Il Mulino- or would you pay $150 p/p to eat at Buca di Beppo

I actually went to Il Mulino about a month ago, and now feel embarrassingly scooped by more timely reviews in Time Out and The Reader. After all, if LTH can't get there first and lay claiming rights to airtight, ironclad opinion and innuendo, then what are we here for? Nevertheless, any and all voices should be raised to expose this charade imported from NY.

I had a bad feeling from the start, when the valet carpark greeted me with a forced "bonna sera, welcome to El Malino", in pure Chicago-ese. The silly, almost offensive attempts to transport us to a 1959 Disneyland version of Italy only got worse from there.

Observations:
-- 10 more "bonna sera"s before we were seated.
-- Women are always addressed as "bella", as in "bonna sera bella, may I take your coat bella, follow me bella, let me seat you bella," . . . .
-- Do they really think it's the height of Italian class to offer you a few complimentary shavings of parmigiano? Right off the wheel! With an exaggerated flouish. You better be impressed.
-- The table in the entryway stacked high with Italian food products (in cans, boxes, and bottles)? Is it there just in case you haven't yet bought into the ambience?
-- Must they really say, "we have a nice fish for the ladies, and for you men we want to offer the bistecca"?
-- Is it coincidence that the $50 bottle of wine you order isn't available (on the first day they had their liquor license), and then they recommend a substitute that runs $80?
-- The over-service was intrusive at all levels. How many staff does it take to serve a table of four? I stopped counting after five, and started wishing for a spray can of deet to keep them from constantly swarming like huge, annoying horse flies.
-- In an "authentic" Eye-talian restaurant like Il Mulino, I don't want to be offered "brushetta" (sic) or "expresso" (sic).

The food:

House-made Papardelle with Meatballs. Not too bad, but essentially just a gussied up version of spaghetti and meatballs. Tomato sauce wasn’t too bad. The pasta was slightly overcooked.

Scampi oreganata. I'd rather notta. This was a flavorless, ruination of good shellfish. An appetizer of 4 tiny bites for $30+.

Ravioli stuffed with porcini mushrooms. Pasta overcooked. It was sitting in a nice cream sauce though, with hints of champagne and black truffle Sopping up the sauce with bread was what filled me up. (And it wasn't even my dish.)

Spinach with garlic, rapini with garlic, anything with garlic, should just be listed on the menu as "Special something with burned garlic," since that's they only way the kitchen seems to know how to prepare it. We had three different sides with garlic in some form, and each received the kitchen's special treatment.

Of all the dishes we ordered, the one that had the most potential was the branzino baked in salt, but the same sin was committed with this beautiful, succulent, meaty fish-- overcooking. Not by too much, but just enough for you to wish that they had taken it out of the oven 1 or 2 minutes sooner. I don’t remember exactly, but I think this menu item cost close to $50.

The idea that they can scam you with meretricious theater is so offensive precisely because unlike say, Ed Debevic's or Buca di Beppo, at Il Mulino the joke is entirely on you. The over-the-top drama is written almost exclusively as a means and justification for ripping you off. It is gaudy, pretentious, expensive beyond any reasonable measure (especially based on quality), and phony and insincere in it's forced ostentation.

If this is your budget for an Italian dinner, go to Spiaggia, and savor perfection at all levels.

Alfonso

Alfonso,

Reading your review was undoubtedly vastly more pleasurable than your dining experience at 'El Malino' (a rather amusingly suggestive bad pronunciation on their part). Thanks for a very entertaining piece and the sacrifice that lies behind it...

Pappardelle with meatballs... ... I certainly could imagine being served this combination at an accomplished Italian cook's house... even making it myself, given certain limitations of pantry on a given day and too much grappa the night before... What is it? Broad egg noodles and rissoles de viande à l'italienne? Nothing more... But why??? Nothing necessarily bad about the combination but why did they come up with this? Did Chicagoland run out of ducks? And hares? And rabbits? And boar? Or are those things all now passé?... Somebody needs now, I suppose, to say something about 'comfort food'... And... Well, lets face it, as your review reveals so well, this place really seems (from all accounts) to be about pseudo-fancy Eye-talian for well-heeled zotici.

Of course, 'clever' or uncommon combinations and other flights of the chef's fantasia are all part of the restaurant experience but it seems from what you and others say that there are some grave (and at this price level) hard to forgive shortcomings of basic execution.

