Toothpicks + How not to piss off your cheesemonger

So, ultimately concerned, nice customer really doesn't like it that we don't use toothpicks for samples. One of those times when I really wish I could pass the customer off to my manager, but I run the show on Sundays and Thursdays. So here's the thing about toothpicks; in a perfect world, I would use toothpicks. However, we sample so much product everyday that we would go through cases of toothpicks in a given month(not that that is a terrible expense). We would either waste labor tooth picking each morsel of cheese or salami, or, spend too much time picking up toothpicks off the floor, off the olive bar, out of the cases, out of what hair I have left, everyfuckingwhere because people are pigs. You know that olive bar? The one where people routinely dip their hands directly into the pans instead of using the goddamn spoons?(fyi: this is every olive bar, anywhere) Yeah. So, if you are that squeamish about people touching the samples, don't have one. I certainly don't, if I want a taste of whatever I have it first thing. People are gross. While I'm on the topic of samples. It is a fucking sample, not your fucking lunch. Do NOT come around for thirds. Ask if it is okay to have a second. Do not grab a handful, do not cut off a quarter wheel and make a cracker sandwich of it, and then come back for more. If the sample is gone when you come back it is because I clocked you greedy mcgreedster. I am watching and listening to everything all of the time. How do I know you are desperate for out-of-season 36 month Comte'? Because, I heard you whisper fervently to your beau. What you might not know is that it is LOUD in many cheese departments, the noise of the compressors, the Sirius Satellite, whatever, the constant pages. So, the fact that I hear you when I can barely hear myself think. That's a damn miracle. Guess what, saying thank you gives you a whole lot of wiggle room in my book. Last, but not least: BUY SOMETHING. You don't go to a wine tasting and drink all of the pours and leave emptyhanded, do you? You do, don't you. Les fucking sigh. Perhaps the best tip I can offer is ALWAYS TRUST YOUR CHEESEMONGER, we have your best interests at heart, try not to piss him or her off.

I've been in Mariano's where they have been very critical of people taking large samples - it's not like Glenview/Northbrook gets a lot of homeless or unemployed comedians (see "Crashing" on HBO), but I have seen some very greedy folks.

How about tongs? A small tongs would keep fingers off the food, and possibly encourage a limit to the sample size.

I am a cheesemonger in possibly the most expensive cheese department in the country. Our clientele are not in need. Tongs are an idea, although they might be considered a bit plebeian. However, I do like the gentle nudge to restrain oneself. Generally, I just stare. And, then remove the item being "sampled."

How about you keeping the tray and putting out a little sign saying "Please ask for a sample"?

Christopher Gordon wrote: We would either waste labor tooth picking each morsel of cheese or salami, or, spend too much time picking up toothpicks off the floor, off the olive bar, out of the cases, out of what hair I have left, everyfuckingwhere because people are pigs.

Pick up a pick from the floor, wield it as a weapon, confront your porcine adversary as the cheese is being swallowed, and issue this challenge:
Was it better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick?

Christopher Gordon wrote:If the sample is gone when you come back it is because I clocked you greedy mcgreedster. I am watching and listening to everything all of the time. How do I know you are desperate for out-of-season 36 month Comte'? Because, I heard you whisper fervently to your beau. What you might not know is that it is LOUD in many cheese departments, the noise of the compressors, the Sirius Satellite, whatever, the constant pages. So, the fact that I hear you when I can barely hear myself think. That's a damn miracle. Guess what, saying thank you gives you a whole lot of wiggle room in my book. Last, but not least: BUY SOMETHING.

Wow, what a cheese drama. But no one gives a crap, OK?
How about handling the samples of hot soup? And then after he finally buys $3 bowl, he starts taking pictures with the effin camera almost swimming in the liquid, so he hasn't spent three bucks for nothing and he took five pics and one will likely end up on LTH with some service complains anyways.

Telling someone that no one gives a crap is a perfect tell that your reality and mine do not intersect. Enjoy those filthy olives.

All customers come along with being in the service industry. Good, bad, educated, novice, etc. We are there to serve and rarely get to choose who it is that we serve or how they conduct themselves.

You would hate public library work. Which I left once to work for the deli at Omni Superstore.

You put out humboldt fog or a 7 year aged Gouda and I'm sorry but I will not be responsible for my actions

Reminds me of the time I went into a Whole Foods and they were giving out seared scallops

It was a bloodbath.

Octarine: you are welcome to enjoy a gouda bloodbath(my next film). Others: I've been in perishables in corporate and retail capacity for ten years, a little venting is on offer, and, no, the customer is not always right. Sometimes the customer requires training. Attn: Foodnut: happenstance, a few great friends of mine are hardcore librarians. It is a weird module, one of which man's the fiction dept. of Harold Washington.

Christopher Gordon wrote:Telling someone that no one gives a crap is a perfect tell that your reality and mine do not intersect. Enjoy those filthy olives.

Agreed. The entire point of this "place" is to share such experiences. If one doesn't care about what's posted here, they need not participate. And if one chooses to participate, being polite should be considered a requirement. Trolling is such an outdated drag.

=R=
for the Moderators