Things my dumbass dog wants to eat...

that I'd really rather he not:

* Socks
* Underwear
* Hand Lotion
* Kitty Litter, used and unused
* Whatever I'm eating
* A full bag of prunes
* Cocoa powder
* Cat hairball medicine (a laxative), including part of the tube.
* A package of nail-in cable holders
* Black licorice
* Several boxes of kleenex
* Several toy mice
* An empty tube of benzoyl peroxide
* 1lb of dark chocolate m&ms
* Several pizza boxes
* Diapers
* Any ziploc bag, regardless of contents, except for the zipper part. He doesn't like the zipper.
* An HP48 calculator, in its case
* A palm pilot, in its case
* Peanut shells
* Powdered horchata mix
* Those air-filled bags from Amazon
* Whatever is in the garbage in the office
* Raw cloves of garlic

Ah, yes, but did you have to get up three times last night to let your dog out to pee because earlier he saw a morsel of food at the bottom of his full water bowl, and decided that the best way to get it would be to drink the whole bowl down? At once?


Here's the little pisser himself:

How about generic Tylenol? Just FYI: if your dog does this, it is a guaranteed $1k layout to make sure he doesn't drop dead. After our dumb dog did this one evening, my husband said, look, I love our dog and all, but if he does this again, we're going to give him a kiss on the head and say, it's been great. See you on the other side, buddy.



Edit: heard seconds ago: "Jupiter, WHAT are you eating?!" Answer: tinfoil.

We adopted our dog from the Anti Cruelty Society 10 years ago the second week of December. The third day we had him he devoured an entire bowl of "Christmas" Hershey's Kisses (red, green and silver foil-wrapped.) Let's just say picking up his "business" was very festive for several days after.

A package of pancetta? Aqua socks? Snotty kleenex? A Lego knight? Here's my culprit:



Eating a cicada:



Driving:



In pumpkin form:

This is our dog, Charlie:



His snack of choice? Cat poop. We had to put a baby gate on the door to the "litter box" room. The cats are still perturbed that they have to jump over it to get in and out.

This is Eldest Cat, Oliver:


When not chilling with his homies, his snacks of choice include blind pulls (that cost some rediculous sum to replace, damned Hunter Douglas) as well as your basic string, yarn, ribbon, anything linear, really. When we lived in New York he got into some ribbon and ate enough that it had to be removed. Surgically. At 3 AM. For several thousand dollars.


Youngest Cat, Emma:


When not busy sassing the her fellow canine and feline roomates, can be found dragging entire buffalo wings off of the kitchen counter, across the wood floor in the living room, and she would have undoubtedly made it up the stairs to the closet we refer to as her "lair" had I not intercepted. Other fun items I've found in her lair, periodically, include earrings, drinking straws, unused Q-Tips, and my passport, which is now permanently marked with some lovely little kitty tooth marks.

Mail (I hope it wasn't important--no way to know); the grandkids' toys; the rocker that great-grandma Miller set up housekeeping with in 1908; the New York Review of Books; The Best Travel Writing of 2007 (and no, I hadn't read that far yet); any magazine or catalog; the blow-in cards from any magazine (fine with me, but the floor is littered with their remains); paper money; tupperware; a thousand allegedly sturdy dog toys; goose down pillows.

He chews more than he eats. This is only evidence sitting around the house this morning. It does not include, for example, the walking shoes I had to throw away on Friday.

Here he is: Eliot.

Which reminds me: the rug I personally bargained for in the Fes Medina and then carried back as hand luggage to Chicago.



There is some good news in all this. He loves the apparently indestructible soup bones I buy from Dennis Wettstein.
even after I've made the world's best soup with them.

But watch out!

Here's mine, caught in the act of going after some tacos.



At home I have some pictures of my house after he was left out of his kennel while I was at work. Garbage everywhere.

I often take care of my sister's dog:



While he did not run off with the kangaroo crown roast at this year's LTH picnic, these are a few of his favorite things:

* Socks
* Bras
* iPod earbuds and cords from Apple products in general (thank goodness for the magnetic power cords on MacBooks now!)
* Necklaces
* Earrings
* The Sun-Times
* Dishwashing gloves
* Food wrappers esp. from candy bars, popsicles, potato chip bags, the cellophane that crackers come in
* Chicken Shack anything incl. boxes
* His bed (he chewed up his bed so much that we had to get rid of it; he went a while for without a bed; now he has a new bed; he sleeps on the floor next to it)

Granted, I'm not technically a dog owner, but I just don't understand how a dog as spoiled as this one still chooses to eat trash from the sidewalk. I'll feed him an entire can of fancy wet food, doggie filet mignon or something like that (I don't think I'm even supposed to feed him that much), and then I'll take him for a walk. Within five minutes, I'm on my knees on the sidewalk prying his jaw open to fish out with my fingers a big wad of dirty kleenex. What is it with kleenex?!?!

happy_stomach wrote:What is it with kleenex?!?!

