How to get the best from a restaurant...

HI,

There was a post this evening, which got me thinking how restaurant customers (us!) behaviors may positively or negatively influence our dining experience.

Just this last weekend, our guest speaker at Culinary Historians was Robert Scarola, Mayor Daley's deputy press secretary and author of Make Mine Medium Rare - A Diner's Survival Guide.

I've already lent out my copy, so I can only offer comments gleaned from the lecture. How do you treat the waitstaff? Scarola advised they don't like being treated as non-entities to be ordered around. He found if you look them in the eye and engage them politely, then you get better than average treatment. Scarola has indicated he has had friends comment he has a talent to get the best out of a waitstaff. When they come on their own, they are not treated the same, though they probably don't act as he does.

If and when he does have a problem with waitstaff, he does not confront the server directly. If you ask a server to bring their manager to the table, which is normally my reaction, then you offer the server time to set you up as the 'difficult' customer. Instead, he finds the manager himself and ever so politely, on the edge of apologetically, asks to be switched to another server.

G WIV on this board has a talent for making favorite restaurants regard him as a favorite customer. His love and devotion is demonstrated by the hoards of new customers he brings in who very often become regulars. G WIV is very generous with tips. Recently we were at a restaurant which has a liquor license, who allowed his party to BYOB. Acknowledging it cut into their profit for the evening, he upped his tip to over 30% to compensate any loss in tips. I was somewhat surprised at the level of tip, though it made sense once he explained. In almost all cases, he leaves a very generous tip, which certainly makes restaurant owners and staff take notice.

As for dirty bathrooms, a frequent complaint, why not politely inquire with the manager. Only if there is no movement, then contact or write a letter to directed to the owner. If the letter is written in a constructive way, rather than accusatory, they will be grateful for your comments and make amends. Nobody likes to be on the receiving end of a scorching letter.

In practice, I do try to be a decent customer which is rewarded in many small ways.

I can be found in Tank Noodle on Argyle and Broadway from time to time. In preparation for the LTHforum calendar, I was there 3 out of 4 days with Erik M trying different menu items to photograph.

A few weeks later, I was there with some other friends. I was carefully reading the menu trying to puzzle out what I ordered last time that I really liked. The waiter came smiling up to the table with my Coke to advise last time I had ordered #XX, do I want it again? I was absolutely thrilled he remembered because I really was trying to remember that exact item and more than pleased that he cared to remember.

Later he told me there was a menu item he thought I might enjoy next time. He brought the menu with the description, gave me a business card with the item number noted and, intimating it takes 30 minutes to cook, to call on my way so they could begin preparation. That is warm the cockles of your heart service, something you cannot buy.

You can be certain my tip met or exceeded the level of service. I left with a smile and wave, which was returned. Exceptional when you consider my meal cost less than $10.

Regards,

Cathy2 wrote: Recently we were at a restaurant which has a liquor license, who allowed his party to BYOB. Acknowledging it cut into their profit for the evening, he upped his tip to over 30% to compensate any loss in tips. I was somewhat surprised at the level of tip, though it made sense once he explained.

Cathy,

Not only the fact they allowed us to BYOB, but also that we occupied 2/3 of the restaurant for a substantial portion of the evening. Actually it's not really a matter of generous tip, or should I say that's only one small factor. There's no tip involved in Miss Lee or George's BBQ letting a shaggy, raggy group 'behind the bullet proof glass' or Langer's allowing an enthusiastic Chicagoan behind the counter to take pictures.

It's mainly appreciation and interest, people can tell, and appreciate, true enthusiasm, be it your interaction at Tank, BBQ Tour III at Roma's or me at 'Little' Three Happiness being a long time customer who takes true pleasure in introducing his friends to the joys of crisp rice noodles.

Let's fact it, people like you, me, LTHer's, foodies, hounds, however you wish to characterize, simply interact differently with restaurants and restaurateurs. We are not simply feeding our bodies, but our minds and souls.

Enjoy,
Gary

I have several foolproof tips. For instance, walking in and immediately shouting "WHAT is that SMELL?" lets them know you're a discerning customer who demands the best.

Mike G wrote:"WHAT is that SMELL?" lets them know you're a discerning customer who demands the best.

