“How’s Everything?/Fine”

“How’s Everything?/Fine”

It’s been a long time since I sat in a linguistics class, but this exchange, initiated by seemingly concerned host/server and completed by customer (usually with mouth half-full), is what’s called “phatic communication,” or essentially empty language uttered to maintain a social relationship rather than exchange information.

Hardly ever do many of us break the unspoken social contract by answering the question honestly.

I almost never tell the restaurant official what’s actually on my mind, unless it’s overwhelmingly positive, such as “The bread is excellent” or “These shrimp are fabulous” (as a self-declared Doris Day fan, I now find many things to be fabulous).

Negative perceptions – as in “You call this bread?” or “Five dinky shrimp for $9.00, what the @#*&” – I usually keep them to myself.

This may not be the right approach, but I feel that it radically alters the mood to answer the question “How’s everything” with any degree of honesty or accuracy – particularly if the answer involves anything other than praise. Maybe the host/server really seeks input, but my guess is that they basically just want us to know they care (nothing wrong with that, of course).

As I get older, crankier and harder to please, my impatience with poorly prepared/priced food becomes more difficult to restrain. However, I’m uncertain towards whom I should direct my well-meaning critiques of a restaurant’s food. Surely, the server is the obvious person to speak with about an unsatisfactory dish, but in most cases s/he will be at loss for words, or may merely deflect with, “I’ll tell Chef” (who is usually inaccessible). I could write a letter, but that involves paper and who does that anymore?

For restaurant gripes, there’s always LTH Forum, but unless you’re commenting upon Moto or Avenues or some other place whose Chefs read the forum, the observations will go unnoticed.

Eating out is almost always for me a celebration (even if it happens four times a week) – critical comments, however well intentioned, seem to break the fourth wall, bring down the energy, and violate the atmosphere of good cheer.

Just observing. No answers here, boss.

David “Just don’t call me ‘Johnnycakes,’ okay?” Hammond

David Hammond wrote:It’s been a long time since I sat in a linguistics class, but this exchange, initiated by seemingly concerned host/server and completed by customer (usually with mouth half-full), is what’s called “phatic communication,” or essentially empty language uttered to maintain a social relationship rather than exchange information.

Hardly ever do many of us break the unspoken social contract by answering the question honestly.

In fact it is a valid question, but you're interpreting it wrong. Most of the the time what it actually means is: "Is there anything else I can get you?"

Appropriate and honest answers, therefore, include:

"We could use some more coffee." (or water, soda, wine, bread, etc.)
"Bring us another order of fries."
"May I see the dessert list?"
"I'm ready for the check."

However, it is equally appropriate, when the query comes soon after the delivery of your food to say:

"This steak is overcooked."
"This isn't what I thought it would be."
"I asked for the dressing on the side."
"Don't I get toast with this?"

I also use it as an opportunity to ask questions about the food on the order of, "What's that green stuff?"

I think this happens all the time. It is rare, I agree, for people to say, "Gosh, this is is terrible!" even when it's true.

While I prefer for the server merely to be within range and attentive to a lifted eyebrow to incessantly interrupting my conversation with "Is everything OK?" I do think that this means of letting patrons know that somebody's around if they have a question, a complaint or request is valid.

An amusing take on this issue... Once at a deli in Highland park (a olace where complaints and criticisims are offered freely and often) the owner, a friend of the couple we were dining with, came out after the meal and asked (only half joking)"welll... was Anything all right?".

I guess that it might be my cynical "take" on things, but I regard the (early) obligatory "How's everything" query as the restaurant's way of preventing the customer from eating 3/4ths of their meal and then trying to claim that there is a problem with it.

My only gripe is when the question is asked more than once.

cito wrote:I guess that it might be my cynical "take" on things, but I regard the (early) obligatory "How's everything" query as the restaurant's way of preventing the customer from eating 3/4ths of their meal and then trying to claim that there is a problem with it.

That's so cynical, even I didn't think of it.

In general I appreciate the question being asked, even though I agree it's not generally a search for deep insight on the server's part. Not infrequently, we really do need something--an extra napkin, a refill of coffee, what have you--and if no one comes over to ask the obligatory "how's everything" question, then I have to flag the waitperson down, and I hate to have to do that.

I read this post yesterday then was off to to pick up my 14 y/o son and a friend from school and take them out for a burger to celebrate graduation from middle school. After our food came and the server stopped by to check on things, I decided that I would let the boys answer all the inquiries about how things were just to see what they would say. I was pleasantly surprised that the word "fine" was never used and the server usually got more than a one word response. While I will usually just say "fine" or "very good" if I am happy with something, I was glad that both boys went a little beyond that.

