Bar Mitzvah Food

I live way out into the country (west of the western Chicago subburbs!), so please understand, I have a huge curiosity beyond what life is like out here. I have no Jewish friends. Heck, I don't even know anyone who is Jewish. The Jewish culture facinates me, maybe because there is some really good food involved. I've always imagined that a Bar Mitzvah celebration would bring out the best of the best in Jewish food. What are some of the best Jewish dishes that might show up at a Bar Mitzvah celebration? Someday...this is on my list of things to do before I die, I'd like to go to a Bar Mitzvah and the party that follows!

HI,

To go to a Bar Mitzvah, you really need to be a friend of the family. However there are many restaurants that will make a Passover meal in the Spring or Rosh Hashanah in the FAll. The Passover meal has a ritual dialogue and foods, which is the one I would focus on.

I have heard at various LTH events of non-Jewish people interested in Jewish ritual food. It would take very little effort to learn what is needed for Passover, then find like-minded people to share in the preparation of various dishes. Since the ritual conversation will be new to everyone present, then you will get to the very end: Next year in Israel.

Regards,

My cousin's son, Ezra, in upstate NY, featured buffalo wings & pizza

my sister's son, Eric, in Nashville, bbq including pulled pork --

we are so BAAAD

Every year Carlos in HP does a seder on the second night of passover that is run by a rabbi who is a very good friend of mine from High School.
It is open to anyone who is willing to pony up the price...(not cheap)

That being said at my daughter's BatMitzvah there were passed hot apps of all varieties- main course was a split entree of potato crusted salmon and sliced beef (rare I can't remember the cut it was 5 yrs ago) table service-
For the kids there was a buffet of mini burgers, mac n cheese and other kid-friendly foods-
I'm just averse to having adults stand in buffet lines-
not my elderly aunt, thank you
and also averse to that dried out chicken breast
Everthing was delish
(HP Country club)
Our theme was beachy-
we gave out printed beach towels-
our centerpieces were goldfish bowls with live goldfish-
good thing we had backups-we had delivered them the night before and that day several were belly up
it was fun and very inexpensive....

I'm Jewish and of an age where all my friends kids are or have been Bar Mitzvah'd (my husband's kids included)

A modern Bar Mitzvah is often, but not always, an excuse to have a huge themed party at a banquet facility. I've been to music themed ones...think 4' tall centerpieces with different music genera written on fake 45s. As in "you're sitting at the rhythm-n-blues table but I'm at jazz"
Sports themed ones, I'm at football, you're at baseball, and ones themed on a favorite university complete with a university logo ice sculpture. Only rarely has the food been central to the party and then the only thing I'd call Jewish is the lack of pork! It is a lot easier to serve rubber chicken to 250 guests than sliced brisket I guess.

Other than the required ritual sweet table at the end of dinner...frankly I'm at a loss to remember any particular foods from any of these parties.

To Cathy2's idea I would add Sukkot as a food holiday you might enjoy. This is a harvest festival that happens, naturally, in the fall. Check the web site of any local synagogue, there's one in Lombard, and see if they're planning any communal meals. Call and see what you'd have to do to attend. There's one lone congregation in the Mt. Morris or Quad Cities area (I forget exactly) that relies on an itenerant rabbi. They often do communal Shabbot dinners.

We had sushi at my bar mitzvah. I'm pretty sure that's in the Torah somewhere...maybe towards the back.

The Hebrew words Bar Mitzvah can be loosely translated into "unbelievable excess". There are legendary stories – some apocryphal, to be sure – about Bar Mitzvah celebrations that served more as a rite of passage for the parents than for the celebrant. There are no limits to the excess – Bar Mitzvah cruises and Bar Mitzvah safaris are the subject of oft-told jokes and the occasional movie (see "Keeping Up With The Steins"). Think "Barnum & Bailey's 3-Ring Circus" with a rabbi as the Master of Ceremonies.

