Found a small paper bag on top of the fridge, from some Long Grove-like ye olde shop, labeled "Peppermint bark," smelled of peppermint and chocolate, looked like fudge. Cut a slice, bit into it.

Soap.

Right before class yesterday, I ducked into Cosi near DePaul because I wanted to try something new. What a mistake. I got a tuna melt that was awful. The bread wasn't really bread, it was flat, like it was all crust. The flavor was dull and boring. Even the chocalate chip cookie I got just didn't do it for me. How hard is it to make a decent chocolate cookie?

smelled of peppermint and chocolate, looked like fudge. Cut a slice, bit into it.

Soap.

thanks for the laugh -- I needed that!

This week at a north-side taqueria that shall go unnamed, chiles rellenos that had obviously been prepared at some time in the past (how distant I cannot say). The flat, greasy things had clearly been reheated on the grill prior to serving. I just hope they were not from the freezer. I should have known better, but that would just be too great a humiliation to bear.

Josephine wrote:This week at a north-side taqueria that shall go unnamed

Why shall it go unnamed? Cmon, it's not... Chipotle, is it?

Mike G wrote:Cut a slice, bit into it.

Soap.

Now this, as they say in the Catskill Mountains, is humor.

gleam wrote:Why shall it go unnamed? Cmon, it's not... Chipotle, is it?

Not Chipotle.

But as far as not naming the place, I have had perfectly good posole and al pastor there, it has only a few brief mentions on the board, and I feel it is only right that I should give them another chance. The thing is, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER. Dinner time in a lunch place, skeleton staff, etc. Are they really going to do fresh chiles rellenos? Not likely. But, being the cockeyed optimist that I am. . . I knew I was in for a disappointment when the food arrived within about 2 minutes.

That said, I am not above identifying the creators of recent meal which was particularly execrable. It took place late one evening at the Italian-sounding Toscana on Oakton in Skokie, where my daughter and I ate what was clearly the worst dinner of the year. On mushy pasta I had a terrible Bolognese: a sickly-sweet tomato paste and vinegar(?) sauce, the meat obliterated by onion-and oregano-overkill. My daugher had a very old tasting pasta frutti di mare with rubber-band calamari, and overripe mussels. This meal was in a class by itself. Is there an emoticon for "shudder"?

Still, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER.

Why, you ask. Because hunger and laziness overrode information that I should have considered. The decor said that the owners were not Italian, but perhaps from somewhere in the former Soviet bloc. The sign in the window and accompanying review advertised the lamb, not the pasta (in spite of the name). In our defense, we went in for the lamb, but, once seated, were told that they had sold out. We were hungry and tired, so we stayed. We wish we hadn't.

Josephine wrote:That said, I am not above identifying the creators of recent meal which was particularly execrable. It took place late one evening at the Italian-sounding Toscana on Oakton in Skokie, where my daughter and I ate what was clearly the worst dinner of the year. On mushy pasta I had a terrible Bolognese: a sickly-sweet tomato paste and vinegar(?) sauce, the meat obliterated by onion-and oregano-overkill. My daugher had a very old tasting pasta frutti di mare with rubber-band calamari, and overripe mussels. This meal was in a class by itself. Is there an emoticon for "shudder"?

Still, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER.

Why, you ask. Because hunger and laziness overrode information that I should have considered. The decor said that the owners were not Italian, but perhaps from somewhere in the former Soviet bloc. The sign in the window and accompanying review advertised the lamb, not the pasta (in spite of the name). In our defense, we went in for the lamb, but, once seated, were told that they had sold out. We were hungry and tired, so we stayed. We wish we hadn't.

What a shame.

Toscana's chef and owner is Bosnian and he worked as a sous-chef at The Berghoff for 10 years. I've had a couple decent, simple meals there. He makes his soups from scratch, roasts Bosnian-style legs of lamb over charcoal, and serves some interesting stuffed phyllo dishes. He loves Italian food, but I think he has a talent for the Bosnian fare.

I always thought his restaurant was doing a lot for a dismal, but up-and-coming stretch in Skokie. I'm disappointed to see this restaurant in this thread.

Best,
Michael

Toscana
4907 Oakton St., Skokie
847-674-5446

Michael,
I'm truly sorry that you are disappointed! You are right to cheer the revival of that barren stretch in Skokie, and the success of the chef whose meals you enjoyed. As I wrote above, I should have known better. Maybe the restaurant could tip off the new customer to its Bosnian roots?

in Niagara Falls, there for my 45th high school class reunion -- NF generally does a totally righteous pan pizza -- pepperoni and anchovies is about the worst thing I've eaten in two years.

