By pure chance we ended up at Uno this evening. (Got out of a movie. Child wanted pizza. Pompeii was closed. I nixed California P.K. Suddenly there was Uno in front of us.)
When I was an undergrad., I thought it was great. Loved the dark cavernous feel and the blackened metal pans. It all felt like a night on the town and "Chicago style" was exotic to me. Haven't been there in decades. So I was looking forward to at worst a sort of pleasurable nostalgia trip akin to playing a dusty old LP that defined a particular moment in one's life.
Not so much.
As usual the small vestibule was packed with parties of 5. The young man at the computer was doing his best to explain to everyone the pre-ordering system that gets your pizza working while you're waiting for a table. He advised us of a 20-25 min. wait and at 30 min. we were summoned. At which point, a woman just behind us announced that her party of 3 had been waiting at least 10 min. longer than we had. The young man explained that your place in the queue is keyed to when you actually enter your order, not when you physically appear in the space. Seething through a clenched smile she allowed as how it would have been "awesome" if that had been explained to her when she came in.
I felt bad, especially as she shot me looks that seemed to imply that if I were any sort of a gentleman I would just step aside. But despite the fact that it seemed like a genuine misunderstanding, I had a very hungry kid to feed and I hadn't actually caused her problem. I had just walked in and placed my order. So we stepped into the restaurant as her eyes drilled smoking holes into my back.
It wasn't long before I wished I had stepped aside for her.
We were seated, after which a good 10 min. passed before anyone appeared to chat with us. As it turned out, i was the only one getting the legendary pan pizza, wife and son were ordering off the menu, and I gather this is so unusual an occurrence that it just didn't occur to the waiter that we would actually want anything until our pizza appeared.
The boy ordered the thin crust pizza off the kids menu. Mrs. B. ordered spinach salad, and she and he ordered a fried calamari to share.
Oy.
The spinach salad looked nice enough, but, of course, the whole thing was refrigerator cold and the oil/vin. dressing also included a fair amount of sugar.
The calamari were golden rings of batter in which one could barely discern anything else visually, and by taste, not at all. They were served with to sauces: a tasteless tomato (hot) and, weirdly, a barbecue sauce served completely chilled.
The kids' thin-crust pizza I can only describe as something you would expect to get out of a microwave at a highway rest stop. Pallid, cottony dough supporting a layer of rubbery cheese like melted silicone and virtually no tomato sauce beneath at all.
I had ordered the spinach pan pizza with mushrooms. Apparently, despite the endless talk of pizzas taking 45 min. because they're all made to order, they are still pre-assembled because the mushrooms were simply scattered on top of a spinach pizza with the effect that they simply shriveled in the oven without any opportunity to actually contribute to the pizza. The tomato sauce was utterly tasteless and even all that crust, which I recall as having a greasy, crackly appeal all those years ago was just a tasteless mass.
I really have no idea if this is what I liked in my youth, or if the place has declined terribly. I can only say that there was not a single mouthful of this evening's meal I could be induced to eat again.
Tangent: On the way out, I noticed on the wall of the entryway a framed industry publication article from around 1992 describing an award they had won. The last paragraph described competitive challenges Uno's manager said they were facing, including the appearance on the scene of "plizettas." (I have no idea if that was a typo or not.) These were described as thin crust pizzas with "obtuse" ingredients including, "[an italian-esque word I didn't recognize and now can't recall], pomodoro, cordon bleu, and pescata."
"Strange how potent cheap music is."