Amazon reviews of Tuscan milk

Many years ago, one of the funniest things on the Internet was the collection of Amazon reviews for the book of poetry by the songstress Jewel. Some absolutely loved it (these tended to be by 14-year-old girls and use excessive exclamation points), others... well, Jewel's deathless verse sparked a lot of wayward creativity by people killing time at dot-com jobs, I guess.

Now that Amazon has started selling groceries, people are writing Amazon-style reviews of products in the same spirit. Herewith: Tuscan milk.

A couple of samples (in case they take everything down):

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

Note: Not iPod compatible, August 10, 2006
Reviewer: Belize042 (California, USA) - See all my reviews
Despite its pleasing white color, it seems Tuscan Whole Milk is not compatible with iPod products. Attempts to adapt iPod connectors to the Tuscan Whole Milk product resulted in failure, and required extensive clean-up. Why does the packaging not reveal this limitation, and when can we expect iPod-compatability from Tuscan Whole Milk?

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9 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

Giddy pleasure, leaping grace...., August 10, 2006
Reviewer: Joseph G. Colianni (Minnesota) - See all my reviews

Giddy pleasure, leaping grace... this whole milk, blended from seven noble bovine varietals, was milked from the cows by the sirenic hymn of 69 beautiful women reaching for the high note in the wee light of dawn one misty October day. The nose is deeply perfumed with wild dewberries, Himalayan breeding musk and horehound candy, while the flavors, so titillating they may only be disclosed in the Ecstatic Singing Mantra, will remain cloaked in silence until the jug is twisted open. Sip delicately, sing with abandon.

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Mike G wrote:Many years ago, one of the funniest things on the Internet was the collection of Amazon reviews for the book of poetry by the songstress Jewel. Some absolutely loved it (these tended to be by 14-year-old girls and use excessive exclamation points), others... well, Jewel's deathless verse sparked a lot of wayward creativity by people killing time at dot-com jobs, I guess.

Now that Amazon has started selling groceries, people are writing Amazon-style reviews of products in the same spirit. Herewith: Tuscan milk.

A couple of samples (in case they take everything down):

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

Note: Not iPod compatible, August 10, 2006
Reviewer: Belize042 (California, USA) - See all my reviews
Despite its pleasing white color, it seems Tuscan Whole Milk is not compatible with iPod products. Attempts to adapt iPod connectors to the Tuscan Whole Milk product resulted in failure, and required extensive clean-up. Why does the packaging not reveal this limitation, and when can we expect iPod-compatability from Tuscan Whole Milk?

Was this review helpful to you? (Report this)

9 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

Giddy pleasure, leaping grace...., August 10, 2006
Reviewer: Joseph G. Colianni (Minnesota) - See all my reviews

Giddy pleasure, leaping grace... this whole milk, blended from seven noble bovine varietals, was milked from the cows by the sirenic hymn of 69 beautiful women reaching for the high note in the wee light of dawn one misty October day. The nose is deeply perfumed with wild dewberries, Himalayan breeding musk and horehound candy, while the flavors, so titillating they may only be disclosed in the Ecstatic Singing Mantra, will remain cloaked in silence until the jug is twisted open. Sip delicately, sing with abandon.

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that's one of the best memes to make it down the pike in quite some time...

they disappeared it for a day, but(to Amazon's credit---and they need every bit of goodwill as possible...the cretins---) re-installed it...awesome, hilarious time-waster(in the best sense).

Tuscan milk makes my elbows glow