Last night my wife and I saw a sneek preview of flags of our fathers at webster place. After we went to Pequod's Pizza for a bite to eat. We went there once before and were not impressed by a friends recommendation so we thought we'd try it again. We were let down again the pizza was tasteless we both agreed we've had better tasting cheap frozen pizzas. The service was good and the beer was cold but the pizza was bland. We will never go back for pizza in this case two strikes your out!
Paul&holly

Worst things I've eaten recently were both rice dishes served at the W hotel in Manhattan.

Lunch one day at the conference included a mushroom risotto under a very nice piece of salmon. But the rice was horrendously undercooked, so it was like eating little bits of chalk in a delightful sauce.

Lunch the next day was a variety of things, including a paella. Here the rice was cooked enough but was a glutinous mass. And while the shrimp in the paella were merely a little overdone, I opened a mussel to pop it in my mouth, and, being absolutely raw, popped right back out again.

There was a lot of fine food served during that conference, but somewhere, somebody needs to go back and learn the basics of rice.

Paulnholly wrote:Last night my wife and I saw a sneek preview of flags of our fathers at webster place. After we went to Pequod's Pizza for a bite to eat. We went there once before and were not impressed by a friends recommendation so we thought we'd try it again. We were let down again the pizza was tasteless we both agreed we've had better tasting cheap frozen pizzas. The service was good and the beer was cold but the pizza was bland.

Just curious, did you get the pan pizza? That is what they are known for. Pequod's thin pizza is more of an afterthought.

That said, I recently had a pan pizza from the Pequod's on Clybourn, and thought it was vastly inferior to the pizza at the original Morton Grove location, and not even close to being in the same class as Burt's. It was thick and doughy, and the bottom was not as crunchy as it should be. Although the top of Pequod's crust is usually soft and moist, it blends with the cheese to form a creamy quiche-like interior. It is difficult to tell where the cheese stops and the crust begins. In this case, the cheese sat in a sort of rubbery layer ontop of seemingly undercooked dough. It seemed as if the oven was not hot enough. The sauce was not as tangy as I remember it, and the sausage was also rather bland. It did have the requisite carmelized edge though.

I don't know if I have been totally spoiled by Burt, or if the restored Pequod's on Clybourn is just not as good as it was before the fire (although I have always preferred the MG location). My fellow diners thought the pie was pretty good. So maybe Burt has just spoiled me for any other pan pizza.

We had the thin crust pizza this time. Bland sauce report was right on. The cheese was also tasteless and not browned or golden. The crust wasn't too bad. The first time we tried the pan so this time we tried the thin crust and had the same result. Very boring taste. The carmelized crust we had on the pan pizza the first time was more burnt than what I would call carmelized. We will have to try Burt's

G Wiv wrote:

Mike G wrote:I stopped in at a diner-y place on the far northwest side somewhere, I can't find the address, has a nice old sign that says Supper Cup, however the menus inside say Super Cup,

Mike,

You are thinking of Super Cup on Central Ave. My in-laws used to live near there and it was a once in a blue moon breakfast stop. It's been 8-9 years, but I remember big portions of straight ahead diner food and a clientele age that averaged out around 65.

Enjoy,
Gary

Super Cup Restaurant


Aah Super Cup.... the worst cup of coffee on the Northwest side


4800 N Central Ave
Chicago, IL 60630
773-282-1525

A sample of a fat-free chocolate chip cookie at Whole Foods. It tasted like chocolate spackle with a few chips in it, the top shattered when you bit into it, the rest crumbled into dust as you chewed it, it was nothing like a cookie, it was like a prop cookie in a display, it was a blasphemy upon the very name of cookie, it is for people who have long since abandoned pleasure and embraced eating as a grimly functional matter of survival alone.

I tossed the remainder of it from the third story of the garage facing Ashland. It exhibited good form and aerodynamics before shattering into a cloud of chocolate-colored dust.

Mike G wrote:A sample of a fat-free chocolate chip cookie at Whole Foods. It tasted like chocolate spackle with a few chips in it, the top shattered when you bit into it, the rest crumbled into dust as you chewed it, it was nothing like a cookie, it was like a prop cookie in a display, it was a blasphemy upon the very name of cookie, it is for people who have long since abandoned pleasure and embraced eating as a grimly functional matter of survival alone.

I tossed the remainder of it from the third story of the garage facing Ashland. It exhibited good form and aerodynamics before shattering into a cloud of chocolate-colored dust.

Lovely a report as that was, shouldn't the combination of the phrases "fat free" and "chocolate chip cookie" have tipped you off just a wee bit?

bananasandwiches wrote:Lovely a report as that was, shouldn't the combination of the phrases "fat free" and "chocolate chip cookie" have tipped you off just a wee bit?