As long as there is a smile on your face. If you look all screwed up and disgusted, they will regard you as their worst nightmare personified..

G WIV is very generous with tips. Recently we were at a restaurant which has a liquor license, who allowed his party to BYOB. Acknowledging it cut into their profit for the evening, he upped his tip to over 30% to compensate any loss in tips. I was somewhat surprised at the level of tip, though it made sense once he explained. In almost all cases, he leaves a very generous tip, which certainly makes restaurant owners and staff take notice

This is a very interesting topic to me - one that takes me in several different directions. Mike and I have been graced to be considered regulars in several restaurants that we love. This status has given us perks in the monetary sense as well as some wonderful experiences, including drinking in the "employee lounge" (i.e. the back alley at Tournesol); sharing wine with a respresentative of Creem wines at Charlies on Leavitt whom we had just met, having a waiter at Mia Francesca bring 20 different liqueurs to the table after a business dinner for my fellow diners to sample gratis, the hostess at Avec giving my 10 month old son her silver bracelet to play with.

As Gary says, money is not the only thing that talks, loyalty, interest, knowlege and sometimes just being a quirky customer all make one stand out. I remember reading Cabrales' post on Chowhound once on how to present yourself at at good restaurant. As I recall, I agreed with a lot of what she said, but some of what she wrote made me think - how plastic. Dress well - yes, but really just be yourself and treat the staff with respect, dignity and humor. Be someone that they would want to sit down and have a drink with. Ask questions. Frankly, we got regular-like treatment the first time we were at Charlie's by simply asking questions. I could see that they were focusing on organics, so I would inquire "who is the farmer." They seemed focused on artisanal techniques, "is this housemade?" By the end of the meal, when I asked for glass of wine with my cheese, the server poured me a glass, looked at the bottle, and set it down on our table telling us "ah there's not much left, have the rest" (an additional glass). And don't bh afraid to show that you're knowlegeable. I, myself, would not do this in the past because I didn't want to seem pretentious or showy. I've realized now that it gives you and the server, the chef and the sommelier a common language and most times they like it. And lastly, yeah tip well. A 30% tip is not unheard of for us in our regular places. In fact, we topped out once at 40%. Our evening in the Tournesol employee lounge led to a specially designed anniversary dinner where we gave Michael Smith, the owner, a budget, some general likes and dislikes and he made us dinner, even making the puff pastry for our appetizer course from scratch. He charged us less than our budget, we made up for it with tip. It's a give and take, we get a glass of wine, a free appetizer, a free dessert, the tip increases.

MAG wrote:
As Gary says, money is not the only thing that talks, loyalty, interest, knowlege and sometimes just being a quirky customer all make one stand out.

Part of this reminds me of the Jack Nicholson/Helen Hunt movie "As Good As It Gets". I rarely tip under 20% and even then rarely under $1.00. I'm particularly sensitive to ensuring the staff get a large tip while waiting on a large group I'm in. There are always several people not listening while the waiter is going over the specials, the meal is served and they ask if there is anything else, and as soon as they walk away, someone who wasn't listeing wants a special condiement or.......

Being friendly with service people is always in your best interest, whether its food, construction, airline reservation, car rentals, or whatever. Treat them nice and most likely you will get a perk out of it. Besides in the immortal words of Dalton the bouncer at the Double Deuce in Road House, "Be Nice".

Interesting thread....

The biggest lesson for me, in this regard, was to show interest. When I was living in DC, a good friend of mine was known as "The Mayor of Adams Morgan". Every bar owner, restaurant owner, and shop owner in the neighborhood knew him and gave him special treatment. I was on the opposite side of the spectrum. Even though I was a regular at many of the same places (usually with "the mayor") I was rarely recognized or acknowledged. I assumed it was because he was 6'4" with long blonde hair and I am of average height and build with "blend-in-a-crowd" looks.

When I asked him "how he does it?" He told me to ask questions and just be interested. People work very hard on their restaurants and love it when patrons are interested in the work that they're doing, and people remember people they talk to.

Since this lesson, I've learned to ask about anything I'm remotely interested in. Sometimes it makes me look like a snob, but so what (as long as you're not rude, snobbery isn't always bad). Many times, my waiter or waitress will not know an answer and send over a manager/owner, which usually results in a friendly conversation and recognition at my next visit.

