely quite a bit of food for thought.

LAZ wrote:Mazel tov on your planned nuptials! Perhaps you'll break the eatchicago anonymity enough to post a few wedding pictures?

Well, it's more than a year off, but I'd be happy to (especially if the caterer is worth discussing). And if my schedule allows, I hope to make a LTH gathering sometime soon.

Best,
EC

I agree with LAZ, if I'm going to be stuck at your damn... er, invited to share in the loving occasion, for six hours, and I don't get an actual meal, I'm calling for pizza. I see the no dinner thing only working if people expect to be back on the street leading their lives again within a couple of hours. If you've got their whole day sewed up, you can't put them on half rations (but full alcohol).

Quite frankly, a lot of people do NOT have a big reception after the wedding. We had a cake, punch, and mints after the wedding in the church hall. I think that the total cost was about $300. My wife's family just doesn't do the huge wedding scene.

After the short reception, her parents invited the out of town guests for a small (homemade) dinner back at the house.

I appreciated NOT having the reception as it allowed us to leave town about 2-3 hours after the wedding and it spared us the hassle of having to merge two different familties' expectations of a receptions.

Also, since we paid for the bulk of the wedding (as we were both 25 and financially independent), it allowed us to avoid going into debt (on a rubber chicken dinner).

Hi,

I never considered a wedding of much value until I had a relative elope. I will suggest if these people had planned a wedding together, they would have never married. Unfortunately, they had to have a few kids and squabble quite a bit before parting ways. It would have saved everyone lots of trouble if this relationship had busted while planning a wedding.

I realize planning a wedding together does not guarantee a good outcome. However, it does test the relationship between the couple as well as negotiating (or dismissing) each family's expectations.

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The best wedding I ever went to had 25 guests who knew each other very well. We had very thoughtfully selected food and lots of laughter.

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I have a rather patrician friend whose company I enjoy very much. Her Father was a prominent physician in Milwaukee. She was very much a debutant whose family is listed in the blue book.

She once explained to me about perfectly respectable society weddings in Milwaukee in the 1940's and 1950's. You had an afternoon wedding followed by reception of tea sandwiches, champagne and cake. By 5 PM you were on the way to your honeymoon destination by train.

She was quite surprised at how weddings have blossomed into these major league productions drowning people in debt.

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Anyone have any catering recommendations for a hors d'oeuvres/cocktail event?

I know of one guy I recommend highly, Appetizers by Chef Paul in Waukegan. I became acquainted with him when he still allowed you to order from his catering repetoire just for lunch. He became too full of orders on the catering side and discontinued this. However, he did do a specialized dinner for Culinary Historians: a dinner celebrating the anniversary of J.S. Bach's birth for the baroque society. His prices are very reasonable and they are rather creative. His daughter Ginger pretty much runs the operation now.

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You could also serve non-traditional food at your wedding and may find very competitive pricing to your current idea. Is there an ethnic restaurant you both favor? One which may not usually consider doing a full blown party, why not ask them? I had a birthday party in a Puerto Rican chicken joint, which not only thrilled my guests but thrilled the owners. It wasn't terribly expensive, yet top notch food.

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Look on this board and the other for posts by Food Nut, who is also planning a wedding. Maybe one of those ideas will suit your needs.

Congratulations!

We did a late morning (11 or Noon, it has been a while) wedding in the Centennial Chapel ay Naper Settlement, short ceremony (don't ever force them through a long ceremony and then shorten the reception up, that's just cruel) and then a Brunch in a beautiful old mansion across the way (which has since become a tapas place) with lovely grounds. We did stick with Champagne and Mimosas.

It apparently went well, as the maid of honor more or less copied it in whole a few years later for her wedding.

We then had the bridal party and out of towners over to our house for snacks and socializing for a while, before leaving them to sneak off to our hotel of choice's honeymoon suite.

I think the key is finding the right location. There are numerous old mansions for rent in parks and preserves with lovely grounds. Rental costs are not terribly high, and you can get a light meal catered fairly inexpensively. Just search around - I know of a couple out west, if the far west burbs would be your choice.

As to the dancing, meet later on at a good club or ballroom of your choice and take over the place. That will be better than renting a band or deejay and a ballroom, and worlds cheaper.

Have I contributed enough to be invited?

