"One Hundred Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do"

The title of this thread is taken verbatim from this article in today's New York Times. Although it appears in the "Small Business" section, I have only praise and gratitude.

Bravo and amen.

my biggest "AMEN !!!" was

18. Know before approaching a table who has ordered what. Do not ask, “Who’s having the shrimp?”

I hate Hate HATE when servers do that. Do some restaurants simply not enforce this or explicitly say that they don't have to remember ?

This is why I could never be a server. My memory is for shit.

My favorites were
20. Never refuse to substitute one vegetable for another.
and
3. Never refuse to seat three guests because a fourth has not yet arrived.

Nothing irks me more than #3. Don't restaurants realize that seating incomplete parties means they'll probably order something while they wait?

Pie Lady wrote:This is why I could never be a server. My memory is for shit.

My favorites were
20. Never refuse to substitute one vegetable for another.
and
3. Never refuse to seat three guests because a fourth has not yet arrived.

Nothing irks me more than #3. Don't restaurants realize that seating incomplete parties means they'll probably order something while they wait?

I rarely order something when waiting. Unless I think the person is going to be really late, I prefer not to order anything until everyone is there.

But, I also hate being told to wait until my full party arrives to be seated, especially when there are plenty of empty seats.

To continue on this thread, here is a line by line retort of the article in question.

SSDD

The denial of seating to "incomplete" parties is really stupid when you consider that when asked, "Would you like me to seat your [incomplete] party now or would you prefer to have a seat at the bar while you wait?", more than half the time I will opt to sit at the bar and have a drink. So the restaurant gets what it wants (presumably), without pissing anybody off.

I really disliked the tone of that piece. It's so bossy-sounding and makes the whole experience sound so un-fun, from both the diner and server's perspective.

See also Eric Ripert/Le Bernardin's list of 129 cardinal sins for FOH staff.

tem wrote:my biggest "AMEN !!!" was

18. Know before approaching a table who has ordered what. Do not ask, “Who’s having the shrimp?”

I hate Hate HATE when servers do that. Do some restaurants simply not enforce this or explicitly say that they don't have to remember ?

Memory should be irrelevant.

As a server at a place I worked at a lifetime ago, we were taught to write down the orders on the check in a manner that makes sense to you so this would never be an issue. Mine was always clockwise starting from the person closest to me on my left while I was standing at the table. And always, ask the ladies at the table for their orders first, and always serve the ladies first. So, within the framework of my clockwise approach, it was really clockwise ladies first, clockwise men 2nd. For a table of over 6, however, it was pretty much clockwise with no gender considerations. So, my checks wound up looking like a graph where one axis would be the diner, and the other axis would be the course.

Pie Lady wrote:My favorites were ...
3. Never refuse to seat three guests because a fourth has not yet arrived.

Nothing irks me more than #3. Don't restaurants realize that seating incomplete parties means they'll probably order something while they wait?

There needs to be some server-radar on this too: Not seating the party is only slightly better than seating us, then ignoring us completely until the party gets there, even when we said we'd order before they'd arrive because they'd be an hour or so (business lunch, not-crowded Thai resto).

I would have liked to have seen:

Do not make a guest feel bad for not ordering alcohol
Do not attempt to "upsell" every time you visit the table

but, the author is a restaurant owner, so I guess he doesn't mind those behaviors.

sarcon wrote:I would have liked to have seen:

Do not make a guest feel bad for not ordering alcohol
Do not attempt to "upsell" every time you visit the table

Don't worry, #s 51-100 are coming soon!

elakin wrote:I really disliked the tone of that piece. It's so bossy-sounding and makes the whole experience sound so un-fun, from both the diner and server's perspective.

Yeah, the tone was kinda funny (or not funny). There are a few I don't agree with such as:

42. Do not compliment a guest’s attire or hairdo or makeup. You are insulting someone else.

Genuine compliments are good.

23. If someone likes a wine, steam the label off the bottle and give it to the guest with the bill. It has the year, the vintner, the importer, etc.

I like this one a lot, and no one has ever done that for me. Now of course I just take pictures of labels with my phone.

39. Do not call a woman “lady.”

I'd add, "Do not call a woman "sweetheart." Grrr...

sarcon wrote:Do not make a guest feel bad for not ordering alcohol

Ditto.

46. Never acknowledge any one guest over and above any other. All guests are equal.

Similar to #46 but I think important enough to be its own item--I hope there's something in 51-100 about not making an assumption about who will pay the bill.

happy_stomach wrote:

39. Do not call a woman “lady.”

I'd add, "Do not call a woman "sweetheart." Grrr...

I'll add "Do not refer to the oldest woman is "young lady". Despite what you think, it isn't that funny.

happy_stomach wrote:Similar to #46 but I think important enough to be its own item--I hope there's something in 51-100 about not making an assumption about who will pay the bill.