I wish I knew. Many times Jupiter has come up to us while we were, um, using the facilities, and acted like he wants an ear scritching. But as soon as he gets close enough, he'll extend his neck its full giraffey length and snag a mouthful of the finest Kleenex. And then you have to run after him to get it back.

The Kleenex is better than the used dental floss, though. Or the tinfoil. Or the nickels and dimes. Or the plastic bags. Or the kitty litter. Or......

bananasandwiches wrote:
His snack of choice? Cat poop. We had to put a baby gate on the door to the "litter box" room. The cats are still perturbed that they have to jump over it to get in and out.

Our shih-tzu, Meeko Sweetie (a decidedly emasculating name) had a penchant for poop eating (not his own, mind you, but that of other dogs'). Turns out you sprinkle some MSG on their food and it turns them off from the fecal feast. Not sure if it works to deter the feline variety, though.

Cocker spaniels are widely known to be pigs with fur. My cocker spaniel Cinnamon is no exception. She once embarked on the "Peanut Caper" with Henry, my roommate's cocker spaniel.

One night we returned from an evening out and we noticed that Henry had drank down both bowls of water and was asking for more. No big deal, he was a thirsty guy anyway. He proceeded to drink two more bowls of water. During the night, Henry woke my roommate up at least 3 times to relieve himself, each time drinking down another bowl of water. Meanwhile, in my room, Cinnamon was laying on my bed moaning and groaning with a distended belly. She then had to go out three times to relieve herself and it wasn't pretty.

In the morning, we couldn' t figure out what had happened to the two dogs. Later that day my roommate went down into the den and discovered the entire floor covered in peanut shells (picture a peanut shell explosion). Apparently, Cinny had jumped onto ironing board from the chair and knocked down the bag of peanuts that we had left on the third shelf of our bookcase after watching a Cubs game. Henry expertly opened said bag of peanuts and the two of them munched down the entire bag. Given Henry's thirst and Cinny's distended belly, I can only guess that Henry shelled the peanuts (no thumbs required!) and Cinny ate the peanuts.

It took several days for them to "normalize". Below are the culprits (Henry, on the left, has now passed away but his legend lives on)

The big eater:



I sympathize. Our Miszio has a non-discriminating palate himself. His appetite stands out especially next to his sister, Toula, who like the dignified Southern lady she is, generally sticks with tried and true dog vittles. Some of Miszio's high fiber favorites:

deer poop
wood chips
wood in general
electrical cords (yes, plugged)
remote control to sleek and expensive (but poorly designed) sound system now rendered useless
whole bunch of bananas
ballpoint pens
4 boneless chicken breasts left to cool inside the sink
used dental floss
used tissues
dirty underwear
dirty socks
lotion from off my legs, while I'm putting it on
Netflix
sandles (but not shoes!)
mass quantities of grass, seaweed, and shrubs, of course, including burrs (which he also favors as adornment)
all manner of paper and plastic flotsam and jetsam
pretty much everything within his reach...

he has often devoured whatever it is before we can stop him, but we can identify what it was by the crumbs hanging out in his beard.

BeeWebster wrote:I sympathize. Our Miszio has a non-discriminating palate himself.

lotion from off my legs, while I'm putting it on

Ah, yes! I forgot this. Rooster loves lotion on my legs as well as legs & bathwater when I've just come out of the shower.

BeeWebster wrote:mass quantities of grass, seaweed, and shrubs, of course, including burrs (which he also favors as adornment)

I also forgot leaves. Rooster loves leaves!

Santander wrote:Here's my culprit:

This thread and Santander's pooch remind me of Maira Kalman's really fantastic book What Pete Ate. (Santander's dog looks just like Pete.) If you've contributed to this thread, definitely get yourself a copy!

Highlights only, as the list is never-ending:
Skipper - (a 15 lb dog) ate a wine cork. That one required surgery. he's also eaten half a ballpoint pen while we were at work. We now know exactly what he does while we're at work, as there was blue inked paw prints to tell us exactly. He covers a lot of ground, I assure you. (btw, magic erasers really are magic).

Phineas: the original wood trim in our 1925 bungalow. The entire first shelf of 2 bookcases of books. Who needed that rare dictionary? And the other 50 or so books he destroyed. Or the telephone stand.

