Cry for Help: Preparing for Super-Hot Wing Marathon

Cry for Help: Preparing for Super-Hot Wing Marathon



Here’s the deal: I’m going to be participating in the XXX Wings Challenge at Jake Melnick’s on October 3, starting at 6:30pm.

Here’s part of the invitation I received:

If you’re willing to take on the challenge, we’ll donate $50 for every wing you eat to the charity of your choice, and you’ll earn your place Jake’s “Wall of Flame.”

Our Original XXX Wings, voted Best Hot Wings at Chicago Wingfest in 2010 and 2012 and featured on ABC's "Nightline" and "Last Call with Carson Daly,” feature habanero, ghost pepper and Trinidad scorpion pepper. Don’t worry, XXX Hot Wings are served with cooling agents to fan the flames and your very own fireman's helmet. It’s a 10-minute challenge and the event will take place 6 – 7:30 p.m. (with the contest beginning at 6:30 p.m.).

http://www.jakemelnicks.com/

So I figure I can generate some dollars for my grandson’s non-profit school in Oakland, California. Also, fame whore that I am, I want to be on the Wall of Flame and anything with Carson Daly (hey, bitches, this is the guy who invented karma!). Also, being a hat whore, I want that fireman’s helmet.

But that’s not my point.

What I’m appealing for is some guidance regarding how to prepare for such an event. Here’s what I have so far:

1. Night before: a tummy stretcher. I slam back about 6-8 cans of lager (a super session beer: Miller’s or something like that) to extend my stomach cavity to maximum capacity.
2. Morning: Gym. Lots of ab work, not to tighten but to loosen gut, preparing it for chow onslaught.
3. Late lunch: tummy prep. I eat about four cups of white rice. Need to lay down solid foundation of relatively bland carbs, for its absorptive capacity and ballast. May soak it with ghee, for an oily mass might be best for blunting heat blast.
4. Immediately pre-eating: neutralizing agent. I drink a quick pint of chocolate milk. Milk is probably the best way to counter the effects of capsaicin, and I plan to bring a carton with me to the event. Why not just plain milk? I like chocolate.
5. Eat fast. This is not a speed eating contest, but I’m going to go for broke in the first seven minutes, slamming down as many as I can (I figure I can do one every 20 seconds or so). After that, my system will revolt and I’ll have to stop.
6. Purge and go home.
That’s all I got. I’m hoping to generate a grand. Fast math: that’s 20 wings.

Help. Please. (<-- me crying)

Open to suggestion.

David -
I am hoping that the XXX wings are tamer than what I really think they might turn out to be. You might be getting yourself into a losing proposition thinking you have any shot in hell of eating more than two if they are slathering them up with some concoction that features three of the world's hottest chiles. I've never had them at Jake's but they might not just be a few notches hotter than "Frank's Original." You might have some physical reactions that you've never had before if you're not used to the MACK TRUCK heat those things can bring. If you can rock some milky/sugary/alcoholy (I think alcohol works, anyway) substances in between bites, you can counteract what's gonna happen to your tongue. You might become flush (endorphin rush!) sweaty, feel like you're losing your breath, and then there's the PAIN. I love that kind of heat every once in a while, but if these things are really bringin' it, Godspeed, man. Love to hear how you do in the end.

Maybe have some high-fat ice cream on hand? (Fat coats the mouth, casein from dairy binds with the capsaicin, sugar can help ease the burn, and the cool temp ... well, that's obvious.) Häagen Dazs can be your friend.

Practice ahead of time with a test batch of Great Seas XXX wings. They are bound to make the Melnicks wings seem tame by comparison.

I read somewhere that dairy + spicey=upset stomach, and it's not recommended to use as a capsaicin coolant.

seebee wrote:If you can rock some milky/sugary/alcoholy (I think alcohol works, anyway) substances in between bites, you can counteract what's gonna happen to your tongue.

