Lick Me at the corner of Montrose and Central

One of the things I've liked about events like the Mil-Walk-A-Thon is the way walking down one of our major streets forces you to focus minutely on the street, at least giving consideration to, if not actually eating at, all manner of places which you would have passed by unnoticed.

The mentions of Susie's in a recent thread reminded me of another place I had seen up in the northwest corner of the city, another hot dog stand with a ramshackle drive-in exterior which was instantly appealing: Toot's, located at the southwest corner of Montrose and Central. Today, I decided to check it out, though as it turned out my day would wind up being more like Mont-Cent-a-Thon, exploring the hidden secrets around a single corner of the city.

As the lascivious ice cream cone above suggests, Toots' exterior is a riot of folk-art signage, and the menu is similarly eclectic, everything from dogs and polish to the deep-fried mac and cheese bites discussed in another thread and shakes in about 300 flavors (Tutti-Frutti, Dijon Mustard, Chicken Marengo-- okay, I exaggerate slightly). Add in a variety of coin-operated machines talking to you as you order and it's like being trapped in the world's smallest carnival.



I ordered a cheeseburger and a hot dog on the theory that at least one would prove to be edible. I may have been 50% too optimistic, alas. The dog was quite bad-- a vienna sausagey tasting skinless dog (does Vienna Beef make vienna sausage, by the way?) carelessly mixed in with seasoned-salt-seasoned fries. The cheeseburger was a good deal better, but still, less than a perfectly balanced work of the grillman's art, thick pickles and tomato slice too big for the thin, possibly fake-striped burger, gloppy orange cheese goo an unwise substitute for the more natural fluorescent American cheese slice. All the same, I would have finished it and some of the fries had I not sat down and found myself looking across the street at:



At that moment my plan to eat at Toot's transformed itself into a plan to try everything Montrose and Central had to offer. Not even knowing if Johnny's Uncle Jim's was open, not even knowing if it was last open in 1993 (possibly shuttered due to a trademark lawsuit from Ruth's Chris), I was willing to take the chance and ditch my Toot's lunch. So I did and started walking, to the first building north of the empty lot on the northwest corner.

Inside was a surprisingly homey (decorated with fake antique signs and such) counter and dining room, its small town Americana feel instantly undercut by the cognitive dissonance of a wholly Hispanic staff who were, in fact, watching The Good The Bad and the Ugly on Univision as I walked in. My plan was to order another, hopefully better burger, but instinctively I sensed that this was the kind of place that made an okay burger and a much better than okay plate of eggs and hash browns. So I ordered that, complete with what was alleged to be bone-in ham.



My confidence in my choice was bolstered when I saw the grill man confidently flipping my over-easy eggs, to the strains of Ennio Morricone. How was it? Eggs: first-rate. Hash browns: a bit dry, probably due to low turnover at 2 pm, but by God they were the real deal and at breakfast time they'd be very respectable. Ham: not the highest quality ham in the world, a bit too pumped full of brown sugar chemical substitute, but not bad at all when fried up. And bonus surprise: a pile of sauteed vegetables, almost ratatouille-like (okay, except for the absence of eggplant, which I guess is pretty much a total disqualification right there. But you get the idea.) Total score: more than the sum of their parts, since they quite literally mixed together in the middle of the plate after a few bites.

I've said before that just when you think you've pretty much eaten at every breakfast place, there's another one hidden somewhere waiting for you. This place clearly has a loyal clientele which it has built despite being hidden in plain sight on a basically nowhere corner; you could live here a lifetime and never know it was there, or you could have breakfast there tomorrow. I suggest the latter.



I had no interest in putting another morsel of food in my mouth at that point but hey, I may not be buying but I'm not dead to looking. So before I left Montrose and Central I decided to check out another spot that has been briefly mentioned here, a block or so west of the corner on Montrose, Hagen's Fish Market. As the Viking Ship Lollipop on the mural suggests, this is a Scandinavian business, and if this place was in Andersonville it'd surely be famous. High quality fresh fish and impressively smoked chunks of salmon, sable, chub and other goodies filled a pair of cases; most amazingly, the two young guys behind the counter were talking the finer points of shrimp selection as I came in, instantly earning them a couple of thousand bonus brownie points.