I like that they come back. The problem for me is usually that I have a mouth full of food, and if I do want to say something ("could I have some more water please?") I can't. Off they fly, never to be seen again!

At breakfast last Saturday, I got a slight variation on this question. The server set down all the plates and before any of us had picked up a fork asked:

How does everything look?

Hmmm, I thought. If I were to respond with "like a flaming pile of dog shit" exactly what are you going to do, run to the kitchen and top it off with a sprig of parsley?

Needless to say, my chilaquiles both looked and tasted like a big mound of...well...starch and avocado.

My problem with both the OP's question and this aesthetic variant is that they are equally ineffectual. Exactly what is the server going to do with this information? Are they going to make my dining experience better?

I see this as the same social handshake that is answering "How are you?" with "Fine, how are you?"

Some things you do because they make you happy. Some things you do because they are important. And some things you just do to preserve a bit of shared civility...

So I'm at Minnie's tonight, doing a bit for the Reader, and my daughters and I are eating these godawful sandwiches, and the server came up and said, "How's everything." Now, my daughter and I make eye contact, and I know she's thinking what I'm thinking, so I say, "Well, we're finding some things we like." Having ordered pretty much every sandwhich on the menu (they're White Castle sized), this was clearly damning with faint praise, but there was no way I was going to lie (not with my kid looking on, fer crissakes), and telling the truth would have made the nice server feel bad. So I remained civil...and prevaricated.

David Hammond wrote:So I'm at Minnie's tonight, doing a bit for the Reader, and my daughters and I are eating these godawful sandwiches, and the server came up and said, "How's everything." Now, my daughter and I make eye contact, and I know she's thinking what I'm thinking, so I say, "Well, we're finding some things we like." Having ordered pretty much every sandwhich on the menu (they're White Castle sized), this was clearly damning with faint praise, but there was no way I was going to lie (not with my kid looking on, fer crissakes), and telling the truth would have made the nice server feel bad. So I remained civil...and prevaricated.

Isn't it for these moments that we have the pregnant pause followed by the bemused "... interesting"?

Isn't it for these moments that we have the pregnant pause followed by the bemused "... interesting"?

You always knew my grandmother didn't like something when she said "It sure is different." I have, on a couple punchy occasions, used this response to the the 'how's everything?' inquiry.

schenked wrote:

Isn't it for these moments that we have the pregnant pause followed by the bemused "... interesting"?

You always knew my grandmother didn't like something when she said "It sure is different." I have, on a couple punchy occasions, used this response to the the 'how's everything?' inquiry.

My variation on that is "My goodness, isn't this something!"

We had a newish waiter the other night ask, "How's the flavor on that?" I really wanted to reply, "Incorporated, but the visual is awful." ... but my husband kicking me under the table stopped me.

I always say something is OK usually meaning it could be better or not terrible but not good. Everyone in my family now makes fun of this and feels I don't like something. I told my grandson that my mother always told me that if you can't say something good don't day anything so I just say OK. Now my grandson wants to know when someone says something is OK is it Bubbie's OK or his OK.
Paulette

It particularly vexes me when they ask that question before I've had the chance to try a single item on the plate. This happens most of the time, in my experience. Lately I've taken to replying "I'll get back to you on that." That seems to work without alienating the waiter.

Satiate wrote:It particularly vexes me when they ask that question before I've had the chance to try a single item on the plate.

My point exactly: it's a verbal ploy not intended to convey or elicit literal information -- frequently, it seems like just a pro forma expression of generalized (and, by design, not too explicit) concern.

Hammond

leek wrote:The problem for me is usually that I have a mouth full of food, and if I do want to say something ("could I have some more water please?") I can't. Off they fly, never to be seen again!

I've theorized that there's some waiterly sixth sense. Some servers seem to have perfected to a high art the ability to be visible when you don't need them or can't reply and missing in action when wanted.

Satiate wrote:It particularly vexes me when they ask that question before I've had the chance to try a single item on the plate.

David Hammond wrote:My point exactly: it's a verbal ploy not intended to convey or elicit literal information -- frequently, it seems like just a pro forma expression of generalized (and, by design, not too explicit) concern.

I much prefer the vague "Is everything OK?" (which if interpreted as "Is there anything else I can get you?" is even reasonably appropriate before you've eaten) to the specific questions you sometimes get. The other day, a manager came by and asked, "Is everything tasting delicious?" which forced me to decide between lying or complaining.

