Clubbing a Baby Seal - My Dinner at Dunlay's on the Square

My better side tells me not to do this, but I'm feverish and was just diagnosed with pneumonia, so I left my better side under the covers and dragged myself to the PC to tap out my experience last night at the newest sign of the apocolypse here in Logan Square, Dunlay's on the Square. This place is so bad in so many ways, and represents such wretchedly poor planning by its owners, it actually makes me sad knowing it is there. As my topic title indicates, my experience of Dunlay's is like that one about the baby seal that walked into a club.

So, anyway, I was sick and stir crazy and had to get out, but Mrs. JiLS argued for something close, and Dunlay's certainly was that. [Edited to protect Mrs. JiLS's reputation -- she just said "close"; I'm the doofus who suggested Dunlay's.] When we walked into the establishment, we were actually impressed by the looks. They've done a good job converting the old Boulevard space to more efficiently serve as a supper club, rather than primarily bar/performance space that Boulevard was. We were promptly and cheerfully greeted and then seated by one of the trio of Trixies who hovered around the hostess stand like anxious honeybees throughout our stay (they just made me nervous, is all I'm saying). I started getting suspicious right about now, because these girls really looked like they had been shanghaied from regular duty in the orginal Lincoln Park location of Dunlay's, including the look, the attitude and the vapidity that seems can only be appreciated after (1) drinking six Guiness and (2) reversing your Michigan cap, bill to the rear. Needless to say, we weren't the typical crowd, and I don't think that crowd has much presence in this neighborhood. Yes, we are gentrifying in Logan Square; no, we aren't ever going to be a neighborhood like LP with the right concentration of 20-something Big Ten frat/sorority types places like Dunlay's appeal to. As a meet market in LP, I bet Dunlay's does well; as a destination spot (the Square isn't exactly thronging with revellers on the sidewalks), well, I guess I can admire their spunk.

I will give the actual food only brief attention, consistent with the methods of Dunlay's kitchen. We started with baked goat cheese in red sauce. This was five slices of Jewel brand goat cheese with Prego ladled over it and heated up, served with rounds of toasted stale bread. It was like the recipe on the side of a Triscuits box. Dunlay's claims everything is from scratch; if that is so, more's the pity, because they could save trouble and maybe serve better appetizers if they just went ahead with some food-service products. Mrs. JiLS had a salad that consisted of good quality greens and dressing, with only two grape tomatoes - and cost over $4.00. I then had the worst pizza I've ever eaten, and that includes delivery at a Walt Disney World hotel and this one punk bar I went to once in Indianapolis. The thin crust was undercooked, doughy and greasy; the sauce was a pesto that (1) also tasted like Jewel brand and (2) was apparently applied by a myopic gorilla. The cheese was as close to Cheez Whiz I've seen on a Pizza product served in a restaurant. Mrs. JiLS's cheeseburger was mealy, tasteless and served with way too much bun. All of course was served with a *smile* by Trixie.

At the end of our meal, the owner (I assume that's who it was, he looked like the boss) came by to ask how we liked it, with a sort of goofy enthusiasm. Regarding that conversation, I will just state for the record that (1) I am a competent lawyer, (2) Mrs. JiLS is an accomplished actor, and (3) we both try to be polite at all times. One remark I recall was that the neighborhood needed a place to have a burger, a beer and "chill." Yeah, dude, whatever. Oh, I also recall later the satisfying and resounding "smack" of the packaged remains of my pizza against the bottom of the dumpster.


Dunlays On The Square
3137 W Logan Blvd
Chicago, IL 60686
773-227-2400
www.dunlaysonthesquare.com

Thank for the laugh to end my workday!

Very saddened to hear that this is what replaced the Boulevard. While it was far from perfect, I had the occasional good/decent meal and saw some outstanding shows (Idris Muhammed/Lonnie Smith comes to mind) in its purple incarnation. They also had cheap Makers Mark on Mondays.

"Punk bar in Indianapolis" = Alley Cat? hahahaha - they serve generic frozen pizza that is intended for emergency consumption and to allow them to fly under the law's radar so they may stay open on Sunday. Not high praise for the Dunlay's za.

At least we don't have to worry about them putting Lula out of business!

I couldn't stop laughing when I read this. You paint a vivid picture!