I didn't really need anything so I just bought a little tub of their own smoked fish spread (orangeish, unlike the whitefish one I'd bought on my Traverse City trip-- does that mean a little salmon or just more smoke?) and hung around to soak in the smoky smell of the place and its countless decorations-- besides the two giant murals on either of the side walls, Hagen's is sort of like going out with a carny gal, you keep discovering more artwork. For instance, here's what's hiding behind the door:



A wonderful place, and I finally just tried the dip, damned tasty. One additional note: they'll smoke your fish for you, but a sign makes it clear that that means only whole fish, no filets-- no buying the cheapo filets at Costco and then making Hagen's do their magic on them. I understand Toot's has a similar policy in regards to deep-frying the mac and cheese.

Toot's Drive-Thru
4354 N. Central Ave.
773-736-7855

Johnny's Uncle Jim's (phone book says Johnny's Snack Shop)
4412 N. Central
773-545-6654

Hagen's Fish Market
5635 W. Montrose
773-283-1944

Mike,

Thanks for trying "Johnny's" Uncle Jim's. I have been driving past that place since I moved to the NW side and have always meant to stop and see what the story is. I'll definately move it up my list for breakfast.

I remember Toot's from my high school days. I was in a band and we rehearsed and hung out around there. As I recall, They did have mustard as one of the shake flavore. Is it still there or were you kidding?

Mike

Being a sucker for signage myself I thought I'd share this one I snapped on Halsted around 79th the other day

Mike,

Johnny's Uncle Jim was recommended to me by a friend who values quantity over quality in a meal, and he loves Johnny's Uncle Jim. I have not been for a few years, but I'd agree J's U J serves a solid breakfast, albeit one that slightly values portion size over quality.

Best thing about Toot's, though I eat there on the rare occasion I rent equipment (think welding, power washers and chain saws) from the place just South, they share a parking lot, but I can't remember the name, is their cable access commercial. I love the part where it rains french fries.

Last time I was in Hagen's we were on the way home from a party where they served too much booze, if there is such a thing, and not enough food. Let's just say my impulse control was even worse than usual, plus I was hungry, we ended up with quite a bit of shrimp, scallop, smelt etc, all of it deep fried. IIRC, not bad at all.

Mike G wrote:Hagen's is sort of like going out with a carny gal, you keep discovering more artwork.

With imagery like this you really don't need to include pictures.

Enjoy,
Gary

Johnny's Uncle Jim's special is three eggs, hash browns, the vegetables, toast, and bacon, sausage and ham. Not bacon, sausage OR ham. And.

Mike G wrote:One additional note: they'll smoke your fish for you, but a sign makes it clear that that means only whole fish, no filets-- no buying the cheapo filets at Costco and then making Hagen's do their magic on them.

Also, the smoking rules advise 'No C.O.D.s.' I imagine you'd really be out of luck if you showed up with a cod fillet, expecting them to smoke it for you.

I generally like Hagen's and for variety it's tough to beat. Not surprisingly with all that stuff, not everything is as good as it could be. For example, I recently had the opportunity to taste Hagen's smoked shrimp side-by-side with Calumet Fisheries' version. I thought there was no contest--Calumet's was much better.

Mike G wrote: a block or so west of the corner on Montrose, Hagen's Fish Market. As the Viking Ship Lollipop on the mural suggests, this is a Scandinavian business, and if this place was in Andersonville it'd surely be famous.