Often the food at an upscale Bar Mitzvah is no different than what would be served at an upscale non-Jewish wedding in a downtown hotel. Not particularly "Jewish". This is often because the parents are trying to show how assimilated they are, just as teen-aged white boys often try to act like black kids. Unfortunately, the results are similarly embarrassing.

At a Bar Mitzvah, the best in Jewish food is too often measured by the same criteria of "more is more". It would not faze frequent attendees of Bar Mitzvahs to find several tables of appetizers, including a life-sized replica of the Bar Mitzvah boy in chopped liver, and at least forty feet of Sweets Tables to finish off the meal.

Rather than trying to finagle your way into a Bar Mitzvah – and having to sit through the service – I would suggest that you pick a weekend and come into the Chicago area, where LTHers can guide you to several restaurants that will send you home with the biggest case of heartburn you have ever had – and loving it. If you play your cards right, you will probably find that more than a few forum members will accompany you on your gastronomic rounds. Please let me know when you plan to be here.

For starters, the northern part of the area includes:

Once Upon A Bagel
1888 First St
Highland Park, IL 60035-3102
Phone: (847) 433-1411
www.onceuponabagel.com

Max & Benny's
461 Waukegan Road, Brookside Plaza, Northbrook, IL 60062
Phone: 847-272-9490
www.maxandbennys.com

Max's Deli & Restaurant
191 Skokie Valley Rd
Highland Park, IL 60035
(847) 831-0600


The Bagel Restaurant & Deli
50 Old Orchard Shopping Center
Skokie, IL 60077
(847) 677-0100
www.bagelrestaurant.com


Enjoy Tsatskeleh! Enjoy!

I second everything in jimwdavis' post. I'd add Manny's to the list.

See http://www.lthforum.com/bb/viewtopic.php?t=3722

It used to be SOP to have a mold of the bar mitzvah boy's head in chopped liver at the appetizer table.

At one relatively recent bar mitzvah at Temple Sholom, the after party/lunch was held in the recreational hall. When the temple administrators saw the caterer bring in thousands of dollars worth of shrimp that the family had ordered, they were turned away at the door, and the father couldn't understand why.

A friend of mine (not Jewish) attended a bar mitzvah party at the Ritz Carlton and asked me the next day if it was a little weird that the entree was lobster.

Yes.

Olde School wrote:It used to be SOP to have a mold of the bar mitzvah boy's head in chopped liver at the appetizer table.

At one relatively recent bar mitzvah at Temple Sholom, the after party/lunch was held in the recreational hall. When the temple administrators saw the caterer bring in thousands of dollars worth of shrimp that the family had ordered, they were turned away at the door, and the father couldn't understand why.

A friend of mine (not Jewish) attended a bar mitzvah party at the Ritz Carlton and asked me the next day if it was a little weird that the entree was lobster.

Yes.

I have a friend who is constantly quized by her Jewish friends about whether there is pork in her eggrolls. She serves them with chicken when they dine together. Same people pick clean the shrimp bowl. It has been explained some people loosely interpret or ignore these dietary laws.

Regards,

I think that the kind of bar mitzvah envisioned by the OP is the kind that went out of fashion some time in the late 60s. Mine (in 1965) was pretty traditional but I don't know that there are (or even were) foods specific to the event. I'll entirely avoid the potential tangent about modern day celebrations except to note that the American bar mitzvah has, it seems, largely changed from a rite of religious significance to a rite of I'm not quite sure what.

My suspicion--and please correct me if I'm wrong, OP--is that the OP would be much more interested, as Cathy2 suggested, in more traditional foods for more traditionally celebrated events, such as the Passover seder. That said, there are two Ashkenazic culinary traditions (very broadly speaking): German and Russian/Eastern European. (In this country, the older and more well-established German Jewish community had little interest in or use for their "unwashed brethren" from the east who descended in waves at the end of the 19th century. The latter were widely looked down upon and reviled as backward and ignorant.) And there is the Sephardic tradition which, it is my understanding, is even more various and variable.

