I have two archenemies in the world. Traffic Management Authority is one.
Chundy’s is the other. They say you have to care about someone to hate them. Well, I hate Chundy’s.
Before that, I hated
Golden Rise Bakery. Why? Their hours. Here’s an idea, a bakery that doesn’t open until 9am. What? Not successful!? Really. I used to stand at the bus stop and stare holes into their hours sign. COFFEE! CUPCAKES! BREAD! WAIT UNTIL YOU’RE AT YOUR OFFICE AND WE’LL OPEN UP! Fuck you.
Chundy’s has the same problem. It’s like they stepped up to the plate, and got caught looking. Struck out without taking a swing.
Buy some furniture. Buy some equipment. Commit. Show us you’re serious about it. Post a menu. Open at 6am for coffee and breakfast.
Panera just 6 blocks away rang $615K last Saturday. I know that because I drove past Chundy’s on Monday for some coffee before work, and overheard the manager talking about it.
You don’t need to be cute. You need to be intentional. You need a menu that doesn’t look like a kid’s drawing. Just because you have a cooler doesn’t mean you should put it in your dining room. This is a café, not storage. A large freestanding, gas station type pop cooler in the dining area with no more than a dozen cans of mismatched pop. It probably holds 300. When it’s this empty, it looks neglected.
I wanted to leave right then. This was a bad idea. Trust your instincts. Run. Before I could, the owner got up from the dining area and walked behind the counter. Hello.
I ask if they have vegetarian stuff, as there is nothing on the chalk-marker menu to indicate that. He says yes, we have the vegetarian something. I say that sounds good, I’ll take that. How big is it, I ask. He says it’s a good portion. My skin is crawling.
I’m not one to complain about service. Keeping your staff bright and cheery and enthusiastic while doing their horrible jobs is hard to do. I know. I managed a Bob Evans. But when you own the god damn place, put a fucking smile on your face. I didn’t feel welcome, I felt like I was intruding.
He disappears into the back and I hear the disheartening and unmistakable sound of a microwave door slamming, then beep beep beep as he warms whatever the fuck I just ordered. I did not hear a sink running, so I’m assuming he didn’t wash his hands, but whatever, I’m eating Indian food. There is supposed to be poop in it.
Despite the microwaving, it’s taking a long time. I’m there for at least 8 minutes, which gives me time to wander about and check out this bodega. The enormous cooler (an ice cream cooler) that makes up the counter is empty but for a steam tray of sport peppers in an oily yellow mix. Otherwise it seems to be used to store large serving spoons. Looks cluttered and dirty, like a yard sale. Empty shelves dominate the place. A six-foot high shelving unit exists to hold two tiny jars of Indian spice. Bare shelves that don’t need to be there. The other giant shelving unit has ONE shelf full of bread. I glide over like a cartoon hobo. Wonderfully soft and intriguing. Apple, pumpkin, sweet potato and wheat. I pick up each loaf and smell them. The apple is irresistible; I hold it like an infant.
The owner returns with my plastic tray, tosses in some of those oily peppers. He takes my money and gives me change out of his wallet. Ha.
He hands me the bag and he wishes me well. There’s a smile! I can’t help but smile back. I feel good about this. The bag is heavy. I’m excited. I’m hopeful.
I’m done with the bad. The good? The fucking food. It’s like the girl who everyone ignored because she had black gums, but when you get those clothes off, the body is a gift from God. You feel good about porking her because you were smart enough to get past the superficial barriers that stopped so many others. Girls like this were the only ones I could ever date in high school and college. They were like factory seconds. Nice sweater, but the sleeves were too long, or there was a big black mark on the side. Is this a metaphor within a metaphor? Jesus.
Anyway, that’s Chundy’s. If you can get past the horrible first impression, there is treasure.
This vegetarian something turns out to be
vegetarian curry. Its powerful, humid aroma fills my face. I feel it in my ears; I’m going to smell for days. Perfectly cooked carrots, cauliflower, and broccoli. Not mushy, but not hard. Peas & onions seemed to be almost raw, crunchy, but it worked and added a diverse texture to what can sometimes be brown mush. It could be spicier, but the mustard peppers he added an oily heat that reminded me of giardiniera, but I think they had meat in them. These are strong flavors, but they are somehow getting along, united in a common cause: Getting me back to Chundy’s door.
A
salsa of sorts took up one corner of the tray. Fresh tomato chunks, onions, peppers and cilantro. A refreshing, yet spicy contrast to the heavy gravy. Finally, unremarkable yellow
rice soaked up any leftover curry sauce.
I licked the bottom of the tray.
I finished my beer, then sliced up the
apple bread. Heavy, dense, dessert bread. More like a slice of pie than a slice of bread. I want to make a grilled cheese with it. A grilled sharp cheddar cheese sandwich on apple bread. Wouldn’t that be good? Ah maybe tomorrow. Tonight…I’m full, I’m happy and I think I lost an archenemy.