If you expect people to stay for and enjoy dancing, you'll need to have very good hors d'oeurves, and lots of them. I think that could well add up to the same price as a full meal, without the same "credit." And you'll need to find a way to convey your planned program to people ahead of time.

Otherwise, all the people who skipped lunch because they were dressing up for and traveling to your 1 p.m. wedding going to leave to get something to eat as soon it becomes clear to them that there's no real meal coming. Or, they'll hang about thinking, "Surely they're going to be serving soon??" while the wives tell their husbands not to drink too much and the dieters try not to fill up on the delicious appetizers because of course something really good must be coming later.

I could not disagree more. The two best weddings that I have been to (excluding my own) were the ones that were the cheapest to produce. One of them was exactly as you describe. It was held in an arts center in St. Louis, all hors d'oeuvres, cocktails and cake. It was so lovely.

People are not going to expect a huge meal during the day and you easily indicate your intentions on the invitation. For example, I am going to a wedding in September at the Palmer House, the reception card indicates "Reception, Heavy Hors D'oeuvres, and Dance, 6:30pm" And this is for a couple for whom money is no object. The only concern that I have about their approach is that the wedding is at 1:30pm and between its end and the reception, the groom is renting several trolleys on which wine will be served.

For a day time wedding, I see no reason to have a sit-down meal.

Congratulations EC and Ms. EC.

I agree that a full meal isn't necessary.

Wife #1 and I were fortunate that we were already renting the upstairs of "Mr. Body's Palatial Mansion" so we had the wedding at our apartment. Cake from Lutz's, etc. It worked out very well.

What do you have in mind for a venue? Many attractive, interesting locations are available, often at very reasonable rates compared to hotels. Here are a few thoughts.

Central Chicago -- The Newberry Library, 60 W. Walton Street. It's been renovated and has a large reception room. Also, a kitchen has been added for caterers.

Western suburbs -- Cheney Mansion in Oak Park. Designed by a Wright disciple; handsome grounds.

Northern suburbs -- Chicago Botanic Gardens in Glencoe. Beautiful at any time of year.

Think of places that you really like and then see if they are available.

Best wishes to both of you.

Thanks to everyone for the good wishes and excellent advice. What I've basically come to learn is that no matter what kind of wedding you have, if you try to save a little money you'll wind up angering or annoying someone. So we're going to move forward, be as frugal as the occassion allows, and make the best of it.

We're already working out the venue, and the leading contender right now is the Garfield Park Conservatory. Interestingly, if we wind up there, it will be a dinner wedding since you have to hold your event after 5pm (after it is closed to the public). The venue cost there is much cheaper, so it shouldn't be so bad.

Thanks again for all the good wishes.
Best,
EC

Northern suburbs -- Chicago Botanic Gardens in Glencoe. Beautiful at any time of year.

Beautiful, no question. Renting this venue is at least $5,000 and they have an in-house caterer you are obliged to use; not a budget option.

You can go there for photographs. Weekends are full of bridal parties marching around. I have heard you pay a fee of $100-150 for the privilege of entering the grounds to take your wedding photos. I don't know how many do or just show and do as they want.

What I've basically come to learn is that no matter what kind of wedding you have, if you try to save a little money you'll wind up angering or annoying someone. So we're going to move forward, be as frugal as the occassion allows, and make the best of it.

This is where you earn your mettle as a couple. Certainly it is a balancing act, if you let people put you in that position. Set your limits and boundaries, both financial and emotionally. Do what you can comfortably afford. Remember you cannot please everybody but you do need to make this occasion special for you. If your family and friends are gracious and considerate, they will accept whatever you offer.

What I've basically come to learn is that no matter what kind of wedding you have, if you try to save a little money you'll wind up angering or annoying someone.

No, I don't think that's quite what people are saying.

I was thinking about this a lot because I was struck by Cathy's description of a society wedding in the 50s. And I think what has really become a pain about weddings is, as a number of people said more or less, the fact that they've become six hour extravaganzas. And worse, six hour extravaganzas with entire dead hours in the middle of them. Six hours at a lively party is no big deal, but to wait an hour for people to be seated and for the caterer to get their act together, and then to be on hold another 45 minutes as the best man is compelled to be a comedian and make a speech about what a ladies man Troy used to be until Cindy came along and changed him (and the wedding, like a Skid Row mission, denies you food until you've heard the sermon)-- that's what makes it a very loooong affair. And for people like me who have kids who start screaming at 6 AM, dinner which isn't served until 9 pm is not the prelude to dancing, it's the prelude to going straight home and going to sleep.

