Ever bribe a maitre d'?

I was talking with a friend the other day about our memories of going to "fancy" restaurants with our parents when we were kids. He had a vivid recollection of his family going to Fritzel's for the first time, a swanky State Street eatery where gangsters and movie stars and Kup liked to hang out. He remembered how his father -- it was a weekend in the early '60s -- handed a $50 bill to the maitre d' (obviously an extremely princely sum--then and now) with the words, "I'll take care of you if you take care of me." They were immediately shown to the biggest, best banquette in the joint, and forever after, always got the "big shot" treatment whenever they went.

I read a piece a few years ago on this subject (perhaps it was in Esquire), in which the writer tested out the schmeer theory in a number of difficult-to-get-into New York restaurants. He was quite successful most of the time, and got the approach down to a science after a number of tries. He set a high hurdle for himself by only seeking 8 pm reservations on Saturday nights. He quickly learned that phone calling was useless. Instead, he went to the restaurants at 4 or 5 in the afternoon when no one was really around, but could easily get to the maitre d's for a "personal" conversation. He would typically have a $20 bill (sometimes more) folded in thirds and clutched between his thumb and forefinger, but clearly visible. In making his request for a table that evening, he'd hold out the $20, but not let go of it. If the maitre d' began reaching for it, this was the clear sign that he would get the requested reservation (after all, no one would reach for the money who was going to turn him down). So his particular secret was not to give the money in advance, or to given it as a thank you after the fact, but rather to display it during the interchange, and let the maitre d' make the move to get it. He also learned you can't employ any bribery technique if there are two people at the desk. By trial and error, the writer learned he had to somehow separate the two, so the mano-a-mano interchange could transpire nice and quietly.

I've tried it twice, and it worked like a charm both times.

Anyone else ever entered this tawdry netherworld?

I think it's lame. Not classy on either the patron or the restaurant's part.

Hi,

The only people I knew who did stuff like that were parents of school friends. I haven't heard any contemporary do it. It doesn't mean people I know have not done it. I just never heard about it.

Regards,

Are there still maitre d's these days? I mean, I can't remember the last time I went into a restaurant with a black tuxedoed, Arturo Petterino-type standing there. Usually it's hostesses -- and I'll go out on a limb with this one -- women are much harder to bribe than men.

I'm sure it still happens somewhere, but the very idea of trying to do so at a modern Trotter's-Alinea-type restaurant seems as old-fashionedly out of place as trying to bribe the stage door attendant at Steppenwolf to let you into Joan Allen's dressing room with orchids.

But then, my least favorite movie theater has revived the appalling custom of the washroom attendant, so clearly some forms of 19th century servitude and corruption die hard.

to let you into Joan Allen's dressing room with orchids

Mike, you're having the week of your life with these analogies. Was it the extra guanciale at Timo? (and did you actually consider doing that at the Steppenwolf? I was going to try to sneak back to talk to Malkovich there a few years ago, but after he urinated on the stage during the play, I figured I had already shared an intimate enough moment with him).

Olde School, were your own successful bribes in Chicago, and if so, what kind of restaurant? The only place I find myself wanting an immediate table these days are Orange or Cuatro for brunch, or CoalFire or Frontera for dinner. I can't imagine any of the host staff accepting a tip for preferred service (or at Moto or Alinea, as pointed out previously). The only place I can picture this working is Rush Street.

Several years ago, while visiting New Orleans, with a very lovely and very young traveling companion, I did at Emeril's. The lovely young thing I was traveling with seemed to have a hard time getting dressed in anything under three hours, which unfortunately made us two hours late for our 9 pm dinner at Emeril's despite my best and ravenous efforts to get her to hurry the hell up.

When we arrived the maitre d announced that the kitchen was closed. We cajoled and begged to no avail. I really was in no mood for dinner at Krystal's. Before we left, I asked him to look at his book once more. When he agreed to do so, I thanked him and gave him the $20 handshake in appreciation.

Miraculously, moments later, he indicated that the kitchen could stay open for us for a few more minutes.

It's been a while since I have done it, but I have bribed hosts at Park West to get a table way up front, and I even remember when it was purported that one could bribe a Chicago Policeman if pulled over for a traffic ticket. Never did such a thing myself of course, but I know people who did. Also know stories of people who got themselves arrested doing it wrong (those were transitional years).

Why wouldn't a bribe work with a host/hostess? And why call it a bribe? Service business where a major portion of income comes from tips. A good place gives themselves a little slack, reservations get canceled, one or two people just don't show - my guess is they always have room for one more table. Assuming John Cusack doesn't call by 5, give it to the person who offers a nice tip.

Makes perfect sense and I probably will use it at some point. That's a good tip. Thanks.

I'd swear that I read the same article about greasing palms to get a table. Only in the version I remember, the author actually discovered that his luck was just as good when he didn't offer any money. Showing up at the restaurant and saying, "Please," seemed about as effective as showing up with cash in hand.