Italian food is thought to be a relatively very familiar and much beloved thing for folks in this country, but there are so many places that succeed terribly well serving up one or another barbarous take on Italian cuisine that it is clear that most people understand little about the real deal and many, when confronted with it, don't really like it. Fortunes are rarely made confounding peoples expectations.

And that bit with bella... una vera cafoneria, corporate style...

Antonius

Absolutely hilarious! If you lived in Great Britian, you'd fit right in as a London restaurant reviewer. But I'm delighted you're here instead. Thanks for taking a big expensive one for the team.

That should be the new tag line for this forum: "We dine there so you don't have to."

I second the thanks for taking one for the team. I note that I have consumed TWO potato pancakes at Max and Benny's so we may be even.

Great smackdown. God, I can't imagine paying that kind of money for what is, basically, Tony and Tina's Wedding all over again.

M'thu'su had a not at all dissimilar take in the Reader this week. (Link may only work for a short time.)

Fun read, and very brave, considering Il Mulino's reputation for litigiousness.

http://www.dallasobserver.com/issues/20 ... _full.html

nr706 wrote:Fun read, and very brave, considering Il Mulino's reputation for litigiousness.

http://www.dallasobserver.com/issues/20 ... _full.html

NR706, thanks for the link -- it clarifies Sula's reference to "Dallas defendant" in his own scathing and humorous review.

Romano of his reviewers: ""One of the things I'm gonna want out of this is an injunction to keep them out of my restaurants. They can't do it right. I don't want them in there."

Get a court order to keep restaurants reviewers out of restaurants. What a simple strategy for ensuring that problems with your restaurants remain hidden.

As dismal as reviews have been, it is surprising that Il Mulino remains so busy -- even given the trend surfer phenom, it's surprising that so many crowd to a place that charges so much for so little.

Hammond

For those who haven't been following it, Il Mulino and the Dallas Morning News have settled out of court, with the DMN agreeing to run a new review of Il Mulino sometime early this year. I haven't seen the review yet, so maybe it'll come down this month or next.

David Hammond wrote:As dismal as reviews have been, it is surprising that Il Mulino remains so busy -- even given the trend surfer phenom, it's surprising that so many crowd to a place that charges so much for so little.

My husband has been to the original in NY and loved it. When he heard it was opening here, he immediately wanted to go. We haven't yet, though.

Leek,

The reason we went to Il Mulino here, was because the couple who initiated our dinner had eaten at Il Mulino in New York, and thought it one of their more wonderful and incredible dining experiences.

Obviously, something got lost in the translation to Chicago, or in the franchising.

Antonius mentioned the comfort food quality of the pappardelle with meatballs, and that it was more a casalinga dish than what you'd find in a high-end restaurant. Even if slightly out-of-place, it wasn't a bad dish in total, but what was more odd was that there were 3 or 4 dishes accompanied by meatballs that night. As if they'd watched one too many episodes of "The Restaurant", and decided that the key to success was having Rocco di Spirito's mother chained to a table in the kitchen, cranking out meatballs by the thousands. Then it became the waitstaff's job to "push-ah the meatballs!"

As for the lawsuit potential, can I assume there is an LTH legal defense fund of some sort? Or maybe I'll just get lucky enough to be barred for life.

Alfonso

Well, I've not been to either, but I am aware of the menu and the schtick of the NY original, which seems to be the same. I'm sure the execution is much worse here, but the Olive Garden decor and red sauce menu appear to be consistent.

I am fascinated that places such as Rao's and Il Mulino can garner such admiration in a sophisticated place like Manhattan. I can't fathom anyone clammoring for reservations at a place where one pays hundreds of dollars for baked lemon chicken, "Sunday gravy" on spaghetti, and the patron next to you might get shot off of his bar stool. (That's Rao's.) Granted, Il Mulino is supposed to be more sophisticated, but that seems to be based on what the waiters are wearing and their multitude.

Alfonso XIV wrote:Antonius mentioned the comfort food quality of the pappardelle with meatballs, and that it was more a casalinga dish than what you'd find in a high-end restaurant. Even if slightly out-of-place, it wasn't a bad dish in total, but what was more odd was that there were 3 or 4 dishes accompanied by meatballs that night. As if they'd watched one too many episodes of "The Restaurant", and decided that the key to success was having Rocco di Spirito's mother chained to a table in the kitchen, cranking out meatballs by the thousands. Then it became the waitstaff's job to "push-ah the meatballs!"