Sorry to sound like a grumpy guest who no one would want to invite to a wedding in the first place, but I think we have to recognize the notion that the wedding industry has probably altered the whole nature of American weddings for reasons that have to do with its profits, not with the pleasure of the guests or, least of all, the future happiness of the couple.

So here's my heretical advice. Take charge of your own wedding. Ignore, absolutely, the advice of people making money off your wedding. Plan a ceremony which is followed quickly by a light party in a charming setting. Within about two or two and a half hours from the moment the organist first started playing, it'll be over and everybody will be leaving to go change clothes and have fun in the big city. And what they will be talking about, I guarantee you, is what a nice simple wedding you had. Four hours later, everyone who wants to can meet up at somewhere for dinner, drinks, dancing, whatever. They will be fresher and happier because they'll have had a break, they'll have changed clothes, they won't have felt like they were marched around and told what to do all day. They will have a GREAT time.

And now here's one last heretical suggestion. You and the lovely Mrs. EC should join your friends that night. I mean let's face it, statistically speaking a newly married couple is not going to be doing anything on their honeymoon that they haven't already done. This idea that you need 24+ hours alone together to go through the bliss and/or trauma of your first conjugal relations is the most Victorian, if not downright medieval, holdover still attached to the whole process of getting married. It is in fact an unrealistic notion of what marriage turns out to be, I think, this idea that it's something you enter into as a couple in isolation, when the reality of married life has much more to do with being drawn into extended families (as a social event like a wedding demonstrates) and joining the fraternity of full-fledged grownups. So put a break in the day, go off together with everyone's good wishes, and then come back a few hours later and have a casual good time with your family and friends that night.

P.S. While we're on the subject of how not to be bossed around by wedding professionals to their benefit rather than yours, here's some more advice which I followed in my own wedding very happily: no tuxes, let the men wear suits and sportcoats. No bridesmaid dresses, let the women doll themselves up as they please (this may require a little guidance if there are female guests likely to dress too skimpily, say). Another thing that will leave everyone much happier and talking about how nice and sensible you are! (In fact, my wife-- I think this was a tip someone gave her, way back when-- went to one of the snooty bridal places and bought a white bridesmaid dress for her wedding dress. Terrific, simple but elegant looking dress, cost a few hundred bucks instead of a few thousand, admittedly the moment she made that choice their level of service went way down and their disdain went up, but she chose to be amused by their gaucherie in response to her gaucherie....)

Mike G wrote:I mean let's face it, statistically speaking a newly married couple is not going to be doing anything on their honeymoon that they haven't already done. This idea that you need 24+ hours alone together to go through the bliss and/or trauma of your first conjugal relations is the most Victorian, if not downright medieval, holdover still attached to the whole process of getting married.

Mike, you are a beast!

*****

Lots of sound advice has been given; the details are the details but my two cents is just this:

1) As much as possible, make yourselves (bride and groom) happy
2) As much as possible, given essential restrictions from (1), make your parents happy (it's a big deal for them too, n'est-ce pas?)
3) Make others happy in accordance with the restrictions imposed by (1) and (2).

Cento anni a voi due.

A

My standard line, to my kids, to anyone getting married, is "Marriage is important. Weddings aren't." So yes, if you have parents who will be heartbroken if you don't let them put on a big production at the mosque and bus relatives from 15 states all over Chicagoland, give in to the big production (assuming that they're paying or money is not an issue). It will give your friends something to talk about. On the other hand, if what you really want is a picnic in the park with a dozen of your closest friends and your parents will be only relieved not to have to spend a day in fancy clothes, then do it. If you want to sign Gershwin around a piano, arrange for a piano and print some songsheets. If you want a potluck and clogging, that can work too. I've seen great weddings with all those variations.

My wedding dress came off the summer dress rack at Penney's. My bridesmaids wore their own summer dresses in whatever colors they looked good in. Our reception was in the church basement. Our wedding cake was German chocolate. Our guests included all the kids in town I'd had so much fun babysitting. No alcohol. I look back at the pictures now and think our dresses were awfully short and I should have put my daisy headband further back on my head, but otherwise think we did pretty well for a couple of kids.

