Idiosyncratic personal food porn

The purpose of this thread is to invite some personal, idiosyncratic examples of food porn, to which I submit the following humble sample from my own kitchen.

cowdery wrote:

I have no pix to post , so please allow me to narrate your exquisitely lurid contribution.

"Feeling somewhat adrift on the sea of her own tempestuous emotions, the salsa (so spicy, and she knew it!) nestled for security against the manly glop of grits, one mean hombre of hominy, arrogant in his whiteness, though, slut, she could not help slipping herself subtly, moistly, under the two salty twins sitting obliviously and greasily next to her, eyeing especially the rough one, torn, tattered and in need of queenly affections to sooth his oleaginous wound. From across the plate, a pair of robust wieners, somewhat past their prime but still able, averted their gaze from one another for just one moment to behold as though in Nirvanic ecstasy the barefaced audacity of the saucy one who, glistening in the glare of early light, promised battles, bitchery, and bliss."

To be real porn like that, doesn't it need to include the phrase "I used to think the letters I read here were made up until I had an incredible experience of my own the other night"?