Dumbest Thing You've Eaten [Lately]

We're an adventurous eating community, seeking morsels far and wide. Sometimes we are pleased, sometimes we are not. And sometimes, we should have known better.

Let me get us started. This one is entirely on me.

A coworker made beef jerky with salt, pepper, garlic powder and a bit of cayenne. It smelled pretty tasty. When he put the beef into the dehydrator, he also threw in two halves of a home-grown, red habanero. He put the payloads smack dab in the middle of two slices of jerky, like a watch face sitting on the band.

When he opened his bag of jerky, he nudged me towards the hot stuff, dried habanero gleaming bright red. Oh, I knew exactly what they were as he'd been bringing them in all summer. Somehow, I told myself: What the hell? For science! For adventurous eating! For LTH!

I ate each end of the slice of jerky down to the middle until there was only one bite left with a half habanero perched atop. Luckily, I had a large ginger gold apple to chase this snack. Before I had eaten anything, I cored it and cut it up into 8 pieces laid out like surgical tools.



Pain



I administered apple, one piece at a time upon resumption of mouthfire. I regained bleary eyed-vision about 2 minutes after mastication. Facial flushing subsided about 5 minutes after that. 15 minutes after consumption, I was able to return to work. Mouth and tongue tingled for another 10 minutes or so.

I didn't need a crystal ball here to tell me how this little escapade would end. But I did it anyway.

So how about you? You thought about it, you knew better, you tried it anyway...

Now you just need to do it again, but with video/photographic evidence.

I'll be waiting.

gastro gnome wrote:Pain

I am the queen of dumb eating and, separately, one who rarely concedes defeat, but, gastro gnome, I do believe you've outdone me.

My dumb eating typically involves an LTH-scale meal (and on a few occasions a bona fide LTH event and, on one particularly memorable occasion, a feast generously complimented with bourbon supplied by a low and slow LTHer not to be named) the night before I'm set to run a race.

However, the most dumb eating moment of my life is still (and I'm pretty sure I've recounted this story on LTH before) from a sunny August day in 2001 in the middle-of-nowhere Alaska. I was on a 6-day, 500-some-mile bike ride from Fairbanks to Anchorage. One day, at one of the ride's many pit stops set up by organizers to ensure that participants were sufficiently fueled and rested to complete each day, I fell in love with what were likely Little Debbie chocolate-peanut butter wafers. During that week of doing nothing but riding and sleeping in road-side tents and eating Clif bars at every hour, the peanut butter wafers were a revelatory treat. I sat at that pit stop and ate my weight in peanut butter wafers. My weight.

Then, I got on my bike, and realized my critical error of the day. I had not checked the topographical map of our route. I'd say less than 2 miles out of the pit stop I arrived at what was effectively a wall of pavement, the absolutely most steep hill of road this Midwestern gal has ever seen. As much as I loved those Little Debbie wafers, I would not have eaten 1/10 of the amount that I did had I known that I would have had to haul shortly thereafter my bike and my peanut butter-filled belly up that Alaskan monstrosity (oh, and then ride about 60 more miles to camp). Never ever before and never since have I felt more dumb (or peanut butter-filled).

At my department lunch earlier in the week, I attempted to eat a processed meat, bacon and mayo wrap. I managed one bite and that was all I could eat. Totally soggy, flavorless, mealy and gross. The worst part is that I actually organize these lunches and I am not allowed to switch caterers.

gastro gnome wrote:I didn't need a crystal ball here to tell me how this little escapade would end. But I did it anyway.

Just an fyi -
If you're not familiar with how capsaicin is (not) digested, your little escapade might not really be ended yet.

Velveeta.

Last week I get an email from a co-worker, saying that they were ordering from a place called Pockets. They send me a link to the menu, and my thoughts were, "this looks like a place that's trying to be healthy, but is probably gross". So what do I do? Try to order the most delicious unhealthy sounding item: The Broccoli, Bacon, and Cheese calzone.

It was the grossest thing I've eaten in years.

Why is this dumb?

Three reasons:
1) My whole impression from the website, was that it was going to be gross no matter what I ordered.

2) It was $9 after tax and delivery.

3) We work within a mile of The Brown Sack, and maybe two from Smoque.

Obviously this. Sometimes the NAV MAN doesnt put enough stock into warning labels.

Chasing a Taco Bell bean burrito and chalupa feast with a McDonald's chocolate milkshake. Gastric distress does not begin to describe the aftereffects.

This is dumb on so many levels - processed (non?)dairy on top of processed meat paste. Going for a second round of fast food. Going for fast food at all, with so, so many better options out there in this gastronomic city. But, this is the trust tree, and I hope my sins will be forgiven. I'll atone tonight at El Taco Veloz followed by, hmmm, Margies?