Amen! This is so sexist and I see so many female servers doing it!

Darren72 wrote:

happy_stomach wrote:

39. Do not call a woman “lady.”

I'm not sure I see a problem with this one. I've been asked "...and for the lady?" after my date has ordered. Isn't that proper, lady and gent? Or do they mean it in the sense, "hey, lady, what'll ya have?"

Pie Lady wrote:

happy_stomach wrote:Similar to #46 but I think important enough to be its own item--I hope there's something in 51-100 about not making an assumption about who will pay the bill.

Amen! This is so sexist and I see so many female servers doing it!

The whole practice is atrocious. (The issue of women routinely deferring to male companions to pick up the check is another subject.) I've had meals where I've completely driven the ordering, and the waiter or waitress will still give the check to my male companion. Double grrr...

46. Never acknowledge any one guest over and above any other. All guests are equal.

I just thought of another one related to #46. Do not assume because of a foreign language being spoken or an accent that a guest needs a translator for English. I grew up with wait people asking me what my mom would like to order without even talking to her. She's fluent in English plus two more languages than me.

Pie Lady wrote:

happy_stomach wrote:Similar to #46 but I think important enough to be its own item--I hope there's something in 51-100 about not making an assumption about who will pay the bill.

Amen! This is so sexist and I see so many female servers doing it!

What is the best way for the server to handle it? Plop it into the middle of the table?

If I am dining with the Moms, I usually get the bill as the youngest and one likely paying.

happy_stomach wrote:

46. Never acknowledge any one guest over and above any other. All guests are equal.

I just thought of another one related to #46. Do not assume because of a foreign language being spoken or an accent that a guest needs a translator for English. I grew up with wait people asking me what my mom would like to order without even talking to her. She's fluent in English plus two more languages than me.

This applies to the very elderly or handicapped people, too. Their companion is not responsible for reciting their order. Ask them first, and only if they defer to the companion, only then ask the companion.

Regards,

3. "Never refuse to seat three guests because the fourth has not arrived."

Of course, if they had a reservation, it wouldn't matter if the party was incomplete. That table has already been "sold" for a specified amount of time.

But in non-reservation restaurants, it does matter . . . and it's something that guests and restaurant staff will argue over until the end of time . As a rule, incomplete parties *don't* sit down and start ordering. They sit down and wait . . . and wait . . . for their late guest, and meanwhile, other parties (who may be complete) have to wait for seating. And the table can't turn.

If it's early and there is no wait and the host doesn't expect to start building a wait anytime soon, seating an incomplete party may be appropriate. If there is a wait, then it's a no-no. I wonder how Mr. Buschel will feel about seating incomplete parties when he opens the doors to his restaurant and sees what it does to his average table turns, and therefore his bottom line.

23. "If someone likes a wine, steam the label off the bottle and give it to the guest with the bill. It has the year, the vintner, the importer, etc."

I have worked in restaurants with huge staffs where we had time to do this. Otherwise, it gets written down on a business card. Or the guest writes it down themselves. Is he serious? Has he ever had to do this? It takes a fair amount of concentration and time to do it properly. Perhaps when he opens his restaurant, and his staff is running around like chickens with their heads cut off, he can be the calm island in the center of the storm, steaming labels off bottles like the very picture of Restaurant Zen.

42. "Do not compliment a guest's attire or hairdo or makeup. You are insulting someone else."

I'm sorry, but this is bullshit. In other arenas of life, are we allowed to compliment one person and not another? I would not compliment one lady (oh wait, I can't call them "ladies," see #39) in a group of ladies, but I routinely compliment the ladies who are obviously on a Big Date Night and nervous. A sincere compliment on a dress or a bag puts people at ease and helps make them comfortable--I have seen it happen. Gasp! Because, unlike Mr. Buschel seems to think, many service professionals are very able to read a situation and interject just the right amount of "personality" to help make our guests comfortable and happy. That is part of our job.

There is no other industry where people have so many well-aired opinions about how its workers should do their jobs. None. We know we are under a microscope every night, and most of us have our own internal list of rules that keeps us on point and our guests happy--but we are not robots. So while some of his "rules" are legitimate, I hope that after a year or two in the business Mr. Buschel will be willing to revise others. He may have a hard time retaining staff otherwise.

Cathy2 wrote:

Pie Lady wrote:

happy_stomach wrote:Similar to #46 but I think important enough to be its own item--I hope there's something in 51-100 about not making an assumption about who will pay the bill.

Amen! This is so sexist and I see so many female servers doing it!

What is the best way for the server to handle it? Plop it into the middle of the table?

Delicately placing, rather than plopping, the check in the middle of the table would be ideal.