It reminded me of a salad that I ate in Hot Springs, Arkansas-- I ordered a Ceasar Salad--and what came was some lettuce, a cherry tomato, a cucumber slice, 3 shreds of carrot, and about 3/4 of a cup of sliced black olives. The Ceasar dressing was ranch dressing with a little sprinkle of the Kraft cheese that comes out of the green can. It was $6.50. Not in the mood to sound like arrogant city folk, I asked the server to please just bring me a regular house salad instead (only $2). So, the house salad comes to the table and it's EXACTLY the same salad--except that the black olives had been picked off. I swear I thought I was in a Monty Python sketch.

So, now I had to ask the obvious questions...And the response I got was that yes, there is no difference between the two salads except for the olives and the price. And yes, they realize that the Ceasar salad isn't really a Ceasar salad. They said they realized that it is unfair, but, (and I quote) "most people don't notice".

Jim,

I wanted to thank you for the laugh as well. Not only will I avoid this place, I will never buy anything that is Jewel brand.

Kim

Thanks for the appreciative follow-up posts, the last of which raises a point I feel in fairness I need to address. To avoid unnecessarily besmirching the Jewel brand name (they scarcely need my assistance), the reader should know that my references to "Jewel" brand products in the original post are NOT to be taken literally, are entirely hypothetical and are meant to give the proper impression of mediocrity of product (i.e., that would not warrant the types of prices charged). I didn't ask the provenance of the cheese, the pesto sauce, or Trixie's hair gel. For all I know, Dunlay's may shop at Aldi. I shall now crawl back under the covers with my 2005 LTH Food Porn calendar and a flashlight.

JimInLoganSquare wrote:Thanks for the appreciative follow-up posts, the last of which raises a point I feel in fairness I need to address. To avoid unnecessarily besmirching the Jewel brand name (they scarcely need my assistance), the reader should know that my references to "Jewel" brand products in the original post are NOT to be taken literally, are entirely hypothetical and are meant to give the proper impression of mediocrity of product (i.e., that would not warrant the types of prices charged). I didn't ask the provenance of the cheese, the pesto sauce, or Trixie's hair gel. For all I know, Dunlay's may shop at Aldi. I shall now crawl back under the covers with my 2005 LTH Food Porn calendar and a flashlight.

Aren't lawyers GREAT!!!

JiLS ,

You've just completely bashed someplace while making it appear that you are defending it. In the immortal words of Guinness advertising "BRILLIANT"

Flip

If anybody thinks my last post was a defense of Dunlay's, I'd hate to have me as a client! It must be the codeine in the cough syrup I was prescribed yesterday; that's some good stuff, there.

JimInLoganSquare wrote:If anybody thinks my last post was a defense of Dunlay's, I'd hate to have me as a client! It must be the codeine in the cough syrup I was prescribed yesterday; that's some good stuff, there.

Jim,

I didn't view it as a defense of Dunlay's. I thought it more of a pseudodefense of your Jewel brand comments.

Flip

Might be that they thought you were defending Jewel,not Dunlay's.

Then let it be said once and for all: I defend neither Dunlay's nor Jewel! They can take care of their own reputations.

Jim,

I did understand that while you were not besmirching the Jewel brand per se, but rather using the term making to illustrate the mediocrity of the food, I thought Flip's follow-up to you was rather funny. I'm inclined to believe that you would like the court reporter to strike all references to "Jewel brand" brand from the record.



Kim

JiminLoganSquare,

I am sorry to hear this news. I was just at Lula's Thursday night and didn't notice the change. I didn't mind the Boulevard so much...

On another note, even though I do not post much, I've been reading up on some of your posts... We recently bought a house and moved from Sacramento and Diversey to the very edge of Logan Square (Belmont and Kimball). And even though the move was not that far, it feels like we're in another universe.... we are continually on the look out for good places around here - beef/hot dogs, chinese, thai - but they seem to be lacking. Although I was glad to hear that you liked Eat First. It's not bad. We went to Cubbie's Red Hots at Milwuakee and Pulaski recently. And I think we're going to give Mirabell (German) at Addison and Kimball a try soon. Any other suggestions?? (It would be good to know which Polish joints we should try on Milwaukee...)

Mirabell is decent though I think the kitchen is a little tired compared to Resi's. Still, I find myself there time to time, it's a slice of the old country and a pleasantly old school place for a late night beer on those rare occasions I have such a thing. The burger, which has onion chopped into the beef, is good too.