Just as I should have been tipped off with the sample of "vegan chicken curry" I tried at Whole Foods today. Can you say flavorless, unsweetened marshmallow with yellow gunk that was probably prepared in a room where someone surreptitiously uttered the word "curry," thinking it would homeopathically infuse the entire creation?

Lovely a report as that was, shouldn't the combination of the phrases "fat free" and "chocolate chip cookie" have tipped you off just a wee bit?

Yeah, it was morbid curiosity, fully lived up to.

Mike G wrote:

Lovely a report as that was, shouldn't the combination of the phrases "fat free" and "chocolate chip cookie" have tipped you off just a wee bit?

Yeah, it was morbid curiosity, fully lived up to.

It's okay, we all have our moments of weakness.

I once made a pan of "fat-free" brownies from a mix.

I think my husband may have cried.

Every once in a while, I'm overtaken by what I call a Gastronomic Death Wish -- the uncontrollable urge to order the most disgusting-sounding item on the menu, the one that you just know from the description alone cannot possibly taste good and should not be eaten by anyone, ever. A few years ago, I was dragged for lunch to some miserable East Village dive whose name I can't recall. You could tell from the menu and the plates going around that nothing here rose above mediocre. A lesser man would have cut his losses and ordered something inoffensive like a salad or omelet. I went for broke with a deep-fried "maki" that featured some kind of meat, cheese, zucchini, mayo and who knows what else. Not only did this tasty concoction keep me sated for the rest of the day and well into the next, it also led me on a whirlwind tour of rest areas along the New Jersey Turnpike.

Cut to this past Sunday: Driving around Palatine after a visit to the new Half Price Books, I decide that since I don't know of any dining options anyway, I might as well stop somewhere more or less random and not prima facie unacceptable (e.g., Panda Express is out -- even my GDW has limits). The latter stipulation proves more restrictive than first imagined, but eventually I settle on La Rosita, or rather the attached taqueria.

Outside there's a long line for the elotero, but in the taqueria only one table is occupied; the group walks out as I study the menu board. All the usual tacos are there, but as I attempt to choose between asada and al pastor, the evil demon who resides in my digestive tract takes over and suddenly I hear myself asking, "Is the Torta Cubana any good?" "Oh yeah," replies the counterman with some confidence. "I'll take one," I say brightly, wondering about the fastest route to the New Jersey Turnpike.

For those unfamiliar with a Torta Cubana, here is what it is: a sandwich with milanesa, chorizo, lettuce, and tomato. Crazy, huh? What kind of maniac would order something like that?

Just kidding. It also had cheese. And ham. And another kind of sausage. And fried eggs. And guacamole. And the necessary catalyst for any gastrointestinal misfortune: mayo. And lots of it! They don't cheat you on the mayo at La Rosita.

How did it taste, you may ask? Pretty much like you'd imagine. Somehow there is a certain magic that takes place when low-quality ingredients are carelessly slapped together by a disinterested clock-watcher: the individual parts may be crap and yet the whole tastes like GODAWFUL CRAP. La Rosita attempts to gild the lily by including the second type of sausage -- a sickening skinless affair with a taste and texture oddly reminiscent of Play-Doh; if Aardman Animations ever enters the porn market it could surely make good use of these -- and by enclosing the whole thing in a substandard roll, wrapped tightly in foil for maximum sogginess.

I was able to stomach just over half of it before I realized that, yes, I hate myself but not that much. Which means I left before finding out how come those two bodybuilder-types who walked in while I was ordering still hadn't emerged from the bathroom twenty minutes later. Maybe next time.

OMG.... I laughed through that entire last post. It was hilarious!!!

The other night I went out for sushi with a friend who told me that he was a bit intimidated by sushi but wanted to dive in headfirst. I thought, why not take him to a <edited> in Rolling Meadows? It is one of those sushi places where various small plates of sushi move around on a conveyor belt and you take what you want just paying a set price based on the color of the plate. I thought this would be a good idea, while I am not a big fan of the place, it would allow him to try lost of stuff without committing to eating too much of any one thing.

Everything was going well until I asked the guy filling the conveyer belts if they had any Uni. He said yes and I asked him for two pieces. I told my friend that while Uni was a bit like "advanced" sushi, it would all be worth it because it was going to unlike anything he had ever eaten and good Uni is almost transcendent.

Then, the Uni came.

It was much more brown than yellow, and it was completely soaked in some kind of liquid. I thought to myself that while this sure didn't look like any Uni I had ever eaten before, I am sure it is ok... Plus, I couldn't back down now after bragging to my friend about how amazing Uni is.

