Table for One....

As much as I'd like to keep the dream alive that eating should always be a social activity during which 2 or more people share good conversation over (hopefully) good food & drink, I've come to realize that sometimes, it's not always easy to find someone to venture into a not-so-shiny restaurant that I'd like to give a go...

Usually these situations end up with me folding and going somewhere safe, but dammit, it's getting old. So, my question to you all is this: Have you ever eaten out alone? Do you have any advice for how to do this without seeming like a social outcast? Are there other benefits of being a lone ranger that I'm just not seeing? Thoughts?

shoes wrote:So, my question to you all is this: Have you ever eaten out alone? Do you have any advice for how to do this without seeming like a social outcast? Are there other benefits of being a lone ranger that I'm just not seeing? Thoughts?

1) I eat out alone 4+ times per week.*
2) What, you don't enjoy your own company?
3) What, you don't enjoy your own company?
4) What, you don't enjoy your own company?

E.M.

* I average 12+ meals away from home per week.

To me, it's not about being (or feeling like) a social outcast; it's just hard to get the feel of a new place without more people to order more widely from the menu...

It really is true that people on LTH Forum spontaneously convene with total strangers to eat at restaurants, so keep an eye on the events board and maybe even think about posting an invite there. It doesn't even need a lot of setup, as if you review the history you'll see a few "I'm going tonight, want to come" posts.

In the past, I didn't often eat out on my own, but do so more frequently now. I choose to treat it as a special event - something I am electing to do. With that frame of mind the meals have been enjoyable events.

Just an FYI I was recently at a very fine local restaurant and I was informed by the waitstaff that they frequently have single diners who choose to dine alone because they want to savor the food without any distractions. I personally think this is carrying things too far, but it does signify a change in the attitudes of both diners and restaurant staff.

Jyoti

Okay...maybe I've just been a single person far too long (like most of my life) but I find this commentary vaguing insulting. Eating out with friends and a loved one and family are usually fun and enjoyable but so is eating out alone. You can go it alone with a book or work or any other prop you wish or you can simply sit and enjoy your food and drink and watch the world go by. I have at least 2-3 meals alone every day -- why? Because I'm single. Is it a problem? No...it's my life. Is it different in a restaurant rather than sitting at home? Yes but it's still wonderful to have someone bring you what you want and eat a well prepared meal and enjoy the fun of being out in a restaurant -- with someone or without someone else.

This morning I had a decent breakfast at the counter at Taste of Heaven and watched the street go by, got deeper into a good crime novel, plotted my visit to the Pasticceria across the street (oh those Sfogliatelle!) and got my caffeine fix all at the same time.

And with all due respect to the original poster -- for me the question is really -- why don't you WANT to go out alone? What makes you so weirded out by something that is so routine and normal to someone like me? For me -- eating out is a treat -- no matter what the configuration at the table. But...for me -- it's my life. Regular as doing laundry alone or shopping alone. To treat this as some sort of deficiency or malaise...well...that's just ridiculous.

So...excuse me if I got my back up about this -- but i guess I had a big red button to push on this one. Let me end this by saying -- go out by yourself! Enjoy it. Savor it. The world moves fast and sometimes...it's good to just pause and enjoy for yourself...and no one else.

earthlydesire wrote:Okay...maybe I've just been a single person far too long (like most of my life) but I find this commentary vaguing insulting. Eating out with friends and a loved one and family are usually fun and enjoyable but so is eating out alone. You can go it alone with a book or work or any other prop you wish or you can simply sit and enjoy your food and drink and watch the world go by. I have at least 2-3 meals alone every day -- why? Because I'm single. Is it a problem? No...it's my life. Is it different in a restaurant rather than sitting at home? Yes but it's still wonderful to have someone bring you what you want and eat a well prepared meal and enjoy the fun of being out in a restaurant -- with someone or without someone else.

