How could this happen at Sabatino's?

My ex-husband and I have dinner every couple of months. We usually go some place nice that we use to go to when we were married. We have a few drinks, catch up on our lives, etc. We were together over 20 years - we remain friends. It's a nice thing. And it's almost always a good experience. Until today.

Today we went to Sabatino's. I know both Angelo and Enzo well. My sister was a waitress there for eight+years.

We were seated by a party of three people, plus a baby. No problems there. The baby wasn't fussy or bothersome. The momma was talking baby-talk in greek to her baby - very nice. We ordered our drinks and a dozen baked clams to start. And here's when it went all wrong.

I went to the bar to smoke a cigarette. I came back and the mommy had her baby on the banquette right next to our table. She was changing the baby's diaper on the sofa, right next to our table. Little feet up in the air. Little sweet bum exposed to all. And he had had what one might call a "whoopsie" in baby parlance. I looked to my ex and said "tell me i'm not seeing what i think i'm seeing", and he said "oh, you're seeing it". I then said, "tell me i'm not smelling what i think i'm smelling?" And he said, "oh, you're smelling it." It was at this point when the very nice waitress came out w/ our baked clams. We were both on our feet now. Ready to run screaming out the restaurant. --- Please note: three or four wait staff saw this happening. I said, "this is insane". The waitress looked extremely upset when she saw what was happening. The proud mother glared at us and said... "he only had a pee-pee" and "there's no other place to change him." And I said, "I really don't care, this is bullshit." - Another note: I was really pissed off - who the hell changes their little ones dirty diapers next to people in a restaurant??? So, Dino, my ex says we must leave. I agree. He asks to speak to a manager. Angelo comes. He says, and I quote: "I cannot be everywhere, everytime.". Fair enough. But he then adds that we need to pay for our drinks and uneaten clams. I cannot believe that it was a reasonable request. And my worst fear is that the poor waitress had to pay for our drinks and clams.

Fie on them. It's just beyond me why they wouldn't offer us: 1: a different table, 2: some kind of comp - soft or hard. And 3: did that poor waitress get screwed?

If what you're really looking for is validation, you've got it from me.

bryan,

It certainly sounds like you had a revolting experience. As a father of three, I would never consider changing a child's diaper in a public space, let alone a restaurant. Aside from being simply impolite, it might also be a health hazard.

That said, it's extraordinarily difficult for someone reading a post like this to assess all the rights and wrongs in this situation. It was certainly wrong for the person to be handling diapers in a dining area, but beyond that...well, emotions run high, and it's impossible to assess what exactly was said or felt, though overall it seems right that you left and wrong for the owners not to have made an extra effort to make it right for you.

Hammond

Father of two kids here and I will second David's thought. You DO NOT change your childs' diaper in the dining area. Period.

As a mom of two still very little girls (one still firmly using diapers and another in the training pants stage) I have experienced the 'no changing tables in resturant bathrooms' many times in the past. I've never ever felt it proper to change my childs diaper in a dining area. In the past I've always taken them out into the car and changed them in the backseat or laid down the passenger seat and done it there. It's no easy task to do that but it's very unfair to other resturant patrons to change a diaper out in an area where food is served.

I can't really weight in on whether or not it's the resturants fault that it happened. I suppose that in a sense it's true, no one can be everywhere all the time, but I do hope that he addressed it with the other customer so they understand that's not very acceptable in their establishment.

Was in the food service business, and I can tell you that the wait staff does not miss much. They might not do something about a situation, for a number of reasons, mostly they do not want to lose a tip.

I blame the staff, and whoever was with the mom, but the mom takes the cake. As with the posted note about using inside voice in a coffee shop, there are going to be some who will say, "Oh there is nothing wrong with changing a pee diaper".

You, or your kids rights, end where my rights begin. I do not want to be disturbed by kids running around, screaming, and surely, by a dumb adult changing a diaper. Did she think this was France?

sabersix wrote:I do not want to be disturbed by kids running around, screaming, and surely, by a dumb adult changing a diaper. Did she think this was France?

Huh?

bryan wrote: But he then adds that we need to pay for our drinks and uneaten clams. I cannot believe that it was a reasonable request. And my worst fear is that the poor waitress had to pay for our drinks and clams.

I agree that someone needs to pay for the drinks and clams. And if it was my restaurant it would be the woman changing the diaper that would be paying.

midas wrote:I agree that someone needs to pay for the drinks and clams. And if it was my restaurant it would be the woman changing the diaper that would be paying.

Yes, let the offending party do the paying. While the restaurant could have tried to stop the process or moved you to another table, the real culprit was the diaper changing woman.

