I am not as dumb as I thought. Other than a couple of over-the-top skewers that are actually shaped like swords, right down to having a faux hilt, I am still coming up empty.
I did find another poor soul with same problem though:
“I searched high and low for the flat metal skewers Steven calls for to make ground lamb kebabs,” writes Edward Jaro from Raeford, North Carolina, ” I finally wound up going to a local metal fabrication shop that supports a local poultry plant. I bought 6 flat stainless steel skewers, each 18 inches long and 3/8 inch wide for $8! Was it worth it—the lamb kebabs turned out great. Thanks for making me a better grill master!”
If you don’t have a metal fabricator near you, you can order flat metal skewers for making Near East and Indian ground meat kebabs from Yekta Supermarket, tel. 301-984-1190.