Being from a Russian family, my experience is different from someone who was raised in a traditionally religious German Jewish family. The foods we would have eaten are likely not to overlap significantly. All by way of suggesting two specific cookbooks:

Although I believe it is out of print, a used copy of Robert Sternberg's <i>Yiddish Cuisine</i> should be quite easy to find. From the blurb on the back, it is "a classic kosher cookbook and textbook on the traditional foods of Yiddish-speaking Jewry. Its recipes evoke the spirit and flavor of the Jewish kitchens of eastern and central Europe and turn-of-the-century America." I recommend it highly, especially for older, classic Russian/Eastern European dishes. (There is also a very informative essay in the front, "The Kitchen of the Yiddish World," covering specific national traditions.)

A more modern approach--and a more (dare I say it?) catholic approach--is represented in the nevertheless heavily culturally Jewish book entitled <i>Jewish Cooking in America</i> by Joan Nathan. It includes all traditions and is excellent, in its way, as well.

Bat Mitzvah cruise-too funny-
I'm actually invited to a Bat Mitzvah cruise on one of the Chicago dining boats later this spring...
looking forward to it-

Actually the Bar Mitzvahs that were the greatest paragons of excess were those of my east coast relatives,
followed closely by those of my LA relatives-

I remember one cousins in NY where the entree wasn't served untill nearly midnight after a hot hors d'oeuvre buffet (which included brains AND sweatbreads-my first exposure to either- I was 15)
They served creme d-menthe over a pareve (non-dairy) whipped cream like cool whippy substance as a between course palate cleanser...hideous!
Then as a prelude to the huge SWEET TABLE buffet
they rolled out a candy cart with oversized jumbo candied apples and lollipops while the band sang "Who can take a rainbow, sprinkle it with dew....the candy man can!"

The one cousins in LA required long gowns for the women and tuxes for the men but the real capper was when one of the guests had a heart attack and another guest (a doctor-nu?) performed CPR till the ambulance arrived.
Then we all went back to partying...

My brothers midwest affair was so tame and understated by comparison.

and BTW maybe it's just me or the parties I've been invited to,
but I have never seen shrimp OR lobster at a Bar Mitzvah
(even tho I do not keep kosher and eat both happily.)
IMHO It's just inappropriate.

jimwdavis wrote:
Rather than trying to finagle your way into a Bar Mitzvah – and having to sit through the service – I would suggest that you pick a weekend and come into the Chicago area, where LTHers can guide you to several restaurants that will send you home with the biggest case of heartburn you have ever had – and loving it. If you play your cards right, you will probably find that more than a few forum members will accompany you on your gastronomic rounds. Please let me know when you plan to be here.

I "third" everything Jim says (since someone already seconded it).

I'd also swing by Kaufman's Deli to pick up some baked goods to take home with you.

Kaufman's Bagel & Delicatessen
4905 Dempster St
(between Bronx Ave & Niles Center Rd)
Skokie, IL 60077

As for modern celebrations, I'm so glad I have two sons (well, technically one, the second is due in May). This way I don't have to pay for both Bar Mitzvahs and weddings! Most of the parites seem to be competing in some sort of "My Super Sweet Bar Mitzvah" challenge.

Kim

Hi,

Living in Highland Park, when kids are of a certain age their social schedule for a couple of years are defined by Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. They quickly got used to lavish parties, getting bussed to destination parties and lots of party favors. They could have probably assembled an outfit with accessories all embossed with names of various celebrants.

There was one family who had an elegant catered party at home. My nieces commented the family was poor. My mouth dropped because they had no realization how much that dinner likely cost. It just didn't have the bells and whistles they were accustomed to.

When the girls were confirmed, they were all fired up to have a party akin to their Jewish friends. They were not very happy when we didn't agree to the plan.

Ironically I went to my first bat mitzvah just last year.

