Small Ways Restaurants Can Make Me Less Grumpy in 2013

Small Ways Restaurants Can Make Me Less Grumpy in 2013

I spend a lot of my time thinking about restaurants, and what those who manage and work at restaurants can do to make me happy…or at least less grumpy. Surely such thoughts are not far from their minds, either.

Here, as a public service and as a help to restaurants everywhere, is a brief list of how those who run the places where I eat – and who serve me what I eat – can make a few small tweaks to ensure my continued happiness through 2013. Doubtlessly, nothing could be more important to any of us.

1. If you don’t have a website, you’re just being ridiculous: get one. Many, perhaps most, people do a little research on purchases before they put down their money. Me, I like to get a little background on a place before I eat there. The very least restaurant patrons can expect is that you have a website with your contact information and a menu. You don’t need fancy videos, links to reviews or any other extravagant through perfectly acceptable additions. But, you can’t really be in business without a website. They’re not expensive. Register a domain and get one up. Like now, capisce?

2. How about I let you, the server, do your job? This is a two-part request; both parts relate to my strongly held belief that servers should serve. I don’t ask to be sucked up to, I don’t ask for undue deference, I’m just looking for service from servers. Reasonable, right?

o When my entrée arrives and I still have my app plate in front of me, howzabout you remove my app plate rather than relying upon me to do it for you. We’re not in my kitchen, or your kitchen. We’re in a restaurant. I’m the patron; you’re the server. When it’s time to move plates, you do it. Don’t stand there waiting for me to bus the table for you. I spent the Sumer of Love, 1968, bussing tables at Steven’s Steakhouse in Elmhurst. I’m not above the job…except when I’m a paying customer, I shouldn’t have to do it. You do it.

o If I want to take some uneaten food home, you need to put it in containers and then, for the love of god, do not put the damn bag on the table. When I order food from any place other than a quick-service restaurant or a diner, and I ask to take food home, I expect restaurant servers to put the food in the container and deliver it to my table. I shouldn’t have to stuff containers myself; it makes a mess, it’s an inconvenience, and sheesh, I’m the one being served, right? I don’t work here: you do it! And after you’ve packed the bag, I ask that servers not place the “doggie bag” itself on the table. Doing so makes the whole eating surface feel cluttered; put the bag on an empty chair, or on the floor, or somewhere, but not right in front of me while I’m finishing dinner or paying the bill. It’s not too much to ask. Glad we clarified that.


[Taken last night; I walked in, many coats were draped over seats, so I figured that was the way things worked at this place]

3. If you don’t have a clothes closet, a cloak room, or a simple rack, maybe you should get off your butt and have one installed. I cannot believe that some very respectable (meaning good food, not cheap) restaurants do not have a closet or some room for coats. Hanging my coat on the back of the chair while I eat is fine at McDonald’s, but if you’re a real restaurant, you should have a place for people to store their wraps when they’re eating. And if you do have one, and I walk in with a coat, I expect you to offer to take it from me and keep it safe while I enjoy your food.

Okay. Got all that? Good.

I’m waiting.

And you might consider setting up a hat rack, too.

You’re welcome.

David Hammond wrote:
And after you’ve packed the bag, I ask that servers not place the “doggie bag” itself on the table. Doing so makes the whole eating surface feel cluttered; put the bag on an empty chair, or on the floor, or somewhere, but not right in front of me while I’m finishing dinner or paying the bill. It’s not too much to ask. Glad we clarified that.

I am in agreement with your previous points, but frankly, you lost me with this one. I can't remember the last time that I or one of my tablemates was still eating when others doggie bags started appearing. In my experience, the waitperson/tron/tress waits till the last person finishes before the bag brigade begins. Maybe I'm nuts ( most likely ) or I dine with a bunch of synchronized eaters.

The one thing that a server can do to make me less grumpy is by not asking my wife and I "What can I get you guys?"

cito wrote:

David Hammond wrote:
And after you’ve packed the bag, I ask that servers not place the “doggie bag” itself on the table. Doing so makes the whole eating surface feel cluttered; put the bag on an empty chair, or on the floor, or somewhere, but not right in front of me while I’m finishing dinner or paying the bill. It’s not too much to ask. Glad we clarified that.