Best,
Michael / EC

I disagree strongly with the idea that it's the money that makes the difference. The world is full of people who tip well and get excellent service of a sort, but don't become buddies with the staff or get the GWiv treatment in any form.

The key, as EatChicago perhaps says best, is to show interest in their craftsmanship, to give them the rare chance to talk about what they do and show their pride to someone who hasn't already heard it a million times, and especially with ethnic restaurateurs to find a way to pierce that barrier between the gringos and the natives. Money comes downstream from that-- after all, if you understand them as people, you understand that they're in business and what a tip over 20% means to them, and so it's one more way in which you are showing your appreciation for their craft and their treatment of you. But I think it's after the friendship and the show of interest, not before.

(By the way, the thing about the smell was a joke, if anyone missed that...)

One thing that I have found at those restaurants that I have an intention of returning (particularly high end restaurants) is to leave a tip for the cooking staff. I'll sometimes bring an envelope and enclose a Twenty with a short note, tell the chef that it is for his/her staff, and give it to the server to give to the chef. Of course, it is primarily symbolic, but symbols matter.

We often tip on the basis of the food, but it is the servers who receive the tips (indvidually or collectively). Cooks know how this works and accept it with more or less grace, but when a customer says that the meal was so transforming that they deserve something, well the gesture is memorable. Sometimes (I don't do this often) the chef will come into the dining room to meet our party - and, needless to say, next time I get another great meal.

Do you end up talking mainly to your servers, or does the occasion often rise for you to talk to the manager, chef, owner or someone else overseeing the joint? And when that happens, is it because the server gets the person, or you request to talk to them, or they are strolling around?

I'm sure it's all of the above, but I would definitely be interested in hearing some stories about how those conversations went. I often want to ask a lot but get shy, and some ideas might help me figure out how to talk to them in an enthusiastic but not obnoxious way, hehe.

I think this thread also could be titled "how to become a regular", mainly it's just common courtesy-

1. Remember my name, honestly though, I'll remember your face but won't remember your name, I see five thousand people a week but people look familiar.

2. Be respectful of that I'm doing five hundred other things. I recognize you, I acknowledge you, I'll take care of you. Let me do my job.

3. Have a little common sense - we're busy, you're food is going to take a little longer, even though you come in all the time, you're going to wait a little longer for your table. I know you're there, I know you're waiting, the less you say is more.

4. Be nice to all the staff, not only your server, the bartender, the busboy, everyone. We all recognize the same people, we all talk.

5. Be honest with me - this sucks, the server was poor, everything was fantastic, etc. I appreciate all the feedback from people who come in multiple times, it's the only way to fix things.

6. Tip 20%. Not too much to be buying our friendship but enough to distinguish yourself.

7. If you call me personally ahead of time and I squeeze you in because we're busy, be on time. We had a party of ten tonight who threw everyone's name involved around, we told them we'd take care of them (when we probably shouldn't of taken the res) , they came 30 minutes late. Not a favorite customer.

This is all from a managers POV, but I would guess most bartenders/servers/busboys/hosts would agree with it.

pizano, I know you are being helpful by sharing with us how it looks from the restaurant manager's POV. Nevertheless, some of it rubs me the wrong way.

I am a big believer in "you get back what you give out," and therefore, I arrive at restaurants with a positive and pleasant attitude. I think it's just nice to do this, in addition to being good sense. But I don't think it's incumbent on me to do this. If, by chance, I were to arrive at the restaurant in a bad mood, I would still hope for the restaurant to do its part to lift me out of it (which might be why I went to the restaurant in the first place). A restaurant is not my shrink, but when all is said and done, it is (or is properly seen as being) in the entertainment business.

The customer is not always right. But it may be the obligation of the recipient of the customer's money to bend over backwards to treat him as if he is, rather than the other way around.

Some of your rules I can fully embrace. (Such as, if you squeezed me in, I should show up on time.) They fall within the bounds of common courtesy and respect. But others of your rules (such as, that I should remember that you have 500 other things to do), I have a problem with. I have 500 other things to do, too. But when I'm the service provider to my clients/customers in my business, they have the right to expect not to hear about them or need to think about them. I expect the same.