Mike, you just don't hang out in the right circles. I can assure you that in the angler community Hagens is indeed 'famous'. Once you've caught your limit of salmon and/or steelhead there's a limit to how much you can eat same-day or next-day. There's also a limit to how much freezer space the spousal unit will allow. The solution is Hagen's smoking service. I've never eaten any of their smoked fish, but they've smoked plenty of the fish caught by myself and friends. It's a welcome breakfast 'spread' at the office when you slap a ~20 lb smoked salmon on the desktop of an empty cubicle with a stack of paper plates and plastic forks and a few different bottles of hot sauce. Of course immediately upon the fish being consumed (in our crowd it doesn't take long) wrap and dispose of that carcass as there's always somebody that wants to complain about the smell and, sadly, the days are gone when you can dump it in THAT person's trashcan and not hear about it from HR.

Thanks for the post. I went to Toots on a Sunday last winter. By far the worse dog I have had in this city. I kept seeing the commercials during
Sox games and thought I would check it out, bad choice.

Their big claim to fame is also their ice cream, supposedly hand made shakes etc. I got a chocolate shake from the institutional device and it
tasted like chemicals.

Huge thumb down

Dave M

We would go occasionally to Toot's back in high school, probably because they were open late. But only after too many drinks. If you were sober, you would not pick Toot's (or White Castle, for that matter). And only if someone really wanted ice cream. We were never drunk enough to order food. Their food has always been horrible. The ice cream wasn't good either.

Best,
Al

Hi,

I finally had an opportunity to try Toot's this week. I was only able to do the drive through as I needed to be on my way. In search of missing in action menu items, I made sure to request the mustard shake. The young order taker never heard of mustard shakes, which I believe Toot's used to offer. Instead I ordered a medium coke and hot dog with everything on it, which included free fries. When I pulled up to the pick up zone, the order taker was quizing me on what constituted a mustard shake. I only wish I knew!

As I was driving away, I was sampling the french fries which were pretty good. When I finally wanted to get working on the hot dog I had a bit of a rude awakening. The hot dog and fries are inserted into the same wrapper. Ultimately I found myself eating a hot dog with the fries taking alternating bites. It was just my luck they forgot to include any napkins. Doing everything largely by feel it wasn't convenient to extract the hot dog.

I really enjoyed my hot dog. The tomatoes were absolutely straight from the garden ripe and juicy. It amazes me when at the peak of tomato season when you still get an under ripe tomato, but this time I lucked out. Pickle, tomato, mustard and all just fell into place for a better than average hot dog. Now in the dead of winter would I feel the same? I don't know though Thursday noon it was running on all cylinders.

Happy Harvest!

Cathy2 wrote:When I finally wanted to get working on the hot dog I had a bit of a rude awakening. The hot dog and fries are inserted into the same wrapper. Ultimately I found myself eating a hot dog with the fries taking alternating bites. It was just my luck they forgot to include any napkins. Doing everything largely by feel it wasn't convenient to extract the hot dog.

Rude awakening? You are a sensitive thing, aren't you!

Actually, I enjoyed a Gene's and Jude's this afternoon, and as you know, fries are pretty much layered into the bun there, which I expect and like. when closing up the dog, I make sure to include a knurled spud threads in there -- it kind of balances the spicey dog.

I go by Toots all the time, but based on MikeG's initial post, have hesitated to go in. I'm glad to hear such good things (though qualified by the absolutely shocking incident you relate) about the place.

Hammond

Jean & Judes is nands down the single worst hot dog I ever have had in the country let alone Chicago.

Superdawg, Demon Dog or wolfy's is far superior.

Hammond,

I probably would have been considerably less flappable if I was just wearing a t-shirt and jeans. I was wearing a silk sweater and hoping NOT to get mustard prints as a conversation starter at my next appointment. I did have to carefully clean off my face which had a distinct yellow tint to it around my mouth. Wonder how that happened!

(Yes, I know driving and eating is not a wise thing to do)

Regards,

I must step in to defend Toots. Their hamburger and hot dogs are not up to par with many other stands but they have a wide array of fried goodies. You must try the chedder cheese nuggets and mini tacos. If you are in to super sweet syrup over ice, I recommend an orange or lime slushie. The first few sips are like sucking on sugar cane. Since I've never had the ice cream I can't recommend it from personal experience but I've seen quite a few happy people walk out with a Flamingo Cone. I hope another visit wouldn't be so negative.