All These People Should Be Killed

Here's why:

It’s not that she’s inhospitable; she’s simply in recovery from the Tuscany vacation house that until a few years ago she owned with her husband at the time, the movie producer Frank Yablans. It was supposedly a getaway, but she couldn’t get away from all the guests on diets.

“I sold it largely because of all the annoying people with special food needs,” said Ms. Hotchner, author of “The Dog Bible,” who now lives full time on Long Island.

There was a visitor, she recalls, who was on a diet involving puréed zucchini, “and then she’d see what everybody else was having and decide she wanted that, and you wouldn’t believe you’d been to all that trouble fixing the zucchini,” Ms. Hotchner said. Another guest explained that her “No. 1 poison food group” was dairy, which of course meant no ricotta, no mozzarella, no Parmesan cheese.

It gets worse. Yes, worse even than the fact that someone wrote something called "The Dog Bible," or is "in recovery" from owning a home in Tuscany.

Mike -- I could not BELIEVE that article.

What is happening to the people of this country? I do my utmost to be the most easy going guest on the planet when I go visit somewhere. i clean up after myself, I'm polite, I try very hard to not put anyone out and I help out whenever I can.

If you were lucky enough to be invited to someone's Tuscany house for a visit -- wouldn't you be on your BEST behavior????

And on the other hand -- if you were confronted with some idiot who demanded pureed zucchini while on vacation in ITALY -- wouldn't you have to do something about that other than get rid of your house? More like getting rid of your idiot friends!!!!

Oy.

“And since North Captiva is a pristine environment, she said, “we try to make our eating habits reflect the simplicity of the setting.” This means yes to fresh organic food suitable for grilling and no to processed foods. “We have skim milk but no bacon, no ice cream, no cake, no cookies,” Ms. Coleman said.

“Our friends come visit and sit down for a dinner of grilled vegetables and salad, and they want to know where the butter is for the baked potato, and there isn’t any butter,” she said. “We cook egg-white omelets, and they want to know where the yolk is. People are usually good about it, but we do get lectures about how fat is a great flavor enhancer.”

Butter, bacon and non-skim milk isn't natural ? These people are morons.

Ms. Coleman sighed. “So far, my father has been the only one willing to come back here for more.”

QED.

Clearly none of these people (hosts, guests) have any idea about basic communication.

"Can I bring anything?"

"Yes, please bring (a half gallon of x or two pounds of y)."

"Do you have any allergies or special dietary requirements?"

"Yes, I'm allergic to nuts," or "I'm on the South Beach Diet."

"Oh, the South Beach Diet. Aren't there some nice individual frozen meals suitable for that? Please bring enough for yourself, I'll be preparing food for the rest of us."

Clearly ditching the friends (or the house in Tuscany or wherever) would not solve these people's problem--they'd still have to live with themselves:-)

A dear family friend, one of my mother's closest friends and a kitchen soulmate (after my mother's death, she requested a pot from Ma's kitchen as a keepsake:-) is a cookbook author (and technical writer of recipes for some well-known cookbooks, including Bayless's first and The Harry's Bar Cookbook, which got her flown to Italy several times, including once just to prepare the dishes during truffle season).

Her first cookbook was written to cover cooking for second homes with houseguests. Published in 1974, "Cooking for Carefree Weekends" provides weekend menus using fresh and seasonal ingredients, that are surprisingly contemporary. Having been both a guest at many weekends at her house and a willing kitchen helper, I can personally attest to the value of the recipes.

Used copies of the book are available on Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/COOKING-CAREFREE- ... B000G1MCYK

For those who have a second home, it provides both good recipes and clear thinking about how to approach the situation. Having been fortunate enough to have possession of my in-law's cottage in Wisconsin about 48 weekends a year for 10 years, I know that it can, indeed, be a challenge. I was grateful at the time to have read this book.

That couple on Captiva sound like my father, who I am convinced has some kind of eating disorder. Amazing that the husband is apparently an MD.

I had a house in rural Vermont and shopping to cook on the level I thought I needed to for entertaining was indeed stressful. Frequent power outages in the area made the deep freeze less useful than I expected and it was an all around pain in the a**. I finally started cooking a lot of stuff you can make from boxes and cans-- pasta puttanesca, anyone?

What a bunch of morons. I'm not sure I'd kill them directly, however. I might just make them watch 24 hours of 30 Minute Meals nonstop.

Talk about screwed up priorities.

Why abandon the villa when you can abandon your friends?

Wow, some people need to seriously get over themselves and get real lives.

My sympathy level is, oh....zero.