Extreme reactions to poor service

John Castle, 76-Year-Old Palm Beach Plutocrat, Breaks Insolent Waiter’s Finger

The insolence? Bringing the check to the table when Castle hadn't asked for it.

1 percenters.....

If I was the waiter, , I would be consulting my attorney as well. Cha Ching.....

A friend was reminded of this vintage piece of Dylan:

Hattie Carroll was a maid of the kitchen.
She was fifty-one years old and gave birth to ten children
Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage
And never sat once at the head of the table
And didn`t even talk to the people at the table
Who just cleaned up all the food from the table....

The thread title (being plural) seems to invite our own reactions to poor service we've received, or others' reactions we've observed, so...

I've never broken a waiter's finger, but I have been guilty of pointedly ignoring a waiter when a waiter has pointedly ignored me. What I mean is, it really irritates me when I'm in the middle of saying something to a table companion and the waiter comes right up and starts talking to the table as if I weren't talking. My level of irritation at this depends on other factors, primarily whatever mood I'm already in. If I'm already feeling suppressed anger about something, the interruption can bring it out. Other times it won't bother me much at all. The setting also matters. At a diner I probably wouldn't care, but at a "nice" restaurant I might.

So the other day at Erie Cafe (where I do like all the waiters, including this one, on most occasions) I was right in the middle of solving the world's problems with my friends when the waiter came up and, with me in mid-oration, overrode me with "Have you decided?" I kept talking as if he weren't there, because, in effect, he had spoken as if I weren't there. He got the point, went away, and came back a little later.

I don't know if this makes me sound like an entitled, pompous ass, or whether it just makes me sound like someone who wants the same common courtesy and respect I extend to others (and who, in weaker moments, is not above responding in kind when that respect is not offered). If the former, let the public flogging begin.

No flogging, but sometimes it is difficult for us in the FOH to find the precise moment to "jump in." It's a fine line between letting a guest sit at a table and catch up, but when the catching up goes on for 20 minutes and you haven't been able to approach the table without interrupting the guests, it becomes a service issue in our eyes. We aren't doing our jobs. I've often thought there should be some sort of hand signal

What if the customer(s) never shuts up long enough for the server to do his job? And I'd be afraid that being rude to a server at the beginning of my meal, even if I felt it was justified, could backfire in any number of ways

Seems like a server should simply walk to the table and stand until oration is complete. If I'm talking and a server comes up and waits for speaking to stop, I always stop (at an opportune moment) so they can their job.

David Hammond wrote:Seems like a server should simply walk to the table and stand until oration is complete. If I'm talking and a server comes up and waits for speaking to stop, I always stop (at an opportune moment) so they can do their job.

Just so.

riddlemay wrote:So the other day at Erie Cafe (where I do like all the waiters, including this one, on most occasions) I was right in the middle of solving the world's problems with my friends when the waiter came up and, with me in mid-oration, overrode me with "Have you decided?" I kept talking as if he weren't there, because, in effect, he had spoken as if I weren't there. He got the point, went away, and came back a little later.

I don't know if this makes me sound like an entitled, pompous ass, or whether it just makes me sound like someone who wants the same common courtesy and respect I extend to others (and who, in weaker moments, is not above responding in kind when that respect is not offered). If the former, let the public flogging begin.

boudreaulicious wrote:What if the customer(s) never shuts up long enough for the server to do his job? And I'd be afraid that being rude to a server at the beginning of my meal, even if I felt it was justified, could backfire in any number of ways

I agree. This seems like an epitomatic example of winning the battle and losing the war. I'm not sure how such behavior ultimately helps the patron gets what he claims to want.

If the situation described above were a scene in a movie, which party would seem like the bigger dick? It wouldn't be the server. Why? Context. It takes place in a restaurant, where the server is just trying to do his job as efficiently as he can. Meanwhile, the patron is busy pontificating and acting as if his table is the only responsibility the server has. I understand the frustration of being interrupted but the response in this case seems far more egregious and rude to me than the supposed offense. If I were in that group, I'd be embarrassed by my companion's behavior. Sorry, riddlemay, just my .02.