I am in agreement with your previous points, but frankly, you lost me with this one. I can't remember the last time that I or one of my tablemates was still eating when others doggie bags started appearing. In my experience, the waitperson/tron/tress waits till the last person finishes before the bag brigade begins. Maybe I'm nuts ( most likely ) or I dine with a bunch of synchronized eaters.

Perhaps it's because I always order too much food (and so have lots left from each course), but this practice is usual in my experience. When it happens, The Wife always looks at me, almost giddy with anticipation as I turn red and slowly, slowly fume.

Though I prefer to box up my own food, that's usually because its such a total mess when the server does it--but that's typically at more casual places--at nicer establishments, I completely agree--it would be almost bizarre to be asked to DIY. I'm a little stumped on the takeaway placement issue though--I don't want it on the floor and there isn't always an empty chair to deposit things on. And if they take it back and wait til the last minute, I'm pretty sure I'd be leaving it there most of the time. Hmmmm...

I'm pretty sure putting my food on the floor would tick me off more than anything else called out here. Not that I've ever seen any restaurant do that, but still.

Put it on the table with the check (once all food has been cleared), or hand it to me as we're leaving...either way.

I would not like the so called doggie bag to be put on the floor. I do not mind it to be put on the table but things should generally be packed up after all are finished eating. I would also like restaurants offer a choice of pack it up yourself or they pack for you. I almost always ask for the box to be brought to the table as I prefer to pack my own leftovers. Ensures I get what I want and not someone elses food. Otherwise good points. I would also add please have at least somewhat comfortable chairs. They do not have to be elaborate but if you are going to sit at a table for a nice meal for over an hour you expect some kind of chair you can sit on with ease.

jesteinf wrote:hand it to me as we're leaving.

Definitely the most desirable option.

toria wrote:I would not like the so called doggie bag to be put on the floor.

Guess I should clarify: if the containers of leftovers are put into shopping bag-type bags with handles (as they frequently seem to be), I'm fine with them going on the floor.

David Hammond wrote:

toria wrote:I would not like the so called doggie bag to be put on the floor.

Guess I should clarify: if the containers of leftovers are put into shopping bag-type bags with handles (as they frequently seem to be), I'm fine with them going on the floor.

If you are taking away shopping bags full of food, they should do anything you want with it

I have no problem keeping my coat on the back of my chair...

websites do come in handy when I am researching places for my food based road trips.

that said some of the more interesting and better places I have hit in small town america don't have websites.

Kind of refreshing, places that rely on word of mouth and tradition vs a pr firm, the net and twitter(and require some extra effort to seek out imho).

jimswside wrote:websites do come in handy when I am researching places for my food based road trips.

that said some of the more interesting and better places I have hit in small town america don't have websites.

Kind of refreshing, places that rely on word of mouth and tradition vs a pr firm, the net and twitter.

Totally agree. I'm talking about places I "plan" to go to.

Like you, I'm a major fan of serendipitous restaurant-going; there's something clean and wonderful about discovering a place and loving it, when you know nothing about it and may never go there again: http://chowhound.chow.com/topics/112129

David Hammond wrote:[color=#004000][b]If I want to take some uneaten food home, you need to put it in containers and then, for the love of god, do not put the damn bag on the table. When I order food from any place other than a quick-service restaurant or a diner, and I ask to take food home, I expect restaurant servers to put the food in the container and deliver it to my table. I shouldn’t have to stuff containers myself; it makes a mess, it’s an inconvenience, and sheesh, I’m the one being served, right? I don’t work here: you do it! And after you’ve packed the bag, I ask that servers not place the “doggie bag” itself on the table. Doing so makes the whole eating surface feel cluttered; put the bag on an empty chair, or on the floor, or somewhere, but not right in front of me while I’m finishing dinner or paying the bill. It’s not too much to ask. Glad we clarified that.

