Foodiephobia: When Friends Fear Feeding You

I enjoyed this blog post from The Atlantic, by Lesley Freeman Riva, that explores the anxiety that friends of good cooks feel when they have to cook for their foodie friends.

I can certainly relate to the situations described by Ms. Riva. I am no expert cook, but I do think I am a good one (at least well-practiced). I have witnessed the anxieties of friends expressed both explicitly and implicitly. I've heard friends say "I would never cook for you. I'd be too scared. We'll order in." and I've seen friends stress out over serving my wife and I a meal they've prepared.

I try to take the approach that Ms. Riva describes. I try not to be a snob and I always try to be appreciative and a gracious guest. Mario Batali, asked recently in an interview what his favorite food was, said "My favorite food is the food that I didn't cook." I like this sentiment and try to take the approach of, "if you cooked it, I want to try it." There's always an opportunity for a new taste or a different recipe idea. Someone doesn't need to be an expert cook or hard-core foodie to show you something you might be interested in or at least enjoy.

I always try to remind myself that cooking for guests isn't an arms race: you don't always have to bring out the bigger guns (see "Knowing your audience"). Ms. Riva reminds us that cooking for friends should focus on the enjoyment of sharing a meal and not on the desire to impress your guests into submission.

Best,
Michael

I have experienced this when going to visit friends for a meal. To take it a step further, I've even showed up at a friend's house and been presented with ingredients and asked to cook the dinner for them without so much as a warning. It's flattering and off putting at the same time.

Partly this is why I stress desserts when somebody asks me to bring a dish. You're not threatening the rest of the meal if you show up with a near-professional-looking dessert, you're just putting the capper on the evening.

It actually works in quite the opposite way for me. My friends know that I'm open-minded about food so I sometimes get treated to heirloom recipes. Usually, there's a fair amount of offal involved. I've had some of the most memorable meals prepared by such friends not necessarily because of the taste, but because of the stories that came with those dishes.

They know it's good and it's something they've made many times before, so they're confident about serving it to anyone willing to try.

kanin wrote:....treated to heirloom recipes....

You sure know how to pick your friends

But perhaps we food people could issue a collective message: we don't care THAT much. Sometimes, it's okay to eat a mediocre meal. Sometimes, it really is about companionship and conversation. Sometimes -- just sometimes -- even for the pimenton, pork belly, and fennel pollen crowd -- the food is not the point.

Some people do care THAT much. I can see how attitudes like those expressed in the threads below might put less confident hosts off of the idea of inviting LTHers to dinner.

(Lack of) Hospitality Horrors: Bad Parties

Disgusting habits of other people

Vegan Wedding Etiquette?

Then there was the thread about not even being friends with people who don't share foodie tastes.