=R=

ronnie_suburban wrote:Meanwhile, the patron is busy pontificating and acting as if his table is the only responsibility the server has. I understand the frustration of being interrupted but the response in this case seems far more egregious and rude to me than the supposed offense. If I were in that group, I'd be embarrassed by my companion's behavior. Sorry, riddlemay, just my .02.

Hey, I asked for it. Literally.

Just to be clear, I don't think my table is the only responsibility the server has. I just ask merely what I would do in any situation when I had something to say--a meeting, a party, three guys hanging out in a bar, whatever--which is to wait two or three seconds for some sort of natural break in the conversation in order to jump in. Simply talking right over someone else and attempting to supplant what they were saying with what you are saying is rude under any circumstance. None of us would do it, at least not intentionally. I agree with David that the mere physical presence of the server is usually a cue to bring whatever sentence you are in the middle of to a logical conclusion so that he can do his job.

riddlemay wrote:

ronnie_suburban wrote:Meanwhile, the patron is busy pontificating and acting as if his table is the only responsibility the server has. I understand the frustration of being interrupted but the response in this case seems far more egregious and rude to me than the supposed offense. If I were in that group, I'd be embarrassed by my companion's behavior. Sorry, riddlemay, just my .02.

Hey, I asked for it. Literally.

Just to be clear, I don't think my table is the only responsibility the server has. I just ask merely what I would do in any situation when I had something to say--a meeting, a party, three guys hanging out in a bar, whatever--which is to wait two or three seconds for some sort of natural break in the conversation in order to jump in. Simply talking right over someone else and attempting to supplant what they were saying with what you are saying is rude under any circumstance. None of us would do it, at least not intentionally. I agree with David that the mere physical presence of the server is usually a cue to bring whatever sentence you are in the middle of to a logical conclusion so that he can do his job.

riddlemay, I know you're a savvy diner and didn't mean to charge otherwise. I'm looking at this in a vacuum and wasn't there to witness the nuances of what happened. And, the fact is, this isn't a scene in a movie. It's an account of your actual experience. Sorry, for piling on.

=R=

While the waiter shouldn't interrupt, you're being just as rude (if not more) if you act like that in response. Like the others have said, I'm not sure why anyone would want to purposely piss off a person that is serving you food, especially early in the meal before you even order. It would be difficult for a waiter to irk me that much to ignore him that early in a meal, but I guess I'm just mild-mannered.

Dlongs wrote:I'm not sure why anyone would want to purposely piss off a person that is serving you food, especially early in the meal before you even order.

Just so that you're not laboring under a misapprehension, Dlongs, I'm not sure why anyone would want to purposely piss anyone off. Are there people who go around who have as their purpose pissing other people off? I suppose there are, but I try not to know them.

In any case, pissing the waiter off was not my purpose--and, in fact, nothing about his response in the moment, his service for the rest of the meal, or the food that he brought us indicated that he was pissed off. That said, being fearful of a waiter's reaction is no way to enjoy a restaurant experience either.

LAZ wrote:John Castle, 76-Year-Old Palm Beach Plutocrat, Breaks Insolent Waiter’s Finger

The insolence? Bringing the check to the table when Castle hadn't asked for it.

Suddenly that makes me feel a little better about verbally telling a waitress that served my group at a bar once that she sucked. In my defense I was tipsy and stupid. Overall she just was not serving us the best way she could have been. But, shudder, hopefully I never do THAT.

riddlemay wrote:In any case, pissing the waiter off was not my purpose--and, in fact, nothing about his response in the moment, his service for the rest of the meal, or the food that he brought us indicated that he was pissed off. That said, being fearful of a waiter's reaction is no way to enjoy a restaurant experience either.

"General rule: for you to be happy with the waiter, make sure the waiter's happy with you." Eugene Briffault (1846)