Loud conversation in restaurants

I'm curious as to whether anyone here has ever asked noisy or obnoxious diners in restaurants to talk less loudly, or seen anyone do it.

We visit a lot of little storefront and strip mall restaurants, and I've become accustomed to the fact that tables are close together and the physical setup of most of these places does nothing to minimize sound. I think I'm pretty well immunized to the effects of sheer noise.

Last night, we sat in a charming small restaurant listening to four people conduct some very awkward family business. The content was really quite embarrassing. (Basically it seemed to be an exercise in breaking unpleasant news to someone in public to keep them from making a scene, except that it wasn't really working.) The volume was also unbelievable. The woman in the family had one of the loudest, most piercing voices I've ever heard. One of the men was also sitting at some distance from the table, with his body turned away, and talking by pretty much calling over his shoulder. I'm sure there was absolutely no one in the whole restaurant who didn't hear absolutely everything these people were saying.

This was the first time I can remember that we actually discussed asking another party to dial down their conversation. I think we would have done it, too, except that the elderly family member who was being-- well, railroaded was my sense-- already looked very unhappy and there was no way we wanted to make the situation even worse. However, it was also the first time I can recall having a meal completely spoiled by other diners. (Oh, except for the time someone died in a restaurant, but you can't blame a person for that.)

So, has anyone here every had any luck nipping something like this in the bud before losing your appetite and developing a massive headache?

I had a similarly ugly situation unfold at Ambria. An obviously divorced father with his teenage son and daughter and a friend of theirs were seated at the table next to us when we arrived. The son and father proceeded to get into an argument, hurling obscenities at one another. Rather than discussing the matter with two hotheads, we addressed our complaint to the host. Fortunately, they were on dessert when the bout began and so they paid up and skedaddled prior to any action having to be taken by the management. I was shocked that, given the unpleasantness, we were comped nothing, not even our aperitivs, which were late in arriving only enhancing the discomfort. Granted it was not the restaurant's fault, but it started our evening (my husband's birthday) on a sour note that continued to resonate throughout the evening due to the missteps by the restaurant.

Bistro Zinc was very nice to comp our whole party with dessert when we were seated next to family with a screaming young child. It was a post-movie dinner, and all we could think of is why would the parents take their tired, cranky son to dinner at 10pm?

Maybe I'm being insensitive; he could just have been disappointed with the food.

There are limits, of course, but I tend to treat this kind of activity as part of the evening's entertainment.

Case in point: last Friday at Hae Woon Dae, there were two little boys and a little girl in the BBQ room next to ours. They would stick their heads under the divider and talk to my oldest daughter (who is vowing to never have children but loves kids), stand at the door and make faces at my wife and I (who returned faces that were, in my opinion, somewhat more amusing and certainly more scary), and jiggle the wooden room divider. The parents of the kids looked worried that they might be disturbing us, but we assured them they weren't. My cousin, recently widowed, looked on in disbelief as we amused ourselves and (presumably) the children. After dinner, she remarked that she found the children quite disruptive and was worried the divider would fall on us. Me, I enjoy random encounters with human oddities of all age groups...and the divider didn't look that heavy.

But there are limits: the obscenities that MAG mentioned might be a problem, but I think talking to the host is definitely the way to go (and comping can definitely turn a negative into a positive; though it's certainly not the restaurant's fault, it's a gesture that would make a difference to disgruntled diners).

I guess one problem is that different things bother different people. I don't mind loud kids (although I do mind parents yelling at their kids all evening). Adults who are just plain loud, even loud drunks, don't bother me that much either. But when people choose a restaurant as a place to have a nasty quarrel, it really bugs me, especially if it looks like one of them chose that place as part of their strategy. In the case of the people last night, who were trying to bulldoze their older relative, I'm pretty sure they figured it would be easier for them in a public place and they didn't care about subjecting the rest of us to it. They could at least have picked a restaurant where you sit in booths and not on top of other people.

If I were a restaurant worker, I would absolutely be horrified at the prospect of trying to quiet down disruptive diners, except maybe for people that were just very intoxicated. Telling people to be quiet seems like a really thankless task.

bibi rose wrote:I'm curious as to whether anyone here has ever asked noisy or obnoxious diners in restaurants to talk less loudly, or seen anyone do it.

Bibi,

Bunch o years ago, maybe 10, my wife and I were at Arun's with another couple and there was a fellow, a loud mildly intoxicated rude fellow at that, talking on a cell phone.

Actually talking is not accurate, he was speaking loudly, occasionally yelling, into a cell phone even though he was seated with 10 others. First problem he thought simply talking into a cell phone was cool, impressive, had cache, and that everyone within ear shot should be impressed. Hummm, maybe it was more than 10 years ago.

Second problem, as I said, mild intoxication. Third problem he was, I'm sure, a complete a**hole no matter booze or cell phone. If I remember correctly the nature of his calls, he was placing the calls, were to a babysitter to first check on his kids and then, after the sitter said they were acting up, yell at his kids, loudly, over the cell phone.