The Polish places on Milwaukee-- I've tried most of them over the years and have never found that much difference, by which I mean, whatever distinguishes one from the next is too subtle for my uneducated palate. So try Red Apple/Czerwone Jabluszko, Paul Zakopane Harnas, Staropolska, it's all pretty good. Maybe ReneG or somebody can be more discerning.

The Mexican jewel in your area, of course, is Ixcapuzalco, I've tried a few of the taquerias and they were decent enough (Taqueria el Gallito for instance) but I can't think of one to rave about. Go far enough up Milwaukee (3400-3600 N) and you hit two board faves, Taqueria la Oaxaquena and Thai Aree.

There's also starting to be some South American around there-- I reviewed a place called La Humita in an old post reposted in this thread.

Even more revealing, take a peek at the reader views on Metromix of the other Dunlays property in LP. Talk about stuffing the ballot box, this is Chicago politics at its finest!

JimInLoganSquare wrote: I started getting suspicious right about now, because these girls really looked like they had been shanghaied from regular duty in the orginal Lincoln Park location of Dunlay's, including the look, the attitude and the vapidity that seems can only be appreciated after (1) drinking six Guiness and (2) reversing your Michigan cap, bill to the rear.

*shudder* this alone would make me never want to go there.

Dunlay's (both of them) are Michigan bars? i thought they were mich st or some other big ten school. that i could handle...but not Michigan.

Plenty of good stuff near enough to Belmont & Kimball that you should try. Try Sabatino's, Mi Ciudad/Cuenca, and La Aurora, all on Irving, in addition to those previously noted.

Thanks for the suggestions! Has anyone tried Van Phat at Diversey and Kimball or Nha Trang on Belmont? Also, I'd like opinions on Spice Thai - I've had it a few times and found it inconsistent... thanks again!

I went to Nha Trang once and found it pretty poor - tepid pho with overcooked noodles and wrinkled jalapenos. I never went back. Spice Thai was also mediocre - no pleasant surprises on the menu and no indication of any interest in producing anything but the most risk-averse amerithai food possible. But these are one visit apiece, so I may be wrong.

Three years pass. Like Hans Castorp bundled up on his veranda contemplating the progress of time, my mind wanders back, is pulled back through the eddies of progress and regress to Dunlay's on the Square. Could it have been just a bit of moisture in my lungs? Just a spot, or a deeper illness of the heart? My illness passed, aided by strong, modern medicine. Years went by, and last night found me and Mrs. JiLS back at Dunlay's. The snow was falling, we were tired, it was available, and with a comfort food menu, Dunlay's somehow seemed the right place. It was also half-price bottle of wine night, which never hurts. Well, it wasn't the crapfest I reported three years ago, that's for sure, although I still wouldn't recommend it. The room has great potential; the bar remains the wonderful thing it always was, serving a Manhattan with a plenitude of real, brandy-soaked cherries. The place hasn't change physically too much from how it looked under the old Boulevard management, and the artwork, lighting and general design of the room are great. But somehow it doesn't gel as a restaurant. The food was OK, sort of jumped up bar food. We tried an oddball appetizer of nacho chips layered with blue cheese dressing and Tabasco -- yes, that's right: we ate Buffalo Chips. (Not what they called them.) They were OK. Mrs. JiLS had a jambalaya that was one-dimensional and unmemorable; not a reason to go to Dunlay's, although not strictly speaking *bad*. I had the meatloaf, which was good enough, although spoiled by the application of a reduction that was way too intensely flavored for the dish and dominated the plate. The garlic mashed potatoes were the best thing on the plate. A pizza I saw delivered to another table certainly was far superior to the mess I was served in 2005. So, a thoroughly mediocre, if not offensive, meal, like a certain ordinary young man from Hamburg; I would not leave my pencil here.

Thanks for bringing this back to the fore, Jim, as I had missed it the first time. Of course, I liked Dunlay's and your post much better when it was execrable, but progress does move on.

I probably would never have gone there anyway, but thanks for saving me the trouble. You have assured I will remember to avoid it.

Unfair of you to use Jewel as a paragon of mediocre, prepared foods when there is so much competition - a slight, really, to so many other deserving places.