While it appears this was an explosion of emotions, did at any time the woman apologize beyond making excuses? Too bad there wasn't a fly on the wall capturing what happened after your departure.

Regards,

bryan, you have my sympathy. I hope we can view your experience as a sacrifice made for the greater good in order to make an important point to both Sabatino's and your dining neighbors, so that the rest of us will avoid a repetition of the experience.

Babies - sweet & cute. Urine at dining table - bad, even from sweet & cute baby. Somehow the equation in the mind of the parents seems to have been - dining table=convenient changing table. Convenience (ours, that is) trumps all. Gag.

Don't know how to judge Sabatino's role in this, though I wonder if a new table, and a comp'ed order of clams would not have been a better approach. A restaurant is somewhat limited in their ability to deal with truly cretinous behavior, lest they create a big scene with the cretins. I have some sympathy for Sabatino's, too.

Of course, if this was a John Waters' movie, just imagine how the evening would have gone from there .

David Hammond wrote:Aside from being simply impolite, it might also be a health hazard.

I think this is the paramount point. I am, for the record, a huge Sabatino's fan. However, if the servers saw this incident, and did not report it to management if they were unwilling to intervene (for fear of retribution during the tipping phase), then I think management is obligated (if they have not) to re-train their servers on this issue. Management needs to impress upon its staff that incidents such as these must be quickly dealt with because they are ultimately health issues. For all Sabatino's knows, Bryan could have been the commissioner of the health department or half the tables there that night submitted complaints to the health department the next day, reporting this incident. From a business perspective, this needed to be dealt with by all and anyone - servers included - for the health issue alone.

I agree that management should have either re-seated or comped the drinks and clams. And I agree that management is not able to monitor its clientele at all times. However, the servers would have been important intervenors in this case. Had the servers been trained to act quickly and responsibly with respect to this incident, it might have been dealt with to the satisfaction of everyone, except perhaps the baby's mom, but who needs customers like that, anyway?

For all Sabatino's knows, Bryan could have been the commissioner of the health department or half the tables there that night submitted complaints to the health department the next day, reporting this incident.

For that matter, Bryan should report the incident to the health department.

Folks, I have just one question, for the OP:

Preciselywhich table was used as a changing table? Can you draw a map?

Just for future reference if I find myself there anytime soon...

The table wasn't used, the long red sofa in the middle room was what the clueless mommy used.

I'm a little less shaken up now and appreciate the support that the act was as atrocious as i suspected it was.

JimInLoganSquare wrote:Folks, I have just one question, for the OP:
Preciselywhich table was used as a changing table? Can you draw a map?
Just for future reference if I find myself there anytime soon...

JiLS,

I am not sure if your post was meant to be funny or not, but let me try to curb the paranoia in this thread. It really is unfair to Sabitino's.

I think that the activity was more rude than hazardous. Sure, it may be a risky practice and even codified as a health hazard...but, there are hundreds if not thousands of hazards in a restuarant.

By far, you are at greater risk of having a virus or bacteria transferred by saliva than by feces. Think about that the next time you see a food service worker smacking gum, which could easily fall in the food. You also run a greater risk that a toddler puts his/her fist in his/her mouth and then fingers the salt and pepper shakers. Lots of risks out there...let's not throw this in the mix, simply because it is more visable/revolting...and most likely less risky with the use of disinfectant wipes.

From the compensation standpoint...you ordered it, if it was edible you have to pay for it. Yes, they should have offered to seat you somewhere else. I am afraid I have limited experience in these matters....but I am assuming the activity was all of five minutes. Perhaps by the time the server figured out that something should be done, it was all over. As Mr. Hammond posts, it is difficult for us to assess all of the rights and wrongs.

I guess if I was the owner (albeit at another time in history), I would have explained to the offending party that this was inappropriate behavior and that they should not come back to my restaurant if they intend to do that ever again. However, today, that just might get you mentioned in a NYT Op-Ed piece.

bryan wrote:The table wasn't used, the long red sofa in the middle room was what the clueless mommy used.

I'm a little less shaken up now and appreciate the support that the act was as atrocious as i suspected it was.

You did mention the sofa; sorry, I missed that. But now I'll know where not to rest my coat!

Thank you, Pdaane. Without in any way condoning the behavior of the parents, really, you will encounter pee again if you ever have kids or aging parents, and there are plenty of worse things. (My favorite story about that was a friend whose kid threw up all over her parents in the car on a boiling hot day. Racing to get to their Wrigleyville three-flat as quickly as possible before the stench killed them all, they found themselves... driving two miles an hour in the Gay Pride Parade toward their house.)