This morning I had a decent breakfast at the counter at Taste of Heaven and watched the street go by, got deeper into a good crime novel, plotted my visit to the Pasticceria across the street (oh those Sfogliatelle!) and got my caffeine fix all at the same time.

And with all due respect to the original poster -- for me the question is really -- why don't you WANT to go out alone? What makes you so weirded out by something that is so routine and normal to someone like me? For me -- eating out is a treat -- no matter what the configuration at the table. But...for me -- it's my life. Regular as doing laundry alone or shopping alone. To treat this as some sort of deficiency or malaise...well...that's just ridiculous.

So...excuse me if I got my back up about this -- but i guess I had a big red button to push on this one. Let me end this by saying -- go out by yourself! Enjoy it. Savor it. The world moves fast and sometimes...it's good to just pause and enjoy for yourself...and no one else.

Well said. I have the same reservations vis a vis the tone of the original post. I find it so odd that there are those who can't fathom single dining...in college I used to dine out at this wonderful Chinese restaurant alone all the time and was perplexed(and made to feel awkward) occasionally when people would explain patronizingly that they could never do such a thing. A meal out and a good book...sounds perfect to me.

This is a topic of particular interest to me, because I recognize that lots of people have difficulty going out to eat alone, yet this is something I have done a few times a week since 1978. The thing is, I did it by choice even when I was married. Why? For one thing, until LTH came along, most of my friends were the "eat-to-live" types who also couldn't understand my intellectual interest in the topic of food. I needed to go by myself to explore the places they might not be able to find chicken salad. Another reason is that eating by oneself permits a state of consciousness that is otherwise experienced in moments of quiet reflection. OK, so I am not currently a member of a contemplative order, but I think others here on the board will know exactly what I mean. I had this experience the other day with a plate of oysters and a glass of sauvignon blanc. It's not merely a question of enjoyment. It's something that occurs at another level of experience, in the realm of the numinous.

I find myself on the road often, for example right now I'm in South Beach. I don't think twice about eating alone, in fact sometimes I prefer it!

I eat on my own all the time - although hopefully now that the wife has her Master's, she'll be a little more available for an evening adventure or two.

My technique? I eat in the mid-afternoon so I usually have the place mostly to myself, load up my iPod with new podcasts, and if possible - sunglasses. It's my shell to the world that no one can interrupt without some serious effort, leaving me alone with some information in me ears and some food in me system.

out all the time. Bring a book. It's actually quite nice.

I unfortunately eat alone more than with others. Most of my local friends are anti-foodies (see the other thread for that one), my parents don't like non-European ethnic foods, and I am single. Plus, I travel a lot for work so there are usually 4-5 dinners alone per month. My goal is to get away from fast/quick-service food and eat more in restaurants and improve my cooking to want to eat more at home. Thus, the cost (both in dollars and calories) is the same in the long run.

In the last couple of weeks, I've eaten alone and had above average meals at:

1. El Tesoro in Glendale Heights, two weeks ago just before noon, tried pozole for the first time (and liked it);
2. Taqueria Aguascalientes, 6pm two Mondays ago;
3. Chuck's in Burbank, 5:15pm on this past Monday; and
4. The mothership LTH, my first visit ever, 3:10am yesterday (Friday) morning. OK, so maybe it wasn't a "great" meal, but a plate of pan fried noodles with pork before heading to the office for six hours of writing really hit the spot.

And I still haven't figured out what I'm going to do for dinner tonight. I'm going to the Oakbrook Borders after that to burn a gift card and a coupon, so I came online to decide if I want Katy's (but I just had noodles 36 hours ago), or if I should try Kabab House or Banda Nawaz. I had originally planned on going to Priscilla's, but I am not in the mood for soul food tonight.

What do I do when I eat alone? I carry a 70-page college ruled notebook with me, and I brainstorm, work on next action lists (I've become a recent devotee of David Allen's "Getting Things Done" methodology), scribble tasting notes, etc. I found I don't like reading a book while I eat, but sometimes I'll bring ripped out magazine articles.