Regards,

Cathy2 wrote:Hi,

Living in Highland Park, when kids are of a certain age their social schedule for a couple of years are defined by Bar and Bat Mitzvahs. They quickly got used to lavish parties, getting bussed to destination parties and lots of party favors. They could have probably assembled an outfit with accessories all embossed with names of various celebrants.

There was one family who had an elegant catered party at home. My nieces commented the family was poor. My mouth dropped because they had no realization how much that dinner likely cost. It just didn't have the bells and whistles they were accustomed to.

When the girls were confirmed, they were all fired up to have a party akin to their Jewish friends. They were not very happy when we didn't agree to the plan.

Ironically I went to my first bat mitzvah just last year.

Regards,

Hi Cathy,

Not to hijack this thread, but the Trib did an article about 2 years ago about the average price of a Bat Mitzvah in the North Shore burbs. The price tag? $40,000 to $100,000. They even reported on a set of twins that received matching Porches as gifts on their big day, despite the fact that they weren't old enough to drive.

Then, there is the former CEO of DHB:
"The New York Daily News estimates that the bat mitzvah Brooks threw for his daughter over the weekend cost an estimated $10 million. Virtually every musician that you might guess would appeal to a 50-something Long Island CEO was flown in by private jet: Aerosmith, Tom Petty, the Eagles' Don Henley and Joe Walsh, who performed with Fleetwood Mac's Stevie Nicks, Kenny G. As a likely concession to his daughter's tastes, Brooks also booked 50 Cent, DJ AM (Nicole Richie's fiancée) and rap diva Ciara."


Back to the original topic. Razbry, I just read the first thread you posted on LTH. Congrats on your DB surgery. You should be warned that Jewish cuisine consists of HUGE portions, and sometimes many courses. Since you are restricted in how much you can eat, you might want to bring a cooler with you to stock your leftovers should you ever do a culinary journey into Chicago.

Kim

Kim,

No need to worry about hijacking. Interesting asides are always welcome.

Regards,

I'm getting my education! I love to hear what you all have to say. It seems as if the party after the Bar Mitzvah is just about the same as one might expect after a Confirmation. It all depends on what you have to spend and maybe what kind of statement you are making to your guests. I kind of like that thing about modeling the honored persons head in chopped liver. I love chopped liver! What a concept! When I first posted, I was thinking of more traditional Jewish foods. And now I know that Jewish foods have influences from all sorts of different places...Russia, Germany, Poland. I just never thought about that. I do appreciate the cookbook suggestions and the Chicago Deli suggestions. I'll get there someday...when perhaps it gets a little warmer out! Good suggestion about bringing the cooler. As a total foodie, the only draw back to my weight loss surgery has been the frustration of having to stop chowing, when everything in me is saying eat....eat! It does help to stow away the food for later. I can't do buffets though, it is just too dishearting for me.

I have been to one over the top event in my life. I was invited to an Indian wedding that took place in the Drake Hotel. In my whole life I will never forget it. Awesome.

I also went on a cruise where there were a group of hispanic sweet sixteen party goers. Wow...fourteen beautiful girls decked out like brides, with all their attached and extended families. Somebody had some bucks to spend!

One last question...what does OP mean? Was I the OP? Thanks again!

Cost really is an issue with these things- and something those of us who are interested in NOT spending five figures struggle with.

We were able to have a very nice party for a very modest price by limiting the giveaways, limiting the open bar, and having a single DJ rather than a set of 4 "dancers" to lead the crowd, etc. (and of those cute fishbowls were way cheaper than huge flower arrangements). But there was certainly lots of discussion with the Bat Mitzvah girl because it is a concern to these kids that they not look "poor" or cheap compared to their peers.
Hello? we'd just rather have the money for say, college, than spend it on a party...not that we don't want to celebrate...

There is such pressure on the North Shore.
We are now going through the exact same issues with my niece in BG.
Invitations alone-can easily cost $20 a piece for something that will be thrown away ultimately.

