Would That Kill a Man? Submarine Tender, Forest Park

Would That Kill a Man? Submarine Tender, Forest Park

Submarine Tender floats between classic submarine shops like Riviera and Alpine and commodity submarine shops like Subway and Potbelly.

The meat in my king-sized Depth Charge (ham, turkey, and beef) was perhaps a cut above the franken-meat at some sub shops, and although the flavors of all these different flesh products were not all that complementary, they were not contradictory either. The bun was amazingly both squishy and kind of tough, and the cheese just a sheet of indistinguishable white material, but still I ate the whole thing. As Louis C.K. once said, “I don’t eat until I’m full. I eat until I hate myself.”



It must have been self-hatred, too, that drove me to order my side; standing in front of the menu board, I imagined this internal conversation.

French fries…would that kill a man?

Of course not.

Butter-garlic French fries…would that kill a man?

Maybe…

How about cheese-covered butter-garlic French fries…would that…

Yes, yes, that probably would kill a man!

Between The Wife and me, we probably ate about one-quarter of the large serving of cheese-covered butter-garlic fries. I didn’t actually think I’d like them, and I mostly didn't, but of course I just plowed on. Dead man eating.



Although one couldn't say Submarine Tender is a destination (unless you're traveling less than a mile), this almost 30-year-old place is much beloved. It was very crowded when we were there: the lot was full, there was a line and many tables were taken. This place is clearly a cop magnet; there were more side-arms on hips here than you’d expect to see in a Texas honkytonk.



Submarine Tender got some special love from WGN, which named it one of Chicago’s Best Late Night Places (http://chicagosbesttv.com/sandwiches/3042/chicagos-best-late-night-submarine-tender/), and being open until 4AM, many no doubt find themselves chowing down here after the bars close on Madison.



Submarine Tender
200 Des Plaines, Forest Park
708.366.0414

I have thouroughly enjoyed each and every visit to Subarine Tender.
Of course as you point out, my regular 2:30 am dining reservation may have effect on my fondness for the place.

Just don't order a gyros. Trust me. Don't.

zoid wrote:I have thouroughly enjoyed each and every visit to Subarine Tender.
Of course as you point out, my regular 2:30 am dining reservation may have effect on my fondness for the place.

Just don't order a gyros. Trust me. Don't.

Actually, the gyros were rotating before the heating element, and the place is Greek (despite nautical theme, interior is decorated with strip mall-grade murals of Mediterranean meal scenes), so it seemed to me this Chicago-born pressed lunchmeat might be decent at ST, but I'll definitely take your word for it that it isn't.

Sub T?
Sub T???
Has LTH officially run out of restaurants?
J/k (kinda)
Used to do Sub T plenty after the joints on the Street Of Dreams (Madison) closed.
Many an afternoon I've woken up to the smell of bg fries coming out of my pores. The smell usually helped kick off the synapses to help retrace the steps of the evening before, as in, "Well, I obviously went to Sub T" and then work backwards from there.

Sub T: "If you're there, you're obviously compromised."

One of my best friends absolutely SWEARS by their gyros. In all my years, I've never dared.

seebee wrote:One of my best friends absolutely SWEARS by their gyros. In all my years, I've never dared.

Hey to each his own, perhaps I'm just looking for the wrong qualities in a 3am gyros

I have never met anyone who does not like this place-really. Actually, I overheard someone in St. Charles yesterday talking about how great their garlic fries are. Mr. TooHot was addicted to their sandwiches (note "was") prior to becoming TooHot. Seriously, people go out of there way to eat here.

I am sorry but the picture looks EXACTLY like the submarine sandwiches that K-Mart and Kresge's used to sell 4/ $1.50 thirty years ago.

jlawrence01 wrote:I am sorry but the picture looks EXACTLY like the submarine sandwiches that K-Mart and Kresge's used to sell 4/ $1.50 thirty years ago.

Sorry if I gave the impression that this was a life-changing sandwich.

Went here once a few years back, won't go again, and the lauded bg fries were such that I'm wary of trying the Big Guys bg fries, since thinking of these fries makes my stomach churn a bit.

I could eat crap like that all week and feel just fine. Give me a salad -- GUT ACHE!!

teatpuller wrote:I could eat crap like that all week and feel just fine. Give me a salad -- GUT ACHE!!

Exactly. Man was not meant to eat raw food!

=R=

There's can and there's should, and I save my shoulds for when the quality level is at least a few notches above this place. Like, there's quality crud out there, and I'm more than happy to eat quality crud (and pay whatever price), but if I justify lowering the bar this far just for the sake of some loveless calories, then all is lost.

teatpuller wrote:I could eat crap like that all week and feel just fine. Give me a salad -- GUT ACHE!!

If I were a gambin' man, I'd say you've never had the BG fries at Sub T.
My guess is you may need medical attention if you ate those things for a week. The problem with that may be finding a medical professional who could stand to be in the same room with you.

Vitesse98 wrote:There's can and there's should, and I save my shoulds for when the quality level is at least a few notches above this place. Like, there's quality crud out there, and I'm more than happy to eat quality crud (and pay whatever price), but if I justify lowering the bar this far just for the sake of some loveless calories, then all is lost.

That this place is loved, and has been loved, for almost 30 years, is amazing. It'd be hard to argue that the subs are anything above acceptable, and yet the place is crowded every day at lunch time (and, though I'd have to confirm with zoid, probably hopping around 3AM too).

Like so many places, I'm guessing the nostalgia value counts for a lot here. Maybe they even made a better product years ago. Who knows? It's a mystery wrapped in a chewy bun coated with cheese.