Anything at all right before bed.

I eat at night the way alcoholics drink: rationalizing just a little snack before bed and sliding directly into a total compulsive binge.
I get home around 11:30 and am genuinely a bit peckish. A little bite would be fine. But I absolutely, compulsively cannot stop there. I just tear into fridge and cupboards and start sampling anything and everything: a half box of cereal and milk, some bread and cheese, hummos and veggies, some icecream to finish...
Completely pathetic.
I swear every night that I will just go straight to bed and I never do.
Help me.

Domino's... enough said

Monkfish liver. God awful!

jleblanc05 wrote:Monkfish liver. God awful!

The Kimo at Mirai is pretty amazing.

jleblanc05 wrote:Monkfish liver. God awful!

A) Monkfish liver is one of the tastiest things I return to at good sushi restaurants.

B) If you think it's gross, why does that make it dumb?

Ten piece chef's choice sushi (nigiri) platter at Wok N Fire in Addison. The look on my face when I bit into the piece of smoked salmon was not a good one. It didn't look like smoked salmon to me and it certainly is not a flavor profile I expect or want in sushi. Bleh.

Tie -

Really inexpensive all you can eat sushi

At a family reunion (100+ degrees outside all day) I ate some homemade deer summer sausage from a second cousins wifes aunt once removed. Lots of heat and humidity does not improve poorly made ground meat and spices from a home processed deer.

jtminnesota wrote:Really inexpensive all you can eat sushi

Oh yeah. This was definitely a DTIE circa 2001. I think I ate more cream cheese than fish. Never. Again.

The GP wrote:Ten piece chef's choice sushi (nigiri) platter at Wok N Fire in Addison.

You expected good sushi at a place named Wok N Fire?

About six months ago I ate a piece of limburger cheese at Baumgartner's Tavern in Monroe Wisconsin (fantastic tavern, btw).

Why did I eat it? A sample was purchased for me and when I demurred the server told me to "man up" and eat it.

I don't like smelly cheese. Limburger is really, really smelly cheese.

It tasted like ass.

nr706 wrote:

The GP wrote:Ten piece chef's choice sushi (nigiri) platter at Wok N Fire in Addison.

You expected good sushi at a place named Wok N Fire?

I really wasn't sure if anything on the menu would be decent and I had a taste for sushi. Except for the piece of smoked salmon and the tamago, the rest wasn't bad. It was on par with grocery store sushi and that was as high as I set the bar. But your point is taken....

The GP wrote:

nr706 wrote:

The GP wrote:Ten piece chef's choice sushi (nigiri) platter at Wok N Fire in Addison.

You expected good sushi at a place named Wok N Fire?

I really wasn't sure if anything on the menu would be decent and I had a taste for sushi. Except for the piece of smoked salmon and the tamago, the rest wasn't bad. It was on par with grocery store sushi and that was as high as I set the bar. But your point is taken....

aside from being a bit inconsistent at times..most everything ive eaten here has been good

Kraft fat-free shredded Cheddar. I ate about 3/4 of this directly out of the bag, after proclaiming what artificial junk it was. I could not stop shovelling it in, even though I kept telling myself it was an abomination.

Can I preemptively add an item to the list?



I haven't eaten one yet, but I'm sure I will at some point, and I'm sure I'll immediately regret that decision.

Pie Lady wrote:Kraft fat-free shredded Cheddar. I ate about 3/4 of this directly out of the bag, after proclaiming what artificial junk it was. I could not stop shovelling it in, even though I kept telling myself it was an abomination.

I'm laughing at the mental image of this. I can relate. Though a staunch advocate of real, good food, it's the junk that gets me sometimes.

AngrySarah wrote:About six months ago I ate a piece of limburger cheese at Baumgartner's Tavern in Monroe Wisconsin (fantastic tavern, btw).
<snip>
It tasted like ass.

I've eaten that "ass" and liked it.............

Baumgartner's

Love that strategically placed mint!

I'd never underestimate the breadth of your palate, Gary, but if I'm sussing the contents of that sandwich correctly, I salute you, sir.

Chipotle burrito chased by a Krispy Kreme doughnut. Working in Rosemont (aka - sheer boredom) will make a person do lots of dumb eating.

AngrySarah wrote:About six months ago I ate a piece of limburger cheese at Baumgartner's Tavern in Monroe Wisconsin (fantastic tavern, btw).

I will put my Velveeta up against your Limburger any day in the dumb food sweepstakes. At least Limburger is cheese.

For my lunch today: cold Connies BBQ chicken pizza.. gross

the Italain beef w/ jalapenos wasnt too bad.