This thread is useful, though, as a source of customer strategies for receiving a better restaurant experience, and I appreciate your insight into that--if not all the particulars.

I agree with pizano...succinct, direct, thank you.

As for riddlemay's observations...actually, a customer *should* consider that a server has "five hundred" other things to do. A two-way street: a customer might be having a bad day; so, too the server. And not just in a...I'm in a bad mood/don't feel well fashion...let's talk medical difficulties, staff relations, home emergencies...etc. Same with a customer

...I suppose

Servers aren't asking customers to bask in their lives; we expect common courtesy...at the very least please and thank you. We aren't contemporary peons...who exist "merely to serve."

and so on

I've contemplated offering a list of bad-behaved customers; not from a pissant server-bitch stance(those are an online dime-a-dozen)

...more from a wtf are you thinking coming in here, approaching myself or my co-workers in that manner?

some customers are crazed and many servers are just trying to do their job(s)...jobs in order to fulfill customer expectations

jesteinf's Revolutionary Guidelines for Getting the Best from a Restaurant

1. Be nice - treat your server as a fellow human being.
2. Ask questions - act like you care about what you're eating

That is all.

Christopher Gordon wrote:Servers...aren't contemporary peons...who exist "merely to serve."...and so on

Couldn't agree more.

I suppose I compare it to my own professional situation. (In my doing so, note that I regard servers as professionals.) In my own professional situation, I would never dream of using "all the other things going on in my life" as a reason not to deliver the product I promised. That would be a last resort so "last" that I would consider it all but unthinkable. Being understanding about why I can't deliver is not why they hired me. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself and not allowing myself to be human (and underestimating my clients' capacity for forgiveness), but that's how I feel about my own work. So I bring similar expectations to the work done by others.

thanks for the qualification:

that's exactly how I approach my newly-cultivated culinary position...yes, I really hope that customers might have an inkling that I'm tasked with a variety of missions during the day(and tho' they came in at noon...maybe I've been working since 5 AM)...

but, I can't anticipate that

nor, should they

customer service is but one aspect of my employment

And, I'm getting the full-bore education

basically, I want to be "on" as much as possible...it *is* a veneer, an entertainment

well, the good customers ALWAYS ameliorate the bad

It's funny - I just spent a mildly unpleasant evening dining with people who wind up getting excellent service, but I'm guessing the servers are giving them white-glove treatment because we've been tagged as a PITA table.

The opposite side of the spectrum: questions are great - provided that you are interested and approach questions with humility and a genuine desire to learn (a characteristic of most who peruse this board, I think.) Grandstanding about your lack of knowledge as though it's the restaurant's problem is not the same as asking a question. Also, asking for changes to the menu as written should be done with an understanding that you're asking for extra effort without commensurate compensation.

And, for God's sake, will somebody please let people know that it's rude to snap your fingers for attention from a waiter (as well as referring to waitstaff as "boy," in French?) Maybe a letter to the Times...

Mhays wrote:And, for God's sake, will somebody please let people know that it's rude to snap your fingers for attention from a waiter (as well as referring to waitstaff as "boy," in French?) Maybe a letter to the Times...

Mhays-

Please, please, please tell me that you did not just dine with someone who actually used the term "garcon" in the course of the evening?

If so, you have the patience of a saint. . .

Sadly, I have indeed done so. Even worse - in most unsaintly fashion, I'm unable to keep the inner horror from seeping onto my face, which I'm sure makes things that much more unpleasant for the waitstaff.

Actually, I find life in general is more pleasant if you treat everyone everywhere like this, not just people in restaurants where you want to be a regular. Everyone is pleased if you're interested in their work, or at least interested in them. Just being friendly can pleasantly shock, say, the garage attendant handing you your change or the person giving you a program at the theater. And any place you go often, it's even more important -- whether a restaurant, the dentist office, or the mechanic -- being fit in at the last minute, getting some nice little bit of extra service, or just feeling like they're glad to see you makes everything nicer.

This doesn't mean you need to ask about their grandchildren or even remember their names (though that's nice if you are a regular somewhere), but being friendly doesn't cost anything, and it pays rather handsomely in most cases.

I just try to think of the whole planet as a small town, and treat everyone like they are a neighbor.