The conclusion of this article was that if you called ahead and were told there were no tables, you might show up with a $20 in hand and think that that was what had gotten you a table, but in fact your success was just as likely the result of your presence in the restaurant. And on the other hand, sometimes there just are no tables, and $50 isn't going to create a magic extra one.

I can't find the original article on Gourmet/Epicurious's site anymore, but someone has reproduced the entire thing here:

Pocketful of Dough

There's also a similar WSJ article:

How to Get the Ungettable Table

Maybe THIS is the way to score a decent table at Hot Doug's!

My clueless father-in-law tried it at Frontera Grill. Didn't work, but I'm not sure what transpired. When I saw what he was trying to do I shrinked into the background.

aschie30 wrote:...and I'll go out on a limb with this one -- women are much harder to bribe than men.

Okay, I'll bite (metaphorically speaking and all). Why?

Gypsy Boy wrote:

aschie30 wrote:...and I'll go out on a limb with this one -- women are much harder to bribe than men.

Okay, I'll bite (metaphorically speaking and all). Why?

Like I said, I was going out on a limb. Speaking generally, I just don't know too many women who would feel comfortable taking any "under the table" money. Many women tend to be more rules-focused and, I think, tend to be more anxious about retaining their jobs. Doing something unauthorized=less job security.

dicksond wrote:And why call it a bribe? Service business where a major portion of income comes from tips.

Which brings to mind trips to Las Vegas where this type of thing happens constantly. I have never "tipped" to get a table in Vegas, but I have for many other things - for example at MGM Grand you need a taxi on Friday night there are 100 people waiting. So you go to the bellhop, show him $10 and tell him you need a taxi. Walk outside, around the waiting queue, he raises his hand and waives the next cab over.

Is it a bribe, or just payment for better service? Kind of like paying for flying first class. Then again, in Vegas it comes with the territory. I've never done it in Chicago. I tend to agree that at many places you'd just get a blank stare or a smirk. Maybe better luck at hotel restaurants.

dicksond wrote:It's been a while since I have done it, but I have bribed hosts at Park West to get a table way up front...

That's the only way to get such a table at Park West. Is it a bribe if it's policy? You can have certain seats there, if you are in line, without paying extra. But the majority of seats you must pay for. It is similar at Green Dolphin.

I even remember when it was purported that one could bribe a Chicago Policeman if pulled over for a traffic ticket.

I $5 bill clipped to the visor used to be as ubiquitous in Chicago as a city sticker . . . or so I'm told.

A couple of things:

Connecting this to the maitre d' clearly gives the topic that old(e) school feel, which I didn't totally intend to do, although the action itself does seem to automatically suggest a visual of a dude in a tux or even tails. I certainly meant to include those people (at better restaurants) who are in front and in charge of the room. I'm blanking on what to call them (hosts? greeters? seaters? managers?), but they're the well-dressed guys (sometimes gals) who serve as chief and assistant gatekeepers.

My specific experiences, in addition to once offering to buy a law enforcement officer a cup of coffee when I got stopped on a cold winter night, did not take place in Chicago, but rather in New York, which seems like the more appropriate and perhaps necessary place to play the game.

Better than any of the bribery stuff is being a true regular. There are four or five nicer restaurants in Chicago which I go to quite often--sometimes twice in one week. After a while, everyone gets to know you by name. Short of the full force of, say, the radiologist convention descending all at once on a place, I am usually able to walk in or make a last-minute reservation.

Something else I've noticed lately: restaurant managers happily giving out their business cards, which often have their cell phone numbers on them. I have been given these on three or four occasions in the last year alone (all in Chicago), and have been urged to call anytime if I ever need anything.

Olde School wrote:My specific experiences, in addition to once offering to buy a law enforcement officer a cup of coffee when I got stopped on a cold winter night, did not take place in Chicago, but rather in New York, which seems like the more appropriate and perhaps necessary place to play the game.

A gentle and sensible lot, we LTHers are. Chicago remains quite a good place to realize the value of your hard-earned money through such "tipping," whether one is at the bar at the begining of the night, the parking garage, the curb in front of a Michigan Avenue hotel, or a restaurant. At Alinea, I doubt a big pre-tip would mean much. At such rarified places, everyone pays dearly and everyone is treated as well as the staff can humanly muster. But, if you're not a regular and you'd like a good table with a minimum wait at, say, a Chicago steakhouse, red-sauce place, Greektown taverna, etc., it can work pretty well.

I wish it were't so, but when you open doors, park cars, or seat diners for a living, that 20 spot can go a long way.

On two separate occassions I've seen the host very obviously hand back the cash and ask the patrons to leave. In each occasion the following day I wrote praises to the owners of there host. I've also seen a host take the money and seat someone, at which point we spoke to the manager to tell them why we were leaving.