I know people who've gotten married in Las Vegas who have wonderful marriages. I know more people who've gone into debt for a fancy wedding only to break up two or three years later. As Cathy points out, weddings are a great chance to work on those negotiating and compromising skills that are so critical to a successful marriage. Enjoy.

Terrific, simple but elegant looking dress, cost a few hundred bucks instead of a few thousand, admittedly the moment she made that choice their level of service went way down and their disdain went up, but she chose to be amused by their gaucherie in response to her gaucherie....)

There is something very liberating about reverse snobbery.

My congratulations to you as well.

A very fun wedding was held for my college roommate in New Orleans, all small plate stations. He explained that was the way most weddings were done down there....the rehearsal dinner was at her parent's poolside, fun, intimate, homey and low cost.

What the hell did we know, we are from Wisconsin where the typical high faluttin

So, PD, when's the big date??

Seriously, I am beginning to hate weddings and an ECSTATIC that all my cousins/siblings, etc are married off. Seems like even the nicest young ladies become witches when planning a wedding - and I want no part of it. I have already offered to pay for my nieces' weddings as long as they elope and I don't have to attend

Of course, the only wedding that I ever participated in was my own 20 years ago this week and I had some serious trepidations about that ... until I saw what my FIL could do with a shotgun but that is a long story.

"Date" is the correct word, probably should have a few dates before I settle down

Still working on an alternative to have a quesadilla station at a party, perhaps if not a wedding, a birthday party, a huge deal, winning the lottery or just because it is a sunny day

So here's my heretical advice. Take charge of your own wedding. Ignore, absolutely, the advice of people making money off your wedding. Plan a ceremony which is followed quickly by a light party in a charming setting. Within about two or two and a half hours from the moment the organist first started playing, it'll be over and everybody will be leaving to go change clothes and have fun in the big city. And what they will be talking about, I guarantee you, is what a nice simple wedding you had. Four hours later, everyone who wants to can meet up at somewhere for dinner, drinks, dancing, whatever. They will be fresher and happier because they'll have had a break, they'll have changed clothes, they won't have felt like they were marched around and told what to do all day. They will have a GREAT time.

I agree with Mike. My wife and I had a very simple wedding. We sat on the porch of a large Victorian house at a table with her 8 & 10 y/o nephew and niece for the lunch. The kids loved sitting with their aunt and new uncle. We loved the simplicity of it. Many people commented on how nice and tasteful the wedding was. The marriage is still going strong. I have a great wife.

One suggestion for the wedding day. I scheduled an 8:00 a.m massage and that was well worth it.

Mike G wrote:P.S. While we're on the subject of how not to be bossed around by wedding professionals to their benefit rather than yours, here's some more advice which I followed in my own wedding very happily: no tuxes, let the men wear suits and sportcoats. No bridesmaid dresses, let the women doll themselves up as they please (this may require a little guidance if there are female guests likely to dress too skimpily, say). Another thing that will leave everyone much happier and talking about how nice and sensible you are! (In fact, my wife-- I think this was a tip someone gave her, way back when-- went to one of the snooty bridal places and bought a white bridesmaid dress for her wedding dress. Terrific, simple but elegant looking dress, cost a few hundred bucks instead of a few thousand, admittedly the moment she made that choice their level of service went way down and their disdain went up, but she chose to be amused by their gaucherie in response to her gaucherie....)

On the topic of clothing (sorry, this chat is REALLY non-food now) you certainly don't necessarily have to get sucked into the whole big deal wedding thing. Of course this depends on the size/style of your wedding, but for our small wedding I ended up buying a long dress (not a "wedding dress", but ivory) off the rack from Nieman Marcus, about $300 as opposed to Marshall Fields bridal department where you have to place an order six months in advance and "the price points start at $1500" I believe they told me. (I will note in passing that since the wedding industry acts as if all brides are 18 year old virgins, putting oneself in the hands of bridal saleswomen is a little infantilizing...)

I just had one attendant and told her to wear what she wanted; she often wears vintage clothing and ended up wearing the pink suit in which her mother was married. To me that was so much better than insisting she buy a bridesmaid's dress in a style which she could never wear to anything ever again!