As a newcomer to the Wide World of Waitservice, I sometimes find myself saying "How is everything?" And of course, I get plenty of "fine." Often times, when I can be at the table when the food arrives (we use food runners and expediters, which rocks for me) I'll throw in the "Can I get you anything else right now?"

Because if you want mustard on your burger, you don't want to wait until you've gotten halfway through it before I give you a chance to ask for it.

Midway through the meal I'll pop back in with a "How are we all doing?" perhaps peppered with a "How is that [enter name of sandwich/salad/entree/etc.], sir/madam?" I would imagine people find it a lot more personable when you ask about their specific dish or maybe comment on if their burger was cooked the way they wanted it. Things like that.


Just my 2 cents.

I asked our waiter at Del Toro the other night what he was expecting when he came back to ask if everything was OK. He said mostly to make sure we had everything we ordered and there wasn't something terribly wrong (burnt bread was his example) or that we needed. He seemed to have good timing.

Whiskeybent, I think that's exactly right. The question needs to be asked with practical sensitivity to where the diner is in their meal. I'm annoyed when I'm obviously still cutting up food for my kid, my own plate is blatantly untouched, and the server comes out and asks me "How's everything taste?" Take a quarter second to size up the situation, don't just run your mouth on autopilot...

Likewise, that delivering a hamburger without ketchup or mustard thing is just such a bonehead mistake. They're the two things everyone will expect, if you're paying any attention to what you're serving you should take a quarter second to make sure they're there, unless you're so oblivious to what you're serving that all you know is that you have plates in your hands, absolutely no idea what's on them.

A little awareness of where your customer is in their meal and what they probably want at that moment makes all the difference between sensitive service and glassy-eyed robo-service... and I for one tip accordingly.

delivering a hamburger without ketchup or mustard thing is just such a bonehead mistake.

Just so no one gets the wrong idea about my waitstaff-hood, we have BBQ sauce and ketchup at the table, mustard must be requested.

... and I for one tip accordingly.

At least someone does.

(got stiffed on a $70 ticket today...)

LAZ:

Did you happen to get the "Is everything tasting delicious?" line from a manager at Pete Miller's by any chance?
I had never heard that one before prior to our Saturday night visit to their Wheeling location. We also heard it uttered to all patrons at surrounding tables during the course of their meals.
Oh please God, don't let this be the start of a trend------

cito wrote:Did you happen to get the "Is everything tasting delicious?" line from a manager at Pete Miller's by any chance?
I had never heard that one before prior to our Saturday night visit to their Wheeling location. We also heard it uttered to all patrons at surrounding tables during the course of their meals.
Oh please God, don't let this be the start of a trend------

No, I'm afraid it was somewhere else. I can't remember exactly where just now, but I've heard variations on the question before.

It's one of those things they come up with because somebody's told them not to ask "Is everything OK?"

Last night at Xel-Ha, I decided to be honest with my server when he asked me how we liked the Ceviche Trio. I went through each of the three fish items, explaining why I found each of them to be substandard to the point of inedibility. He looked sad and downcast. I did not feel good about this.

Then Dudley Nieto came by and introduced himself, and he asked how things were, and I mentioned the ceviche and Vital Information pointed out that there seemed to be a surprising lack of Yucatecan items on the men for a place specializing in the food of Yucatan. Chef Nieto pointed out that, in fact, ceviche was a Peruvian not a Yucatecan dish...and I noticed that on the new improved menu (coming out today), the Ceviche Trio is missing. I think what might have happened is that we got the last of the ceviche, which does not make me feel very good, either.

Hammond

-Well-I hope the seviche was taken off the check-it almost sounds like, since it originated in Peru he's not taking responsibility for the quality.
-Anyway from a conscientious management or owner's perspective some form of the question, at the proper time, is essential. I find, for myself it is a question of picking your battles. If some eggs at a busy diner are beyond over easy I ain't gonna bitch. On the other hand if a bistro cook has overcooked the steak by 30 degrees...
-When I was at Schwa recently I couldn't bring myself to be honest about the dishes I thought were lackluster-sometimes it's about not wanting to hurt feelings. These guys are working so hard-I just didn't have the heart to look the chef in the eye and give a negative response to the question-which was asked many times.
-The worst thing is when you know the dish or wine is off (not a question of lackluster or not to your liking), and the management insists that this is the way it's supposed to be.
-Final note-anyone who asks "Is everything delicious?" should be skinned with a dull paring knive and thrown in the deep fryer.

stewed coot wrote:-Well-I hope the seviche was taken off the check-it almost sounds like, since it originated in Peru he's not taking responsibility for the quality.