Mostly when I'm on business travel, then there's often not much choice.
As another poster mentioned, bring a book. The tough part is getting enough light for the book.

Being on a business account, it helps a bit -- I can order an appetizer and an entree without sweating the cost. The hard part is leaving stuff behind -- my mom didn't bring me up to leave food, especially when I can't really use the leftovers.

Very sincere apologies if I insulted anyone with my original post. I really didn't mean to do so. By no means did I intend to make eating solo seem a "deficiency or malaise." I think I may have simply been too coloquial with my choice of words, to the point of percieved mockery. I think my mind was tainted by an old episode of Frasier in which eating alone was like the end of the world. TV is stupid. You guys are smarter. I'm sorry.

I'm single, too, and eat by myself all the time, though usuallly in my own home, whether home-cooked or take-out. In the past, I had always reserved eating out as a social event to reconnect with friends, so eating alone is a new thing for me...same as seeing movies by myself, etc. I was just trying to gear myself for trying to dine alone and looking for some tips having never really done so outside of nabbing a quick sandwich at a coffee shop or while traveling for work...

With that said, thanks for the feedback. A relaxed meal with just me and a good book sounds lovely....

I love eating with friends, but I find that, for one reason or another, I often eat alone. I've eaten alone for so many years now that I don't feel strange about it, but I do feel strange doing nothing. If you're with a friend, you chat, but if you're alone, you don't want to stare into space. When I'm on the road, I catch up on my travel journal. When I'm here, I take a book or take notes about the meal or both. I focus on the food when the food arrives and read while waiting for food.

I do agree that attitudes are changing. I know that, tenty years ago, restaurants hated it if people asked for separate checks or wanted to split the bill, but they've figured out that groups of friends are no a large part of their business, and no one is picking up the check, it's not a date or a business expense. And nobody bats an eyelash anymore about splitting up a bill.

Most people will no believe that you're either traveling on business or a serious food enthusiast or both, if you're alone. A good book or a journal for taking notes will keep you from feeling that you're wasting time between courses -- and if you take notes, it will give you the chance to say, "Oh, I'm just writing this down so I can tell my friends on LTHForum about you." In Chicago, most restaurants know what that means.

As much as I like eating with friends, I don't honestly have that big a circle of them. No girlfriend either so I eat alone 80-90% of the time. No big deal to me but a dining companion would be nice when going for dim sum or something similar where I would like to sample a greater variety.

With a little advanced notice, I'm sure you could gather one or two folks from the forum who'd enjoy dining with you. That's how I have been able to increase my pool of friends to dine with. (And it's a still growing pool -- dim sum sounds great if you want to get a few folks together.)

I eat out solo (by choice) quite frequently as well. I think you will find it very enjoyable and rewarding if you especially dine out on a weeknight and sit at the bar. In fact, dining at the bar is probably my strongest recommendation to you. If you do want somebody to talk to, you can chat up the bartender or other bar-diners, or just keep to yourself. And I find that service is always great, particularly when I'm a frequent bar-diner at a place. Get little treats from the kitchen, slurps from special bottles, access to the sushi chef's secret stash, etc.

I second the bar idea; especially at sushi bars - just took myself to Ninefish, and really enjoyed the conversation with the chef - who would, I think, just as politely have left me alone had I preferred.

One thing I've noticed about joining this forum - I'm much less shy about approaching people and asking them about their food (most notably at cafeterias like the ones at H-Mart and Mitsuwa.) I don't know that I've ever gone so far as to join a stranger for lunch (outside of LTHers) but who knows?

Mhays wrote:I second the bar idea...

So, besides drinking bars, diners, and sushi joints, what are some Chicago restaurants that have counter service? I know that San Francisco has a reputation for a lot of restaurants which have a counter well-suited for solo diners, but I haven't noticed or heard tell of it so much in Chicago.

