you got it, Cathy. You're the boss, and here's an excerpt from the site:
We put forth the following rules as guidelines for determining exactly what it is that makes something a sandwich. Is a s’more a sandwich? Is a quesadilla a sandwich? These are the questions we are in a conquest to answer once and for all. The rules have been established as a result of many conversations with sandwich experts, and we would appreciate your expert opinion. These rules are subject to change to accommodate good suggestions.
There is no such thing as a typical sandwich. A sandwich can be many things and is defined as the sum of all its parts. There are no such things as mere similarities; all similarities have meaning and everything is mutable. This is the modernist’s view. Let’s apply it to the concept of the sandwich.
Historically speaking etc. etc., the category “sandwich” encompasses all enjoyably ingestible material (be it pita, bread, tortilla) that is symmetrically arranged around the inner ingredients. The unifying concept that gives this definition of a sandwich truth is symmetry. Symmetry, symmetry….
The inner ingredients vary from culture to culture. This is, however, not an argument about multi-culturalism. I will not allow THAT shoe to drop.
The sandwich is limited in size to that which can be handled SAFELY and feasibly eaten in one setting by a human not named Takeru Kobayashi. It should be able to serve as a meal and stand alone. Here we have managed to avoid the “then a ravioli is a sandwich” critique that has been proposed to weaken the argument.
The sandwich has tops, bottoms, and sides. The sandwich must be enclosed by the same substance on either two, three (e.g. a taco) or four (e.g. a wrap) of the sides. Otherwise you get the “The Open Faced Sandwich” or “Hot Pockets,” both of which violate the symmetry common to a true sandwich.
Sandwiches were invented by the Earl of Sandwich. Popcorn was invented by the Earl of Popcorn, and salad dressing by the Oil of Vinegar. The moon invented the tides of the ocean. The sun invented natural rhythms, but civilization uninvented (no, this is not a word) it.
We know those truths to be self-evident:
Having understood these basic premises,
Recognizing that we must set aside our love or hate of the sandwich, (which implies that we ourselves are sandwich lovers or haters) we must clear any bias in order to discover truth, Celebrating cures for cancer, nuclear bangs, killer bees, earthquakes in California that make LA fall into the ocean, UFOs on the White House Lawn, the failure of the dollar, the apocalypse and all sorts of general anarchy,
A brief history of this manifesto:
In the Deep of Time, in the month of December, in the year of our Lord 2003……..
A team of mad scientists set out to hear the opinions of the experts and the not-so-experts on the subject of the sandwich.
The data was obtained through high-tech, high-frequency, ultra radioactive, magnetically CLASSIFIED and where otherwise noted scientific techniques that have been a virtual black hole of government funding for the past twenty years. I hate to tell you this, but we have actually lost every single war we have been fighting during the past 20 years as well. Sad, but true. What did you expect when, as the poorest nation in the world, we have no money to spread our imperialist STD to the genitals of those “less fortunate than ourselves”( a.k.a those tied up, bent over, and handcuffed into more compromising positions than ourselves) when the U.S. should be binging on luxury, sitting back, and farting footballs at terrorists everywhere?
Anyways,
This research was undertaken by the use of what we scientists commonly call “AIM”.
We employed the ever-inspiring “away message” technique.
It began with a very poignant question.
More than a question, it was a philosophical quest!
What exactly is a sandwich???
A) two pieces of bread with some stuff in between
B) a wrap (think pita)
C) a burrito (think Mexican Sandwich)
D) two blue adderalls with an orange one in between (but wait that’s not a FOOD group….)
Correct Answer: all of the above