These guys are working so hard-I just didn't have the heart to look the chef in the eye and give a negative response to the question-which was asked many times.

It wasn't taken off the check, probably because when I voiced my concerns I assured them that I was willing to pay -- I just wanted them to know that what they were serving was not edible. This was probably a mistake -- I must admit though, I felt so bad about seeming a bitch that I didn't want to demand a refund, though by rights I certainly could have.

And these guys were working hard; several servers told us they were new and one guy told us it was his first day. He knew little about Yucatecan food (coming, as he did, from DF), and although I found his honesty somewhat disarming it was also somewhat disturbing. Aren't these guys trained just a little?

After voicing our complaint, my guess is that we were asked at least 12 times (and perhaps more) "How's everything?" We grumbled, trying to sound positive, and seeing little point in pushing the issue that most of what we had was not exactly up to what we had expected it to be.

Hammond

Personally, I'm fond of the waitron who asks "What else may I bring?" when serving the table. Then I get a chance to ask for the mustard or a drink. The "delicious" question is just absurd...and should receive an equally absurd answer. I just wish I was quick witted enough to come up with something on the spot.

I am, however, not afraid to point out problems with a meal, especially if I'm paying big bucks. I sent back overly salted scallops a couple of months ago. The server recoginzed this wasn't personal, the chef realized he'd been too heavy handed with the "pinch" of kosher salt and I got a beautiful new plate of food I could actually eat. Treating the dining experience as the business transaction it is seems to be key.

D.

David,
Your experience doesn't bode well for this place. Of course you're right that there should be a lot of training and tasting going on by now with the staff. And regardless of your insistence on paying-the management should have assessed the ceviche and ripped it off the check. I'm assuming you left plenty for them to assess. There is enough restaurant experience among the chef and manager here that makes this rankle one's ass. Waiters should also be trained not to look brokenhearted upon hearing complaints, but to fetch a manager. If it was a taqueria I wouldn't be bitching so much about something I didn't even experience.
There...I'm done.

cito wrote:LAZ:

Did you happen to get the "Is everything tasting delicious?" line from a manager at Pete Miller's by any chance?
I had never heard that one before prior to our Saturday night visit to their Wheeling location. We also heard it uttered to all patrons at surrounding tables during the course of their meals.
Oh please God, don't let this be the start of a trend------

As a former server (as of this Wednesday!) with a few years of experience, this is corporate/management's way of trying to elicit a positive response. The idea is you don't want to imply that the food is just "OK" and "how is everything" opens the door to negative feedback, which, apparently they prefer to let the guest offer to everyone BUT the restaurant. Suggested questions: "Is everything prepared perfectly?" "Is everything excellent?"

I refused to use such hollow and shallow plays on language. Instead, I would ask the standard "How is everything?" and look each guest in the eyes to make sure I got a proper response. Any server worth his/her salt can tell when a guest is dissatisfied or, conversely, satisfied. When the latter was obvious, and if I'd already established a comfortable rapport, I would often ask "Are you happy?" (That was more of a relationship-building comment, since I could tell they were.) If the guests were obviously in the middle of a conversation, I would try to catch someone's eye and then make a thumbs up/down gesture.

If there is a problem the dish should be cleared immediately to be replaced or repaired, if applicable, and a manager should be notified.

Now I'm starting to give a primer on serving, but it's SO irritating to hear about servers who obviously are doing a lackluster job, and that appears to be the norm! I'll never understand that. Servers are basically independent contractors whose sole income is derived from the service they provide. Why in the world some of them do a half-assed job is beyond me.

thelocaltourist wrote:If the guests were obviously in the middle of a conversation, I would try to catch someone's eye and then make a thumbs up/down gesture.

I'm glad you mentioned your good handling of this. I appreciate the "how's everything?" question, even if it's pro forma, but I definitely don't appreciate it when one of us is in the middle of a sentence to a tablemate.

(I just stumbled across this thread...I hope no one objects to its resurrection.)

My Mom tells the story of when she was out to dinner with her boyfriend, dining at a local Italian restaurant near their home in New Jersey.

The waiter stops by the table as their eating and asks, "How's everything?"

Her boyfriend replies, "My veal is as tough as shoe leather."

The waiter replies, "Great. Well, if there's anything else I can get you guys, let me know," and walks away."