I go into every situation with the old adage that my mother pressed upon me as a child 'treat others as you want to be treated'. I've been a server before and I've always appreciated someones nice attitude and interest. I do expect to be treated back with at least that much kindness. I think that it's a give and take situation and both sides have to be aware how to walk that line.

I dated someone who had an embarassing Uncle that was famous for routing back around to the table after everyone left, and taking about half the tip, and shoving it in his own pockets. It got to be so bad they designated a family member to go check the table so the waitstaff didn't get short changed. He also used to fein choking on a piece of steak in a restaurant to get the manager to send him out another complementary steak. It's funny how he always choked when he was down to his last quarter of his steak.

His name also became a slang word in their family for anyone that was miserly and unpleasant, and ultimately, he not to be invited out to dinner with them again.

pizano345 wrote:6. Tip 20%. Not too much to be buying our friendship but enough to distinguish yourself.

Do people really feel like a higher tip is an attempt to buy friendship?

bibi rose wrote:Do people really feel like a higher tip is an attempt to buy friendship?

No, but I think there's a gray area in which it's not always strictly about rewarding exceptional service, either. A beyond-the-norm tip can mean, "look at me, I'm generous," "look at me, I'm rich," "look at me, I have compassion for the working stiff," "remember me and give me great service next time" (which is not the same as super-tipping for good service this time), "you're beautiful and I'm in love," "I know you think I'm a jerk so I'm going to prove to you how wrong you are," "I know I acted like a jerk and I'd like to make it up to you," or "I'm insecure and I want you to really, really like me." Not to mention all the things it can mean that I can't even think of.

I'm getting paranoid now! I just tipped 30% after eating a meal while sitting at a bar-- a place I go about once a month, always sit at the bar, and usually tip 25%. The 30% was because it was quite a low bill and the 25% just didn't seem like enough. I hope the bartenders aren't afraid I'm going to start hitting on them or something.

bibi rose wrote:

pizano345 wrote:6. Tip 20%. Not too much to be buying our friendship but enough to distinguish yourself.

Do people really feel like a higher tip is an attempt to buy friendship?

Giving a larger tip to an excellent server is the only way to encourage good people to stay in the industry ... and may be the only way to prevent tipping a mediocre server in the future.

Thanks y'all

bibi rose wrote:I'm getting paranoid now! I just tipped 30% after eating a meal while sitting at a bar-- a place I go about once a month, always sit at the bar, and usually tip 25%. The 30% was because it was quite a low bill and the 25% just didn't seem like enough. I hope the bartenders aren't afraid I'm going to start hitting on them or something.

bibi rose-

Having eaten at the bar, maybe you have more to worry about than bartenders thinking you'll hit on them.

aschie30 wrote:

bibi rose wrote:I'm getting paranoid now! I just tipped 30% after eating a meal while sitting at a bar-- a place I go about once a month, always sit at the bar, and usually tip 25%. The 30% was because it was quite a low bill and the 25% just didn't seem like enough. I hope the bartenders aren't afraid I'm going to start hitting on them or something.

bibi rose-

Having eaten at the bar, maybe you have more to worry about than bartenders thinking you'll hit on them.

Last night, a friend and I had dinner at L. Woods, where we are semi-regulars. (We go there for martinis 'n' meat after seeing late-afternoon bargain-show movies at the Crown Village 18.) Anyway, last night, after a martini-and-a-half, I looked around at all the framed black-and-white glossies of patrons which fill the wall space, and said to my friend, "Why the hell aren't we up there????" And then, "As God is my witness, we are going to have our picture up there." And then, "Oh yes, we will have our picture up there." (You get the picture--no pun intended.) Which prompted my friend to tell our waiter of our new mission. The waiter promptly got the restaurant's digital point-n-shoot and took our picture! We shall see if we adorn their walls on our next visit, but I knew I owed the guy an extra-large tip. (So add this to the "possible reasons for an extra-large tip," bibi rose!) I started by figuring the 20% tip on the pre-tax amount that I always leave anyway, and then added $5--which in this case brought the percentage to slightly over 25%. Do you think that was enough, or would you (the collective LTH brain) have gone higher?

riddlemay wrote: Do you think that was enough, or would you (the collective LTH brain) have gone higher?

Was the picture properly framed and in focus?