Maybe it's also worth listing "bar bars" with particularly notable food where you can eat at the bar -- I very much enjoyed the ham sandwich which graced the cover of TOC's 100 best dishes of 2007 while sitting at the bar at Hopleaf. Sunday evening during the Oscars was a supremely easy time to get seated and served there compared to any other recent visit I've made.

Or heck, list diners and sushi spots if there's something notable -- particularly friendly or entertaining counter service or...

Another thought is that there must be some places with common tables-- you know, the sort of place that encourages people to sit at one big central table and dine with strangers. Or was that just a trend that came and went? I haven't eaten at one in Chicago, but there was one in Seattle that I remember from a few years ago that was great.

The only thing about dining alone that I don't like is being seated alone too close to a couple that is clearly there to have an intimate dinner and conversation. On the other hand, I love the eavesdropping possibilities that are available when a big group of locals is gathered in a diner, for instance.

A good book or a journal for taking notes will keep you from feeling that you're wasting time between courses -- and if you take notes, it will give you the chance to say, "Oh, I'm just writing this down so I can tell my friends on LTHForum about you”.

While I don't usually take notes, I often do take pictures. I almost never explain anything about LTHforum, I simply say, "It's my hobby." If they press further, then I explain I am experimenting on taking pictures at different light levels. I’ve always felt by explaining their ultimate end-use, then I am skewing the experience because who won’t perform better if they know they’re being reviewed?

I've gone with a friend who was reviewing a restaurant for publication. At her request, I took no pictures and she took no notes. For her purposes, she wants to experience the restaurant as-is. One occasion the waitress asked her to keep her fork. I knew that was a service lapse that would make it into the review. She ultimately did offer a glowing review of the restaurant though the fork incident did make it into the last sentence. When she returned with another group of friends, the owner guessed it was her, then attempted to comp the bill or provide a free extra. She declined it as well as refused to acknowledge it was her review.

I've been going to Captain Porky's in Zion for years. I like the owner and often have extended conversations with him. Only just recently did he inquire if I was the Cathy who writes about him on the internet. Before I could answer he wrote the name of the cheese he makes to set the record straight. I've since misplace it so I guess I am due for a visit.

Of course if I encounter people who advise they post on LTHforum or are lurkers, then naturally I am thrilled to meet them.

Regards,

Josephine wrote:Another thought is that there must be some places with common tables-- you know, the sort of place that encourages people to sit at one big central table and dine with strangers. Or was that just a trend that came and went? I haven't eaten at one in Chicago, but there was one in Seattle that I remember from a few years ago that was great.

The only thing about dining alone that I don't like is being seated alone too close to a couple that is clearly there to have an intimate dinner and conversation. On the other hand, I love the eavesdropping possibilities that are available when a big group of locals is gathered in a diner, for instance.

I don't know where else this might occur, but I've been to Tank on occasion when it was busy that they two or three couples or threesomes at the big round tables. Don't know if it would work for a single, but that's the only place I've seen it in the states.

Cathy2 wrote:While I don't usually take notes, I often do take pictures. I almost never explain anything about LTHforum, I simply say, "It's my hobby." If they press further, then I explain I am experimenting on taking pictures at different light levels. I’ve always felt by explaining their ultimate end-use, then I am skewing the experience because who won’t perform better if they know they’re being reviewed?
,

My experience has been that no one suspects a review if I'm dining alone. They don't even ask that. If I'm with a friend or two, "review?" is the first thing they ask when the notebook comes out. But when I'm alone, and especially if I have both a notebook and a book to read, they ask, "Oh, do you keep track of your meals?" And one time someone asked, "Is this for yourself or to post in a chat group or something?"

I'm not going to stop taking notes because Im worried that it might affect the meal -- remembering is more important. And since almost everywhere I go these days, there is at least one other person in the place either taking notes or photographing their food (some restaurants are even putting notes in the menues about not using flash), I think most restaurant staffs have gotten to the place where they pretty much ignore it.