I wonder about the wisdom of alcohol. Usually, I'd be all for it, but it's been my experience that sometimes the solvent qualities of booze (particularly spirits) intensifies chili heat. A little beer, maybe, before the event to enhance bravado and stimulate appetite, but once the eating begins, milky/sugary is likely the way to go for me.

nr706 wrote:Maybe have some high-fat ice cream on hand? (Fat coats the mouth, casein from dairy binds with the capsaicin, sugar can help ease the burn, and the cool temp ... well, that's obvious.) Häagen Dazs can be your friend.

Ice cream is definitely going to be part of my defense works.

This article supports the counter-capsaicin value of ice cream and sugar...and even booze (still a little dubious but research continues):

http://www.livestrong.com/article/552988-what-helps-to-neutralize-hot-food-in-the-mouth/

Mr. Hammond,

If they are using natural peppers you should be OK if, god forbid, they are upping the ante with extracts such as The Source Hot Sauce Extract at 7,100,000 Scoville Units kiss your ass, literally and figuratively, goodby.

I can handle pepper heat better than most and when I used to show off my hot pepper eating prowess, its been a decade or two, I would eat or drink something spicy hot 45-minutes prior to acclimate/desensitize.

Good luck, have fun, its for a good cause so I hope you don't suffer all that much.

Regards,
Your pepper pal G Wiv

1) Rubber gloves. You don't want second-hand (see what I did there) contact to irritate eyes, nose, etc.
2) Eat with big bites, not to make it happen faster, but to reduce contact with your lips. I've found lip irritation to be worse than tongue, generally.
3) Remember to crap in the river so you don't set the woods on fire

Using dairy products does work for jalapeno and habanero peppers quite effectively. It does very little for bhut jalokia and stronger peppers.

Two years ago, I was tasting mustard up in Madison. I was led to believe that the mustard I was tasting was a hot pepper like habanero so I tasted a 1/4 tsp. In about a second, I found out that it was bhut jalokia. Thirty minutes and a pint of frozen yogurt later, I still could not taste anything and the burn continued.

There is no way that you are going to pound down 20 wings. As a veteran of hot wings contests, the real burn starts at wing # 4-6. Nearly everyone is done around wing 6-8 as it is impossible to ignore the burn after a while.

I would not enter such a contest without bringing plastic gloves and safety goggles or glasses. I also would bring some antacids as you'll be able to feel where the peppers are located in your digestive system. No kidding.

HI,

No way would I consider engaging in a contest like this. I cannot wait to hear (will you be able to hear?) your story about this.

Regards,
Cathy2

I would not do this if I were you, and here's why: "we’ll donate $50 for every wing you eat..." That tells me everything I need to know about how hot these things are. You may suffer an awful lot of immediate and extended physical distress from eating just one. Better to just mail $50 to the school. Just an opinion. Good luck to you if you do go ahead with it.

Why not cut out the inessential ingredients and use straight sugar and/or fat?

Would it help to coat your mouth in fat of some sort before the contest?

G Wiv wrote:I can handle pepper heat better than most and when I used to show off my hot pepper eating prowess, its been a decade or two, I would eat or drink something spicy hot 45-minutes prior to acclimate/desensitize.

Love the counterintuitive "fight fire with fire" approach. Will give it a shot.

JoelF wrote:1) Eat with big bites, not to make it happen faster, but to reduce contact with your lips. I've found lip irritation to be worse than tongue, generally.

I'm thinking I may bring a tube of lip Vaseline and smear on lips prior to eating.

Also, to minimize sauce in mouth/gut, I'm going to tear meat off the bone (yes, with Latex gloves) and eat hand-to-mouth -- that way, I don't slurp off the sauce from the bones, which will do me no good and could add additional heat unnecessarily.

Or perhaps, and this is slightly sleazy, I'll bring a roll of paper towels and actually wipe the sauce off the meat before eating.

It's science.

Those paper towels will cost you time. Don't do it, unless you are allowed a literal "towel bitch".

