I finally made the pilgrimage to Kuma's this evening and I'm not sure what direction to take with this post. It was slightly after 10pm when we arrived so we were seated immediately. I ordered the Mastodon Burger, medium rare and it was prepared perfectly. The fries were done to a lovely deep brown crispness; not a limp spud in the bunch. Sounds like a delightful evening, no?
No. And it wasn't entirely the fault of Kuma's staff. I put a significant amount of the blame squarely on the group I was with. Yet, there was an underlying hostility on the part of Kuma's people that was unnecessary and counterproductive. It was one of those situations that, as Chris Rock said in riffing on O.J. Simpson's (alleged) murder of Nicole Brown and Ronald Goldman, "I ain't sayin' it's right...but I understand."
The problem started with the group I was with, and their expectations. These are people who, when we go out, are used to going to bars that serve food. As it became clear pretty early on,
Kuma's is a restaurant that happens to have a bar. Not everyone in the group wanted to eat, creating a sense of disappointment in our waitress, knowing that we were not going to work up an overly large tab.
Add to this the issue of Kuma's inability to accommodate larger groups (we were eleven), and the insistence of some in the group that Kuma's change their way of doing business to suit our needs, and you can see the potential for dining disaster.
The trouble started when one of our group decided, without asking the waitress, that he was going to rearrange the tables for four into one long table in order to seat us all together. Hackles were raised, the waitress pushed the tables back to their original position, and the manager was called for. All by this one guy, mind you, before I could get in and try to negotiate the situation calmly. When the manager came over I managed to massage the situation, explaining our needs while at the same time recognizing his concerns, and we came to a compromise arrangement that left the tables end to end as we wanted, but with a gap between them to give the waitress room to maneuver.
In spite of the polite way this issue was resolved, we had still shown up the waitress on her home turf. Strike one with the waitress.
Next came the ordering. One guy, the table mover, tried to order a Kuma Burger without the fried egg. The waitress bristled and said, "But that's the
Kuma Burger", as if leaving off the egg was a personal affront to the actual Kuma. The guy said he wanted a burger with cheese and bacon, but not the egg. The waitress tried to make suggestions for a substitute (in hindsight, the Mastodon would have suited his tastes perfectly), but he wasn't interested. Ultimately, the guy decided not to have a burger at all and just sipped his beer for an hour. Strike two with the waitress.
As I mentioned earlier, not everyone was there to eat. Out of the eleven of us, only five ordered full meals and one person ordered a plate of fries. And even though everyone was drinking (some folks got those great big $12 beers not knowing that they cost $12. Boy were they pissed), it was evident that we were going to ring up only a modest check. Strike three with the waitress.
Fortunately, she did not have the same power as an umpire, so we were not tossed out of the game. It did make for a tense evening until I had a chance to pull her aside and explain our situation; how this was not the normal type of venue for our group, how it was our fault that it was poorly chosen given what we were used to, and how I sympathized with her situation and promised her that in spite of everything else, we were a low maintenance group and she wouldn't need to focus too much attention on us, all wrapped up in a big apology.
She warmed up, but it was still apparent that Kuma's and our bunch were a bad fit. There were some in my group (table moving guy in particular, but there were others too) who behaved like spoiled little girls who weren't getting their way. At some point you just need to suck it up and act like a grown up. If you're unhappy here, then fine, next time we'll go somewhere else. But we're here now and that's the way it is. Get over it.
Now that I'm in the comfort of my own home and have time to assess the situation, I've come to some conclusions. Bear in mind that what I am about to say has absolutely no irony or sarcasm. I mean it with all sincerity and no rancor whatsoever.
It is my impression that Kuma's Corner was opened for, and aimed at attracting a Heavy Metal loving, tattoo festooned, counter culture crowd. Their exposure on LTH and "Check Please" has made them a destination for a more mainstream crowd for which they are not prepared nor, it would seem, are they interested in serving.
And I'm fine with that. I have nothing but good things to say about the food. I think if I was in there with a smaller group who understood what Kuma's was all about, the service would have been exemplary. As it was, the waitress did a fine job, following the path mentioned above, suck it up and act like a grown up.
The crowd of "outsiders" that has been streaming into the place since the "Check Please" episode is akin to a bunch of plaid pants wearing, country clubbers from Barrington invading a gay S&M bar on Halsted Street (just an example, I have no idea if such a place exists either on Halsted or anywhere else for that matter) and expecting everything to change in order to make them feel more at ease. Gee, I wonder why the regulars aren't welcoming these folks with open arms.
That's all I've got on this one folks. Kuma's will not be a regular stop for me. Not because of tonight's experience. Frankly, I think ten bucks for a burger is a bit steep. I can get an outstanding half pound burger at Crabbby Kim's on Western for $3 on half price Thursdays. And while the music and its volume are not offensive to me, I do find it distracting and absolutely impossible to carry on a conversation in Kuma's.
This place was created for people of like tastes and a common mindset that I do not share. I have no resentment over that, and I wish them much success as they navigate the treacherous waters of a mainstream crowd that is displacing their regular customers to no one's satisfaction.
Buddy