Ed, I was going to chide you for calling your dog a dumbass - because if anyone knows anything about me, it's that I obsessively adore dogs - but then I saw his list - and all the other lists. At least they're adorable?

My dog Karli was pretty discerning about what she ate - if her poached chicken breast was too dry she refused to eat it. But once when we left her outside of a cafe for less than 5 minutes - watched by someone no less - she chewed through her leash. Impressive chops.

This is her at Hot Doug's - with one of the last foie gras dogs he ever served in the foreground. She had a plain dog that day.



And this is one of her "glamour shots" - actually taken outside of Club Lucky during an arts festival by Evanston photographer Jill Norton.

Behold, our dog Sam:


We haven't thrown an apple core in the garbage since we brought him home from the Anti Cruelty Society in February.

A month or so ago, he ate three guitar picks that my husband left lying around. I found out when his stomach decided they weren't exactly digestible.

He also ate three beds before we finally ordered a bed for him made of metal and kevlar, hammock-style. He loves it, and there are no edges for him to catch with his teeth.

He's really not remotely smart, but sweet as can be. We always say, you can do anything you want to Sam...except train him.

Our previous dog, Ester (no, not Esther), a GBD (Generic Black Dog -- y'know, Lab plus something that results in white feet and throat), had a thing for soft plastic when she was young. Action figures were fair game if left on the floor, it taught the kids a bit about cleaning up. Then one day she snatched the lid to a can... of frosting. She somehow pierced the seal below the lid, and proceeded to lick about a half-pound of frosting out of the can. This dog was also a serious trash hound, and figured out how to open cabinets to get at the trash can once in a while.

The most agonizing steal she made though, was a delicious roast beef sandwich from Panera. In a wrapper, in a bag, in a bag, in the middle of the dining room table.

Gone while I ducked out of the house for ten minutes.


The new dog, Annie, is a Biggle (another shelter mutt, this one too big for her Beagle features, probably part Brittany Spaniel), only ate things for stress when we first got her: Chair (well, one arm), speaker cables (but not the ones right over her bed). She doesn't steal much because she's more vertically challenged: shorter, she doesn't jump and she doesn't climb anything higher than a couch. She is definitely a scent hound: Any pork products removed from the fridge can rouse her from a deep sleep.

That reminds me of one of the most audacious steals I have ever experienced. I brought a much-anticipated cinnamon bagel with hazelnut cream cheese from Panera to a housesitting job. I put the bag on the table and went to the bathroom. I came back out a minute later to find the wily house cats had opened the bag, removed the contents, unwrapped it, and eaten several good-sized chunks.

That was when I learned the true meaning of "I didn't know whether to laugh or cry".

Most "dog toys" are shredded quickly and sometimes partially digested by our dog, Murphy. He especially likes systematically digging out the "squeeker" as quickly as possible. Here's one of the rare few that through sheer size has thwarted his wrath:

[[url][/url]

To those of you with young dogs - take solice, at least with our dog, they do mellow out a bit with age. He now primarily uses the above turtle as a pillow! Although, even at 12 years of age, Murphy hasn't missed a day on the job of "pre-washing" the dishes in the dishwasher. I know that grosses some people out but we gave up on keeping his head out there a long time ago.

Adding to the list:

* Visine.

Ann Fisher wrote:Here he is: Eliot.

Wow - I think our dogs were separated at birth!
Frankie:

LynnB wrote:Most "dog toys" are shredded quickly and sometimes partially digested by our dog, Murphy. He especially likes systematically digging out the "squeeker" as quickly as possible.

Here's a disturbing trick our basenji has- we got him from friends who said he had a tendency to chew the faces off of stuffed toys (ones with faces, anyway.) He's had the same furry, bone-shaped toy for years that he's never torn apart. We got him a new toy that was the exact same fur, but in the shape of a person (no face, just like a stick figure.) Chewed the head off in the first day he had it.

Yes, we do sleep with our bedroom door locked, why do you ask?

All of our trash cans are the foot pedal kind. It was a month of gastro-intestinal agony after he ate a pair of boxers (elastic and all) as well as one of those fabric, drawstring bags that bedsheets come in. Kleenex and toilet paper are always a favorite.

My boyfriend had a couple of gluttonous collies growing up and one day his friend came over with a burger from Wendy's in a bag, wrapped in foil. He left it on the coffeetable and went to the bathroom. When he came back, the whole thing was gone. The burger, the foil and most of the bag.

abe_froeman wrote:My boyfriend had a couple of gluttonous collies growing up and one day his friend came over with a burger from Wendy's in a bag, wrapped in foil. He left it on the coffeetable and went to the bathroom. When he came back, the whole thing was gone. The burger, the foil and most of the bag.