As soon as it was in my mouth, I knew something was wrong. The taste, instead of being creamy, was briny and bitter. I felt my stomach heaving and knew that I was just a few seconds from not just spitting out the Uni, but perhaps even throwing up. I choked it down, waved my friend off, and drank a whole glass of water and chased it with a mug of green tea.

The rest of the night and most of the next day my stomach was churning something horrible. This may have been the single worst thing I have ever eaten, ever. It was worse than Lutefisk.

cilantro wrote: including the second type of sausage -- a sickening skinless affair with a taste and texture oddly reminiscent of Play-Doh; if Aardman Animations ever enters the porn market it could surely make good use of these

If ever there was a quoteworthy quote about sausage....

1. Gas Station nucrowave burrito brought back to the office for lunch one day. Weak moment, or rush for lunch, I forget. One of the bites I took had FAR too much toothiness to it as I bit down, so I stopped in mid bite, and investigated the cause. It was an oval shaped "part" that had 3 valve / hose looking things sticking out of it. Two on one side, and one pretty much directly across on a diameter. It was about 3/4 inch in diameter.
I proudly displayed it around the office, and queried any who found it amusing on what it could be. Most reponses: Rat Stomach.
Gas station beef and bean burrito? Maybe.

2. Living in Albuquerque:
Western chain that I cannot remember the name of. Pretty much what they do is shell out fried or broiled chicken breast strips, slap it on a bowl of white rice with couple of pieces of steamed broccoli, and top it all off with a squirt of sweet teriyaki sauce. Well, on my first visit to the joint, I went with a "to go' order, and the sauce came on the side in the little clear plastic one or two ounce cups most joints use for say salsa, or slaw, you know the ones I'm talking about - the ones that go rotten without anyone knowing about it if they don't ROTATE the bins they are stored in, and just keep adding the fresh ones on the top. Yeah, THOSE. Anyway, as I poured the sauce on top of my bowl, I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary in the way of smell.
A replay in head:
( I remember all of these thoughts VERY well - like it was yesterday.)

First bite "Chicken was hot and juicy, VERY good, rice was done right, not mushy at all, but nice and sticky, this place might have it right! - but this teriyaki sauce, tastes like maybe they added some white wine? Maybe some rice wine? Hmmm - wouldn't that cause controversy with kids ordering though??"

Second bite:
"This chicken is REALLY good. Is this all white breast meat?
How is it so juicy? No wonder these joints are all over the place here! - No, wait, wait, wait. There is NO WAY that is WINE in this teriyaki sauce... sniff, sniff.......$%&^#! This %^&$ is ROTTEN!

Within one hour, I had my first severe battle with "Food Poisoning." It lasted two days. This was the kind of food poisoning that could only be comforted by laying on a hard tile floor - as I proved for 38 hours STRAIGHT.

I wanted absolutely nothing to do with any bed, or carpet, or couch for 38 hours. I just wanted to lay on the cool hard tile floor of the bathroom where I would only have to scuttle myself up on all fours to reach that beautiful, gleaming, and unheralded receptor of all things evil in my body for that miserable stretch of time: the toilet.

Ever made a decision to on whether go to the emergency room or not based on whether you can keep a sip of water down (or "up" for 10 min? Good times, good times.

Just a reminder, if you post a "thing that made me sick" story, because of the legal ramifications you need to disguise the identity of the restaurant.

Posting guidelines.

I was beginning to feel hungry before I sat down to read these posts - I've had a good laugh, but certainly lost my appetite.

seebee wrote:2. Living in Albuquerque:
Western chain "Teriyaki Chicken Bowl." Pretty much what they do is shell out fried or broiled chicken breast strips, slap it on a bowl of white rice with couple of pieces of steamed broccoli, and top it all off with a squirt
of sweet teriyaki sauce.

Id the name of the place Hogi Yogi / Teriyaki Stix. That sounds nearly identical to my experience in Moab, UT. Worst meal of the year.

HI,

Please change the name to protect this website from liability.

Regards,

Another candidate: chewable Rolaids.

Imagine something halfway between a Starburst and a rubber doorstop, with undernotes of pineapple air freshener and hobby shop (Testor's paint? Mod Podge?) and the general look of a Formica countertop.

Mike G wrote:Another candidate: chewable Rolaids.

Imagine something halfway between a Starburst and a rubber doorstop, with undernotes of pineapple air freshener and hobby shop (Testor's paint? Mod Podge?) and the general look of a Formica countertop.

Ah yes, they did manage to make Rolaids even nastier. And that "hobby shop" note you detected is right on: I tend to detect a note of Play-Doh, so sort of a nursery-school undertone.