Definitely a case of you can't please all of the people all of the time/different strokes for different folks. If a server put my doggy bag on the floor, it would bother me.

chgoeditor wrote:

David Hammond wrote:[color=#004000][b]If I want to take some uneaten food home, you need to put it in containers and then, for the love of god, do not put the damn bag on the table. When I order food from any place other than a quick-service restaurant or a diner, and I ask to take food home, I expect restaurant servers to put the food in the container and deliver it to my table. I shouldn’t have to stuff containers myself; it makes a mess, it’s an inconvenience, and sheesh, I’m the one being served, right? I don’t work here: you do it! And after you’ve packed the bag, I ask that servers not place the “doggie bag” itself on the table. Doing so makes the whole eating surface feel cluttered; put the bag on an empty chair, or on the floor, or somewhere, but not right in front of me while I’m finishing dinner or paying the bill. It’s not too much to ask. Glad we clarified that.

Definitely a case of you can't please all of the people all of the time/different strokes for different folks. If a server put my doggy bag on the floor, it would bother me.

Question is: does it belong on the table? I don't think so. Whether it's the floor or a chair or held by the door is less important than the fundamental truth that on the table is wrong.

See, now I'm getting grumpy again...

Who would think of putting packaged food on a table in a restaurant????? OMG that is just crazy!

Damn Hammond! How much food are you ordering if you're bringing home brown paper grocery bags of the stuff?!

mhill95149 wrote:Who would think of putting packaged food on a table in a restaurant????? OMG that is just crazy!

I'm missing your point. No need to clarify.

zoid wrote:Damn Hammond! How much food are you ordering if you're bringing home brown paper grocery bags of the stuff?!

Answer: a lot...though the color of the bag has nothing to do with it.

Part of my objection to putting it on the floor: There's a good chance the entire package--bag and all--is going straight into my fridge when I get home. (Yeah, I'm lazy like that.) I'd prefer not to be transferring who-knows-what from the floor to the bag to my fridge.

David Hammond wrote:

mhill95149 wrote:Who would think of putting packaged food on a table in a restaurant????? OMG that is just crazy!

I'm missing your point. No need to clarify.

Oh, I don't think you missed anything. Getting miffed about the placement of a bag of food you requested be packaged up and delivered to your table is as you described kind of funny. If you are going to post your particular "things that make me grumpy"
you should be able to take a bit of light ribbing for it David! Lighten up!
It's not like anyone licked their finger or anything!

mhill95149 wrote:

David Hammond wrote:

mhill95149 wrote:Who would think of putting packaged food on a table in a restaurant????? OMG that is just crazy!

I'm missing your point. No need to clarify.

Oh, I don't think you missed anything. Getting miffed about the placement of a bag of food you requested be packaged up and delivered to your table is as you described kind of funny. If you are going to post your particular "things that make me grumpy"
you should be able to take a bit of light ribbing for it David! Lighten up!
It's not like anyone licked their finger or anything!

Hey, I'm grumpy. You lighten up yourself, young man.

David Hammond wrote:
Hey, I'm grumpy. You lighten up yourself, young man.

you forgot to add "and get off my lawn!"

David Hammond wrote:The very least restaurant patrons can expect is that you have a website with your contact information and a menu.

I don't even need a menu, as long as there's some indication of what kind of food the place serves and its general price range. What I want is the address and phone number right up front on the home page (not buried several clicks in), the hours and the reservations policy. And no landing page, flash, music, animation, popping corn or balloons I have to chase around with my mouse before I can click on them.

If I want to take some uneaten food home, you need to put it in containers and then, for the love of god, do not put the damn bag on the table. When I order food from any place other than a quick-service restaurant or a diner, and I ask to take food home, I expect restaurant servers to put the food in the container and deliver it to my table. I shouldn’t have to stuff containers myself; it makes a mess, it’s an inconvenience, and sheesh, I’m the one being served, right? I don’t work here: you do it!

Disagreeing on this. I would much rather have them bring me a container so I can make sure I get the leftovers I want, distributed the way I prefer, without any parts I don't want, and that the bag contains my leftovers and not somebody else's. Plus I can put the bag in the place I want it until I go home (which is usually right on the table in front of me so I don't walk off without it).

LAZ wrote:

David Hammond wrote:The very least restaurant patrons can expect is that you have a website with your contact information and a menu.

