restaurant patrons' syndromes

I'd like to introduce into the lexicon of restaurant discourse two serious conditions that afflict several members of my family.

First of all, my brother, ever since he was a very small child has been suffering from Restaurant Restroom Syndrome (RRS). Those afflicted with this condition must always visit a restaurant restroom at least once, and often several times, during a meal. Those with RRS may not even be aware that they have this condition, but when informed about the diagnosis they are powerless to change their behavior. Long-term effects of RRS include feelings of bemusement by other members of the dining party, who may well snicker, "RRS strikes again." There is no known cure for RRS.

Second is REFS, Restaurant Entrance Fixation Syndrome. Simply put, one who suffers from REFS must always face the entrance of any restaurant he or she dines in. I believe this is a more common malady than RRS, but no less serious. Often, the sufferer of REFS, in this case my mother-in-law, will require several tables be presented by the restaurant's host or hostess so that she can evaluate which one offers the least obstructed view of the entrance. In restaurants that are so arranged that no front door view is available, the REFS sufferer will (based on the severity of the case of REFS) either refuse to eat at that establishment or choose to sit so that he or she can see at least close to the entrance of the restaurant. Effects of REFS include severe annoyance on the part of the diner’s companions. Theoretically, REFS can be treated by use of restaurant entrance deprivation therapy.

A member of my family suffers from the dreaded "WWHF" (we were here first) syndrome, which causes them to grumble when anyone else gets seated before us or gets served before us, no matter the reason.

Bill/SFNM

EliasS wrote:Second is REFS, Restaurant Entrance Fixation Syndrome.

I don' t think that I have a full blown case of REFS, but I do follow the rule of never sitting with my back to the front door of a restaurant. I think this was ingrained in my head as a youth spent watching 1940's era Bogart and Cagney films.

At certain restaurants, Overly-Obvious Waitress (or Waiter) Ogling Syndrome (OOWOS) appears to run rampant. This is a disorder that causes restaurant patrons to stare lasciviously at their servers, thereby causing the servers to ask over and over if the table needs anything.
While trendy restaurants (and, I suppose, places like Hooter’s) seem to attract more than their fair share of OOWOS sufferers, it can be observed just about anywhere.

EliasS wrote:At certain restaurants, Overly-Obvious Waitress (or Waiter) Ogling Syndrome (OOWOS) appears to run rampant.

Many of the restaurants I've been known to visit seem to have evolved a defense mechanism: Server Eye Contact Avoidance Syndrome (SECAS): no amount of staring, hand waving, "Hey!" or the Universal I'm Choking Sign can attract their attention.

stevez wrote:I don' t think that I have a full blown case of REFS, but I do follow the rule of never sitting with my back to the front door of a restaurant. I think this was ingrained in my head as a youth spent watching 1940's era Bogart and Cagney films.

The same was ingrained in my youth after a visit to the Black Hills of South Dakota. (Wild Bill Hickok was killed after settling for a seat that didn't face the door, during a card game.) I'm not really sure why, as I've never shot anyone, had anyone want to kill me, or been partial to poker - but kids just choose odd behavior to emulate.

What about the RMHTGAFMD Syndrome (Raise my hand to get attention for more drinks. When your server does not pay attention when your drink glasses are full.

Or the WADENPBTCBTSR syndrome (We are done eating, now please bring the check before the sun rises).