Esquire's 60 Things Worth Shortening Your Life Over

1. Danger dogs.
The Tijuana delicacy -- a hot dog wrapped in bacon, fried, and topped with mayo -- has made its way to San Diego and Los Angeles, sold from carts outside stadiums, clubs, and wherever hungry drunks congregate. See also:

2. Jersey breakfast dogs.
An East Coast derivative with scrambled eggs and melted cheese.
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5. Black Cat espresso from Intelligentsia Coffee & Tea.
A triple. Note the exceedingly heavy body, with chocolate, caramel, and dried-fruit notes. Also note that you're vibrating. That means it's working. intelligentsiacoffee.com.
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8. Butter.
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10. Cream puffs.
The best are available at the Wisconsin State Fair for two weeks every August.
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14. Chopped Liver

I was not raised by daring Jews. Nor were they brainy and accomplished. This Junior of Zion was saddled with no family legacy of piety, wisdom, or Talmudic scholarship. My people were chosen for bubkes, peasants in both countries, Old and New.

I’ll tell you what we had: We had chopped liver. Hankering to defy death? Try schmaltz, hard-boiled eggs, organ meat, and onions, all ground to a coarse pâté, thumbed up from the bowl on thick heels of seeded rye. Add salt. Then we’ll speak of risky feats and cardiologic derring-do.

Its earthy serf-feed roots are blatant -- no one ever kvetched, "What am I, beluga?" -- and yet chopped liver lives on as a great delicacy savored wherever Jews gather to fress like chozzerim -- which is, quite frankly, how Jews love to eat. The last platter I devoured -- airy, creamy, nothing that my thick-fingered Bubbe would have recognized -- was floating on a bed of lettuce in a poyer-free deli in Beverly Hills. It certainly wasn’t bad -- gehakteh leber simply can’t be bad -- but it wasn’t Gram’s.

Bad for you? Hell is yonder, full of hungry, heart-healthy bastards; heaven’s hither, beaming from that laminated menu in your hands. Quick! Before that white-smocked cossack comes to pump up the blood-pressure cuff.

-- Scott Raab
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17. Deep-fried Twinkies.

18. The schmaltz at Sammy's Roumanian, New York.
One tablespoon of pure rendered chicken fat contains nearly 13 grams of fat, 11 grams of cholesterol, and 115 calories. Delicious on steak or drizzled over bread.

19. The Ramos ginfizz.
In a cocktail shaker, dissolve 1 tbsp sugar in 1 tbsp water. Add:

• 1 1/2 ounce Tanqueray gin
• 1/2 ounce lemon juice
• 1/2 ounce lime juice
• 1 ounce heavy cream
• white of 1 fresh egg
• 3 drops -- not dashes -- of orange flower water

Fill with cracked ice and shake lustily for a long, long time, and then strain into a tall glass. Add 1 oz chilled seltzer, stir briefly, and then smile.
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22. Oysters Mosca at Mosca's in Avondale, Louisiana.
A baked casserole brimming with two dozen oysters in garlic and butter with a breaded topping. A night ender.
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24. The Fat Darrell at the R. U. Grill & Pizza in New Brunswick, New Jersey.
Considering his namesake sandwich is made up of chicken fingers, mozzarella sticks, and french fries, it's a wonder that Darrell is still with us (and trim).
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26. Combo No. 4 at the Varsity in Athens, Georgia.
For $6.90, you get a tray of Americana and grease: a chili cheese dog, a chili cheeseburger, french fries or onion rings, and a medium drink. Upgrade to the Frosted Orange for 30 cents more.

27. The dark-chocolate-and-peanut-butter gelato from Il Laboratorio del Gelato in New York.
laboratorio-delgelato.com.

28. The fugu (poisonous blowfish) tasting menu at Morimoto in New York and Philadelphia.
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34. Refried doughnuts.
When and where can one sample the unholy union of Krispy Kreme and hot bacon fat? In your kitchen, whenever you make one.

35. Duck-fat potatoes.
• 1 pound small red new potatoes (about 16), with strip peeled around center
• 4 tablespoons duck fat ($3 for 7 ounces; specialty supermarket or dartagnan.com)

Over low heat, melt duck fat in deep skillet with tightly fitting lid. Raise temperature to get hot. Run potatoes under water, letting excess drain through colander. Transfer to skillet (water and hot fat create splatter but also cooking steam; potatoes must be in one layer with enough room to roll around) and quickly cover. Shake pan slightly to coat potatoes and cook until deep golden and tender, about 18 minutes. Season abundantly with coarse salt and ground black pepper and serve.
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38. The Carpetbagger steak topped with blue cheese, a fried oyster, hollandaise, and caramelized onions at Jacques-Imo's in New Orleans, washed down with:

39. A "three-bagger" of Sazeracs at Tujague's.
Three strong rye-whiskey cocktails in a row at a bar with the perfect seedy charm.
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41. Fried dill pickles at Cock of the Walk in Natchez, Mississippi.
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44-48. The Five Most Decadent Burgers in the United States of America:

The cheeseburger at Shady Glen Dairy Stores in Manchester, Connecticut.
Four carefully arranged pieces of cheese extending far beyond the border of the patty melt directly on the grill, creating a chewy crust that is as difficult to describe as it is to digest. $4.95.

The original DB burger at DB Bistro Moderne in New York.
A sirloin burger filled with braised short ribs, foie gras, and black truffles. $32.

Denny's Beer Barrel Belly Buster at Denny's Beer Barrel Pub in Clearfield, Pennsylvania.
The world's biggest burger: 11 pounds of beef, 22 slices of cheese, three whole tomatoes, and a jar's worth of pickles. No one person has ever finished it. $49.95.

The Krispy Kreme burger at the Gateway Grizzlies ballpark concession stand in St. Louis.
A bacon cheeseburger with glazed doughnuts in place of a bun. A thousand-plus calories. Minor league gimmick; major league angina. $4.50.

The deep-fried hamburger at Dyer's Burgers in Memphis.
Instead of a grill, Dyer's uses a cast-iron skillet filled with grease. Old grease. They've been using the same batch since they opened -- in 1912. $3.

Click the print button up there and take this with you the next time you're in Sin City.

10. Cream puffs.
The best are available at the Wisconsin State Fair for two weeks every August.

28. The fugu (poisonous blowfish) tasting menu at Morimoto in New York and Philadelphia.