I don't even need a menu, as long as there's some indication of what kind of food the place serves and its general price range. What I want is the address and phone number right up front on the home page (not buried several clicks in), the hours and the reservations policy. And no landing page, flash, music, animation, popping corn or balloons I have to chase around with my mouse before I can click on them.

Fully with you on the obnoxiousness of landing page SFX, but I do need a menu. Usually, I pick out pretty much everything I want before I arrive at the restaurant; baring unforeseen outages or specials, what I choose in advance is pretty much what I get. Correct dinner decisions, for me, require some forethought.

Website...check.
Attentive yet not overly familiar servers...check.
Coat room, yeah, not so much.
Proper attention to non-eaten meals...ok, usually is the best I can do there. We ask our servers, note we call them "servers" not "waiters" as I don't expect them to "wait" I expect them to be "serving", to try to box the left-overs and present them when the check is finalized. Reality is that occurs maybe 65% of the time because there are times we can be so thankfully busy that it is just this side of impractical to try to keep everyone's bag of goodies set aside to just that right moment. But I'm solidly with you on not leaving it to the guest to transfer the left overs into our containers at the table. It's just not "right". That said, I see about 50-50 on folks asking to do it themselves for whatever reason, and as we know, the customer isn't always right...they're just always the customer.

So, 3 out of 4. I think we might be able to keep you at least slightly above grumpy so where 'ya been?

Oy. And I thought I was grumpy!

(I guess I done been outgrumped)

I am down with all your points except the doggy bag thing. If some server put my doggie bag on the floor, I would go apeshit. My entree didn't go on the floor while I was eating it. "Here are your leftovers, now bend down and get 'em"? No way.

But the coat check needs to happen. Iit doesn't even need to be a real coat check. A rack. Hooks. I don't care. I have a winter coat that extends past my knees, so it's impossible to place that on the back of the chair without it being stepped on or draped over the back without pushing me forwards and folded on my lap, it won't even fit under the table...now I'm getting grumpy too!

If we have the luxury of having an extra room and a person to run a coat check, then you customers must promise to use it. You don't have to tip. Just hand over your damn coat before we spill on it/step on it/burn it/it takes over another guests space. We promise to give it back. You'd be surprised by the existential crises people have when faced with the prospect of a coat check.

Also, if one of my staff put a to-go on the floor, we would have a problem.

I may start a thread titled Small Ways Guests Can Make Me Less Grumpy in 2013, but this would be the wrong forum for that

D.G.Sullivan wrote:But I'm solidly with you on not leaving it to the guest to transfer the left overs into our containers at the table. It's just not "right". That said, I see about 50-50 on folks asking to do it themselves for whatever reason, and as we know, the customer isn't always right...they're just always the customer.

Anyone who's taken home a doggy bag has--at some point--had the experience of opening the bag the next day only to discover:
1. The server only packed some of what you'd asked him to pack.
2. The server packed the leftovers you wanted to trash and trashed the leftovers you wanted to keep.
3. The server handed you someone else's doggy bag.

When this happens--and I remember--I'm probably going to ask to pack my own container next time I'm at the same restaurant.

NeroW wrote:
I may start a thread titled Small Ways Guests Can Make Me Less Grumpy in 2013, but this would be the wrong forum for that

I would actually really enjoy that (and I think you'd be surprised by how many industry folk might contribute!!!)

NeroW wrote:If we have the luxury of having an extra room and a person to run a coat check, then you customers must promise to use it. You don't have to tip. Just hand over your damn coat before we spill on it/step on it/burn it/it takes over another guests space. We promise to give it back. You'd be surprised by the existential crises people have when faced with the prospect of a coat check.

Some restaurants don't make this promise. It's more like: we'll probably give it back. But there's a small chance that we'll accidentally give your coat to someone else. It will be a mistake and we'll feel bad. But, no, we're not buying you a new coat.

boudreaulicious wrote:

NeroW wrote:
I may start a thread titled Small Ways Guests Can Make Me Less Grumpy in 2013, but this would be the wrong forum for that

I would actually really enjoy that (and I think you'd be surprised by how many industry folk might contribute!!!)

Agreed.