Alfonso,

You have me laughimg again.

Before my further comment here, let me first say this: I would never speak ill of meatballs in the abstract, though I am very critical of most realisations of the concept, which are deplorable things lacking both in subtlety of flavour and quality of texture. For to me in a certain but very real sense, they can be one of the highest expressions of culinary art in a wide array of cuisines.

That said, a proper meatball -- especially in the context of Italian cookery -- is and should be both easy and cheap to make (all the more reason for us to marvel at the generally poor quality of those available in restaurants).

Perhaps 'El Malino's' meatballs were reasonably or even very well made but I doubt they include gold flakes in them. What were they charging for the papardelle e polpette? (Do they like alliteration there?) It seems conveniently profitable for a fancy restaurant, with fancy restaurant prices, to be 'pushing' meatballs. With or without papardelle. Just wondering...

As they say... 'Why do pigs whistle?'



Saluti,
Antonius

P.S. Today was Anna Magnani's birthday, an excellent occasion to watch Mamma Roma. Viva Magnani... e viva Pasolini!

I don't remember exactly the price of the Pappardelle with meatballs. But most of the pasta dishes were in the $25 to $30 range.

And why do pigs whistle?

Alfonso

Alfonso XIV wrote:And why do pigs whistle?

Antonius is wrapped up in writing of a different sort today so I'll take the liberty of linking to a post in which this, uh, proverb is given in full:

http://lthforum.com/bb/viewtopic.php?p=1033#1033

Actually, that whole thread is one of my favorites from the early days of LTHForum

Amata

I just dined at the New York Il Mulino and it was an unforgettable experience . . . and not in a good way, thanks to the absurdly high prices and the fact that our group of 8 was seated at a table for 5 -- such that I could not move my feet or legs. I have never been so uncomfortable in a restaurant. And of course, the tables are packed one on top of the other so don't think of moving in any direction. But of course, the wait staff and bus boys have little choice but to smash into you repeatedly in order to serve you and the tables near you.

The food - good, perhaps very good, but just nothing special and I can't figure out the big deal about this place. And of course, when there are 8 people dining at a table meant for 5, there is not going to be any room to spread out the food. It was insane, but given the efforts a family member of mine went to to get the reservation, the rest of my family and I stayed largely silent. Pappardelle was a standout, and a lobster ravioli was also quite tasty, but my veal saltimbocca was only decent. And the veal marsala was less than decent. I've had much better Italian food elsewhere for much less $$$. Every time I think of outstanding, homemade pasta, Merlo (in Chicago) comes to mind. However, I really cannot emphasize the discomfort of sitting in the cramped conditions of the Il Mulino in NY . . . and for hours, such that I am sure it negatively affected my perception of the food.

The good news is that I will save my money by avoiding the Chicago location.

Great thread, guys & gals, and while I cannot say I have been completely safe from this current fad of retro-Italian, having been dragged to Osteria via Stato recently on a business dinner, you did take one for the Forum and save me from Il Mulino in all its forms.

Sure, the NYC version may be wonderful, but as a good old friend said to me many years ago - "I just can't stomach paying $15 for a plate of pasta whose ingredients cost under a buck." I do not agree with his position completely, but $25 for a plate of pasta and meatballs? That seems a tad over the top, when one can surely get better pasta dishes many places for half the price, though I guess part of that was to pay for the floor show.

Osteria via Stato, BTW, was okay. My expectations, admittedly, were pretty low, but the food was okay and quite well-priced in comparison to Il Mulino. A decent pork shank, some nicely sauteed onions, an interesting and fairly priced wine list more than made up for some less stellar offerings, and slighly off-kilter wait staff (but it was a very busy Saturday night).

Hilarious report, Alfonsious, and while you are most assuredly not eligible for coverage under the LTH E&O policy (whose coverage is as generous as it is expensive), I will personally contribute the value of the one meal at Il Mulino that you have saved me from for your defense. And if Romano does not sue you, I will just buy you that meal.

The Dallas Morning News published their re-review of Il Mulino New York-(Dallas) today.

At their version of Metromix:

http://www.guidelive.com/portal/page?_pageid=33,97400&_dad=portal&_schema=PORTAL&item_id=2554

Nothing much jumped out at me from the review, except the comment that the $25 glass of Brunello was worth every penny. I suppose the math might work out however, at say $100 a bottle, with 7 glasses pourable from each bottle. A 100% mark-up doesn't seem too bad.

