Eataly....Mario Batali's Italian emporium for...tourists?

Since moving to NYC, I've been to Eataly a few times. The best way to describe it is, well, frustrating. The selection of cheeses, meats, and sundry goods is fairly impressive. It would be hard to find better fresh ricotta and mozzarella for miles around at the price. Head cheeses, speck, prosciutto, capicola, all in abundance, very tasty, fairly priced. All pre-packaged(!). I picked up a bottle of excellent Sicilian olive oil for like $12.99 a liter. Really quite a deal. Oh yeah, and the Gelato is good.

The not so good - cheese mongers confusing pecorino and reggiano - they weren't sure which one was made with sheep's milk. Wilted vegetables, overpriced and very sad looking (if I want that, I can fly over to Fox and Obel). Bread, lackluster. Prices, expensive. Lines for the restaurants/cafes on the first floor, long long long. Girls, well, hot hot hot (ok, so that ain't so bad). Oh yeah, and lots of tourists. LOTS of tourists.

The rooftop beer garden - "Birreria" (no, not Birrieria, this is after all NYC, and such things do not compute) serves up some really nice brews. I had a spelt saison today that was on tap. Really a perfect pint. Sadly I don't recall the name. Just as sad, cotechino over lifeless "krauti" was as lackluster as the air was humid, barely caramelized and sliced so think as to render the course ground pork unpalatable. Ditto another white sausage, over same lame krauti, too sweet and no snap. Where's the garlic? Where's the peppa? Where's the Bam! Bam! (oh, wait, wrong fat TV chef). I also had a very flavorful, well-sourced skirt steak with parsley salsa. No char, however.

Look, we're all tourists in NYC. And we all want a piece of that Italian apple pie. We all want to take the train to the Flatiron and hang out with fat chefs who seem pretty cool on tv. Or if we can't meet them, at least eat the food that they love. But do we really want to wait that long in line, albeit with hot girls and guys and Korean tourists. Do we really want to pay $4.00 for that shitty slice of pizza??

Where's Emeril? When will he open Portogrease?

I've visited Eataly twice and probably won't go back. The store is a Feng Shui nightmare; there's no logic or flow to the space and most of their products easily can be found all over NYC. To me, being part of a "scene" isn't worth the stress and confusion.

I've been to Eataly three times, twice to kill time before a meeting in the area and once to specifically buy Nueske's bacon. It's quite an overwhelming experience, and I can't say I enjoy the place, but do support the cause, as obnixious as it is.

The best thing about Eataly is that it tells me I'm only a couple of blocks away from the Doughnut Plant.

Been once, can't say I'd have much reason to return. However, the wine shop, attached but not accessible from the market, is a sea of tranquility by comparison. I could spend a good amount of time (and money) in there.

Yeah, the wine shop is killer. Very comprehensive collection of Italian regions and varietals. Friendly service, no crowds.

The wilted leafy greens and herbs are worrisome. But you can find fair prices and bargains if you are buying other items.

I buy La Frieda ground beef, pasta, tomatoes (heirlooms, same prices as farmers market), avocados (they are always ripe there for some reason), shisito peppers ($8/lb rather than $10/lb my friend paid at the Greenmarket), bay leaves, kaffir lime leaves (two dozen or so for $4, cheaper than Chinatown), local peaches, and other random seasonal items (morels, asparagus, fiddlehead ferns).

Eataly works for me because it stays open late and there's not a lot of competition in the area. I work nearby; if I worked closer to Little Italy or Chelsea Market, it would be another story.

I had a meeting just across the park last weekend that ended at noon on Saturday. Eataly was mentioned as in the neighborhood, but crazily crowded. I wandered over. Crowd not bad at all. Had no particular intention of buying anything, but was pulled in by the mention of a prime rib sandwich at Rosticceria.

Out of this world. Nicely rare, great meat, the right bread. I thought for a second that maybe it needed salt, but then I crunched into a crystal and it was perfect. Quite possibly the best sandwich of my life. And a reasonable $11 or so for the regular, which was almost more than I could finish. I was a tourist, and it was all good.