Mike G disdains tuxes, which is fine, but at least the groom, best man et al. get to rent them instead of buying them! (And if your friends are not the suit type, you might do them a favor by going the rental tux route...)

Antonius wrote:Cento anni a voi due.

"In a hundred years, the invoice is due"?

Pretty good terms.

okay, you got me going. here goes:

Ann wrote:

My standard line, to my kids, to anyone getting married, is "Marriage is important. Weddings aren't."

Actually, what we seem to be coming to here is the basic question - what is the point of a wedding? Not to be confused with, what is the point of marriage?

For a long time, I thought there was no point to either, ex-hippie and child of the 70's that I am, but my Bride slowly and patiently educated me.

The cute answer is that the point of the wedding is to insult Aunt Effie, who introduced us, and then through a series of compromises was excluded from the rehearsal dinner, and then the head table at the reception, and never really was, well, friendly to us again. So we succeeded well.

And many clearly see it as an opportunity to publicly display how well to do they are, and what execrable taste they have. Upon this concept is built the wedding industry. As someone said above, avoid these people like the plague. They will just try to scare, confuse, and exploit you in a moment of great weakness. I think many of them progress to run funeral homes, which work on the same general principle.

But really, it exists for 2 reasons. To publicly declare your love and commitment to each other, and to extort as much money from as many people as you are comfortable putting a little muscle on. In return, those people expect to have a good time (you are not expected to have a good time - be honest, the whole thing is too intense, and you have to pose for all those photos. You can, however, get really drunk and pass out later in the honeymoon suite - No, I did not, and I am saying no more on this!). In the end, you cannot provide a good time for your friends and family: they either know how to have a good time, or they do not. You can put them in a really unpleasant situation, of course, but even then the ones that know how to have a good time will. And the others will be grumpy and blame it on you, even though we all know it is their own attitude that is the problem. So don't worry about them.

Picture the environment you want to publicly declare your love in and go find it. Picture the way you would want to celebrate this event, and go arrange that. And determine how much you want to spend and do it all within that budget. This may limit who you invite, though keep in mind that the guests also contribute money one way or another.

We paid for our wedding, and I think we broke even, all told. Besides Aunt Effie, one good friend ended up in jail that night from the trauma of seeing me married, but otherwise we ended up with some great photos and virtually no memory or knowledge of anything that happened.

15 years later we were remarried by Elvis, in front of our kids, in Las Vegas, and then went out to dinner and a show. The first wedding was hers, and this one was mine, as I had suggested just this style, sans kids, all through planning for the first. The second was better because I got to enjoy it, though I did give in on which Elvis songs, and she chose wrong (I really wanted Heartbreak Hotel and Suspicious Minds, and she was looking for some of the more romantic numbers).

I also had some friends who got married at City Hall, and then we went to Chinatown for dinner. They then traveled around the country and had at least two big parties, one by her family, and one by his. This also seems like a reasonable plan to consider.

Of course, it all goes out the window once you ask family members to contrbute in any way. Then it becomes their wedding.

Have fun!

"People are not going to expect a huge meal during the day and you easily indicate your intentions on the invitation. For example, I am going to a wedding in September at the Palmer House, the reception card indicates "Reception, Heavy Hors D'oeuvres, and Dance, 6:30pm" And this is for a couple for whom money is no object."

See, I think this is the way to do it. Make sure everyone knows the hors d'oeuvres are the meal so that they'll eat them and not wind up getting drunk accidentally.

I go to a lot of weddings where money has presumably not been an object and there has been dinner but it hasn't been something I wanted to eat, or it's been very small, or something like that. At my sister's wedding, which I gather was quite expensive, you had to go through a buffet line which was not open for very along and all I got were a couple of slices of roast beef. These days I always fill up on hors d'oeuvres!

Amata wrote:Mike G disdains tuxes, which is fine, but at least the groom, best man et al. get to rent them instead of buying them! (And if your friends are not the suit type, you might do them a favor by going the rental tux route...)

Mike G. had some very traumatic experiences with powder blue and crushed maroon velour in the late 70s and early 80s. It was hard to tell from the pictures whether you were at a wedding, or welcome to Cineplex Odeon.

If our friends had had more money and at least some fashion sense, I might well have forced them to dude up like the Windsor princelings in snappy gray morning coats or something. But they don't, so I didn't.