Sommeliers, uncork thyselves and give us your opinion.

Alfonso

Alfonso XIV wrote:The Dallas Morning News published their re-review of Il Mulino New York-(Dallas) today.

[snip]
Nothing much jumped out at me from the review, except the comment that the $25 glass of Brunello was worth every penny. I suppose the math might work out however, at say $100 a bottle, with 7 glasses pourable from each bottle. A 100% mark-up doesn't seem too bad.

Sommeliers, uncork thyselves and give us your opinion.

I am not a sommelier, but I do like Brunello. It can get quite pricy, and depending on the year, amazingly so. The prices are high because many Americans love Brunello. We bought a few bottles from a smaller producer that doesn't get rave reviews in Wine Spectator at $50 on release, and 4 years later they were selling at $250 retail. I'm not sure it's worth $250.

And really, I think you get 5 glasses from a bottle, not 7.

leek wrote:And really, I think you get 5 glasses from a bottle, not 7.

Depends on the wine glass, right? One gift that would be appropriate for Henry VIII, Orson Welles or someone of that ilk/bulk is the wine glass that holds a whole bottle of wine. I just love the concept, though it may present operational challenges to the user.

David Hammond wrote:

leek wrote:And really, I think you get 5 glasses from a bottle, not 7.

Depends on the wine glass, right? One gift that would be appropriate for Henry VIII, Orson Welles or someone of that ilk/bulk is the wine glass that holds a whole bottle of wine. I just love the concept, though it may present operational challenges to the user.

"Si, Si, Senor, uh.. Signore... but-a, here-a at-a La Muneca, er.. Il Mulino, we-a use-a da small a wine-a glasses just-a like in old... Italy (starts crying)... ahh, mamma mia!!! Mi scusi, Signore... you see La Strada, maybe, eh? See-a da little, teeny-weeny glass-a dey drink-a from? Well, dass-a what we use! So, one-a bottle Brunello, with-a 9000% mark-a-uppa, gets-a you about a DOZEN-a glass from a ONE-a bottle, eh? Dass-a no bad, eh, boss? OK, you need-a me, you ask-a fo' Ciccolini, I be like-a you shadow. Eh? Why? Perche it's a SHADOWday night!!! I'm a juss-a kidd' a you, signore. You and bellissima culo como un durazno maduro enjoy you-a Pappardelle alla Schifoso, and be-a sure to see-a da loan officer on-a da way out, ok? Bene, bene! I'm a gonna go in-a da back and, eh, how you say, salvage-a my-a one-a remaining shred-a of dignity and sit in a running-a car with-a da garage-a door a close. Buen provecho, I mean-a, buon appetito!"

If I want Italian food, I'll make it myself. Or show up at Antonius' and Amata's with the ingredients and ask him to make it for me.

If I want Latinos masquerading as Italians, I'll go to a pizzeria in Midtown Manhattan.

If I want dinner theater, well, it means I'm 80 years old and living in Pinellas County, Florida, and my head has become as soft as my stool. Frankly, I hope I never get quite that far in life.

-- When the moon hits your eye like-a big-a pizza pie that's... Hungryrabbi

You know, I gently quizzed a few of the troops at the local Il Mulino about their origins, thinking I might flush out imposters. The mention of Abruzzo--the alleged origin of IM's alleged cuisine--seemed to give them pause, but I found no evidence of chicanery. They said they hailed from various regions. We'd need to take up a collection and send Antonius there on a linguistic reconnaissance.

But I'd be sorry to see his head explode.

Alfonso XIV wrote:The Dallas Morning News published their re-review of Il Mulino New York-(Dallas) today.

At their version of Metromix:

http://www.guidelive.com/portal/page?_pageid=33,97400&_dad=portal&_schema=PORTAL&item_id=2554

Interesting to note that they sent a different critic this time. And the review was largely positive, but wound up awarding the same four stars.

Here's another story on the original lawsuit:
http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/ ... i_n9472862

m'th'su wrote:You know, I gently quizzed a few of the troops at the local Il Mulino about their origins, thinking I might flush out imposters. The mention of Abruzzo--the alleged origin of IM's alleged cuisine--seemed to give them pause, but I found no evidence of chicanery. They said they hailed from various regions. We'd need to take up a collection and send Antonius there on a linguistic reconnaissance.

But I'd be sorry to see his head explode.