P.S. For those sensitive PC types who cringe at the expression towel bitch, it's an actual term used in BBQ competitions.

Check the rules. The only hot wing contest I ever saw would not allow anyone to even wipe their hands on a napkin to prevent you from removing the sauce. If this is the case, a big issue may be the consistency of the sauce. It could be like a traditional hot wing sauce that is relatively thin and mostly runs off, or it could be a thick paste in which case you may be screwed. Good luck.

-Will

stevez wrote:Those paper towels will cost you time. Don't do it, unless you are allowed a literal "towel bitch".

My dear duck's bitch, I don't think time is going to be a problem. I set the bar at 20, which is probably unreasonably high. I'd be happy if I can suck down 8-10 wings, and if I'm eating fast, as recommended, I'll be done in way less than 10 minutes. The limiting factor on all this is my capacity to absorb capsaicin, and I'm guessing I'll tap out before 10 minutes.

WillG wrote:Check the rules. The only hot wing contest I ever saw would not allow anyone to even wipe their hands on a napkin to prevent you from removing the sauce. If this is the case, a big issue may be the consistency of the sauce. It could be like a traditional hot wing sauce that is relatively thin and mostly runs off, or it could be a thick paste in which case you may be screwed. Good luck.

-Will

Maybe a quick shake could remove some excess sauce?

Who will be filming this video and posting a link to it somewhere?

Also -
The interwebs are saying BANANAS the day before, and day of. Mashed taters, and peanut butter were also mentions. One person concocted the notion of a pb and banana milkshake as a decent pre-meal snack followed by some tums, and a shot of olive oil to help coat your mouth, tongue and guts. Also a lot of mentions of pre-moistened, "wipes," and also sticking a roll of the ol Charmin in the freezer. It's really true that you don't fully digest the capsaicin. Many a time I've remembered that habanero the next morning.

Another idea: Breath through your NOSE, and remember that it's only heat. It WILL go away. Don't freak.

I heard that Adam Richman would use rice, bananas and pepto-bismol to prepare for the hot foods from his show. Good luck to you, David.

sicilianos wrote:I heard that Adam Richman would use rice, bananas and pepto-bismol to prepare for the hot foods from his show. Good luck to you, David.

That sounds like a very good pre-game cocktail, Don. Prepping the system is key; downing stuff after peppers have been ingested is better than nothing but it's best to set up the system for the shock.

Ronnie Suburban thought putting Vaseline on the lips (to protect lips) would be a bad idea since the capsaicin would cling to the Vaseline, which would be itself ingested and then carried, very slowly and clinging all the way, through the gut. Now, I'm thinking I may just rub my lips with olive oil for protection.

To move the food down the gullet, Ronnie recommended just water with simple syrup, which I'll probably bring along and slam back -- along with the cold milk and warm ice cream -- to wash the wings down.

Remember that part of the "contest" is to entertain the crowd. Watery eyes, and running noses with a few yelps will do it.

Oh Hammond, Hammond, you are a most foolhardy man! But brave nonetheless! I hope for the best for you... godspeed!!

(And I say this from a weakling's position: I once lost my hearing via a vindaloo had at one of Oxford-Cowley Road's notorious Indian curry parlours. I can't even
imagine what you're going to go through!)

BTW, I think the suggestion of a bit of warmup heat pre-contest is excellent: part of the resistance to heat is learned, and a good way to start the learning process is to get the attention of your nervous system. A couple of pickled jalapenos would be a good start.

Best o' luck!

Geo

From a mechanical point of view:

If you can select the two bone portion, go for those. You can grab the slightly larger end, and basically deglove the wing in a single go, minimizing lip contact.

David Hammond wrote:

JoelF wrote:1) Eat with big bites, not to make it happen faster, but to reduce contact with your lips. I've found lip irritation to be worse than tongue, generally.

I'm thinking I may bring a tube of lip Vaseline and smear on lips prior to eating.

Yes. The thick, drier kind. The glossy kind just smears right off. Ask your local makeup counter for what's right for you.

