Notes toward a Better World, #4: Be a Little Late

Notes toward a Better World, #4: Be a Little Late

I’m an old-fashioned guy. I believe in opening the doors for ladies (or even just women), giving up my bus seat to anyone more elderly than me (it happens), and sleeping with the person who buys dinner.

I also believe in being punctual, specifically for business meetings or to pick up friends, but a disturbing trend I’ve noticed of late is guests arriving EARLY for dinner.

This is insane.

Easter, we had some good friends over…and they arrived close to 30 minutes early. Table wasn’t set up, neither The Wife nor I had dressed for the occasion (scrambling, as we were, to finish cooking, arranging antipasti, and preparing the altar for the sacrifice), so there were some awkward moments as we, in jeans and t-shirts, got drinks for our guests before asking them to sit in the living room and chill for a few minutes while we shaved and bathed.

Coming too early is a trend especially apparent with my family members, some of whom have arrived up to TWO HOURS before the time set for dinner.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy seeing friends and family, of course; I just think more people should be more polite by being less punctual. When I’m invited to dinner, I usually come 15-20 minutes after the appointed time (unless it’s a surprise birthday party or some event on a relatively strict timetable). I do that not because I subscribe to the concept of being “fashionably late” (I don’t know what that means), but because I think it’s sometimes rude to be on time -- or, heaven forbid, early.

I encourage everyone to be a little late, especially if you’re coming to dinner at my house.

Thanks you.

David “And don’t forget to brush after every meal” Hammond

Hi,

I have had the very same problems with people arriving early. Some years ago I gave an open house for friends, family and neighbors. I invited a friend who habitually came early because he wanted to enjoy my company before everyone else arrived. Flattering in one respect and very annoying overall, which he could never understand. For the open house, after begging to come closer to the event time than his usual 90-120 minutes early, he showed up early. I was knee deep in preparations and he is insisting we stop to have a cup of coffee with him. I didn't because I couldn't and he left in a huff never to be seen again ever.

You don't know how many birthdays, Thanksgivings and Christmas dinners he spent in our home. Asking him to come on time, as stated in the invitation, was just too much. While he is fondly remembered at subsequent dinners because he was quite the eccentric. If it wasn't his way, then it is was the highway. It is his loss.

***

My parents are senior citizens who arrive early to everything. If you arrive just in time to a senior program, good luck getting a seat because many have been there in excess of 30 minutes early warming it up already.

Arrive for flu shots? I have seen people in camp chairs reading a book over two hours early.

***

I am usually just in time or fashionably late.

Regards,

I am absolutely with you on guests who arrive early. There are certain things I plan to have done before guests arrive and early arrivals invariably upset those plans. But just as inconsiderate, may even more so, are those who are late and don't have the decency to call. I'm not talking about 15-20 minutes late. The other day a guest showed up 2 hours late, long after we had commenced the meal. Sheesh!

Bill/SFNM

I just put 'em to work cleaning the catboxes before the party. "Thank heavens you came early!"

David Hammond wrote:I also believe in being punctual, specifically for business meetings or to pick up friends, but a disturbing trend I’ve noticed of late is guests arriving EARLY for dinner.

Hammond,

I'm typically deep in the midst of last minute preparations, and more than a smidge distracted (read grouchy). It's my understanding people who come early to parties at my house make a mental note never to do so again.

Once the party starts, I shift gears, but ho-boy, that last half hour.

Enjoy,
Gary

G Wiv wrote:

David Hammond wrote:I also believe in being punctual, specifically for business meetings or to pick up friends, but a disturbing trend I’ve noticed of late is guests arriving EARLY for dinner.

Once the party starts, I shift gears, but ho-boy, that last half hour.

Enjoy,
Gary

You can get a tad grouchy at brisket cutting time!

My mother-in-law would arrive early anywhere from 30 minutes to one hour and sit in her car on the driveway until it was time. I usually invited her in if I saw her and just went about what I had to do and left them to their own devices. Rude on my part maybe, but my mother-in-law wasn't fond of me anyway and if she was early that was her problem.
Paulette

It depends on the situation, but if someone arrives more than, say, 15 minutes early, they'd better expect to put on an apron and cut crudite, or put out napkins, or fetch folding chairs from the basement.

I always make sure the bar is stocked early in the prep process, because handing someone a glass of Pinot, Cherry Coke, or vanilla vodka makes them much more willing to help.

JoelF wrote:It depends on the situation, but if someone arrives more than, say, 15 minutes early, they'd better expect to put on an apron and cut crudite, or put out napkins, or fetch folding chairs from the basement.

Chopping crudites is probably a more welcoming task than cleaning the catbox, and it occurs to me that a more benign interperetation of the motivation for arriving early could be that these eager folks WANT to help, and so they come early to lend a hand (this may not apply to C2's neurotically "early arriver," but I will assume this is why my family comes so early).

Hammond

I have no problem with early guests..my house and hospitality open anytime to friends and family..if they come early i usually find something they can help out with( if they want) or we just chat while i finish stuff up..i just dont see the big deal

David Hammond wrote:Notes toward a Better World, #4: Be a Little Late

I’m an old-fashioned guy. I believe in sleeping with the person who buys dinner.

David,

I warn people before they reach for the check...

Al Ehrhardt wrote:

David Hammond wrote:Notes toward a Better World, #4: Be a Little Late

I’m an old-fashioned guy. I believe in sleeping with the person who buys dinner.

David,

I warn people before they reach for the check...

I meant to say...

I hope you warn people before they reach for the check.