Time rolls on. I've now become a reluctant convert of Dunlay's; with certain caveats, I'd actually recommend the place for a drink and a snack. Know its limitations, and this is actually not the portent of the apocalypse I feared in '05 and was skeptical over in late '07. First, it's a really decent bar. They make good mixed drinks, they use real brandy-soaked cherries in the Manhattans, the bartenders are competent and friendly, and they offer a really neat beer list (this from a non-beer expert who simply observes that they have a lot of good-tasting stuff, and the stock keeps increasing, and includes all the local big-hitters like Half Acre, et al.). The food quality also has increased, although they are still capable of serving a jaw-dropper once in a while, and the pizzas, while better by far than the barf disk I was served in January '05, have some "amusing" (not in a good way) topping selection choices, such as a Margherita pizza featuring grape tomatoes sliced in half. Well, just call it unorthodox, and drink three more beers in preparation; the crust and the sauce are actually mighty fine.

They also have some really very good and really very interesting menu items, including a house-smoked salmon appetizer that I highly recommend, with no irony (although they really need to work on the quality of the toast tips, and the sauce is a bit too heavy; but the smoke on the fish is just about perfect, and the quality of the fish itself is better than OK). Plus, their burgers have gotten much, much better, and are $5.00 on Wednesdays, so they actually top my list for one item I often seek, right there. Bottom-line, despite my initial fears, Dunlay's has not destroyed my neighborhood, and I'm not averse to a simple dinner there, or a drink or three.

I see Dunlay's on the Square honestly, and often successfully, trying to do more than they are probably used to having to do in Lincoln Park. Kudos to them for that. Some of it's probably just good marketing; e.g., they observe Quenchers and the Map Room, and putting 2 and 2 together, they do some research and invest in a stronger beer offering (tap and bottle). It's not rocket science, but at least they are doing it. And they also worked out their server issues; all the Trixies now have been issued pageboy haircuts, chunky glasses, "Suck My D*ck" t-shirts and framed MFA diplomas over the bar, meaning I can at long last feel comfortably at home. So they've got that going for them.

JimInLoganSquare wrote:meaning I can at long last feel comfortably at home.

4-years, your neighborhood, sounds more like Stockholm syndrome.

I agree with JILS. Dunlay's is fine. It's two blocks from the apartment, is rarely crowded (unlike Lula), and has a nice dog-friendly outdoor patio.

The beer list is better than it has to be, the $5 Wednesday burgers are quite good, and we've had success with a grilled artichoke & remoulade appetizer. Some other dishes, such as the fish sandwich, were unacceptable, though.

It's not a destination restaurant, for sure. But, it's fine for what it is.

Ronna

Time rolls on. I've now become a reluctant convert of Dunlay's; with certain caveats, I'd actually recommend the place for a drink and a snack.

My wife and I have experienced a similar change of heart.

The beer selection has improved considerably, the music has taken a similar leap in quality (it was godawful during their first year or so), and I think their food is now comfortably above-average for a bar or pub. The burgers are pretty darn good — not destination worthy, but certainly well-made, and a good deal on $5 night. The bacon they use for brunch is surprisingly toothsome, too; I actually prefer it to Lula's bacon, which surprised the hell out of me.

"It reminded me of a salad that I ate in Hot Springs, Arkansas-- I ordered a Ceasar Salad--and what came was some lettuce, a cherry tomato, a cucumber slice, 3 shreds of carrot, and about 3/4 of a cup of sliced black olives. The Ceasar dressing was ranch dressing with a little sprinkle of the Kraft cheese that comes out of the green can. It was $6.50."

This reminds me of a Caprese Salad I had in El Paso, TX (an an upscale country club who should have known better). 3 slices of pre-sliced sandwich mozzarella, three lame whitish tomatoes, and some spring greens - no attempt at reproducing basil.

I just wanted to bring up this old thorn in the side of a thread to note that Dunlay's has now completely evolved away from all the bad stuff I noted above - in ways that should have been totally predictable to me at the time - and has found its true calling as a family restaurant that transitions nicely into an adult snacking and watering hole at night. In the nine years since my initial plastering of Dunlay's, thankfully, I've not yet had a recurrence of pneumonia, and Dunlay's has grown into a solid neighborhood institution. In retrospect, I regret my own myopia on the matter. I think Dunlay's knew what it was doing, or what it was going to do, better than I did, and that I failed to anticipate in my eagerness to be snarky. Well, they succeeded despite my best efforts to destroy them through internet snark. A lesson learned.

I was at Dunlay's the other day and had a salad of shredded Brussels sprouts, bacon, almonds, dried blueberries, manchego cheese, cherry tomatoes and lemon vinaigrette. It was so great I ordered a second one, and snarfed 'em down so fast I didn't want to even pause to take a picture, though it was a lovely thing. Glad this is now also in my hood, and I can walk there, too.