You think your dog is an idiot for eating the foil and bag that the hamburger came in, but the dog is thinking you're an idiot for throwing those away, what with all the hamburger juices on them! Maybe they're not the dumbasses we think they are.

After reading many of these I don't feel that my dog is too much trouble. In his early years he spent all his alone time in his crate to keep him out of trouble, and now we just make sure things are picked up before we leave him out.

Nemo does love just about anything plastic though, such as cellphones, remote controls, and pens. Pens can really be a mess. He also loves the wooden coasters that I have, they all have unique bite patterns on them now. If I am dumb enough to leave the garbage out where he can get it, he will find something to snack on. Bath water and lotion are favorites.

His worst habbit is eating stuff off the streets. The spring, after the snow melts, is the worst. I have no idea what he is eating most of the time, and he thrashes around like a maniac if I try to take it away.

The Nemo:

I wish I had pictures of our real dogs, the two we started out with...but, alas, dogs go the way of all things, especially those with deviant appetites. Mac was a shelter-bought border-collie mix who, had he lived, would have discovered LTH well before me - and at the very least would have a far broader knowledge of local fare than I.

We started out as just the two of us in Covington, Kentucky. Mac was an escape artist and a socialite, and would go on periodic benders around the city, making friends wherever he went and coming home 5 pounds heavier (on a 25 pound dog, well, you do the math) His most brilliant escape involved thwarting my back gate and stranding his doggy accomplice at a liquor store, only to be "rescued" by a trio of blondes inside the Covington Landing floating restaurants - I can still see his face laughing up at me when I went to pick him up.

I became well-versed in the shortest route to the nearest hot dog cart, from whence (satiated) he would run up to the car and wait for the door to be opened. He randomly sought out and made friends with the prima ballerina from the Cincinnati ballet one day. During Octoberfest, he was known by every sausage vendor on our walk route (I painted his name & phone on his collar in huge letters) from a previous solitary excursion where he had apparently sampled an entire german dinner including schnitzel, bratwurst and sauerkraut. He excelled so at begging that random people would offer him ice cream while I had him on leash.

[edited to add]One day, shortly before my wedding, we had friends and their dogs over. We left the room briefly to show off wedding plans. When we got back, I noticed that the whipped cream cake was missing from the closed container and asked the 'spouse where he'd put it. No cake anywhere. We later discovered a trace of whipped cream on one dog's nose. Many dogs steal cake - but only Mac would had the presence of mind to close and replace the empty container exactly as it was after stealing and consuming an entire cake with his accomplices.

God bless him, Mac passed away over ten years ago from some kind of doggie heart attack. He kept himself alive for me all the way to Animal 911 (commenting rudely on our driving by digging his nails into the hand on the stick shift all the way) and died the instant I handed him to the vet.

aschie30 wrote:

abe_froeman wrote:My boyfriend had a couple of gluttonous collies growing up and one day his friend came over with a burger from Wendy's in a bag, wrapped in foil. He left it on the coffeetable and went to the bathroom. When he came back, the whole thing was gone. The burger, the foil and most of the bag.

You think your dog is an idiot for eating the foil and bag that the hamburger came in, but the dog is thinking you're an idiot for throwing those away, what with all the hamburger juices on them! Maybe they're not the dumbasses we think they are.

Oh, it was clearly our friend who was the dumbass, and we all knew it. He came out of the bathroom, couldn't find the burger and said, "uh, would your dogs have eaten my burger that I let on the table?" which was met with peels of laughter.

P.S. Brandon, is he a shiba inu? He's beautiful!

abe_froeman wrote:P.S. Brandon, is he a shiba inu? He's beautiful!

Yes Nemo is a Shiba.

My wife's dog, a Dalmatian, got into the grease/ash bucket underneath my BBQ pit one time. This 5 gallon bucket had been outsice during the summer for several weeks filled with BBQ grease, ashes, and water. She came as a black dog with white spots around her head and shoulders. As my wife began screaming at me I called the vet and asked what to do. The vet's response "You might want to keep her outside for a few days, she will probably have a bad case of diarrhea." As I calmed my wife and told her this and while trying to figure out how we were going to to keep her outside and quiet, she threw it all up on the carpet. The good news was that there was only one mess to clean up and she didn't get the runs for several days.

I also had a dog eat a chicken carcass from the trash, a light bulb, and several other items to numerous to mention.