As far as the restaurant goes, part of the reason this story has elicited so much attention here today is the fact that it's so unusual-- so I'm not exactly surprised that the restaurant's reaction to a disgusted patron saying "They're changing their baby and I'm not paying for my clams!" was "Who? What? Whaddaya mean you're not paying for your clams?" Thankfully, this is presumably rare enough that restaurants don't have a policy about it and appear to have been as taken aback as you were. Anyway, I don't really blame Sabatino's for not knowing what to do, nor do I feel that they need to be fumigated eight times before I eat there again. Plenty of bars and more than a few restaurants in this town smell like pee without babies ever having been in the joint.

pdaane wrote:I am not sure if your post was meant to be funny or not

I run into this so often. Sadly, Peter, that was meant to be funny (as well as satirical of the paranoia; it's not like this was a Trevi fountain of pee-pee -- you would need a map to find the location of the incident now, because I'm sure there is no lasting evidence of this miniscule micturation mixup). Guess I ought to use those emoticons more freely. Anyway, as the owner over many years of numerous dogs with unreliable bladders, I would have to move out of my own house if a spot of urine really gave me the heeby-jeebies like some seem to have expressed here. Although perhaps it was not hygiene or health and safety concerns that caused dismay, but rather the stark break with social norms made by the parent changing the baby in a restaurant dining room. That said, I think I would've walked it off and ordered my pasta, although I agree the restaurant should have relocated anybody in the vicinity who requested it.

bryan wrote: And he had had what one might call a "whoopsie" in baby parlance.

I assumed this meant more than just wet Still, not what I would consider a greater hazard than many you will encounter at a restaurant, or for that matter on THE FARM WHERE YOUR FOOD IS GROWN.

Right, but taking that to its logical conclusion, the farm has manure all over it, but that doesn't mean manure belongs in the dining area of a restaurant. I take your point that lots of things we'd rather not know about have happened to our food along the way; that doesn't change that some things are acceptable in a dining room and some aren't.

riddlemay wrote: that doesn't change that some things are acceptable in a dining room and some aren't.

Agreed. Unanimously.

I am personally more appalled at the clueless decision of the parent to change their child anywhere in the dining area than how the restaurant staff reacted.
I shudder to think of what my wife would have done to this parent if she had witnessed this.

bryan,

I'm so sad to hear you had to go through that. That is just wrong. My husband and I go out quite a bit and bring our kids along with us. Usually, we try change diapers in the bathroom, but I get there to find there is no changing table. So, I go out to the car to change it if I have to. I would never change it in front of people and especially not near people who are eating...I don't care if it is a "pee diaper" or not. ^^;; It's waste, plain and simple.

I think Sabatino's servers should have told the mom to go to the bathroom to change her little one, if they didn't have a changing table there, perhaps it is time for the restaurant to invest in putting one in if they get a lot of patrons with infants/toddlers. If they don't want to put in a changing table for whatever reason, then they should politely tell the mom to please change their baby in their car. But, I think you should have at least gotten seated elsewhere OR at least have your clams compensated, if you were too disgusted to continue eating.

I'd love it if ALL restaurants would put in changing tables in their restaurants, but I understand if they don't want to if it don't fit or just don't want to, period. One OTHER thing I'd like them to put in their bathrooms, is a single chair (or if they have enough room, a couch or comfy chair) for breastfeeding mothers. I know it is my right to be able to breastfeed in public, and while I am discreet, I'd rather have room and the space to be able to do so. I don't mind sitting on a chair in a bathroom stall to do this either. But, that's way different than changing a diaper, but it could also be viewed as a health hazard. I guess.

Just for everyone's edification. It was not just "pee-pee".

bryan wrote:Just for everyone's edification. It was not just "pee-pee".

Eiiiew, even worse!! *shiver*

bryan wrote:Just for everyone's edification. It was not just "pee-pee".

Despite mom's protestations to the contrary in your original post?

I know what I smelled. It's pretty distinctive.

I suspect this will get everyone up in arms, but I'm thinking: Why bring an infant to a restaurant at all? It's not like they'll be appreciating the veal parmigiana. --- Truly, I have never understood this.

Jack wrote:I suspect this will get everyone up in arms, but I'm thinking: Why bring an infant to a restaurant at all? It's not like they'll be appreciating the veal parmigiana. --- Truly, I have never understood this.

Cause we couldn't find a babysitter? And we can't leave the infant at home for 2 hours to fend for themselves.

I suspect this will get everyone up in arms, but I'm thinking: Why bring an infant to a restaurant at all?

Because you're the child's parents, and that's where you are at the time.

Although frankly, if there's any restaurant that's a family place and it seems like it ought not to be, it ought to be an adult if not downright adulterous place, it's Sabatino's. But it's been a family place for eons, so it's not going to change now.