I don't ever settle on this one- it's a major issue for me.

I've always been a bigger guy - so when i was in highschool, i got a door job at a club. At 17 so incredibly not legal.

Either way - thats how i'd send many friday and saturday nights - working the door at a club.

I know it's a lot different than a maitre d, but bribes made the job worth it. Thats where i made a lot of my money. Some people got pissed and wanted to leave, but, thats just how the world is set up. He who has more money gets in sooner.

It's wrong. it's stupid and immoral. But it got me through high school working only 2 days a week. Like the other poster said - if you're opening doors, parking cars, or checking IDs, a $20 spot can go a long ways.

jpschust wrote:On two separate occassions I've seen the host very obviously hand back the cash and ask the patrons to leave. In each occasion the following day I wrote praises to the owners of there host. I've also seen a host take the money and seat someone, at which point we spoke to the manager to tell them why we were leaving.

This is very classy. Nice.

My first-ever bribe of a maitre d' was marvelously successful, and I wouldn't change history if I could. It was 1986. The wife and I had blown into Vegas on a free-form Western driving trip. An electronic billboard announced that Frank Sinatra's engagement at The Golden Nugget had been extended for one more night--i.e., that night. As soon as we checked into our hotel, I called and reserved two tickets. (It was serendipity--I'm sure there wouldn't have been two seats still available if the extra night hadn't been a last-minute extension.) When we arrived at the showroom, I screwed up my courage and said to myself, "If ever there was a time to see if bribing a maitre d' can work, this is that time." I had a folded twenty in my hand, visible, which I extended to him upon entering, and he showed us to a table dead-center, only two back from the stage.

Every time I think about it, I pinch myself all over again.

No longer a virgin, I did it a couple more times in the years following, at places like The Park West (as mentioned). I don't think I'd ever do it at a restaurant, but I don't have a moral compunction about it. I've wondered whether it works at Second City, or whether that would be one of those places they'd give you a bad table just for trying. Anybody know?

riddlemay wrote: I've wondered whether it works at Second City, or whether that would be one of those places they'd give you a bad table just for trying. Anybody know?

Second City seems like the wrong place to pull this--almost antithetical to the gestalt of the institution, and the polar opposite of Vegas.

This reminds me (as many things do) of the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode in which an in-a-big-hurry-for-his-prescription Larry tries to bribe a pharmacist.

When I was in college almost 20 years ago, I worked as a hostess at a restaurant in San Diego. Only once was I slipped a $20 and they got a real nice table. I didnt think too much about it - it just happened.

And I wasn't scared of losing my job or about following the rules - as Aschie70 generalized about women a few posts ago. But then again maybe I'm not the norm.

i've had this happen to me too. This guy walked in and laid a fifty on the my podium and asked me to get him a table as soon as possible since he was on a "hot date". He also sweetened the deal with a wink.

I'm not sure if was because he was so cheesy, but i declined the money and told him he would be seated as soon as his table was ready. In the end I did move him up the list, since it was an embarrasing situation for him, and pretty awkward having him wait two feet behind me.

So I guess the bribed worked without working.


Also there is a difference between getting tipped as server and getting palmed as hostess. As a server you are getting rewarded for providing a smooth and enjoyable evening, as a hostess you're getting paid off to break the rules.

In retrospect, I should have told the manager. But, as obnoxious as he was, I would have felt a little bad if he had gotten thrown out on his hot date.

i_like_cereal wrote:In retrospect, I should have told the manager. But, as obnoxious as he was, I would have felt a little bad if he had gotten thrown out on his hot date.

I'm curious abut this statement. Do you really think the manager would eject a customer because he tried to duke the hostess?

See, I really dislike the idea of blaming the customer for trying and failing to bribe somebody. I mean, it's not my fault I moved from clean, honest Kansas to an Ottoman bazaar like Chicago where people bribe everyone from judges (the week I moved here, that Greylord judge shot himself) to cable TV installers. I don't know what the rules are, I'd just as soon not know what the rules are, you're forcing me to participate in a certain amount of baksheesh-dispensing just to get along here, so don't blame me if I get it wrong now and then. I'm on alien turf here.

I don't get that. If you (the hapless rube in Mike's story, not Mike) don't have any inkling that what you're doing might in some way be unacceptable, then why are you sweating and trying to secretly slip the money to me (the dapper, urbane maitre d', not the loser typing in his underwear)? Why not just hand me the money out in the open and hope for the best?

Because we live in the land of the unacceptable and the acceptably unacceptable. And folks like me don't always know which is which.

When I got my permit for my renovation, the plumbing guy was clearly setting up the situation for a shakedown. But the front desk gal, who clearly really ran the little satellite office, pushed it through (partly because I'd played the cute baby card with her extensively on past visits, partly because, I suspect, her real job was to thwart the old school guys when they got too greedy). Corruption and cleanliness are fluid concepts in the city of big shoulders.