I've always enjoyed eating alone, and one of my favorite places to do so is at La Sardine, especially on Tuesdays when they have a Prix-Fixe special. There is almost always room for one at the bar even when the restaurant itself is quite full and with the new smoking laws it's even better than it used to be.

Another great place to eat at the bar is Bin Café. Get a nice wine flight and a couple of appetizers and chat with the bartender. You might even get a few free tastes of wine...

La Sardine
111 N Carpenter St
Chicago, IL 60607
(312) 421-2800

Bin Wine Café
1559 N Milwaukee Ave
Chicago, IL 60622
(773) 486-2233

I did some restaurant reviews, most of which I was alone for, so I had my trusty notebook there with me; you can always write 'n' eat. You could also bring a book or mag. The best idea is to go to places with live entertainment, so you can stare at the band. I like Heartland Cafe in Rogers Park (delightful, but get there early; it's small and fills up fast; cover is usually cheap), and La Pena in Portage Park (Ecuadorian; easy parking, no cover, food more expensive than Heartland but still usually under $12 per plate), Abbey Pub on Elston near Belmont (good food and often really great bands; nice atmosphere. The food is inexpensive but the concert tickets can be pricey), and Edgebrook Cafe, a cute little coffee shop that has no music but a counter and a nice list of sandwiches and the like. Ted's Montana Grill (Schaumburg, Glenview) has semi-private booths.
Don't worry, people eat out alone all the time. It may feel awkward, but nobody really pays attention. Just enjoy!

I just read the 'common table' post. If you're ever in Nashville, check out Morrell's - you sit at a big table with about a dozen other people and tons of soul food is passed family-style. God, I wish I was eating there right now.

One place to avoid eating alone: Bellwether at 302 E. Illinois. I had some time to kill between flicks at the Festival, so I stopped in after 9pm for pie and coffee. There were at least two other 4-tops available at this time. There must not have been 2-tops or a seat at the bar, but I didn't care either way: my hostess decided to seat me here, so I sat. I told her upon entering that I wanted dessert only, so she knew I was not ordering a full meal.
When the busboy came by with water, he had the balls to ask me if I was given that table. It was in the middle of the restaurant, no less, as if I waltzed through and just took it over.
After I received my coffee and whiskey pecan chocolate pie (rather tasty, although requiring a knife to cut), I was never asked if I wanted a refill, never asked whether I was even enjoying my dessert. And the manager stood within arm's length of me the entire time, obviously watching, but pretending he wasn't. My server even came by to talk with him and I had to wave her down for a second cup. Wave her down, three feet away. I was writing in a notebook while I took my sweet time eating (I was paying attention to make sure there were other tables available for incoming guests; the 4-top count went up to at least five from my vantage point) so I was not keeping people waiting at the door; maybe they were nervous that I was a critic? Or that I'd never leave?
I was not comfortable anyway with the bass-heavy house music and too-cool 'tude in there, but with this unwelcoming bullshit Bellwether is dead to me. Made me miss PJ Clarke's.

I've never been made to feel that being a single diner was horrible. I've definitely been to places with iffy service, but it never occurred to me to chalk it up to being alone (or to picture- and/or note-taking). I'll have to pay attention in the future.

Sometimes when traveling (especially in a place where I know a lot of other travelers are eating as well), I will either be approached by someone else or ask another lone diner if they'd like company. Sometimes they/I say yes, sometimes no... but when I do decide to open myself up to the experience, it's always a bit of an adventure. Reminds me of the days when you used to strike up conversations on airplanes to while away the hours... yet another thing that the digital revolution has now rendered nearly extinct.

Maybe I'm just a cynic, or paranoid. But I get the feeling they think you're wasting a table. And often if I'm dining out at an upscale place, they give me a look like, "seriously? table for...one?"

Pie Lady, should you ever be up in Madison, Wisconsin traveling solo, and want to eat excedingly well AND be treated like visiting royalty, I highly recommend Heritage Tavern. I recommend it very highly, based on my experience there.