Have you considered coating your mouth with a thin layer of wax?

Good luck!

Pie Lady wrote:

David Hammond wrote:

JoelF wrote:1) Eat with big bites, not to make it happen faster, but to reduce contact with your lips. I've found lip irritation to be worse than tongue, generally.

I'm thinking I may bring a tube of lip Vaseline and smear on lips prior to eating.

Yes. The thick, drier kind. The glossy kind just smears right off. Ask your local makeup counter for what's right for you.

Have you considered coating your mouth with a thin layer of wax?

Good luck!

Ronnie Suburban made the very good point that Vaseline is a bad idea because the capsaicin will embed in the petroleum goo, which itself will be digested, becoming a kind of internal napalm, sticking to the gut and burning, burning...

Puckjam wrote:Remember that part of the "contest" is to entertain the crowd. Watery eyes, and running noses with a few yelps will do it.

Having tried, to my dismay, the Carolina Reaper chili peppers at the LTH picnic yesterday, I don't think the runny nose will be a problem. In fact, seconds after ingesting a small piece of that tiny red pepper, I felt incredible mucous build-up in my nose, as though my body was saying "Attention stupid: you have apparently ingested a toxin which now we must generate enough mucous to protect you from."

G Wiv wrote:I can handle pepper heat better than most and when I used to show off my hot pepper eating prowess, its been a decade or two, I would eat or drink something spicy hot 45-minutes prior to acclimate/desensitize.

Geo wrote:BTW, I think the suggestion of a bit of warmup heat pre-contest is excellent: part of the resistance to heat is learned, and a good way to start the learning process is to get the attention of your nervous system. A couple of pickled jalapenos would be a good start.

Yes, desensitization to capsaicin is psychological as well as physiological. It’s definitely not all in your mind though: down-regulation of capsaicin receptor expression is a real biochemical phenomenon. It has been shown to occur with different kinetics, ranging from minutes to months, suggesting multiple biochemical mechanisms. So eating some hot peppers shortly before the contest isn’t a bad idea. But you should also be eating a lot of hot stuff days, weeks, even months before your masochistic exercise. Seriously, I’d get to work right away. There’s no time to waste getting yourself into a state of “nociceptor refractoriness.” If I were you, I’d be carrying around a bottle of Dave’s Insanity (chosen for its name as well as heat level), taking gradually-increasing nips from the bottle at every opportunity.

The sheer variety of preventative and curative measures that have been proposed (some are direct opposites) suggests to me that not much that you do will be terribly effective (gloves are an excellent suggestion, however). In this case, I’m guessing most of the effects will be psychological instead of physiological. So I’d say just do whatever makes you feel like you’re somewhat in control of the situation. That said, you’d be crazy not to have some cold dairy products close at hand.

It probably won’t be long before drugs will be able to help. Many pharmaceutical companies have active programs to develop TRPV1 antagonists for pain relief (naturally-occurring antagonists seem to be rare). Though not developed for the purpose of blocking capsaicin binding, some should have exactly that effect. Who knows? Jalapeño eating contests may soon become a thing of the past.

I need to get back to Melnick's and see if anything's changed. My cousin and I had their "world's hottest hot wings" back in 2008 and we were surprised at how easy it was to finish a batch. Got the fireman's helmet and picture on the wall and all that. Maybe we just got a particularly non-hot batch. They only had Red Savinas back then, none of this ghost pepper, scorpion, and reaper stuff.

My worst hot pepper experience was with a homegrown Trinidad scorpion on an empty stomach in the morning. (I was so excited to finally try one from my garden and I got a little carried away and ate it all.) It was a miserable two hours. Not the initial heat, but the cramping and fire ants in my stomach about a half hour later, lasting an hour or so. Did I mention the vomiting? That, too. So, if these things really are stupid hot and not whatever the hell it was we got in 2008 masquerading as ultra-hot wings, do fill up with something to absorb it. You do not want to do this on an empty stomach. Trust me.