I tried the 'talking in the theater' look, followed by the 'you're intruding on my space' look, even the 'I'm gonna kick your a**' look, with no results. My annoyance level reached the point where I started to get up to have a brief 'talk' with him, but a light touch on the arm by my wife disabused me of that idea pronto.

It was a reinforcing lesson for me in cell phone etiquette.

Enjoy,
Gary

G Wiv wrote:I tried the 'talking in the theater' look, followed by the 'you're intruding on my space' look, even the 'I'm gonna kick your a**' look, with no results. My annoyance level reached the point where I started to get up to have a brief 'talk' with him, but a light touch on the arm by my wife disabused me of that idea pronto.

It was a reinforcing lesson for me in cell phone etiquette.

Enjoy,
Gary

That really is awful! Nowadays I do see people tell other members of their own party not to talk on cell phones. The last (rare) time I went to Spiaggia there was a lady talking on her phone in the elevator, and one of her friends said to her, "You're not going to talk on that thing in Spiaggia." She gave a look like, "Why not?" but she did put the phone away.

On the other hand, I went with my father to Ravinia Bistro and there was a guy at a table in the middle of one room going yappity yap on his phone while ignoring his young daughter who was sitting with him. I don't get that at all. (I do have a cell phone and I use it a lot, but not in places like that.)

For $300 you can now eliminate cell phones when you go out to eat.

http://www.globalgadgetuk.com/Personal.htm

Yes, it's illegal, but it's beautiful. The FCC cares more about women's breasts and naughty words than airwave integrity now so it's no surprise that nobody has ever been prosecuted for using one of these (not to mention that it would be pretty much impossible to get caught unless you waive it around).

CMC wrote:For $300 you can now eliminate cell phones when you go out to eat.

http://www.globalgadgetuk.com/Personal.htm

Yes, it's illegal, but it's beautiful. The FCC cares more about women's breasts and naughty words than airwave integrity now so it's no surprise that nobody has ever been prosecuted for using one of these (not to mention that it would be pretty much impossible to get caught unless you waive it around).

Oh man, what a device! I'd probably be wary of using it for fear I'd interfere with genuinely important communciations (e.g., public safety, though I'm sure they use bands other than cellular), but what a superbly satisfying way to silence loud phone talkers...and up to 15 meters.

Hammond

I'm pretty darn sure it doesn't interfere with radio devices like fire and police use. If it does, well, then you just need to turn it back off after you kill the conversations.

I've read a few articles about this and they all started out saying why people would want to do it (obvious reasons) and why the cell industry is against it (obvious rea$on$). But there was no mention of it affecting anything besides phones (and you have to assume the cell industry would bring that up if it did).

The NY Post headline on Sunday was "Shut the Cell Up"

Hi,

Years ago, I had a friend who was a part time accountant for Leslie Reis' celebrated Cafe Provence in Evanston. She recounted a story one evening of how Leslie dealt with some unruly guests:

One evening, there was a large party who largely ignored the decorum of this restaurant. The final straw occurred with the after dinner drinks when the host lit up a cigar. There was a no smoking policy, which this gentlemen was reminded. He asked to see Leslie Reis, where he proceeded to remind her he had accumulated a bill of over a thousand dollars so he was entitled to his cigar. She took the bill from the waiter, tore it in half in reply, "You no longer owe us a dime. You are now my guest. Leave!"

A wonderful demonstration of power and sensibility over nonsense.

or a great way to get out of paying a big tab...

But I agree it's great. I throw people out of my business from time to time even though I know they intend to spend money. My dignity is usually worth more than what they were going to spend anyway.

semi-related

Pretty crazy scene in a pizza parlor, the link explains it and the video is linked.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/pizzaparlorbrawl.html

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Unbelieveable scene. I wasn't aware security cameras captured dialogue in addition to images. Walk in to get a pizza and leave in an ambulance.

Cathy2 wrote:Hi,

Years ago, I had a friend who was a part time accountant for Leslie Reis' celebrated Cafe Provencal in Evanston. She recounted a story one evening of how Leslie dealt with some unruly guests:

One evening, there was a large party who largely ignored the decorum of this restaurant. The final straw occurred with the after dinner drinks when the host lit up a cigar. There was a no smoking policy, which this gentlemen was reminded. He asked to see Leslie Reis, where he proceeded to remind her he had accumulated a bill of over a thousand dollars so he was entitled to his cigar. She took the bill from the waiter, tore it in half in reply, "You no longer owe us a dime. You are now my guest. Leave!"

A wonderful demonstration of power and sensibility over nonsense.

If you liked that scene, you would love to read An Inkeeper's Diary by John Fothergill, the real-life model for Basil Fawlty. At halves heroic defender of taste and decorum, at other halves flirting with psychosis, Fothergill never ceases to entertain now, as he did his many famous and infamous guests at his inn near Oxford. Scenes like the above abound. A sample: "In an altercation I had with a scrubby undergrad, the fellow said, 'I'll never come here again,' to which I replied, 'Yes, but will you give me another undertaking: to tell all your friends not to come?'"

it works