I'm hoping to avoid it with my twins, and thinking about going to Israel for their Bar Mitzvahs. I'd might still do a small kids only party here so they could celebrate with their friends too, but nothing on a traditional scale.

Back to the original poster-
Lots of great Jewish food to be had in this area
I love Kaufmans-one of my favorite stops-
Also Max's in HP (I'm not a Max and Bennys fan)
and with Passover coming up (right around Easter, since the last supper was actually a passover seder, which is why the host is a flat wafer, it was originally matzoh) Many temples do have seders expecially on second night that are open to attend for a fee-
the first Seder will be April 19th and the second would be April 20th I believe.

razbry wrote:One last question...what does OP mean? Was I the OP? Thanks again!

Correct... you are the Original Poster

Hi,

I have a friend who sent his family to Israel for their Bar Mitzvah. He said it was more meaningful and less expensive than doing it locally. Of course, he also has family there. He wanted to get away from the North Shore competitive pressures.

You should really see his eyes roll with the cash gift convention of 18. Apparently the 18th letter of Hebrew is symbolic for life (I'm just parroting what I was told, so I could be wrong). Depending on your relationship with the celebrant, then you gift them $18 or multiples of $18 for a really good friend. He said he never heard of this practice in Israel.

For the only Bas Mitzvah I ever attended, I gave the celebrant an autographed copy of Joan Nathan's book on Jewish cooking.

Regards,

Cathy2 wrote:Apparently the 18th letter of Hebrew is symbolic for life (I'm just parroting what I was told, so I could be wrong). Depending on your relationship with the celebrant, then you gift them $18 or multiples of $18 for a really good friend. He said he never heard of this practice in Israel.

Close. Each letter in the hebrew alphabet has a numeric value. The word for "life" has two letters with the values of 8 and 10. It is very common to give monetary gifts for weddings and bar mitzvahs in multiples of 18. I probably received more $18 and $36 checks at my bar mitzvah than anything else.

And, yes, this is entirely a Jewish-American custom.

As for the food at my bar mitzvah, it was entirely un-remarkable hotel banquet food.

Best,
Michael

eatchicago wrote:And, yes, this is entirely a Jewish-American custom.

Only in so far as it's quite recent that 18 of anything could be given as a non-extravagant gift. Israelis do it as well and have the advantage that the exchange rate is around 4 shekels to the dollar, meaning 18 shekels is between $4.50 and $5.

and BTW maybe it's just me or the parties I've been invited to,
but I have never seen shrimp OR lobster at a Bar Mitzvah
(even tho I do not keep kosher and eat both happily.)
IMHO It's just inappropriate.

As one rabbi once said, "shrimp is merely traif, but pork is anti-Semitic."

I also went on a cruise where there were a group of hispanic sweet sixteen party goers. Wow...fourteen beautiful girls decked out like brides, with all their attached and extended families. Somebody had some bucks to spend!


That was probably not a sweet sixteen but a quinceanera. It is celebrated on their 15th birthday and is their introduction to womanhood. They are usually very fancy, with beautiful gowns.

I do recall a dish at my own bat mitzvah luncheon, nearly 40 years ago, that contained spinach noodles. It was the first time I had ever seen green noodles and I remember I kept going back to the buffet table for a little more of it because (at the time) it was such a strange food item and tasted so good. My mother brought all the leftovers home and we dined on them from the freezer for a while. I was very disappointed when we ran out of the amazing green noodle dish.

My daughter went to a bat mitzvah party last year, where the adults dined on lobster and shrimp but the kids got hot dogs and chicken nuggets. She was very disappointed because she loves shrimp and only the bat mitzvah girl was able to partake of that. I also remember thinking to myself when she told me what they served that it was in really bad taste to serve something so blatantly unkosher at a bat mitzvah celebration party. Not that I wouldn't have eaten it, just that it was in bad taste.

Suzy

Suzy

Hi,

Since this thread touches on Jewish culture, I would like to relate this very tangential experience I just had.