M:

If I am sent, I shall go, but first I'll wrap my head in hockey tape to try to minimise any potential loss of cephalic materials. Bring on the Gilded Meatballs, I say!

By the way, since this thread started, I got a chance to read your review of Il Muffoso, which was particularly well-written and entertaining, I thought. This restaurant has at least the virtue of inspiring some people, albeit in a negative or unintended sort of a way...

Some years back I was with a group of friends in an Italian restaurnat and our waiter -- perhaps an aspiring (or failed?) actor -- decided or, far more likely, had been instructed to use a sort of a bad fake Italian accent, which tended at times to turn into a bad fake French accent. He made quite a big deal of saying the names of the dishes in Italian (though, of course, he did a rather bad job of it) and was rather haughty about this to boot. At some point, he 'corrected' my pronunciation of something and, having had already enjoyed a few hearty beverages, I was moved to act; I switched to Italian and he stood there with his 'mouth full of teeth' as the Dutch say. Since he clearly had no idea what I was saying, I tried French on him, but drew an equally empty look... He stopped with his little act for the rest of the meal.

Why do so many restaurants now feel the need to have these rehearsed performances by their waitstaff? I can understand the desire to train them to maintain standards of professionalism and politeness, but these false exhibitions of enthusiasm or Gomeresque friendliness or pathetic attempts to be suave and foreign or whatever... More marketing, more disnimismo... I don't (necessarily) fault at all the individual waiters or waitresses (though, (incorrectly) correcting customers is stupid and rude and shows a little too much corporate zeal for me) but rather the managing clowns who force them to commit these unnatural acts.

One further note... It's not any of the specifics of how the waiter or waitress acts -- aside from some of the rude expressions of restaurant-self-importance -- but the lack of genuineness. For those of you who have been to Casa de Samuel and have had the chance to interact with Sergio, you know what I mean. He acts at times in an exaggeratedly formal manner, at times speaks in French or Italian or Spanish or English, but it's all just Sergio having fun with the customers, not attempting to perform a rôle he was given in the realisation of some mega-restaurateurs 'concept'.

Ciao belli,
Don Antonio de la Plancha

«Mire vuestra merced» resondió Sancho «que aquellos que allí parecen no son gigantes, sino molinos de viento...»
«Bien parece» respondió don Quixote «que no está cursado en esto de las aventuras: ellos son gigantes; y si tienes miedo, quítate de ahí, y ponte en oración en el espacio que yo voy a entrar con ellos en fiera y desiqual batalla.»

Antonius wrote:Some years back I was with a group of friends in an Italian restaurnat and our waiter -- perhaps an aspiring (or failed?) actor -- decided or, far more likely, had been instructed to use a sort of a bad fake Italian accent, which tended at times to turn into a bad fake French accent. He made quite a big deal of saying the names of the dishes in Italian (though, of course, he did a rather bad job of it) and was rather haughty about this to boot. At some point, he 'corrected' my pronunciation of something and, having had already enjoyed a few hearty beverages, I was moved to act; I switched to Italian and he stood there with his 'mouth full of teeth' as the Dutch say. Since he clearly had no idea what I was saying, I tried French on him, but drew an equally empty look... He stopped with his little act for the rest of the meal.

That reminds me of the first time I went to Italy. I rented an apartment in Rome that included breakfast at the local cafe down the street. After a day, I learned so ask for "un cafe decaffeinato, per favore" (plus I learned enough Italian to at least make an attempt when we were out an about). The week after I got home, I went to LA to see my then-boyfriend (who'd also been in Rome with me). We went to an Italian restaurant, and at the end of the meal, the busboy asked if we'd like coffee. Little Miss Italian Speaker smartly said, "Un cafe decaffeinato, per favore" and the Mexican busboy looked at me and said, "Oh, habla espanol?" My boyfriend looked at me, rolled his eyes, and said, "Vacation's over, no more Italian speaking for you."

I am being taken to Il Mulino on Saturday as part of a celebration dinner for the birthdays of my wife, sister-in-law, and mother-in-law (incredibly, the 23rd, 20th, and 21st of October, respectively).

I read the original thread here, which compared it to Buca di Beppo, and I have read some of the praise elsewhere, such as the Trib, but I wanted to see if any LTHers had been there and if anyone had any thoughts, tips, suggestions, etc.

Let me emphasize that I am being treated and the restaurant was not my choice.