Cathy2 wrote:If I am dining with the Moms, I usually get the bill as the youngest and one likely paying

To me, this is the same issue as it is with gender, age or disability. The server should assume we as diners are equally competent/capable/equipped unless we indicate explicitly otherwise.

I don't have a problem with lady or ma'am. I do hate when they assume b/c my hair is short that I'm a guy & start w/ sir. I usually ignore it b/c they always realize it & start to squirm.

I'm not sure what else they can do besides gesture and say "what would you like".

The bill thing doesn't bother me or my husband. I almost always pay the bill when we are out. If we are out with another couple I think they think it's a bit odd. I guess the safe thing to do is just leave the bill in the center of the table & announce here's the bill.

Even if I'm picking up the tab I don't worry about this faux pas. If it is a big to-do about the bill & you want to avoid it we have always left the table(long before the bill arrives) & let the server know we are paying. Then the paid check arrives at the table & there are no issues.

On a recent trip a server lost over $100 after insisting that substituting out meat for a vegetable (asparagus, not truffles) would cost me extra. After clarifying that I did not want the meat & she affirmed that she understood that I asked her to check with the kitchen. She did & came back saying yep, substituting asparagus for prosciutto would be extra. I ordered a side salad & a separate side. No coffee, no drinks, no dessert.

She got the message. We had coffee & dessert at another location.

NeroW wrote:
There is no other industry where people have so many well-aired opinions about how its workers should do their jobs. None. We know we are under a microscope every night, and most of us have our own internal list of rules that keeps us on point and our guests happy--but we are not robots. So while some of his "rules" are legitimate, I hope that after a year or two in the business Mr. Buschel will be willing to revise others. He may have a hard time retaining staff otherwise.

I agree,

I guess I am pretty laid back when it comes to servers "rules", keep my drink full, treat me with respect, bring the warm food warm, and the cold food cold, and all is good.

I dont read anything into who is handed the check, or who it is placed infront of, or try to infer some sort of slight, or bias from it. If I am paying I grab it, if someone else is paying they grab it.

I think a waiter/waitress's impact on my meal is alot like a baseball umpire's impact on a ball game, if you dont catch my attention you are doing a good job.

pairs4life wrote:On a recent trip a server lost over $100 after insisting that substituting out meat for a vegetable (asparagus, not truffles) would cost me extra. After clarifying that I did not want the meat & she affirmed that she understood that I asked her to check with the kitchen. She did & came back saying yep, substituting asparagus for prosciutto would be extra. I ordered a side salad & a separate side. No coffee, no drinks, no dessert.

She got the message. We had coffee & dessert at another location.

wait, I don't understand how this is the server's fault? It sounds like that is just the restaurant's policy (dumb though it may be).

actually it sounds like a lot of these 50 rules are more a matter of management/policy than server behavior (butter + olive oil for bread, substituting vegetables, not seating a party till they've all arrived, etc.)

One that always bothers me is a waiter
who doesn’t write anything down. The
whole time I'm ordering, I'm annoyed and
just anticipating what will get screwed-up.
It makes no sense, like he’s just setting
himself up to fail. Invariably, he’ll show
up at some point and say, “I’m sorry,
was that the…?” Take some f’n notes!
I’m not impressed with your memory skillz.

the whole article is annoying because the assumption is that diners want robotic, insincere servers who just regurgitate the lines and phrases that their bosses tell them to.

a better policy would be to hire genuinely nice people with a knack for sensing what would work for specific guests, and who are naturally hospitality-minded and then training them well while still allowing them to be themselves and have real person-to-person interactions with the clientele.

of course, doing that would mean paying well and doing what it takes to attract and retain good employees. it's far easier and cheaper to sit down at the computer and dash off 100 rules.

Is this jibberish supposed to apply to all restaurants? I'd love to see Mr. Buschel try to apply this at Ed Debevic's.

nr706 wrote:Is this jibberish supposed to apply to all restaurants? I'd love to see Mr. Buschel try to apply this at Ed Debevic's.

Even if it were limited to higher-end restaurants I find myself disagreeing with 40-50% of that list.

I go to restaurant to enjoy myself not to rate a restaurant on 100 rules, and even if 50% of these rules are legit I am not going to ruin my dinner based on someones restaurant policy guide.
Unless the server is rude or totally inattentive I am quite happy enjoying my dinner and company.
Same goes for customers sometimes who are my company who rate servers every move thereby ruining the meal for everybody else.

I guess I should add, that some are common sense rules, such as touching the rim of the glass by fingers, but then not everybody has common sense.

I really disliked the tone of that piece. It's so bossy-sounding and makes the whole experience sound so un-fun, from both the diner and server's perspective.

I could not agree more. It also made me think, "Dang, I'd never keep all that straight, it's a good thing I never waited tables!"