I was attempting to e-mail a company in Israel whose e-mail came back undelivered. I then went to their website to learn:

This website is currently offline due to the observance of the Jewish Sabbath. Please visit us again during our normal hours.

Thank you.

I will resend my e-mail tomorrow after sundown in Israel.

Regards,

irisarbor wrote:Bat Mitzvah cruise-too funny-
I'm actually invited to a Bat Mitzvah cruise on one of the Chicago dining boats later this spring...
looking forward to it-

Actually the Bar Mitzvahs that were the greatest paragons of excess were those of my east coast relatives,
followed closely by those of my LA relatives-

I remember one cousins in NY where the entree wasn't served untill nearly midnight after a hot hors d'oeuvre buffet (which included brains AND sweatbreads-my first exposure to either- I was 15)
They served creme d-menthe over a pareve (non-dairy) whipped cream like cool whippy substance as a between course palate cleanser...hideous!
Then as a prelude to the huge SWEET TABLE buffet
they rolled out a candy cart with oversized jumbo candied apples and lollipops while the band sang "Who can take a rainbow, sprinkle it with dew....the candy man can!"

The one cousins in LA required long gowns for the women and tuxes for the men but the real capper was when one of the guests had a heart attack and another guest (a doctor-nu?) performed CPR till the ambulance arrived.
Then we all went back to partying...

.

I think you have the makings of a movie there...or at the least a 10-minute play.

Oh it would definitely make a great movie-
(have you ever seen Goodbye Columbus?)
especially if you take into account the
hysterical late '60's early 70's clothes and hairdo's we were all sporting...

enough polyester to start an oil well or something...

Another enjoyable cookbook about American-Jewish cooking that the OP (and others interested in the subject) might like is Mimi Sheraton’s From My Mother’s Kitchen: Recipes and Reminiscences (revised edition 1991). Some of the differences and tensions between Jewish immigrants from different parts of Europe, and especially the big divide noted by Gypsy Boy above between the German—or at least Austrian in Sheraton’s case—Jews and the Polish and Russian Jews, are part of the story of the different kinds of cooking in Sheraton’s immediate family. Her portraits of her family, especially her mother, are loving and amusing, and the recipes are surprisingly sound. Her mother seems to have been a very good home cook of her era, and they had access to good ingredients because her father was in the New York City wholesale produce business. It’s a nice source for good variations of many basic American-Jewish dishes, and I have used it often over the years.

As for Bar/Bat Mitzvah food—I agree with others who have pointed out that the food at the receptions can be almost anything and that some parties have gone beyond what most of us mean by “over the top.” Still, for my own daughter and son, we stayed simple because the occasion was about a religious commitment and celebration of that, not about excess. Also because we didn’t have a lot of money to spend! We got wonderful food (smoked salmon, roasted veggies, mini sandwiches, dips and chips) from Fox & Obel for both lunches, hired our own staff, bought our own wine by the case, and held it in the temple social hall. Close friends contributed cakes and cookies, so we had a unique and special sweets table.

As for Bar/Bat Mitzvah food . . .

Many, many, many years ago when Jewish families would celebrate Bar Mitzvahs at home (or in small party rooms, as EvA above) that required outside catering and a little bit, sometimes, of homecooking, you could experience excellent Jewish cuisine, usually the kind prepared by a top-of-the-line deli, with formidable selections of breads, cold-cuts, and smoked fish, and specialty hors d'oeuvres like chopped liver and whitefish salad. Now, alas, you are far more likely to run into the kind of hotel-banquet affair mentioned above.

Also, one caveat against experiencing Jewish cuisine for the first time at a Passover seder. This can often be a fine meal, but it is only one slice of the tradition, and there are many, many restrictions that limit what is served at the table and how it is served; in addition, you occasionally run across some really vile "Kosher for Passover" concoctions that attempt to work around the restrictions. I for one used to consider Passover week an excellent time for a short-term diet.